Andy’s asleep, I should be too. I can’t stop thinking.. Which is strange for me. Ugh it’s too late.. Early? To even joke about myself. What if Ree doesn’t wake up… Will he just be an empty body? Could his consciousness already be done for?
We don’t really know what he was stabbed with… Could someone even survive that? What if he’s lost all his memories from any chemical’s? And he can’t walk or talk any more? Would he still be the same?
What if he wakes up? Would someone try to kill him again?
Ugh Val, Mara and Tri can line up and fight each other over it.
I dunno if that’s the alcohol talking or me… But I’d pay for a ticket to watch that happen… Who’d win? Probably Val as Tri isn’t anything like his apparent son Ree… Not a donkey.. Haha see what I did there?
I have to stop thinking, dammit… I need sleep.. Maybe if I watch Andy sleeping for a bit it’ll help me drift off..
Corr, what if Ree’s spirit is like, off wandering around like he did when he was live, and some other spirit takes over Ree’s body and act’s like Ree but then steals his body!?
Yeah no.. Yeah I am going to bed.. That’s crazy talk.
Posted: Tue May 17, 2022 5:53 am
Wow. Just wow. The way Cordela just deftly handles Kate was… A lesson. I’ll happily take Cordelia into the kitchen here anytime I need to go… Orrrrrr grow a pair..
But this isn’t really a happy entry..
Ree’s body is currently, well alive.. Sort of. He doesn’t move or seem to respond to any treatment… He's in a cryo tube while they try to help him.. We just have to wait around for some kind of miracle for him to wake up.
Do miracles even happen? Cos if they come from Val I’ll hard pass on the possessed evil Ree or whatever, from my nightmares.. Yeah no thanks.
I am at a loss for what to say to Andy, I can’t say he’ll get better because we just don’t know.. It’s really up to Ree to fight for his own life now.. I wonder if he knows how much Andy needs him still… I saw it on her face.. Ree man… Now it’s you that’s hurting her… Wake up already.. I can’t stand feeling like I can’t do anything… If only you could have seen the way she fought to try and save you.
You gotta make it.. You just have to pull through..
I don’t know what will happen if you don’t.. And I don't want to think about it.
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2022 2:39 am
A Elder Quest has Started.
I’m currently staring at this letter. It’s got some kind of official stamp on it.. It’s telling me I have to leave everyone.. Leave Andy and go off on some quest.. Alone. And it could take months.. This letter says something about gaining courage, I could go learn something for myself, how to face all this stuff that is to come.. Be someone Andy needs you know.. Be braver. Or I could go on some journey to find someone called Anarwen who could grant me a wish.. But my first thought with withes, as I’ve seen in my life so many times, is they backfire something chronic. But…. What would I wish for? Even knowing this? For something to beat in Val’s head with. Make that backfire. HAH. Check. I mean.. To have Ree come back to life also flashed across my head for a while there but… What if he came back with some sort of possession.. Or he wakes up while I’m on this trip and I wish for something that’s already happened… Or… He dies and.. F@ck. I am not interested in facing Gaia. That’s.. Not for me. To find courage to face Val and whatever she brings us… And likely get torn to shreds by her… Find some being and make a wish and hope it doesn’t bite me in the a**.
Whatever I choose to do… I am not leaving without saying goodbye… I am not running away, or leaving. I’ll be back. It’s a promise.
…I don’t think she’d wait for me… … I want to think to myself she will. I will ignore everyone else. …Even if I come back and.. Which… I mildly expect.. But… I.. You know what.. So long as they don’t hurt her while I’m gone. I’ll cripple them if they hurt you
I hope she knows.. I love her.. I’m crazy.. But damn… She rents a space in my head for free… I’ll do what I have to.
Posted: Fri May 20, 2022 9:10 pm
Mira said Andy’s talked to her about me.. That she'd been saying nice things about him to her.. It filled me with warmth just hearing that..
It makes me believe more what Andy said, she’d wait for me to come back.. I might be gone for months.. But she said she'd be there when I get back.
I promise I’ll come back.
Mira also mentioned being able to see souls, but that she’s also blind.. Which is kind of weird but.. She said my soul is bright and that means I’m good… It felt so nice to hear that.. After everything else I've been called.. After the things I was made to do...
