Welcome to Gaia! ::

It’s a girl. I’m carrying a girl. Julius’s daughter. My daughter. I’ve started thinking of names.

Whatever issues everyone thought Annie Aindrias might have had were blown away when we saw some of the work she’s been up to the last few years. A. Z. Aindrias? Not our esteemed Captain. While he knows as much magizoology as a muggle can, he’s Azim Earl Aindrias-- and the reports that were as much poetry as they were informative magizoological memos were written by Annie Zauza Aindrias. I’ll admit I was surprised. I still haven’t figured out how to talk to her though.

Miles Jackson, the patronizing boatswain, complained loudly that I wasn’t carrying my weight when we started loading things. He sighed when I took the last muffin at the breakfast meeting too. Two crew members left, one preferring to stay with the shore team, and the other because she thought the workload was too intense even before we set sail. Mr. Jackson, unfortunately, was not one of them.

At afternoon training, Liane gave me an ultimatum: “Alys, you are good for cursebreaking and work hard. I told Azim I will train his fresh-graduate-- okay. Fresh-graduate has a baby, I change my lessons, okay! Then I tell Azim ‘Alys is very good for cursebreaking’, and now he is asking me to travel with him, keep training you. I tell him ‘I am eighty-four!’. So, Alysanne. If you want me to keep training you, you tell me everything now. After the baby is born, are you staying home? Do you want to be a cursebreaker? A duelist? Raise your kid? Throw them away? Where is your husband? What does Alysanne want to do? Because I am eighty- four, Alys. I am not training a cursebreaker only for her to leave in four months when her baby is born and she goes to be a full-time mother.”

I figured it was a test. So I told her my fiance was a librarian in Somerset. I told her the plan was he would take care of our child while I was at sea. I told her about learning to sail from the sailors on my dad’s trade business, about learning cursebreaking at Hogwarts. I told her about fifth year, 3am, trying to figure out an impossible challenge box. I had tried every spell I knew, turned over every book in the library I could find for strategies, burned my hand from getting zapped so frequently, yet I realized that as frustrating as it was, I was having fun. It wasn’t the excitement of a discovery, wasn’t the thrill of breaking a curse, but the grind of finding out a safe way to move one damn panel on an artifact. I told her that was the moment I knew I wanted to be a cursebreaker, and I was going to do it, one way or another. It wasn’t all true. But I sold it.

She said, “You will wake up soon, when your fiance finds a mistress and leaves and your daughter to starve.”

I replied without thinking: “She won’t starve. I’d cut my own stomach out before I let her starve.”

I was partially ready for her to kick me out. Ready to go to Captain Aindrias and tell him I’d messed up and would figure it out somehow. But instead Liane Park looked at me and said, “Do not cut your stomach out. You must eat to take care of her, and you are her only parent.” She paused, sipping on barley tea and staring me down. “Partial credit. I was not looking for your determination, but your honesty. I am not your enemy, Alys.”

I was crushed. Because she saw through me so easily? Because I’d lied when she wasn’t testing me? So I admitted that the father didn’t know, that he loved someone else, and that I didn’t know what I would do with my daughter once she was born but I couldn’t just surrender her to an orphanage. I told her the closest thing I had to a plan was Yvaine and Luana joking that they might adopt my child.

She said, “You will know soon, when you hold your daughter in your arms and speak her name.” She told me to do my drills and went to call Captain Aindrias.

After training, Luana and I put Yvaine on a muggle “speakerphone” for updates. Yvaine met with two of the three guys her parents had for her, and “didn’t like either of them, but only jinxed one”. She said the only thing that beats her kid siblings laughing about her poor matches is hearing them laugh when she complains about all the paperwork she gets at work. Luana has been settling in. She has new hilarious anecdotes about her uncle and a few about her new eccentric coworkers. And she seems happy there too. She misses James, but not enough to write to him yet.

Someone started a jig after dinner, and I thought I was going to explode after the first song because of the kicking. I felt terrible, but I was also literally gasping for breath every time a kick hit my stomach the same time as feet hit the deck. Everyone laughed about it and people started throwing musical names at me, saying my daughter was obviously a natural percussionist. Nceba--Captain Azim’s wife-- played this really nice song on the guitar that settled the girl right down.

I broke 10 seconds in the reaction speed drill today. I feel like screaming in triumph or frustration. Maybe both. Definitely both.

