|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 7:47 pm
Riker let Cassidy guide him. He wilted against him once more, trying desperately not to cry and look stupid. He was seventeen! He wasn’t supposed to cry! He hadn’t been allowed to cry for years. Or ever. He didn’t have an excuse. He wasn’t in enough pain.
He could be.
But Cassidy had his arms around him, preventing him from reaching down to his leg again. So he needed to stop himself from crying.
“I’m ruining it on my own,” he wallowed quietly against Cassidy’s shoulder. And he was so cold and miserable and the adrenaline had long subsided so now that he was thawing, the pain was that much worse.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 7:54 pm
“You think so? How?” Cassidy asked, because even if Riker was being stubborn about letting Cassidy clean up this scrape, it didn’t really seem like he was ruining anything. So he needed to at least understand where Riker was coming from. It wasn’t like Riker had killed anyone, he hadn’t done anything crazy or that would have wild repercussions, right?
The only one ruining anything was her.
He wanted to reassure Riker, to give him a list of reasons why things weren’t ruined, but he bit his tongue instead because there was so much that he didn’t understand. He could talk over Riker, sure, but–why, so he could just say something else to upset him later? So Riker could let some silly idea fester and grow?
They’d made it back to the bed, nearly where Riker had been sitting before. Cassidy didn’t try to push him to sit, it was just there when he was ready. The heated blanket was right there but he couldn’t reach it without breaking contact and he didn’t want Riker to have any reason to think Cassidy was trying to get rid of him.
He wasn’t hot enough to compete with an electric blanket but he hoped he was warm enough to help a little.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 7:58 pm
Really? Cassidy had to ask? Riker sputtered with exasperation, thinking that surely Cassidy was teasing him because how was he not ruining things? Cassidy thought he was stupid. Which, he was stupid, but it validated that he was right about everything he thought about himself.
Which meant that he was pathetic and a loser and didn’t actually deserve happiness. Everything his mom said about him was right. He was useless and a waste of space. The only thing he was good for were the checks she got for child support, and only because the man he’d never met couldn’t get out of them in that state just by giving up parental rights.
“I’m behaving like a child,” he choked on the explanation, still leaning against Cassidy as he held him, but Cassidy seemed to realize that he would attempt to bolt at any indication that he wasn’t wanted there.
“You must think I’m pathetic and overreacting. I don’t have any right to cry,” he groaned, trying to scrub at his face with his hands. Why would anyone want to be friends with someone as miserable as he was?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 8:04 pm
“Riker, no offense, but you have no idea what I think,” he said, and maybe he was teasing, a little, but Riker was the one who lived in a perpetual state of obliviousness. It had taken him how long to realize Cassidy liked him?
“So don’t use me as a mouthpiece for your mom. I don’t think any of those things. Why can’t you cry? Everybody cries. And anyone who says they don’t is lying.”
He rested his cheek against Riker’s shoulder and moved one arm across Riker’s back gently, in small circles meant to reassure him. His other arm was locked into place, but that was good because it meant there was no way Riker was going to bolt without dragging Cassidy with him.
“Your mom’s been hurting you, why is this pathetic? You have every right to cry. I almost pushed her down the bleachers once. I didn’t, obviously, but she was making me so mad. I spent like fifteen minutes thinking about how I could get away with it because she was so drunk, everyone would believe she just fell.” Where was he going with that thought? Oh–right. “She makes everyone around her miserable. And you have to live with that? No, I don’t think you’re overreacting. Be nice to your face, your skin is probably really dry from being out in the cold like that.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 8:05 pm
Riker sputtered again, this time a bit horrified that Cassidy would have thought of doing something like that. But he understood how horrible his mother could be. He wouldn’t blame anyone for it. But he would worry what retribution would come from it. His mother was manipulative and could basically talk or buy her way out of anything.
Stubbornly, he rubbed at his face again, but did so in a way that it just looked like he was doing it hard. He was listening! He didn’t actually try to hurt himself. At least not right now. Not his face. It would be too obvious.
