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 Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2022 7:12 am
Brooklyn’s lip continued to quiver and she swallowed. “...I didn’t want you to get hurt, Elliot. I would never have wanted you to get hurt…I just. I’m not used to running away from things. Not when it’s a fight like this. I’m used to standing my ground and giving it all I have.”
Cops, she would run from cops. And her foster families…and the people who ran the children's home. She had run from them. “I’m used to running from adults with authority, but that’s about it. And honestly that’s only because I’ll get into trouble that I can’t very well get out of if I punch the like I’d want to.”
She missed her sleeves, as she tried to wipe her eyes again, Brooklyn grimaced as her arm got smeared with a mixture of tears and snot and she scoffed, wiping her arm on the back of her pants to dry it off.
For a moment, she still considered leaving, going home and just dropping the jacket and forgetting all of this. But.
“I’m not sure I could have just followed orders, I don’t follow orders well, and I don’t trust easily, especially when I don’t have all or…or any of the facts. I know it was a do or die situation but. I could have helped sooner and maybe you wouldn’t have been hurt…I…”
She wiped her eyes again and shivered, and then drew the jacket back on. It was too cold to stand here in short sleeves and if Atticus wanted it back when she left…so be it…but she would be warm now.
“I’m sorry that you got hurt. But I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me...or want me to help. Is it because I'm a girl? Do you both just look down on girls? You’ve always been acting like I can’t take care of myself, and I promise you, I really can.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2022 9:13 am
Atticus’ magic was a welcome relief, and while it didn’t heal everything, he immediately felt the pain fading enough that he could focus again. He felt more tired now, and he absentmindedly stroked Soleiyu’s fur while he rested against Atticus.
“It’s okay,” he promised Ephesus. “I really appreciate you, thank you. I feel much better. Thank you for always taking such good care of me.”
He didn’t want to test his luck, so he wasn’t planning on getting up any time soon. There didn’t seem to be any more trouble–for the moment. He hoped it stayed that way, they’d had more than enough for today.
Elliot didn’t make Brooklyn wait long for an answer, and now that his mind was clearing up a bit it was easier to get his gears rolling and think a little more coherently. “Wait–you thought we looked down on you? For being a girl?”
His mind short circuited again, and he looked at her like he thought he might have misheard.
“No, I didn’t really even think about that. I mean, I know you’re a girl, but I didn’t ever think that made you different or lesser than me or Atticus. I know you can take care of yourself, you say so all the time. But it’s not–” He sighed heavily. “It’s not like that, it’s not like, a simple answer. I need a minute. But like–I wasn’t trying to order you around, either. I know I’m not an authority figure, nobody has to listen to me.”
Elliot seemed a little more tired now. Sitting down meant that he didn't have to expend as much energy, and he almost thought that flopping backwards into the grass would have been nice. “I’m a planner. I’m used to people looking to me for answers, so I guess I just already had a plan and didn’t have time to fill you in. I mean–you know that we’ve had experience with youma and the Negaverse before. That’s all it was, we’ve had more run-ins. And we’ve run from youma before. And I’m not ashamed for it. We’re alive because we knew when to pick our battles. You don’t have to fight everyone and everything.”
Soleiyu was still watching Brooklyn, but he didn’t interrupt; he seemed to be taking in everything he could about her now that Stirling was gone.
“It’s just–I know things haven’t been easy for you. But just because you have taken care of yourself doesn’t mean people can’t still want to do nice things for you. I know if you had to, you could get food.” He’d seen her steal before. “I just don’t want you to be as stressed about having to do all of that alone. I know if you had to stand up for yourself against a bully, you would. It’s not like I think you can’t take care of yourself. It’s just–you can’t do everything by yourself. I told you, my dad was almost killed by a youma. And he’s bigger than you, stronger. I might have had an easy life, but my parents didn’t. Youma aren’t always problems you can punch your way out of. But you’re still new to this, and we only have a little experience, anyway. So I thought it would be better if you could get out of here for now. He has magic that can heal,” he said, but he was pretty sure she’d have been able to see that already judging by how much better he felt already. “So not all magic is for fighting, anyway. And I don’t think you’ll have any right now. You’ve just got your–well, what was that, a pen? I didn’t see it, sorry.”
