|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Jan 03, 2020 1:44 pm
Again, December flinched, bracing himself for the pain he knew was coming. He expected to be thrown to the ground, beaten, tossed out like any other night.
But that pain didn't come. Before he could blink, Nataniel had him in his arms, hands holding his wrists firmly that he knew that even with both of them hurt, he could not escape.
The words that came from him, hissed and heavy with the accent that seldom made itself known, were not the same as before. Less cold, more... December couldn't place it, but he did not fear them. Even with the way his jaw was grabbed, and he was forced into Nataniel's lap, he did not find himself afraid.
Just confused. Had this all been some sort of trick?
In a way, he felt betrayed, tormented by the fact that Nat just kept digging, and digging, and digging at his already frail psyche, but the relief that came from the way he was touched beat that out ten fold. He could have all but melted against Nataniel, had he been free to do so.
When their eyes met again, though forced, he did not look away, only blinking slowly to push back the tears from before and better focus on those dark ones before him, so vivid even now, when only the occasional light of a passing care illuminated them both.
"Even if I ask for help, who would answer...? Would you? If I asked you to help me, to stop this suffering I'm in, would you? Could you? And... And why?" The truth was still there. Nataniel was only a civilian, and December wouldn't dare ask him to help him escape the misery of being in the Negaverse.... So what other option was there?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2020 3:26 am
Nataniel exhaled a breath. His hands slipped away from December, one raising to prop his elbow along the back of the couch while his other fell to his side. It felt like the other man still didn't get it, and explanations that involved feelings and 'sensing' things were not anything like what he was best at. He did know that better should be something coveted and strived for by most. It was only reasonable, and it shouldn't be difficult to convince someone to go for it.
So whether or not Nataniel was willing to or capable of helping him was irrelevant. An expression of want for better would've done enough to make December seem like he wasn't floundering about just looking for someone to feel sorry for him, something Nat found particularly distasteful.
Sometimes wanting and trying didn't work out. December did seem particularly prone to failure, but trying was still so much better than not.
"Does it matter?" Nataniel answered. His voice had smoothed out again, soft, deep, and steady. "Are you going to wonder, or are you going to ask?" He rolled his shoulders. "What do you have to lose?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2020 6:16 am
Despite whatever Nataniel was thinking, it did matter.
December wasn't bright, no, but he did understand that if he were to ask, there was more than just being kind and having a safe place for him to go to to help him.
... The only thing that his mind could focus on was the fact that any help Nataniel offered would mean joining the Negaverse. That alone terrified him.
... But just as Nataniel had said over and over again, they were different. The older man was so much stronger, shrewd, and had that ability to stand up for whatever it was he thought was right. No nonsense, no weakness. Everything December couldn't be and desperately needed.
As those hands slipped away, December's own came around the other's torso, pressing their bodies close, hips aligned, eyes buried against Nataniel's neck.
If he had to, he'd get on his knees and beg, but first, this... He hoped this would be enough.
"Please... Nataniel, help me... I'll change and get better and stop being this... This mess of a man I am, but I need you to help me... I don't think I can do it on my own."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2020 3:37 am
It shouldn't be his job to help December. He wasn't a parent, wasn't any of the boy's copious amount of older siblings, was only just barely even a friend. A task like this should be reserved for someone with more compassion, someone with the drive for it. And Nataniel could only think that it was reasonable for him to want to be involved with December this way.
He raised his hands back to the other's hips and rubbed tiny circles with his thumbs. This world was so full of secrets that he'd never been able to even conceive of. December may have only just told him about it today, after a month of companionship, but he had told him, and that should mean something to Nat. It should mean something that he was here now, when he didn't have to be, or that he had worried over Nat's safety.
Not that he'd been there any of the other times over the past month, when his safety was in jeopardy due to this world's secrets.
But that was hardly December's fault.
He was trying to be close to Nataniel, as best he knew how. And as breath skittered against the skin of his shoulder, Nat was viscerally reminded that he didn't mind the companionship. Just as he didn't mind the thought of not being a victim to werewolves and shadow beasts.
