"There's no ******** point to answering you, Aelius! You decide, for me,, whatever the ******** I was thinking at the time! Whatever the ******** I was feeling at the time! You're too ******** blind to see outside yourself, so there's no ******** point in arguing with you!" The boy shouted back. As if volume could somehow get through to Aelius in his ridiculous little self-serving cocoon. As if that would teach him how to listen to anyone but the baying voice inside his own head. Eion knew it would never be true. That, for as long as he's fought any change to the contrary, Aelius wanted to be this way.
"Your intent heading out that night makes little difference," Eion explained as he encroached on the stove. "The end result was the same! You still wanted to get yourself mangled by a Knight, and at this point, I wish you ******** did!"
He was doubled over now, from volume, from the myriad emotional digs that Aelius kept so carefully building up, just for him. "You don't ******** care about anyone but yourself and your problems and your bullshit, and the rest of us are supposed to be your ******** punching bags whenever it please you! <********> you, Aelius! I'll solve this ******** problem for both of us, right ******** now!" Frantic, trembling hands set to work turning the knobs on the stove's gas burners to just before the pilot light. A fine hiss erupted from each of them until the rotten smell of natural gas billowed up around Eion and began to fill the room.
"How about it, Aelius? I can solve all of our problems at once!" Eion hissed, and his fiery gaze was fixed on Aelius as if challenging him.
kolina
shiningamisgirl
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2023 12:41 pm
“What the ******** do you want from me when you wont even open up! Everything is some dark kept secret. You have yourself locked down so tight that I can do nothing but speculate and assume!” Shoulders shook with a mixture of anger, frustration and a near overwhelming sense of sadness that felt so out of place for the situation they were in.
“For ******** years I’ve wanted to crack through that shell of yours. Every god damn time I see a crack and get to see you is what attracts me. What draws me in like a ******** moth to a flame. Every. Single. ********. Time. But you can’t seem to see that the s**t you have done is painful and for so ******** long I’ve pushed it all aside. Dealt with it, because it was expected of me.” He gasped in a breath.
“Go ******** ahead” He yelled, at Eion as his boy stood there, hands tiled upon the knobs, a thumb flicker away from setting the entire place a flame in a great roar. “You’re pissed at me for taking an easy way out and here you are threatening the same!” Aelius stood on the other side of the counter, hands met the cool laminate tops, knuckles white as his finger pressed in hard, palm just over the edge.
“If you wanna ******** talk then lets ******** do it. But, neither of us is going to run away. Neither of us is going to shy away from the hard s**t or hearing the horrible s**t about each other. Cause you’re right. I am self centered. Worried about myself. Focused on me. But I have to. It’s the only god damn way I’ve learned to ******** survive.”
“You’re not the only ******** person in this room dealing with trauma, Faustite.”
Eyes flickered to his husbands hands. “So go ahead. Take the easy way out, but don’t, not ******** once more, hang it over my head again.” Eyes were still wet, but they’d hardened in his determination.
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Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2023 8:22 pm
Waru nearly choked, fingers dragging free of his face to scrub uselessly through his dreads, till he could feel the bite of his nailbeds; till the pressure turned to pain while he suffered emotional whiplash for how rapidly the scene dissolved even further into something so agonizingly other that it was surreal to be a part of. Some hilariously macabre worst case scenario he hadn't begun to imagine, a waking nightmare, with startlingly familiar sleep paralysis demons---
They looked a lot like his husband, and the man he'd deemed to be his husbands soulmate.
'What the ******** was I thinking? Trying to handle this alone -- without planning and safewords and a safe place -- I was so ******** outta my league -- I was wrong to do it like this---' The realization was heady, for having opened his fool-a** mouth, having said anything at all. He'd known s**t was off -- felt it the second he'd seen the memory weeks ago -- that if it was something meant to be run over between the two men it would've been by now, wouldn't it?
Except they'd never had the time, the patience, the peace.
They fled, n fought, n jumped back into bed like everything was good enough. Till the past crept back up through all those unfilled cracks. Aelius couldn't talk about what Faustite couldn't stand to hear-- the bluenette had no finesse, only blame, and his love? Oh, his insane as the deepest hells *husband* was too full up on blaming himself to spare the space for more from anyone. There sure as ******** didn't feel like there was space for him. In fact? As he looked on like a gawker at the zoo he realized it wasn't even that they weren't in the room with him anymore. It was that they were on another plane of existence entirely, ten years in the past, going the ******** through it. And they'd lost him entirely, left him behind, caught up in their emotions so high he would've needed a rocket ship to reach where they peaked somewhere out in the depths of space. He'd consented to a lot of bullshit in his time, was game for saying '******** you' to fate and divining ones own ends--
But this?!