He didn’t have his weapon to show her or compare. “We don’t think less of you, Brooklyn, not for any reason. I’m fast. Probably faster than you. I don’t know for a fact, I just know that you’ve seen me run, and you’ve seen me hit things, and throw things. I play sports, I practice. I don’t know what you can do, that’s true. But you know some of the things I can do, and I guess I’d hoped that you’d trust me. I’m sorry. It was a big ask. I didn’t tell you everything I knew because I wanted to talk to people first. People who know more than me. People who might have been able to actually help. We’re supposed to be safe–you can’t tell anyone about your secret identity, Brooklyn. Like, no one. And don’t tell anyone about ours. Please. I’m serious when I say we already had a bad run in with the Negaverse, I don’t want to be back on their radar.”
He looked up at her from where he sat on the ground and leaned back a little, careful not to just tumble backwards altogether.
“I don’t want you to be on their radar. You got magic, now. And we know people who can help you if you want us to get you set up with them. I don’t know how it happened, how you turned into a Knight, but I’m happy for you. I know that’s what you wanted. And I hope it means you’ll be able to protect the people who are important to you. Wanting to protect someone doesn’t mean you think they’re weak, though. So I’m sorry if I made you think that’s what I was saying. I’m just used to friends looking out for each other. Even if we don’t always see eye to eye or understand each other, I’ll always have my friends’ backs. And I trust that they’ll have mine. We’re all supposed to look out for each other, that’s what friends do, right? It doesn’t mean any of us is strong or weak, it just means we have different skills.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2022 10:11 am
Why was she saying those things? Why was she saying such hurtful, untrue things? She was acting as though they didn’t think she could take care of herself when Atticus had never thought that she couldn’t. And he was certain that Elliot had never thought that, either. Or that they looked down on her because she was a girl.
Ephesus couldn’t look at Brooklyn. If he did, he would have broken down even more. He was already having trouble breathing through the sobs that he was trying to keep quiet. He was already trying to focus on making sure Elliot received as much healing as possible.
It was a good thing that Elliot could speak, because all Ephesus wanted to do was to curl up on himself and cry. This felt so much like what he’d had to endure before, when people made him question himself, made him feel like he was doing something wrong simply by existing.
His magic didn’t last forever, and once it was used up, he let the rest of his magic slip away so that it was just Atticus again. He felt defeated and worn down, unable to focus his gaze on anything, so he just stared somewhere in the vicinity of Soleiyu. He was pretty sure he’d already dripped tears into his fur, and would have to apologize later.
Elliot was saying all of the nice things, diplomatic as always, and something that Atticus loved about him. But that didn’t take away the hurt he felt, knowing how little Brooklyn apparently thought of them.
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2022 11:04 am
Scowling slightly, Brooklyn nodded. “Well yeah. That’s why you keep insisting that I can’t protect people and need to stay safe and shouldn’t try to defend myself…at least that’s what I figured. I don’t trust people. I’ve never had friends before. Never wanted them before. I’m. I’m not good at this. And I feel like…” She swallowed and hesitated, beginning to pace slightly.
Part of her wanted to sit down, to just talk, but she felt so antsy too. The idea of leaving, of just going home and trying to process all of this sounded good...but the idea of just running and selling her phone and trying to just make it on her own again also sounded good but…
Her life wasn’t awful right now. St. Mags was…pretty okay. And the relative freedom that it offered was…wonderful. Yeah the rules were strict but, they were better than she had been used to before. She had…friends now though she had no idea how to keep them, or how to deal with all of this. “...I feel like I can’t really be me around you two. I’m so scared that you’ll just. Decide I’m not worth it. I’ve told you that. And every time I think oh, I’ll tell them something, they’re my friends it feels like you jump all over me and I guess. I figured it was because I’m a girl or something. That’s the only thing that made sense after a while. Oh, you can’t do anything because you’re a girl, Elliot is stronger because you’re a girl, we should hide because you’re a girl and we have to protect you…”
Brooklyn gave a large shrug and looked between the two. “...I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t give up your secret like that…and I’m sorry if I made it seem like I would. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I thought that you both had like…bad luck or something which is why I wanted to get involved so that those things didn’t happen again…”
She had kind of outed Cara but…it didn’t seem like such a bad thing, and she hadn’t remembered her actual powered name…and they didn’t know Cara so…
“If you don’t want to be friends anymore, I get it just. Tell me now so I can just cry in peace okay? RIp off the bandaid.”