… I hope she’s right…
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2022 9:20 pm
Library: Book notes.
Tales of the Moon: ‘Anarwen’ can see the future after a star fell into her eye – does she have a strange star shaped mark in her eye? Southwest Ocean Island called ‘Rythos’. Never heard of it. Wishes granted for the worthy.. (Circled) ????
Mira said the island appears during a full moon.
Posted: Wed May 25, 2022 4:38 am
If I could send this as a letter to Andy I would.. So I am writing this.. Just in case I don’t get to…. You’ll understand.. If this is my last entry… This is… A letter to Andy…
There’s an island… Not on a map… Where no one goes… On this island is a village of elves.. That is cursed to repeat some ceremony every few years… This ceremony is about Anarwen.. Apparently.. She was cursed by someone with horns and goat legs… Yes.. You know who I mean.. We talked about it after Felix.. Anyway…
There’s a girl here… With pale blue eyes and long black hair.. But an elf.. So similar to a face left behind.. The first time I saw her… I.. Felt an almost sudden need to protect her… I wanted to kill everyone in the village just so she would live.. But it wouldn’t work that way…
She has a curse.. To endlessly be born again and then die when she comes of age.. Which… Is in two nights time… She’s some kind of prophet.. She can see things that happen in the future.. She thinks it’s her duty to die to save her people from this curse..
This curse is that if she doesn’t die at the right time.. The village will descend into chaos and darkness, no one will survive and it will affect everyone on the island and nearby…
She’s told me that someone is plotting to kill her the next night.. I have promised her that I will protect her.. As her dying wish for her village.. Before she dies I have decided to take over watching her.. I am letting the girl experience happiness and not being pestered by villagers for questions about their mundane lives… She’s leaving behind someone she cares about and a friend.. There might be other villagers but these are the ones I’ve currently met.. I don’t really want to meet the others.. They are hanging decorations around the village to celebrate their prophet's death..
I… Asked how they would kill her.. They said strangulation and then burning her corpse to ensure she was dead....
I couldn’t bear to see that..
I.. Could never look into your eyes again without going mad… I’d.. want to burn the village for even doing it.. Then she’d have nothing to be born back with… But I’m not a monster.. No.. Maybe I am just a coward trying to be something he’s not… But… Maybe I am also torturing myself..
So I am going to do it…
I will electrically stop her heart.. And then roll her into the ocean…
It's the only mercy I can offer
But….
I’ve got an idea……..
It’s a wild step but…. I wonder if he’ll understand?
If she’ll understand even…. Will they trust an outsider? If I can even do it…
Even so… I have to keep my cool..
It’ll be my hand she dies to… I can’t lose control.. I.. Can’t face watching her die and do nothing… Seeing her suffering.. I.. I would crack.. Her death would be for nothing... I don't want to lose my mind..
If it’s something caused by that goat woman.. You can bet I am going to try and get involved in stopping her… I can’t just let it be… Sticking my rubber neck in places I don’t belong seems to be a habit of mine.. I…
I have to keep up my outward facards just in case someone’s listening to me… I feel like my every move changes how she could die tomorrow.. It left me worried… I….. I could have complicated it so that I have no way to even stop her dying in advance.. I just.. Hope I can keep up.. If she dies early.. … Well.
I keep wondering if I am crazy.. I’m one elf against an unhinged goat's curse on a village… With nothing but a fancy trick and my whip… I have nothing.. But I want her head… On a big rusty platter.
Maybe I am.. But if the girl dies early I’ll really find out apparently…
If she dies…
I’ll never see you again… And this might be my last chance to write everything out… I should have said I love you before I left…. I regret not saying it… Because I do.. And I hope you know it… I wish I could see your face.. I wonder what you’d say after hearing all this… If you ever read this… I miss you.. But somehow I doubt you’d ever get this…
I think about tomorrow.. I might even be fighting for my own life as well as hers.. And it won’t end until I get out of here… Which….. I might never if I fail.. Which leaves me long gone and this may be found one day.. If anyone ever breaks the curse of insanity to even find this… So I don’t think you will ever read this if I don’t come back.. I never ran away from you.. You were always on my mind.. Everytime I look at this kid I wonder… And then I think that you’d probably tell me off for even thinking about it… But….. I’m thinking about it…. I am crazy... and I love you...
p.s If I do make it out of this hell island… I'll tear out this page…
This entry appears to be crossed over..