'I should've let Faustite leave, he was struggling n did the right thing by walking out and I ******** insisted he stay -- selfishly -- I should've considered Aelius's feelings more--talked to him privately before all of this....'
All the would've, could've, should've's in the world-- useless to dwell on. It didn't matter now; not with that rotten egg tang of rancid vapors filling the air and Aelius goading the Faustite on -- like he thought the young man was bluffing. Like he didn't care if Eion was half past done so long as they were finally having it out, and maybe there was some twisted ebb of catharsis happening amidst all the tear filled screaming going on there. Not for Waru though. There was no relief he could find, no joy he could take, no joke that would cut through *this* with ease and levity. There was the weight of his Henshin tucked into the baggy back pocket of his favorite gray sweatpants, the prescient reminder of power just right ******** there---
He was suddenly glad to be so ignored.
"Praxidikes Exacting Justice--" Albite whispered the words like a prayer as he stood, as he begged the white moon in all their ferocity to find the barren as barracks apartment he'd spent weeks in and fall upon them like a flood. How he hadn't felt so utterly carved out and hollow since---He couldn't even find a 'since' to compare this too. It wasn't the surefire resolve he'd had facing down Lysi and her cavalcade of order; unleashing rage for rages sake, racing to the surface on a single breath of air. It was all he could think to do though. Singular instinct that he fell back on time and again---
'Whose problems are they solving, exactly? Not mine. All that 'us' and 'lets' and 'we' -- not like this, are we solving anything at ******** all.'
"Enough--" quietly snarled, spat, because the air was unbearable to stand in. To inhale for a single second longer. "I'll summon Cybeles vengeful a** spirit n hand her all of our starseeds to chew through before I'll ever let *either* of you do this. The actual ******** is wrong with you two!? No! The ******** is wrong with me? Loving both of you so damn much---" baring his teeth as he stared into both of them, his magic writhing, and he wanted their eyes. To let them know how hurt he was on their behalves -- that he ached, for himself, for them.
"Just not like this. This is my line. Do. You. Feel. Me." quietly severe, gas-hiss-soft compared to all the shouting that'd been going on before. He hoped they felt him, as his magic seethed for their forms, to anchor, to drag down and deliver right the ******** back to him. Where they belonged. With him, instead of all the way the ******** over there where he'd carelessly let them stray, like it was normal to be having conversations in three separate corners of the same damn room..
"I'll consent to a lot of s**t, but this? This is wrong, Eion, and encouraging he do it is just as wrong, Aelius. S'like you said -- you two aren't the only ******** people in this room."
All of Albites tattoos appear to tear from his skin, lashing him to his three nearest enemies. They weigh like chains, and can squeeze to the point of bruising. The magic in the tattoos creates the feeling of being choked and beaten by a heavy hand; giving an opponent the sensation of being driven down and short of breath. Albites opponents can still move/fight, but remain bound to Albite until the magic is ended, or the bonds severed. The tattoo tethers are still magical and so can draw no blood. No physical or lasting damage is done, unless the target’s player wishes it. The illusion ends after 25 seconds. In which the bindings vanish along with the sensations. Range: 15 Feet Duration: 25 seconds Number of uses: 1 Number of targets: 3
Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2023 10:34 pm
There it was — more of the same. More of exactly what Aelius wanted. No, needed. He needed Eion to be his whipping boy, his bogeyman, his villain of old. He needed someone he could feel justified for lashing with his tongue. And he needed someone who could give back just as well and end his miserable, lickspittle existence.
And Eion could do that. He had enough power backing him to do that. If Aelius wanted to know what it was like to be the direct subordinate for Schörl who shielded him from so much of her cruelty, then he would draw every letter of it across Aelius's skin until he had no skin left to bear the words. He would show Aelius every iota of what she could do to a person, how she could make them a person no longer, how she could break them down to their barest, basest form when they were begging to be made into her ******** lamp post for an evening so long as it meant sparing them the lash. His miserable little caning was nothing. Eion could show him just how nothing it was —
Or could have, if Albite hadn't broken their stalemate and wrapped them in bonds of his own. Tedious things, tenuous things, and if he had the foresight to grab the ******** scissors out of the knife block then he could've done away with them, power be damned. Instead, he was dragged one sure step away from the stove. Away from switching it to a pilot light and finishing their discussions for good.
Not that it ******** mattered when he was a being half-made of fire. At his core was something far bigger than a ******** spark.
But Aelius, with all his bile and hate and vitriol cast at him like so much bathwater, wasn't interested in that quick end. He wanted — begged — for more pain. Begged to be broken like one of Schörl's half-dozen true subordinates. And even under the whip and crack of phantom fist, Eion had yet more pain to inflict.
