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 Posted: Mon Dec 02, 2019 11:17 am
Nataniel blinked, a slow dip of his lashes that rested against the rise of his cheeks for several full seconds before lifting again. "It is your prerogative what you choose to enjoy," he answered flatly, dark gaze fixed on the other boy's face. It seemed odd to need permission just to like something, but maybe that was the numbing haze of lingering alcohol clouding his rationality. Nat was a methodical, strict, and typically uncompromising man...
Maybe it wasn't so odd that someone would want permission from him, or at least verbal acceptance.
But in this instance, where Nataniel wasn't clear on what precisely 'this' entailed, he was not inclined to give more than he already had, particularly not for something as fickle as what someone 'liked' and what feelings were acceptable regarding that 'like' and what they were doing.
...What feelings were acceptable, he wondered? Which of his own were acceptable? He liked touching December, though that was certainly not unique to the younger man. He enjoyed kissing him, certainly enjoyed the agreeable brush of December's lips against him, more than just acquiescent, Nataniel thought, but encouraging... But perhaps these thoughts were too much to concern himself over, given where he was and the hour of night. There would be time tomorrow. What had already happened, had already happened. He shut his eyes and tipped his head forward to rest on December's shoulder.
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Posted: Tue Dec 03, 2019 9:19 pm
”Yes, but... If you don’t enjoy it, then I don’t want to keep doing something you don’t like.” December kept his voice soft, nearly a whisper, almost afraid that if he spoke any louder the sweetness between them would be ruined.
Each moment felt delicate; a single breath could shatter this feeling, leaving him empty once again.
But Nataniel remained kind.
Remained close. Held him. Had him in a way that he simply couldn’t escape.
Not that the urge ever crossed his mind.
December wasn’t sure when Nataniel fell asleep, but it didn’t come as quickly for the younger man. It never really did, but he didn’t mind. It was a good opportunity to study the other man’s features, surprisingly different compared to his conscious expression.
The curve of his lips seemed so handsome in the dim laptop light, and he slowly brushed a thumb over them. His hair was soft and vivid. Each breath soft and slow and peaceful, a type of peace December craved.
And over time, he felt that peace seep into him as well. There was a certain type of security half pinned under Nataniel. Completely different than when he would be in the barracks, or even in June’s apartment. This felt as if it was something only he could experience.
He relished it.
Soon enough, sleep took him as well, arms pulling Nataniel even closer, ensuring that the man wouldn’t leave him so easily.
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Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:41 am
He didn't know what December had been doing that he needed permission for. Nataniel's dark eyes slipped shut, and he huffed softly. It didn't seem as if December had been doing anything at all. He just wanted to 'like' something. And 'liking' wasn't doing. It was just a feeling, wasn't it? The topic needed no further comment. Nataniel could scarcely control what anyone else's emotions were, and he wasn't of a mind to try.
And the hour was too late to argue about it.
He slipped an arm across the younger man's waist and with sheer force of his own weight, pushed December onto his back, so that Nat could rest his head in the crook of December's neck, against his shoulder and half-laying across his chest. It was easily the closest they'd ever been. Nat was sure he'd probably been close enough to smell December at least once. December had hugged him before, after all. But it didn't compare to the fresh after-shower heat and moisture mingling with the scent of his own soap, and he wanted- He. Wanted.
Where tension had seized him for only a second, Nataniel let out a breath and relaxed. This... was irrelevant. Because it just was. It just... was. He wasn't... in that way with December. They were supposed to be friends. Just. Friends. And the younger man was a bit too stupid and immature for Nat's tastes, wasn't he?
He should go to sleep and forget it.
After convincing himself to wind down, sleep came easy. The drag of alcohol and the warmth of another person beneath him probably helped in that regard. When Nat slept, he stayed asleep for almost exactly six hours, consistently, every night, whether alcohol or other people were involved at all. And this night was no exception. For the most part.
Discomfort caused him to rouse a bit before he would've liked. First, in incessant and unforgiving queasiness. He slipped out of bed, and promptly at becoming upright, was assaulted with an accompanying headache- and a sense of urgency, where the queasiness was concerned.
So he spent the better part of an hour on the bathroom floor, appreciating cool tiles against his overheated cheek and desperate for the nearness of the toilet bowl, just in case.
Once the worst had passed, he ambled to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and back to bed. It wasn't really any surprise that December was still there... The sun hadn't quite eclipsed the horizon, yet. And considering that the day was to be his rest day from working out, Nataniel thought it might be acceptable for him to get back into bed... For just an hour or so.
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Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:58 pm
The first sounds of Nataniel's hangover did not wake December. At this point, little could. He was dead to the world for a long while... That's what falling asleep feeling safe could do to him. Even if that underlying fear of something happening still lingered in his mind, it wasn't enough to push out the feeling that when by Nataniel's side, he felt as if he was protected.
From his general, from the youma, from the nightmares that plagued him..
Safe enough to actually enter a state of sleep deep enough to drown out even the multiple sounds of water running from not so far away.
It wasn't until the feel of the bed shifting again shook him slightly that he managed to open his eyes, if only briefly.
"Nataniel..." The name was whispered sleepily, his arms catching onto the older man's hand to keep him close. When had he left...? Had it been that long?
No, it was still dark outside, so maybe it was just for a moment. Either way, Dessy could already tell he missed him, conveying that feeling by cupping Nataniel's cheek with a hand, and leaning up to scatter soft, brief kisses across this cheeks and lips.
