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“Trust me. I know.” Erica glanced over at Jeremy with an almost amused expression. Like father like son… Except for the fact they were brothers but the sentiment still applied since Jeremy kind of took the place of the parental figure.

“I appreciate the concern,” She smiled then tipped her drink towards Myles before taking the last sip and setting the empty bottle back down on the table. “You know, the holidays are right around the corner. Do either of you have plans, or traditions you’re looking forward to?”

Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away now and after that would be Christmas. More than likely she was going to offer to work both days since there were other officers with families they’d like to spend the day with and since she just recently returned from seeing her own parents, they would be ok if she didn’t fly down so soon again.

Erica watched them both for a long moment. Myles, even though he was an adult now, still had that childish hope for a better tomorrow and innocent longing for something just barely out of reach. Jeremy, on the other hand, was jaded by the path he walked and seemed, for the most part, set in his ways.

They both sacrificed much for each other. It was both admirable yet heartbreaking.

“You know, when I was helping my parents move to their new home, I found something that used to belong to my grandmother. It was just words painted on a canvas, a quote she believed with all her heart, it was hung in her entryway until she passed away and my mother then hung it above the mantle in her living room. It said Family isn’t always blood, it’s the people in your life that want you in theirs that accept you for who you are, would do anything to see you smile, and love you.” She was paraphrasing of course but the message was clear enough.

“Why don’t you two come over to my place this year? You can bring the pizza and I’ll bake a turkey.” It had been years since she last cooked one but was sure she could just look up directions online and not burn her house down in the process.

“Fair enough.” Erica propped her elbows on the table and grinned, “How about we stick with the Tuesday after Thanksgiving then?” Stick with at least one of their traditions. “I have enough OT pocketed that I can ask for the day off”

Anyone who had ever survived a harrowing experience rarely,if ever, came out unscathed. In many cases they develop a sense of dark humor, usually in the form of morbid comments, that rarely went over well with civilians.

Jeremy, it seemed, was no exception to this and Myles, for the better part of the last few weeks, was the only one around to take the brunt of it. She had spent enough time around at risk youth to know the kind of negative impact this kind of behavior could have.

When he returned to the table, Erica looked at him, her expression clearly displeased by the way her lips were pursed and head was canted just slightly to the side as she shook her head. Silver eyes flicked over to his younger brother then back to him; a nonverbal request to knock it off.

“I’m sure whatever you bring will be fine.”

Seeing as it appeared they were all done eating, Erica got up and walked over to the kitchen sink to rinse out her beer bottle before putting it in the recycling. “Hey, Myles. Can I ask you to box up the food? You two can keep the leftovers but I think your brother and I should go on a walk. There are a few confidential things I need to discuss with him before I head out.” Kind of, but not really. They were more private topics that needed to be done more one on one.

“Either place is fine,” even if she did think he could use some fresh air.

Erica walked over to the table and picked up the used napkins, chopsticks and stuck them in the empty container of Chow Mein before disposing of it in the trash.

Erica’s hand balled into a fist at her side and for a moment she had almost given into the urge to punch him in the shoulder, reminding him that the dull pain meant he was alive. That he wasn’t some corpse rotting in the bottom of a concrete hole while the rest of the world moved on around him.

Instead, she sat down in Myles seat, leaned her elbows on the table and folded her hands together. “Talk to me.” It wasn’t a gentle nor simple request. “ Tell me what’s on your mind, and don’t say ‘it’s nothing’”

Men…

It was obvious he had a wall up and if it took all night she was going to kick it down. “I’ve tried giving you space, Jeremy. I hoped that when you were ready to talk about what happened you would come to me.” It beat talking to a shrink that was there to evaluate his mental stability and ability to function normally at work.

“But instead you’ve holed yourself up in your apartment, you look like s**t.” Honesty probably wasn’t the best policy here but to tell him he was looking better wasn’t going to help things either. More than likely a comment like that would earn her an eye roll or a dismissive shrug with the mood he was in. “I don’t know if you’re going stir crazy, itching to get back to the precinct or what…”

“You’ve shut me out, and I’ll be honest, I don’t know how else to help you other than bring you food.” Not that he asked for it but they were partners and there was a certain level of moral obligation to be there even when you’re not necessarily wanted.

“It’s ******** up, what they did,” Their fellow officers disregarding Myle’s pleas for help all the while refusing to search for Jeremy. “And I hope to God you know that if I was here I would have been out there searching for you the moment you didn’t show up for work.”

Erica’s lips pursed into a firm thin line “I let you down, and I’m sorry.”

“But Myles doesn’t deserve the passive aggressive comments or cynicism. That kid went through hell and back trying to find you. If you need to yell at someone, yell at me. If you need to throw a punch then we take it to the mat. But whatever it is that’s going on inside that head of yours, you will go mad if you keep it to yourself.” She had seen it happen enough times with the at risk youth she volunteered with. When s**t went down at home they tried to tough it through it until eventually they pop. Sometimes it is an emotional snap and they fall apart in a puddle of tears, looking desperately for any support to lean against other times it’s more violent or had consequences that were not easily forgiven or erased.

The last thing she wanted to do was to see a rift form between the two brothers.

“I hope you know that if anything were to happen to you. I would make sure Myles was taken care of.” To her, being his partner went beyond the badge they both wore. It was a promise to have each other back and that went beyond the blue uniform.

“So now it’s your turn. What’s on your mind?” She asked the same question again, hoping that now that she had gone first he would say something about what happened.

Erica fell silent for several long moments.

“You’re right...” She finally said after some time. Her ears felt like they were on fire, like someone just slapped her so hard upside the head that the sound of her heartbeat was actually louder than the car alarm going off outside. “It’s not about me.”

Now more than ever did she feel unwanted and unwelcome and for the first time in a long while Erica couldn’t even look him in the eyes. “I miss judged you, Jeremy. You’re not some young adult or teennager in need of a shoulder to lean against or ear to listen to.” Their relationship apparently wasn’t like that, probably best to keep things strictly professional; at least for a while.

Some lines weren’t meant to be crossed and it seemed that this was one of them.

The sound of the chair sliding against laminate flooring was loud and squeaky, much like nails on a chalkboard it cut through the cold awkward silence. “I’ll see you back at the precinct, when you’re ready…” Erica pulled the three files out of her bag and set them on the table. Something for him to do in the meantime.

“Thanks for the beer,” she slung the bag over her shoulder. “Please tell Myles I have to take a raincheck on the soap.”