It was a struggle, for he could not bring his hands together while Albite's living tattoos bound him, but he could reach one of his hands to his mouth. Teeth caught around one ring, tight against flesh, dragging red marks around either side of the digit as he prised the ring from his finger until it was loose in his mouth. Then he spat it at the floor in Aelius's direction, even as the tattoos choked and beat him relentless.
There would be bruises later, he was sure. Thick lines where he was restrained, inexplicable splotches where Albite's invisible despot found him wanting. His wrist tweaked a last yelp, as if it would snap should the magic continue.
Half-strangled, Eion did not sound like himself when he rasped out his next orders. "Yours is next if you don't let me ******** go!"
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shiningamisgirl
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Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2023 1:52 pm
It was all happening incredibly fast despite it feeling like time had crawled to a halt as Aelius stood there facing Eion down, tempting all of their fates with dagger-like words. In one swift moment though he was wrapped up, a staggering step backwards gave his constraints the leeway needed to move him back away from Eion. Eion, who was also struggling with his own restraint.
Waru’s words cut through the apartment, but anger was a heady thing. Something to get easily lost in and Aelius was there. Instead he pulled at the magic, feeling it tighten almost unbearably against limbs and airway as he gasped in air and glared at the now senshi. “How ******** dare you!” Whether it was the fact that Albite interjected himself or because of Aelius’s strong feeling of ‘no powering up in or around the apartment’ rule, was left to Waru to figure out himself.
It wasn’t the line drawn in the sand by their spectator, cause spectator Waru was to all of the cruelty both parties threw around, but the sight of Eion struggling against the restraints. Of teeth doing the job that fingers couldn’t and practically ripping skin off to remove the dark ring that had been nestled upon one of those spindly fingers to spit it out with brazen purpose at Aelius.
The young man stilled. Eyes staring at the piece of jewelry as it hit the wooden floor, bounced, and rolled it’s way towards him before tilting onto it’s side to a halt. Golden eyes fixated on that small ring as Aelius wheezed against Albite’s hold that promised bruises for the tightness of it.
“Didn’t realize vows only went so far with you.” He said quietly. Possibly even unheard over Faustite’s own roaring at Albite to let him go. Faustite was taking the easy way out and this hit home even more Faustite’s own choices of who he truly wanted at his side.
Aelius wasn’t it.
Discarded.
While he could admit his behavior or late had been anything but commendable, it had been stoked by the boy he had been calling husband. Someone who seemed so determined to shun anyone elses problems in favor of his own. Cause god ******** help anyone else struggled.
The anger began to overwhelm again.
Eyes shifted from the ring to Albite, blazing. “I swear to ******** god Albite, let. me. go.”
strickenized
shiningamisgirl
Posted: Fri Oct 20, 2023 8:11 pm
He watched the ring fly, stripped free and spat fully away with a ferocity he'd never expected from his boy. With scathing fire and vicious determination behind it. He sighed for the display -- the breaking point that sounded like the whole china shop shattering around them; at least it did to his own ears. He could've cried, had he the energy to spare for tears. For anything beyond maintaining his stance on the matter, all exhausted will, dying by degrees beneath a pervasive numbness, hacking while gas filled the room.
Twenty five seconds could seem like an eternity playing out. He almost cut everything prematurely, just to get it over with. They were people, here, he was being too rough with them.
And then Faustite shocked him--- All the threats he'd ever heard from the man, how they were toothless to him, things to heed out of respectful consideration rather than belief in their honesty, but this one? This was something startlingly new!
"My vow isn’t bound to that ring, Firebrand. We're tied to one another by the bonds of the earth, by intelligence -- my lack-there-of -- by heart and flesh. There is nothing, I know, that can separate us in this lifetime. Not even dying, Elex.” hissed as he let the binds linger, let them punish in their own way, in ways he couldn'tve brought himself to do with his own hands. Not as panicked as he'd been before, nor weary as he was in the middle of all this now.
"Do you even realize..." the words died, he shook his head and killed them, took a step back further, wound the chains and hauled on them to gain steps further away from the gaseous demise, while looking from Faustite to Aelius. Did Faustite even know what he was threatening him with?! Did he hear himself! Not likely. Or maybe not like this? The happiness they had, what had been given, taken, wildly blazing and full to the brim with unrequited, lawless abandon, that went so far beyond lust!
As if throwing away the ring would end it all so cleanly for him. Going up in a gory blaze suddenly sounded like a slightly more favorable outcome, Waru could almost see its appeal, compared to this. Except that appeal was ashen, hollow, and easily dismissed. The desire for it wouldn't gain him any permanent ease--
There would always be more Praxidike's---
"And you-----" he shuddered beneath all that ire, let it fleck off his shoulders in waves like droplets into an overflowing pond. Aelius was mad at him, livid, *daring*. Something in him snarled at being commanded to be the more insane one in the room, to be chided for not letting them all lose their heads at once, "--you don't get to gamble with me, Aelius. Not like this. Neither of you do." using the seconds left his magic spared him to step past them till he could reach the stove, till he could kill the endlessly hissing fumes, and park his a** in front of the offending appliance like he was its newly promoted guardian. Only then did he let the remaining magic recoil free, regretting every second he had to stand in the foul air looking at the ruin of something he could no longer save...