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2022 6:34 am
Atticus’ magic helped significantly, and when he’d finished, Elliot rested against him. He didn’t put his full weight on him but he hooked his arm around his waist and pulled him closer. Soleiyu was listening to everything, but he was smart enough to recognize that there was more here than he knew, and it was just in his nature to take in everything that he could while he had the chance.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to jump all over you,” Elliot said; he took a moment to consider their conversations, to reflect on what he could. He wasn’t used to arguments like this; it wasn’t like debate, where the goal was just to get in more good points than your opponent.
He didn’t want to see Brooklyn as his opponent. She was his friend. Unless she pushed them away. He was still trying to figure out what she wanted, what she wanted to hear, what would make this better. So, he listened. He didn’t argue, even if debate was in his blood.
“I don’t know where you got that this meant we wanted to drop you as a friend. I think you’re the only one who was considering that as an option. And I get it, you’re on the defensive about things, and you’re used to taking care of yourself. But–and don’t take this wrong way, Brooklyn, please–I think you’re hearing a lot of things that we aren’t saying. I really, really don’t know what you being a girl has to do with anything. I don’t think you can’t protect people, I never meant that you shouldn’t defend yourself. Yeah, I want you to stay safe, but that’s because I don’t want you to get hurt, either. I wasn’t even trying to say ‘don’t fight’ just, ‘don’t fight until you know what you’re up against’. The Negaverse and youma aren’t like normal people, and it’s scary what they can do. I just didn’t want you to be hurt–or worse–if it was avoidable. I don’t think I’m stronger than you because you’re a girl. I don’t want you to get hurt trying to protect me, especially if you’re not prepared for what you’re up against. And just knowing that bad things are out there isn’t enough to know how to stop them. I thought a self-defense class would be good for you. And Atticus and I are taking them. So.”
He shrugged, because he didn’t know if anything he said was going to come out how he wanted it to. He didn’t want Brooklyn to think he was saying something other than what he actually meant.
“I’m strong. And I’m brave. And I have no problem running away from an enemy to make a plan or call for backup. I guess I never saw any of that as weak, and I’m not going to start now. I think it’s just being smart. You said you wanted to get stronger so nothing happened to us, right? So I know you know what it’s like to want to protect people. Us wanting to protect you doesn’t mean we think you’re weak. I mean, did you think you had to protect us because we were weak? Or because you cared about us and wanted to help if you could?”
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2022 6:50 am
There were so many thoughts that swirled in his head. Confusion, hurt, grief. He felt pathetic, not being able to find the words to defend himself, to tell Brooklyn that she had it all wrong.
Elliot had his arm around him, and Atticus took comfort in that. Soleiyu’s warm weight on his lap also kept him from completely crumpling to the ground. Instead, he leaned into Elliot, not so much that he would push him over, but enough that he could hide against him if he wanted.
Atticus tried wiping some of the tears away, but they were quickly replaced. He wanted to find his voice, but the last time he said anything, Brooklyn got really upset. He was better off not talking. Elliot was better at talking, anyway.
And everything Elliot was saying he agreed with and felt the same. He didn’t know why Brooklyn thought they thought she was weak, or that she couldn’t do things. And Elliot was right to ask her if she thought they were weak, and that was why she wanted to protect them.
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2022 5:55 pm
“I don’t think you’re weak. I just don’t want you to have to go thorough bad things again. I can take them, and if I could take the burden off of the first friends I’ve ever had. The first people my own age that I’ve ever. Connected with. I would. I can handle it. I can pretty much handle anything at this point, and I figure that I’m.”
Brooklyn bit her cheek and shrugged. “I mean. Look, you both have each other and families to worry and care about you. I don’t. So I’m the most disposable of the three of us, and going out in a blaze of glory sounds a lot better than. I don’t know. Being like most kids in my position end up like, homeless or addicted to something or just. Getting knocked up early and starting this stupid cycle all over again and like. It made sense to me, okay? I just.”
She was looking away again, still pacing and wiped her eyes with her sleeve, wanting to just shut up, but it all just kept coming. “I know that you’re the only two people in this whole city, in this whole world who give two shits about me, and like. I don’t know. That means a lot to me and I just. Want to be able to give something back, and if protecting you and your dads from the youma and the Negaverse is something I could do…then I’d do it. That’s all. You’re not weak I just.”