He sighed softly and used a hand to pull the younger man's face from being buried against him. "You will try?" Nataniel prompted softly. "You know it is not fair if you expect me to put in any effort while you put in none."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2020 10:21 am
At some point, again, December had began to cry. He thought it safe to do so when he wasn't facing Nataniel head on. The man hated tears, and yet here he was again, making a mess and a fool of himself..
Nataniel still looked at him, words no longer sharp and angry, but almost resigned, and for that December couldn't even begin to express how grateful he was.
There was no telling what he would do if he were rejected now. That hole in his heart would have only become more and more torn.
"I will try. And If I fail, I'll try again. And again and again and again, because I don't want to let you down. I'll put in all the effort I can, Nataniel... So please, believe me.."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 04, 2020 7:05 am
Intent wasn't everything. Nataniel bit the inside of his cheek as his brows furrowed, intense gaze fixed on the younger man's still-tear-streaked face as a rush of agitation tore through him, making his posture stiffen and his fingers curl. 'Trying' was what Nat had asked for, but December invited the idea of failure. He didn't want to let Nataniel down, but acknowledged the possibility.
It wasn't the same as 'I will do my best.' or 'I won't let you down.
Nat thought in definitives. ...But no one was like him.
Perhaps it was ridiculous of him to expect anything else, at this point. Foolish of him to keep being surprised and annoyed when he expected something different and didn't get it. He sighed, relaxing only marginally as he shifted out from beneath the other man. "Fine." His tone was flat again, dark gaze roving back to the window and away from his companion. "If you prefer not to leave, you can sleep on the couch."
As he stood, the lashings and bruising from the earlier plant escaped reminded him of their existence with a sharp sting that traced thin, red lines and pinpricks of burns across nearly his entire body. He was tired... Achy. But it was nothing that couldn't be tended to in the morning.
"There is a bottle of hydrogen peroxide under the bathroom sink, if you feel you need to clean up any of your cuts." He gestured that way and started down the hallway. Bed would make him feel better than metaphorically licking his wounds ever could. He would assess personal damage in the shower in the morning. There was little need to worry over it in this moment. "Have a good night, December."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 10, 2020 6:07 am
"... Goodnight." What more could December bring himself to say?
It felt so off, all that begging, being coaxed into accepting the fact he needed help, only to be left alone at the end of the night. A strange, uncomfortable ache began to crawl up his arms, reaching his heart and forcing it to feel tighter as Nataniel disappeared down the hallway.
And then he was alone.
For a good long while he sat there, gathering himself, trying his best to not cry. He wasn't abandoned like his mind kept trying to tell him over and over and over again. He wasn't told to get out, or told that he wasn't welcomed. Nataniel said he would help, that he would try for him, only if December tried as well. He could do that, he knew he could do that.
So he had to try first this time. It took some courage, and perhaps a half hour of trying to convince himself to move in the first place, but soon enough he was cleaned, bandaged, and standing in Nataniel's bedroom. And then he crawled into bed beside the sleeping man, wrapping his arms around him in an all too familiar manner.
He was going to try his best never to lose this tiny bit of happiness he felt, even if it came with conditions. Was this love? It had to be, nothing else he could remember hurt so badly, yet made him crave it even more.
If it meant he'd have to change, then he'd do it. Absolutely anything for the man who reached out to him and cared for him. And it was with that promise he finally found sleep himself, curled up next to the man he loved.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 10, 2020 11:37 am
Though his thoughts still felt chaotic as he crawled into bed, exhaustion had claimed Nataniel with an efficiency earned through routine and strict body control. Nothing more would be solved tonight. It was simply most beneficial to have a good rest, so that he could wake up refreshed and more mentally acute in the morning. There was nothing else for it.