Hating himself, for having failed.
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Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2023 8:17 am
That Albite would turn on him too — what the ******** was this? Eion would sooner see their wretched city soaked in blood and fire before that boy would turn his back on him. Now they were each at odds, and Eion was choked by the gas and magic alike.
He could still blow them all to kingdom come. He didn't need a pilot light for that. Albite dragging him away from it did nothing but assuage his ego and solve the problem if one assumed Eion wasn't part fire. He could've burned a grimace into Aelius's face as his lips cooked away from his teeth, and quieted Albite for the last time. It was what Aelius wanted, after all, and perish the thought if that wretched ******** boy didn't always get what he was after!
Finally the binds came free, and Eion felt like he was trounced in an alleyway brawl. His shoulders and face ached with a beating that never happened, his legs hummed with hits he never took. He was tired, but his ire would never surrender.
"You want — so badly — for me to be the ******** villain of your story, Aelius," He hissed, voice low with a choked rasp. "Fine. I'll do to you exactly what Schörl did to me. Then you'll light that ******** pilot light yourself. Then we'll never have to listen to your pissing and moaning about how you have it the worst of all of us ever. ********. again. That's my ******** promise to you.
"Albite," he called, louder, as if the boy hadn't ears to hear him. "If I see you inside of a week, I'm cutting you in half and throwing your ******** starseed into the Rift. No more rebirth. No try-try again.
"Don't. ********. cross me twice."
With rage still humming in his bones, Eion stalked to the door. He threw it open with force that was trembling to be released, but forced himself to stay under wraps until he could get to the damn elevator. Then he would be long gone, and long free of those two.
shiningamisgirl
fin for eion~
kolina
Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2023 6:30 pm
Waru's words were better left unsaid with the heightened emotions that ran through the young man. All they did was add fuel to a fire that was in desperate need of being choked out. Especially since it seemed Albite seemed more interested in offering words of promised love to Eion and only snappish condemnation to him. Big ******** surprise. When the binds finally were withdrawn, Aelius felt the toll they'd taken on his body. How his muscles groaned in protest at movement.
"Because ******** anyone else who could be struggling, right, Eion?! RIGHT!" HE yelled after the boy's retreating back. In a fit of rage he shoved a platter of cookies off the counter into the wall, leaving strewn bits of cookies, sprinkles and icing lying all about the kitchen floor. He didn't care. That was a problem for future him.
Walking to where the ring had rolled to Aelius picked it in a quick movement. His hand fisted around it as if he was contemplating throwing that as well, before he shoved it into his pocket and walked over to the window. Shoving aside curtains, he lifted the window as far as it would go , letting in an air that felt incredibly cool to his heated flustered skin. He coughed as the smell of gas seemed to grow heavier with the taste of fresher air from the outside.
"Power the ******** down, Albite." Finally he acknowledge the man left behind, condemned to a week of being husband-less. Poor him.
He stayed leaning against the window, not turning to Albite as he took in solid breaths, trying to dampen a temper that wanted nothing more than to roar, and gain fresh air into his lungs.
"Cause I swear if anyone finds this place because of you I am going to make sure Eion is down another ******** husband." The words both hurt and felt empowering to say in the moment. Aelius was lost as to how to feel. How to digest everything that had happened in such a quick time beyond being furious that again, things seemed to have been made into a neat little ball of 'his ******** fault'.
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Posted: Mon Oct 23, 2023 12:06 am
“Bet, baby-blues! You n me, one day., however you want it.” his tone distantly eager, tiredly so, for a fight he was actually willing to take. Let Aelius come at him and have it all out his system before they went back to running the tread-wheel of barbed misfortune face first again. He waited, though, with all due caution and prudence for once. With the sounds of screaming echoing in his ears and the slam of the door still rattling off steel hinges—
He waited till Aelius was at the window— because ******** him sand-dry and sideways if he was going to play the ‘who can reach the stove first!’ game all over again. He had limits — he wasn’t that slow on any come up — but Aelius stayed to suck on fresh air, and eventually? Albite powered down, felt years older in plain-clothes and skin that didn’t come alive to solve his problems at will. There was no smile for the mess in the room, shattered cups and flung tea and worst of all, the cookies!!! The one thing he’d been excited to eat! An absolute ruin now…
The terrible waste of it all!