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Posted: Thu May 26, 2022 1:58 am
Andy..
I know I wrote just before.. But...
I’m going in blind without a solid plan.. I’m about to do something reckless and stupid… But I don’t know what yet. Yeah, sums it up.
My mind keeps changing…I keep weighing the options.. Chances..
Whatever happens here… I just want you to know that I miss you and I do love you… And if you never see me again… I hope you find happiness… It’s what I was trying to work out how to give you.. I guess as well as someone who in the darkness you can lean on when you need to..
If you knew what I would do for you… I wondered if you’d consider… Actually.. It doesn’t matter.. I’m gone if Ree’s telling you this.. So.. To the girl who stole my heart. In death or in madness I’ll never be able to forget you. You’re my reason for fighting.
[Something's scratched out here darkly, only word readable is family] But.. Dead elfs can’t have wishes like that..
And Ree I know you are the one who might be reading this..
I don’t know if I ever told you my whole family is dead… I can’t remember.. You were like a brother to me.. Picked me up when I was down, dusted me off and set me on a better path.. Gave me something to live for.. Several times.. I just wish I could have repaid you for everything you did for me.
I did try. I tried to help Andy save you from your family. I don't understand what happened.. And I am sorry that your family treat you the way they do.. If I could.. I'd have tried to help...
I hope you find peace. Both of you.. And thank you… For everything.. And.. For believing in me..
I am going to give it my everything.. And… I guess if you got this message… It wasn’t good enough…
Yours, Falen.
((There are some smudges on this bit of paper, as if little water droplets might have landed on it..))
Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2022 10:22 pm
I.... Can't believe I've done it? I.. Thought for sure I was going to die? Or.. She was going to die... I thought someone was going to kill me for following through with what I did.. Or.. She'd die in my arms.. But I'm in absolute shock that it worked... Two of the kids have gone to get some things and the one who.... Had a near death experience is below deck.. And then to get out of here. I have to get them off the island.. I'll figure it out once we hit land where to go from there.. Then I am going to go find Andy. It'd already been around a we since I've seen her face.. I hope it'll only be a few more until I can hug her again..
Also.. Ree is a legend.. I know he helped me with the kid... He must have a soft side no one's really seen.. I wanna tell him how much it meant to me.. That he helped. Where'd he go anyway?..
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Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2022 2:05 am
I'm so tired.. I want to sleep but.. I can't just yet. I have so many thoughts that are racing through my head.. Should I just go back and take the kids in as my own? .. No.. I can't.. They'd never be safe around me.. No.. Not given the life I chose.. Who I want.. What I want..
But.. What do I want?
I left knowing I wanted Andy, that was obvious.. I still want her.. I just.. I want more.. But... I know.. She raised Lucian and a bunch of others.. She has a family that.. Is a bit of a mess being honest but... Whose family isn't? I can't name a single one.. None of us really had the best starts in life... I know I never thought I'd be sitting here writing the way I feel.. Like.. I want a family of my own.. But I don't even know what that would look like? There's no way it's happiness and laughing all the time.. And given the dangerous lives we lead.. There's really no space for a family.. Is there..
I just.. I saw Delsanra.. And.. I saw so many possibilities.. I never wanted a daughter as badly as I did after spending time with her.. To get a chance to do it right? To wake up and see Andy's blue eye's mirrored in someone else's.. To tuck them in at night and kiss them on the head and know.. They'll be there when I wake back up.. To teach them the things I know and watch them grow up... To hear them laughing as they played... I really need to stop thinking about it.. It.. Hurts.
I don't know what I want.. But I do know what I want? I don't know how to make that make sense. I... I think.. If I ever told Andy.. That I wanted a family.. She'd leave me... I don't know what I should do.. I don't know if I can talk to her.. I just want to drink until it doesn't hurt... If that's even possible..
Every time I think of Andy.. I see the shadow of Delsanra behind her.. I need to stop thinking.. I have to.. I'm.. Driving myself insane..
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