His alarm went off at 3AM, accented by a scuttle and clang as Dusk was alerted to the morning. Nataniel was not a light sleeper. His precious pet was awake at all hours of the night, digging in her bedding and chewing at her enclosure. If Nat awoke at every sound, he would never get any rest, thanks to Dusk's crepuscular sleep cycle. The alarm was soft, just a gentle chiming of his phone to not startle Nat (or Dusk) too sharply to wakefulness. With bleary, unfocused eyes, he reached for it.
...But something was amiss.
Something heavier and nearer to him than any of his pillows would be. Nataniel sat up a bit more, leaning on his elbow as he squinted through the darkness to the figure at his side. December had crawled into his bed at some point.
Nataniel's eyes narrowed, and he skated a palm down the length of the younger man's side. This was not where he had invited December to sleep. Perhaps it wasn't terribly strange, since the other had slept in here before, and it wasn't like Nat had left him any blankets or pillows out on the couch. But it wasn't what he'd instructed. It wasn't what he'd expected. December should've spent a handful of hours on the couch to recover and then gone home- or wherever he belonged. The specifics were irrelevant.
He reached for his phone to shut off the alarm, and his glasses after that.
Was he really going to go out to jog this morning, after all that had happened the night before? His body protested even the slightest movement, making soreness he hadn't been aware of in the adrenaline of yesterday more obvious now. A stiff grunt of frustration slipped from his lips as he sat up more fully and was rewarded with a jet of pain down his spine, likely from where he'd been grabbed and slapped against the ground.
He eyed December, and the irritability over his defiance was dampened by an unwillingness to put forward more effort than he had to. ...Perhaps just a shower, then. Maybe the warm water would soothe Nataniel enough to make him feel more prepared for a workout. He slid from the bed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Feb 15, 2020 8:41 am
While the sound of scratching animals wouldn’t wake him up, not after all those nights spent sleeping in the park, the feel of a body moving away from him did, if only slightly. His opened to darkness, until he watched Nataniel disappear into the bathroom, and then eventually returned.
“Nataniel...?” Despite the sleep trying so hard to drag him back down, he sat up and tried his best to keep his eyes opened and on Nataniel.
“... Will you come back to bed...?” With the highest of hopes, December asked. Under that question was more than just a desire to cuddle, especially given the fact that he knew Nataniel’s schedule pretty well, given how often he had spent the night before.
But tonight was different. Tonight, everything became far more complicated, and while he couldn’t beg for comfort from the man (he knew very well he wouldn’t get it), he could atleast try to get assurance that not everything had changed. And that the other man would still want to keep him around, and love him the way December thought he did.
“... Can I stay here...?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 17, 2020 8:58 am
He'd managed to retrieve his towel from the hook on his closet door when December's voice reached him. 'Will you come back to bed...?' The younger man was sitting up, blankets spilling off his shoulders and pooling around his hips as he turned heavy-lidded purple eyes Nataniel's direction. Nat watched the other as well as he could in the darkness. He didn't know what December expected their relative level of relationship was, but Nat had a feeling they weren't on the same page. They were barely friends, and this boy had invited himself into Nat's bedroom.
"No," Nataniel answered stiffly, tossing his towel over his shoulder as he eyed the door. "I do not have the luxury of being able to waste day." That plant had attacked them on a Monday night... an inconvenient day to be out late when he had strict, rigorous, and lengthy summer classes to tend to every day of the week.
He was sore, though. And it was early... This was time he'd usually spend working out, but perhaps he should dedicate it to study today. Either way, he couldn't afford to spend it sleeping.
"You can do what you want," he muttered, putting his back to the bed as he headed for the door and the bathroom beyond. "I will be out all day. Gabriel is probably asleep in his room, so do not do anything to disturb him. And don't touch what belongs to anyone else."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 11:44 am
No matter how much he had though something had changed between them, it truly seemed that it wasn’t true at all.
He wanted to ask ‘what of last night? What of the promise to help me?’ But it all died on his tongue.
It was a waste, wasn’t it? Sleeping and hoping to remain warm and happy, to want to be with another person so badly.