“Why the snacks tho— what did Justice's poor cookies ever do to deserve this…” sullenly whispered as Waru finally abandoned the stove long enough to kick aside the crumbled leavings, he could’ve cried for their delicious loss. Nearly she’s a single tear over crumbs as he made his way to the front door and threw that back open to aid in airing the place out, as if it’d make a cross breeze or some such thing, enough to be helpful with defuming the place maybe….
“Nothing—“ whined before he paused bodily, listening into the hall, with wide eyes and intense focus. Distantly he could hear it, could feel the reverb that descended multiple floors; the screeching, screaming snap of entwined steel cables and box plummeting through stories. It sounded reminiscent of a city street going up in flames (an oh so familiar sonnet he’d heard at least once before — hunting isle — letting Lysithia leave, again), it sounded like Faustite had finally reached the elevator, and left the building like a star! It sounded like —- they were gonna be taking stairs for a long ******** time, “aaaannnddd there’s the sirens…right on ******** que…godamn, Firebrand. Exit the place in style why ******** the cross breeze, he was just going to slowly close the door, better to avoid prying neighbors eyes and frantic hall jumpers with phones in hand. At least it made all the drama people musta heard through their walls waaaaay less interesting!!
Not that it was any safer, saner, better a place.
Saying what he wanted, whatever came to mind, and knowing what to say were such vastly different things, and right now? Waru was at a loss for what was right versus what immediately spring to mind. What even could he say at this point?! That wouldn’t be taken bitterly, that wouldn’t be met with fire and vitriol.
“Now—-are you alright?” He hesitated to ask, faltered for the words with an unexpected surge of softness, was it useless and hollow coming from him? Maybe. But staring at Aelius back, knowing he must’ve felt awful in every imaginable way — he had to ask — to invite whatever the other man had to throw back his way, because someone needed to hear Aelius out.
kolina
heart
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2023 1:40 pm
A derisive laugh. “Why bother asking.”
The man didn’t move. He stood there leaning against the window sill with both hands, staring out across the road to the similar facade to his own buildings. He saw people milling about below going about their business. A few stopped to find out where the commotion came from in his own apartment, but Aelius didn’t fully register it. Didn’t register much of anything for the memory of Eion’s face and how he so solidly and aggressively made a point with the ring now tucked away in Aelius’s front pants pocket.
“I honestly didn’t think he’d do it.” He said, not turning to face Albite. Anger and grief mingled within his words. “Figured because he seemed so ******** determined to hold it over my head, that he wouldn’t actually go past a threat.” His weight shifted as he turned his attention up the street, leaning full body against the wall next to the window. “My own shame and regret aren’t enough. That one moment will forever hang over me like a ******** guillotine and he refuses to acknowledge that he played a hand in it. That it was solely my fault.”
He pushed away from the wall then. “******** him.” The words were laced with bitterness. “I don’t give a s**t why or his reasoning. I don’t give a ******** if his torment was worse if all he’s going to do is hrow back it me. That his suffering is more important than my own. That he can’t see that we both have ******** problems!” His hands fisted at his side as he practically stared Albite down by the end of it.
“I am ******** tired, Albite. Tired, hurt, and just…” He stopped, lips pressing together.
“He made a choice. I am not worth the fight.” He shrugged, shoulders sagging that much more at the end of the movement.
Gods he was so angry, bitter and so, so incredibly tired of it all.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2023 3:18 pm
Waru heaved an exhausted sigh, staring holes into the back of the bluenetts head, like he wanted to shake him however briefly -- or maybe give him a shove -- Because he cared, genuinely, and watching the defeat roll off Aelius in waves while his words pierced like finely shaved skewers dredged up a fresh wave of sadness in him. He couldn't help but wonder if Aelius *knew* that he could so easily become someone as beloved as he was lovely, that in the moments where they weren't tearing each others throats out he was actually a joy to be around! Did he even care?! Or was Faustite the end all be all pinnacle to reach, that singular burning point of connection in their lives. Was there no room for anyone else without that ever-burning fire present and smoldering in their hearts?
Not for me --- but holy, shitting, ********. What about Aelius? The hell do I do with this now...
"You don't mind if I just go on n disagree with sumuv that absolute bullshit, right? But mostly that last bit---" it was startling to finally have Aelius's eyes, to have the man whipped around and showing clear as day every bit of vulnerable he never thought he'd be allowed to see. It startled him out of his own stillness, encouraged his feet to move---
Leaving would've been so easy, the door was right there, and powering right the ******** back up took the smallest application of thought -- teleporting took even less of one.
He could've gone on and gotten gone.