Shrugging again Brooklyn finally slid to the ground, though began to pull out small bunches of grass, obviously irritated with all of this. She was itching to go home, and hated just…vomiting all of these feelings over them both. And the cat too.
“I just wanted to be useful. Wanted to earn my keep.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 4:32 pm
Elliot breathed a heavy sigh, not quite of relief, but maybe because they at least had a direction to go in with this conversation. He was relieved that she wasn't trying to keep everything bottled up, and relieved that she didn’t feel like she needed to lash out to get her point across.
He rubbed Atticus’ back gently, trying to soothe him. When he had a second, he kissed his cheek and drew him a little closer.
“Well, we don’t want you to go through bad things either. Just because you can handle bad things doesn’t mean you should have to. I mean, Atticus handled a lot of bad things, too, but I don’t think he’s disposable. I mean, he’s a treasure to me. I don’t want anything to happen to him. I don’t want anything to happen to you, either. You have people who are going to worry and care about you. Just, don’t push them away.”
He grimaced a bit–sore, but still feeling much better after Atticus’ magic.
“I just don’t want you to feel like you owe us. I don’t pick and choose my friends based off of what I think they can do for me. I don’t want anything from you. And if you have friends to back you up, you know we’ll support you. And you can support us. But it’s a two way street. You are useful, and there’s nothing you have to earn. We can just be friends looking out for each other, it doesn’t have to be anything complicated. Is there anything I can do to help to make you feel better? Either of you,” he said, looking between the both of them.
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 6:14 pm
Elliot rubbing his back and the kiss to his cheek was comforting, but Atticus was still getting more upset by everything Brooklyn was saying.
“Stop,” he blubbered through another wave of tears. “Don’t say things like that!” Atticus cried, finally caving and turning so he could cry on Elliot’s shoulder.
It wasn’t fair. She shouldn’t get to decide what they wanted. She shouldn’t get to put words in their mouths that they’d never imagined saying.
“Being disposable? Going out in a blaze of glory? Do you think that’s what we’d want? That doesn’t make sense at all!”
He wasn’t sure how much of what he said was actually decipherable through the muffled tears, although he’d turned his head just enough so he wasn’t just talking into Elliot’s shoulder.
Elliot was wonderful. He said such nice things and made him feel like he was worth more than he ever felt like he’d been worth in his life. He just hoped Brooklyn would finally open up and accept feeling that way, too. He was right about her pushing them away. They’d never even thought about not being friends with her -- that was all her.
“You know I’m the weak one,” he sniffled after scrubbing at his face. He was holding his breath so he would stop sobbing, but he didn’t think he was doing a very good job of it. “Between the three of us, you know I’m physically the weakest.”
That was why she didn’t mention him when talking about Elliot being strong, because she knew. She also knew he wasn’t a girl, so that negated her previous argument that they thought she was weak because she was a girl. Elliot said he thought Atticus was one of the strongest people he knew, but that definitely wasn’t physically. Just because he’d handled a lot of bad things didn’t matter.
“We just wanted to be your friend,” he concluded pathetically, already running out of the steam he’d regained by staying silent for a little while. He held tightly to Elliot, but didn’t say anything else. Just being with him made him feel better, even if he was feeling pretty bad at the moment.
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 6:16 pm
Brooklyn tore out another chunk of grass as she listened to Elliot, and was trying to figure out what her response was going to be when Atticus finally spoke, and all of the things she wanted to say or was thinking of saying died in her throat.
Her lips pursed together and she felt cold all over. Was she supposed to say what was on her mind or not? One was trying to get her to open up and she half wanted to and the other was telling her to stop and that she shouldn’t say what she was thinking or feeling and honestly? Maybe that was right.
“...I’m really tired, you guys. Maybe tonight isn’t the best time to have this talk or whatever…and I think you should both go home and get Elliot something for the pain and Atticus…you should drink some water so you don’t dehydrate and shrivel up like some kind of dried fish…”
The attempt at humor fell rather flat but…she was trying.
“...Maybe we could meet up tomorrow or something when we’ve all…slept and all that?”