As he started to pity himself, his thoughts finally stopped, hitting a wall that Nataniel put up himself. The older man wasn’t someone who would pity him, or give into anything he wanted. And while that was true, atleast now December didn’t feel like he deserved feeling that way, only that he would accept it.
Nataniel had done enough.
“... I will leave then.” He pulled his tired body from the sheets, fixing the ruffled, ragged clothing he wore, then smoothing out the sheets he had occupied. “Thank you for letting me stay this long. I should probably just... Get back to work, before the sun rises...”
He would rest later. When dawn came, his general would drag him back to the Negaverse, and he didn’t really have much of an excuse as to why his nightly quota wasn’t met. A simple excuse of a monster attacking the city would never be enough to warrant some sort of energy deficiency.
“Before I go though... You never said you would help me... Will you? And... If you did... How?”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 9:02 am
Nataniel rubbed the towel between his fingers, gently patting the soft fabric against his neck as he watched the sliver of space beneath his closed door for movement. There was nothing, of course, and he wasn't expecting there to be anything, but... who could say much of expectation, anymore? Gabriel could hear them talking and come to investigate. Something could just... swoop in and snatch December, for as much as Nat understood it. There could be another creature outside, anywhere. How would he know what to 'expect' of anything, anymore?
His dark gaze traveled from that slot of space back to the bed, back to December. "If that is what is best," he acquiesced softly, with a tiny dip of his head as the other boy slid from his bed. It wasn't as if Nat had an argument for why December should stay. It wasn't the younger boy's home, and Nat would be out to tend to his life for most of the day.
He nudged his glasses up, rubbing at his tired eyes with the towel.
"I said I would help you if you tried to help yourself." His tone was low, and he watched the crack under the door again. "Perhaps that is the limit of what I am capable of... Just seeing to someone like you being able to care for himself, instead of relying on others."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 1:51 pm
"I don't know what's best... I know what I want but it doesn't feel right to want it." Part of him wanted to power up then and there. Powered up, he could run away faster than he could be stopped,and disappear into the night without much thought. But he knew how dangerous that was, and stayed standing there in his oversized shirt, gripping at it's edge a little anxiously.
"Can I ask why? Why would you even think about helping me? We aren't even really that close... But you still kissed me, and held me, and then go on to make me feel unwanted. I don't understand any of this. Did you want something from me...?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2020 9:15 am
He tried not to roll his eyes, had to bite the edge of his tongue to keep from scoffing. Nataniel did despise people like December, and he'd made no show of pretending otherwise. People simpering in self-loathing and pity as an excuse to not be or do anything of significance. Nat knew he was nothing. Knew that in the grand scheme of things, any mark an individual left on the world could be dusted away by the faintest breeze. Their lives were too short to be worthwhile, and there was nothing to be done for that.
But he had to try because there was no point in even being alive if they all amounted to nothing. He had to be worth something to someone, had to do something of significance somewhere, someday, even if it was something that mattered only briefly...
"We are very different..." Nataniel repeated quietly, smoothing the towel over his face and drawing it to his lips. "We do not even think the same way..." But no one thought like he did. Nat knew that.
He glanced away, lashes heavy and low as his focus angled down. "You said that you missed me," he whispered, voice smothered by the fabric he held to his lips as Nataniel thought of time spent laying in bed, hungover and disgruntled. "And you chased me yesterday, when I am... not nice to you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2020 11:24 am
"We are different. You're strong and stern and to me, just.. Simply amazing. And I did miss you. I do miss you, alot whenever we have to leave one another." It was dumb, even he could see it was dumb trying so hard to stick by someone who even admitted he wasn't nice to him. December felt helpless to try to stop that desperate need to be near Nataniel. He had already said before how he felt safer with him around, but to pin point why he stayed himself, made his heart ache.
"... You're not nice... Alot of the time you're cold, but when you are, you're just... I can't even describe how happy it makes me.. I want to keep feeling that way, over and over again. I don't want all the time we hang out to be bad times, alot of it is just good and I want it to keep being good. I want you Nataniel... I want you to stay with me, and let me stay with you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