It would've even made sense!! No one in their right minds would've blamed him for exiting stag ******** left! Because the living, wailing, embodiments of fire n gasoline had tried to godamn kill him without so much asking if he was okay with it! Blaze of ******** glory, over a stove, in a house fire. The kind that surviving wouldn't've been a joyous recollection for him to explain to anyone else. It would've been a forgivable action to abandon this fubar cause -- to everyone, save himself. All the things he could've done, and this? Every damn time. Leaving people alone in their suffering when it was well beyond his own ability to fix. He warred with himself over it, bit lip and shook the lingering adrenaline out his hands, before crossing that cookie laden threshold to be a wall for Aelius to lean on if he could be absolutely nothing else.
A solid sounding board, a bag that could take a ******** if he could've hugged him, for himself as much as the other man! ******** it -- he would hug him -- the way he'd wanted to do instead of fleeing after that first awful memory was pulled. The way he wanted to as a friend, every time he met a new wall he couldn't simply talk down...
"Cause I wouldn't still be here if I thought you weren't worth it at all. You know that right? Just like you must know by now that m'gonna have to hug you--" he could see it as easily as he could meet it, that 'tried and tired', that bone deep need to slump beneath a weight that wouldn't give any easier than it would be shared. Waru shelved his own thoughts on all the rest and reached for Aelius ---
There was, in the backmost parts of his mind, a viciously joyful idea that struck. The thought that he needed to send Aelius out 'revenge drinking'! That the stunning boy before him needed to get back some of his own, had always needed that so badly! Here he'd bled out all his own time looking for problems to fix and maybe that'd been the problem all along? Wanting to heal all that messy shattered past n meld it into some bright and gold laced future -- Wanting to turn a collage into a vase or some other form when it was already good the way it was -- a broken bottle could be art -- a cracked mug could still be used to measure out flour -- new purposes for old forms and all the ways Waru wondered now, if he'd been the crux of the pairs issues, save in ways he hadn't realized before.
His only answer was to drag Aelius in and imagine hunting out a different path towards whatever success the man before him demanded. The looming question of whether Faustite were acting as the 'superior' or the 'husband' was now officially resolved, and ******** if Waru didn't have plans...
Kolina
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2023 5:23 pm
Pretty words. Things meant to help ease a broken heart and injured soul. Aelius wanted nothing to do with them. Didn't deserve them, because he'd done nothing to earn them. All he'd managed to do is throw his frustrations at an immovable wall and nearly get them all killed for his lack of understanding the situation. He didn't need Waru's pity or sweet sayings. What he had needed walked out the door in a rage while he was left licking old wounds he had thought long healed, while tending to new ones. The ring sat heavy in his pocket as he turned his gaze away from the man still standing there. He didn't have anything else to say and instead let the man continue on, words left hanging between them.
Funny how it was Waru still there. Willing to talk and ease pains. Likely here because Faustite banished him for a week. The thought was quick to flood his mind. Bitterness coated his tongue for it.
"Waru..." His eyes flashed to his forced roommate again as intentions were made clear. The bulkier figure made it easy for Waru to corner Aelius, especially in an apartment as tiny as his. Back pressed against the wall as he stiffened. "Don't. Please. I don't want..."
Large arms encircled him and Aelius stood stiff as a board within them. The last thing he wanted was...this. Because this made it too easy for the flood of emotions to well up. To feel like he had somewhere to go, somewhere he could loosen the damn that he'd begun to repair since the night he'd been reassigned.
But Waru's arms were warm. Strong. Supportive.
The tears that threatened leaked from his eyes onto the hood of his companions shirt. A small release in comparison to what was just waiting to surge forth. Aelius's body relaxed into Waru's own, letting the man support him. Aelius didn't move his own arms to encircle the muscular, tone waist he knew Waru had. He didn't know what to do. How to proceed. And he sure as s**t didn't know how to process the fact how ******** -good- it felt to be wrapped up in Waru's arms like that. Like the world no longer existed outside of the small cocoon of arms. He closed his eyes against and just let himself soak in the much needed physical touch. Hearing Waru's breath, the gentle squeeze, the thump of the man's heart beat...
He was going to crack open.
"No." He said quietly as he pushed himself back into the cold wall. He physically ached for the warmth he was shoving away with a hand against Waru's chest. A moment of weakness. He couldn't. Didn't want this. Didn't want it because he damn well didn't deserve it, not from anyone. He was as much a problem in the whole debaucle that had transpired and he sure as ******** didn't deserve his husband...ex husband's (his heart ached) soul mate to be the one offering the comfort.