She looked at the cat for a moment, half wishing that he could come with her…he would have answers and wouldn’t be dragged down with confusion friendship things. Friendships were hard…and exhausting…and she was starting to wonder if it had just been better to not try and push everyone away but…
…She liked having friends…She liked these two a lot. People just weren’t like this…and it was hard to believe most of the time…
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 6:47 pm
Elliot pulled Atticus closer as he spoke. He knew where Atticus had come from, he knew how hard it had been for him to express himself before. He knew that Atticus felt deeply because he cared so much. He’d always worry with the tears, especially when they were as passionate as this, but he just tried to stroke his back and hold him close to reassure him.
He hadn’t made out all of what Atticus said, between the distant ringing in his ears and the muffled words, but he’d heard enough that he was pretty sure he understood.
He also understood being tired, and he didn’t want to keep pushing this onto Brooklyn if she needed time to process and think things over.
Elliot felt tired. Looked tired. He hurt, yeah. He wanted to lay down.
He wanted to make sure his friends were okay first, though.
“We can meet up tomorrow,” he said. He began to shrug off his backpack so he could unzip it and pull out the paper bag full of food his parents had packed in a few assorted tupperware containers. He held it out for her, but didn’t lean forward too much; he seemed to be trying to take it easy and not move in any way he thought might hurt himself.
“But let me go with you now,” Soleiyu said, and while he was regaining some of his energy, he didn’t seem to be bursting with it. He butted into Atticus hand as he pushed himself up, and he didn’t seem worried if he got any cat hair on him. He stretched in his lap, flopped into his chest briefly, and then stepped off. “If you don’t mind. Knights are at a disadvantage when they first awaken, I want to make sure you’re looked after.”
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 7:03 pm
So she did think he was the weak one. She said nothing to contradict him or reassure him, after all. If anything, she ignored him by not acknowledging anything he said.
Atticus visibly wilted and turned to hide his face against Elliot’s shoulder. It was almost as though he wasn’t allowed to talk about his own feelings. Each time he’d said something, it either made Brooklyn really upset or she ignored it.
Everyone was stressed out, he knew that. And maybe she was right that it didn’t matter what he felt. He’d gotten used to being around the Reids and his dads who let him say what he felt and responded to him, who encouraged him to say if something was bothering him. But he knew his mistake now.
He was grateful that Soleiyu was going to keep an eye out for Brooklyn and help her, but he already missed him. He’d wanted to hug Soleiyu tight and brush his fur for a bit, but he would rather Brooklyn have company since she didn’t want theirs.
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Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2022 7:18 pm
Brooklyn watched as Atticus seemed to shrink closer to Elliot and she rubbed the bridge of her nose, not wanting to be here any longer. Not wanting to keep messing up. Moving to take the food from Elliot, she hesitated and tucked some of Atticus’ hair behind his ear, trying to offer her own bit of comfort. “I don’t need to be looked after, I thought that was the whole purpose of all of this…” She wasn’t trying to lash out at Soleiyu, but she could see that Atticus needed the comfort of a cat, she knew that they could be comforting…and lashing out. Pushing people away was far easier than just.
Whatever. It was better to sound gruff than week, that was all she knew.
“If you want to stay with these two, that’s fine, Atticus seems like he can use some comfort and…I’ll be fine, really.”
Brooklyn managed what could pass for a smile, but it was much more of a grimace and she shrugged. “...I’ll see you both tomorrow…I hope that you both feel better…I…I’m sorry.”
For the misunderstandings, she still didn’t think she was in the wrong for just wanting to defend those she thought were her friends, and she still…
Well. It didn’t matter.
“...I wouldn’t mind asking some questions though if you had time, but, they need you and I get that.”
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Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2022 12:51 pm
Elliot watched as Brooklyn reached over to brush Atticus’ hair, and he hoped it was a good sign. Still, getting home was sounding better by the moment. It was getting late, and now that his adrenaline had gone down, he felt exhausted. He just needed to muster up the energy to get up so they could get home.
“Have you ever known a cat that didn’t stick his nose in everyone else’s business? I do a lot of looking after. Whether someone wants it or not, I can’t help it. I’ll talk to you boys later,” he said, and took a moment to headbutt under Elliot’s chin, and then Atticus’, before he went back to Brooklyn.
“If you need anything, please message me. I’ll check in on you two soon.”
“Thanks, Sol,” Elliot said. “We’ll text you when we get home.”
Soleiyu nodded. “I appreciate it. Be safe.”
Elliot nodded; he had no intention of getting into trouble. His only interest now was in getting home.
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