“Yeah, well,” he mumbled defeatedly. “I’d get in trouble for crying, so of course I don’t want to. And I don’t want you to start thinking I’m pathetic or whatever. Sorry everyone doesn’t have nice skin like yours. I can’t use, like, seventy-five percent of lotions.”
He seemed to realize that he was keeping Cassidy from doing anything, like getting dressed or getting something warmer to wear, or sitting down. Hesitantly, Riker pulled back just enough to give him a wary look. But not before rubbing his eyes once more. His heart was still racing but Cassidy had managed to talk him out of the worst of it.
“You sure you like me? Having second thoughts yet?” he practically pouted because he was super embarrassed about his meltdown.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 8:10 pm
Cassidy huffed. “I like a guy who’s in touch with his feelings. You should let loose a little more often, I bet it’d be good for you.”
When Riker drew back, his shoulder made a little clicking sound, not loud and probably not noticeable to anyone but him because he’d been waiting for it. It felt like a marble in the hollow of his throat so he softly coughed once to clear it. He let that arm fall to his side as he raised his other hand so he could gently brush his fingers over Riker’s cheek.
He spoke a little softer but he was building his voice back up again. “I’ll get you some nice lotion. Come over and have spa-days with me. I’ll take care of you. You won’t get in trouble for crying around me. Atticus cries all the time and I don’t think he’s pathetic, what do you have to worry about? I think he’s cute. Anyway, when I see you hurting, I just want to take care of you. You’re missing a really great opportunity by playing tough guy. I’m good at keeping secrets, remember? Whatever happens, nobody else is going to know. And I’m still going to like you.”
Riker had grown a little taller than him, which wasn’t fair, but if Cassidy wanted to be closer to his height he only had to rise on his toes. While doing so, he kissed him right on the lips. “You’re safe with me.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 8:11 pm
Riker thought he heard a click. He was close enough to Cassidy that he definitely felt the stiffness in his body, particularly his injured side. But any thoughts that were processing through his already frazzled mind disappeared when Cassidy pressed their lips together.
Cassidy’s hand against his cheek felt almost as nice. He frowned (pouted) again, seeming to settle more now that he’d had a chance to freak out.
There were still a lot of things that raced through his mind. And he was still cold. And all he could really think about was how shitty of a friend he’d been.
“Yeah, well… Atticus looks cute, so he can get away with crying if he has to,” he explained, because of course that made sense. “I mean, I guess you could too. But please don’t,” he quickly added with a grimace.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 8:15 pm
Cassidy chuckled for a myriad of reasons, now mostly because he liked when he could distract Riker, and because even his grimace was adorable.
“Aw, does that mean you think I look cute too? Don’t worry, I don’t feel like crying right now so you’re safe. I think you’re cute. But also very handsome. You can get away with crying twice as much as Atticus can. I’ll give you my good pillow, just in case you change your mind about giving it a scream. And its silk, so it’ll feel nice if you want to try having a cry, too. Don’t be stubborn just to try and play cool, Riker. I think you probably spend a lot of time denying yourself nice things because your mom’s tricked you into thinking you don’t deserve them.”
He dropped back down to the floor but he was still close enough that he could have stolen another kiss if he needed to keep Riker’s attention.
“I think you’re really cool, Riker. Nothing’s going to change that. Any time you think poorly of yourself, just remember that I’m probably over here daydreaming about kissing you. If you’re ever having a hard time, just come visit me. I’ll get a bath running for you, cook you up something nice, tuck you in bed. You know, the works.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2025 8:16 pm
His ears burned. The flattery was enough to fluster him into mumbling something incoherently about how of course he thought Cassidy was cute, but also some confusion about silk pillows being used to scream or cry into, and then some more things about how he doubted he could even manage to cry twice as much as Atticus.
Riker didn’t know what to do with his hands. He kept them down by his sides, but he felt like he needed to do something with them, especially with Cassidy standing so close to him.
“Okay,” he eventually mumbled in agreement. “Thanks. And… I think you’re really cool, too.” Then, he finally did something with his hands.
Which was to lift them to tug Cassidy’s robe closed over his chest with some more mumbling about distractions.
Fin!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