"Stop Waru...please." He tried to side-step the man in an attempt to get away and only managed to trip himself up in the process. Him, usually so sure-footed and aware of his body, nearly fell into the coffee table sideways. "s**t!" He cursed as he staggered, catching himself before hitting the floor and the corner of the couch.
shiningamisgirl
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Kolina
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Shiningamisgirl
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2023 10:19 am
‘Squirly ********> the thought rough, sharp, and where Aelius had been there was only cold, hard wall to replace him. He was going to put his fist through the damn wall -- No -- he was going to call Faustite back and have that a*****e finish what he'd started with the ******** stovetop, bonfire, bullshit! The brief temptation to do both at once, the way it felt like claws in his mind, and maybe if he dug his knuckles into the cheap, chalky drywall for a few moments before letting all that tension release into a splay of palms against it instead. It was hard as ******** not to whip right after Aelius as the man scrambled away like he'd rather shatter apart than be held together. It burned to stand there, listening to those ‘pleas’ so close as to be within reach and then not act upon the urge to utterly ignore them and do as he ******** pleased...
‘He’s right ******** there. The place is small. He wouldn’t get far even if he ran— He needs this, doesn’t he?’ - Except Waru wasn’t quite sure who needed it more, him or Aelius. Both of them, maybe? For all of five seconds there had been peace, normalcy, something he felt like he could do right! Even if it was just useless words that fixed naught at all and a hug. That Aelius couldn't even accept that from him? And it was all his fault, wasn't it? That he stood there, all his happiness still in place however unstable the ground beneath it, looking for all the world like the enemy to Aelius own. It was impossible to know, how hard to push, which ways he'd done what wrong. Not when he always felt like he hardly knew Aelius at all.
Especially since Aelius wasn't Faustite.
Because with Faustite? He knew exactly how to push, and that knowing made all the difference. It didn’t leave room for the fear of loss if he pushed too hard, too fast, too far. There’d never been a power imbalance between them, not the way he felt there was with Aelius, like it’d be so easy to take advantage if he so much as tried! And Ooohhh, did Treys words go on and ring in his skull like leaden church bells atop the world's highest steeple about that particular thought-line! He wasn’t going to take advantage here. Not innocently or ignorantly. There were ways to get the results they both wanted without causing some sort of irreparable harm.
There had to be.
“Stop what, s’actly? M’gonna need ya to be real specific…” like he was talking his last nerve back off a ledge, sidelong and side-eyed in Aelius’s direction while he turned to try and catch the mans gaze without reaching for him again. Not just yet! Though maybe the way his fingers twitched at being empty said as much that he wanted to. He couldn't let any of it be, his mind wouldn't abide the existence of a world that held no-win situations. Where there was no kindness he could offer, no nicety, no endless amount of patience he would dig deeper ******** wells to dredge from. Sometimes he didn't know what Aelius really wanted, didn't know if Aelius knew what he wanted either.
That the three of them couldn't get through a single memory without the world ending---That Aelius needed Faustite to be able to talk about anything from their past at all without blowing up in order to heal himself and mend all those messy jagged pieces--That Faustite arguably wasn't ready for anything like that just yet!! It didn't really matter anymore. He'd been wrong to throw it all out there raw like that, to have expected anything better to come of it was insane, and he could see that now. How it reflected on Aelius tear blotched face, how he could feel the abysmal wretchedness of the situation he'd so terribly fumbled in every fiber of his own.
“It’s important, Aelius.” said with more calm and steely reserve than he felt right then, that he was any-kinda-calm was an absolute lie! The sort he told himself while wishing Aelius had a safeword for ******** ‘hugs’ so he could know for sure which line he was crossing on this particular day and make sure it wasn't one he couldn't uncross later-----
Kolina
strickenized
Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2023 4:31 pm
With a lack of grace, the man practically threw himself onto the couch. A heat rose through his body, flushing cheeks as he watched Waru while he perched on the couch, ready to make a hasty retreat. Aelius wasn’t sure what to make of all of this. Things had escalated so quickly, and Waru was showing no signs of wanting to back down. In fact, the man's tense muscles and features said he was hitting his own breaking point. Would that be in Aelius’s favor or not? And the real kicker. The question that percolated in his mind like a fresh pot of coffee, what exactly would be in Aelius’s favor? It was a complicated mess of wanting to be alone and never wanting to be alone again. A war.
So, with Waru’s self-restrained question, Aelius balked. his mouth opened slightly as if to respond before closing again. His mind had gone utterly blank and try as he might, he couldn’t answer. It was a stalemate. His needs, wants and expectations could not come to a clearly defined path and so they just…. stopped existing in the moment.
“I don’t know.” He finally said with a half-sobbed answer. Truth. Wary eyes shot back to Waru. What the ******** did Waru want? Things were a gads damned mess, he was barely keeping himself together and the last thing Aelius needed was to completely crack open. No one needed that. Wanted to deal with it. Only the quiet darkness of his bedroom, secreted away from the world would he let himself break a part again. Shame still sat heavy for that day in Faustite's office.