Still can’t sleep. I could see the tails of merpeople from the deck so I started picking through Liane’s notes on Mermish again in case we encounter them. Maybe we can ask about the stuff in the rotten box. Last night I finished my sketches, a full day before Liane expected an update. At least I’m getting stuff done during these sleepless nights. I’m thinking of pitching a hammock in the study where Liane and I bring artifacts up to work on.

I told Healer Chakwas about my boobs leaking and he gave me these water-absorbent pads. He also had this warm block of clay in a cloth wrap--something based on some muggle technology he called a heating pad. He even had a cream to help the itchiness! Modern magic is a marvel.

I got a letter from Julius! It’s postmarked nearly a month ago. He wonders why I haven’t written back, and mentions that he’s sending this one through Jaren so there might be a delay. There are some updates on work. Questions. An address in Inverness. Scotland—He’s with Edaline. A photo of clouds resting on the cliffs near his studio apartment. “Please write back if you get this. Hope you’re doing well.”

I wrote back answering his questions and asking some of my own. I told him I hadn’t received anything. It’s touching that he’s sent other things though. I copy a few pages of sketches of our daughter’s favorite things: watching the surf rush by, music nights, chocolate care packages. I must have read his letter over a dozen times, running my fingers over the letters and memorizing the picture.

I was so excited about Julius’s letter that I even volunteered to help Jackson inspect the hold for needed repairs. He told me partway thought that I was annoying and a drama queen. I thanked him for his feedback and asked if there were specific things I could change--I’d meant to be sarcastic, but apparently it came out surprisingly genuine-sounding? I think Jackson was surprised too. He mumbled something about not trying to work all hours and just being more efficient with my time, and something else about just being direct and clear about things instead of making everything an anecdote. I told him he was a peacock and a hypocrite and he didn’t need to flaunt his muscles in the morning chill, but also that I would put his complaints about my communication into consideration. He just grunted, but he did wear an actual jacket this morning instead of walking around with just a Quidditch shirt. It was a Quidditch jacket though.

Luana and Yvaine’s letters are the usual-- work updates, complaints, exciting things, questions. Luana’s letter mentions that Arietta had written to her, and seemed to think Luana was pregnant. Luana and Yvaine met up last weekend, and the fruits of their shopping were attached: A few cute onesies, towels, chocolate, and an illuminated book of Irish wizarding poetry that they can’t read, but hey the pictures are nice, aren’t they?

I‘d complain the rocking of the ship or the weather was making me lightheaded but we have movement dampeners in place—it’s not enough for Finch but has always been more than enough for me— and the weather has been just peachy. Healer Chakwas said the lightheadedness is not unusual, but asked me to pay attention to the sensations and let him know if it’s worse. He also gave me a stern talking to about working when I can’t sleep that gave me whiplash with how much it reminded me of Professor Evera’s “disappointment talks”. Per Jackson’s advice a few weeks ago, I’ve been trying to actually put work down when I’m off duty.

I hit 8 seconds today in the reaction speed drill. Just once, but I did it. Liane was very proud.

It was a quiet day, calm seas and nothing to do since no one on the crew--not even Miles Jackson--will let me swim through the nearby wreckage in my condition. I ran cleaning spells over the deck twice and went through my drills.

I had this great idea to climb up to the crow’s nest. I found Finch in the fighting top, mending clothes on her hammock. She was very concerned, but I told her I was fine. She didn’t want to let me go alone at least. I’m not sure if it was the heights or the serenity of the sea or just watching Liane order Annie and the other magizoologists around the wreckage, but it was really soothing. I just stood up there, admiring the skyline, keeping an eye out, and sounding out baby names with an awestruck Finch. I told her she should come up here more if she liked it. There were a few Irish words that I really liked the sound of, but maybe a simple name would do too. Or something after a friend. So many people have been here for us during this journey.

I climbed down to help with dinner and that’s apparently when people realized I’d been up in the nest. Azim asked me to please not be climbing the rigging in my state. Annie panicked, alternating between fussing at me and sobbing. Finch banged her head against the mast, saying she was an unworthy and terrible elf for not stopping me. Jackson exploded, yelling at me about being irresponsible and a danger to everyone and how I should’ve never come along. Liane chewed me out for being reckless. Even Healer Chakwas was rattled and gave me a stern disappointment talk. Finally Nceba pulled me away to start dinner. She didn’t say anything, but at the end of the night she told me that if I ever got antsy she could always grab Jackson’s guitar. I don’t get what’s the big deal. I got up and down fine, didn’t I?