"I don't know what you want from me, but I just...I can't." Not now.
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shiningamisgirl
Kolina
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Shiningamisgirl
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2023 5:07 pm
And if I just do?
The option was always there, to prove Aelius right in all the wrong ways, about himself specifically. He realized he couldn’t do it. Wanted to tell him he didn’t expect him to know!! Smothered the urge to say as much, because that wasn’t entirely true. He needed a guideline — a guide rail — something! He asked for ideas, boundaries, safe words, like it’d been drilled into him because it was so easy to push until a breaking point was reached. To step over that final uncrossable line and if he didn’t know how to pick up the pieces afterwards? If he didn’t know whether those lines were hard or soft in nature.
If he pushed *wrong*.
Aelius was too precious to leave shattered and any more resentful of him than he already was. To leave feeling picked over until he was only the bones of who he’d been before…
Aelius deserved better. Waru knew. Deserved better n what he n Faustite could give of themselves in wild moments where the truth felt like the greater enemy. So Waru hissed in a fresh breath in, sighed it heavy out his nose, gave the wall the rest of his weight for a few moments more.
“Mmnh, do you want to know what I think? Aside from how you should invest in a couch that makes people think you want them to stay over—-this one’s hard as ********,” arms crossed as he watched Aelius hawkishly, waiting for that fight or flight to tip over in any given direction. He thought he would, was surprised to see him freeze instead — like he thought Waru might make good on tying him down till the sun rose n the world burned. <******** if he wasn’t considering it even now, he let his words do what his body couldn’t, let them move — let them run — nonsense and distraction of a peaceable variety. Completely non-sequitur to what he’d asked, that his every question went unanswered was a frustration in and of itself, the sort that felt more familiar though. He could work with Aelius not knowing, could work around it, playing house as if it was any of his damn business how Aelius furnished his apartment, where the guy put his claim on his own space. Except he was bringing it up now because he’d noted a distinct lack of claim entirely — it was so barren of ‘Aelius’— and maybe his personal bedroom was more full? Waru hadn’t noticed yet. Hadn’t snooped around, but maybe he would now.
“I think – that deep, deep, deep down..You do know, don’t you, Aelius? Just because you don’t think you have the right to say the words to me yet—-“ and he was reminded of his team now, of Aelius’s old team *then*, of the vast amounts of suffering the man must’ve been through. The one glimpse he had was hardly a glimpse at all --- and he could taste that bitter antiseptic again, sterile n sour and chemically charged — it was nauseating, and he shuddered the memory out of his soul again.
Wondering all the while if Aelius had no good n proper comparison for anything healthy in his life. For years. No example of true forgiveness, or shared accountability of what a real team could’ve done to bolster him up in his hardest hours. If he knew what real kindness was? The genuine unrequited kind that felt a lot like love and friendship all bundled into one.
Or maybe he only knew it from so few that expanding that horizon seemed impossible. Waru couldn’t begin to fathom — couldn’t guess. He had to hear it from Aelius to hear anything at all..
“Thing is, I can’t force any of what I’m thinking on you, can’t make you believe me — it’s that whole horse’s to water concept — Can’t make ‘em drink. But? I can sure as hell remind you it’s there. Every single day. You can even fight me on it! I’ll fight you back. ******** knows Faustite did for the longest damn time—-still does, obviously…” thinking of how, on his worst days? He fought Fauatite, too. He’d never been more grateful to his love than for all those moments they hashed things out and came back together afterwards. How taking space and time weren't signifying endpoints to what was, for both of them, steep learning curbs in all sorts of different ways.
If he could be lenient with himself, with his Firebrand? With his entire team. He could sure as hell manage it with Aelius! Maybe it was just that he felt too tired to try anymore tonight, like everything had been too much already to keep on chomping away at it without any sign of an end looming on the horizon....
It would've been smart to leave the rest alone and let Aelius be, but he was glutinous. Who cared for too much when there was always a chance for more? A chance at gaining serrated miles and vicious edges of closeness n clarity, because tomorrow might not come so he had to do things NOW
“As for what I want, right now? I wanna sleep in a real bed tonight. Just sleep. So that's what I'm gonna do! You’ve got the chance to come along if you want to! Course if you don’t? I know where to find you in the morning....” he shoved free of the wall, made like he would touch Aelius once more, his hair, his shoulder, let his hand hover in that thin span of air between them — before dropping it entirely. His heart clenched for every sobbed bit of air, for every shed tear, but his eyes were for the space he’d been denied in entirety.
He was very much done with being kept out, and he sure as hell wasn't going to camp out in the living room amidst all the ruined cookies and lingering scent of nearly missed near death experiences; waking in the morning to have breakfast with the floor roaches that the sweets would've invited were this an entirely different apartment all together.