"Gonna sleep some more...? With me?"
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Posted: Mon Dec 16, 2019 5:45 am
Nataniel's weight touched down to his mattress, and as it did, December began to stir, if only slightly. Though not feeling exactly well, Nataniel imagined that in the cool light of morning, he probably felt more lucid than he had the night before. It still didn't bother him that December was here. It seemed nice, even, that the younger man would endure Nat's nighttime antics to be here with him, now... Though for what benefit, Nat did not understand. Simplicity, likely. It was easier to be in Nat's bed than it was to make it to his own home after escorting Nat to his.
This wasn't offensive. It was just logic.
As he moved to more fully situate himself beneath the covers, December moved as well, leaning near to him to touch his lips in light, fluttery kisses across Nataniel's cheeks. Nat... understood this less.
He spread a palm across December's chest, not pushing, but stalling just the same. Nat enjoyed kisses. "What... What are you doing...?" Nataniel asked on a quiet breath. He enjoyed the heat of another body next to his, enjoyed the tangle of legs against his own, the humidity of breath close to him. He enjoyed it, and wanted. Constantly. And he did remember much of the previous night, despite the alcohol. It certainly hadn't been him trying to keep intimacy to a minimum, even though he doubted severely that December understood- or even thought of- the implications...
These were just kisses, though. Gentle and delicate as the whisper of December's words. Nat's fingers slid down the front of December's chest, slipping away from him and off his shirt- Nat's shirt, because December had dressed in his clothes after showering last night- to fall to the sheets. "I... suppose," he answered softly. "It is my bed..."
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 6:35 am
"Kissing you because I missed you." Though he had woken up just a few moments before, the first thing he had looked for was Nataniel. Not in that panicked way he searched for someone when he feared he had been left alone, but just a desire to know he was still nearby.
And he was, and he was thankful for that. But maybe it seemed to not really make much sense to Nataniel, given he was briefly stopped by that hand. Since it didn't last long, December didn't dwell on it, especially not when the hand moved away.
"Good, good..." Reassured that they'd be going back to sleep, returned to laying in the bed, holding his arms open for the older man, should he want to cuddle more. "Will you hold me more?"
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2019 3:02 pm
Nataniel's heart stuttered. It was imperceptible from his static expression, but the tripping rhythm of his heart felt loud. "...I see," he whispered, laying a hand over his chest as he settled to the mattress on his back, as if to help stifle the (surely not actually noticeable) sound. But December had missed him. Nat had only been gone perhaps the span of an hour, and he was sure the younger man had been asleep for most, if not all, of it. So there wasn't much to miss, and the commentary was foolish, of course.
But his bedroom was still dark. The words were so soft, accentuated by a peppering of fluttery kisses. Nataniel liked- He wanted- ...It was difficult to explain.
Even when he spent the night out after the bar, even when he slept at someone else's place, there wasn't a sweetness to it. He knew what he was out for. And to ensure simplicity, he wanted whoever he was with to know what he was out for. The passions weren't clinical, but the reasons were. Nataniel had accepted that. He was not suited to the trivial and oftentimes inexplicable whims of true intimacy. It was too complex. People, feelings were complex. They were troublesome to deal with.
They weren't... familiar.
He didn't hate them, though. Not people nor feelings, with all their complexity. Individuals could be distasteful, and they certainly had a great and unholy capacity to be incorrect, but even Nat wouldn't say he actively hated any of them immediately.
Nataniel slipped an arm beneath December's pillow, curling it slightly so that his fingers brushed December's shoulder on the opposite side. He did not understand the sweetness. There seemed to be no reason for it, but Nat didn't hate that, either. He preferred things that seemed reasonable, things he could make sense of, and it happened that he often couldn't make sense of December. Maybe that was why it seemed... fleeting. It didn't seem logical for it to be anything else.
But he wanted, and that was increasingly more difficult to ignore.
He twisted to be laying mostly on his side, with his nose tucked into the crook of December's neck. He still smelled like his soap, like his sheets. Nat's heart beat faster. He skimmed fingers down December's side, feeling where the fabric contoured to his skin and tugging loosely at the creases in the shirt. His jaw clenched. He shut his eyes.
"I am... unsure what I want," Nataniel murmured.
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Posted: Thu Dec 26, 2019 8:32 am
It was times like these where December was surprisingly simple.
He knew what he wanted, and there were no quiet, but no less intense conflictions of feelings within him.
He was simple and gentle, allowing himself to freely indulge in Nataniel's closeness, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
For all the things he denied himself due to his work, his history, his pain, Nataniel's affection would never be one of them. How he decided this, he couldn't remember, but then again, he wasn't thinking about it.
"Well... I want to stay like this more." The words came forth near instantly, his own arm coming up to thread through the curtain of green hair that surrounded the other man. "And I want to sleep, here, with you. If that's okay with you, then just say so, okay?"
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Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 6:55 am
His head pounded.
Maybe it was a bit much for Nataniel to be worried about and wondering over right at this second. He'd already invited December here the night before. The younger man had spent several hours in his bed, holding him, and Nat wanted and enjoyed the contact.
So the aspect of him being here... Maybe that didn't matter too much. It was what it was, and he'd already allowed- encouraged, wanted- it... So what should be of most concern was what he was going to do to December if he stayed. What was appropriate for them at this point in their... odd relationship? When was it safe for Nat to recognize someone as being close enough that he didn't mind if they were friends? If when he wanted, it was okay to have...?
His fingers brushed down December's hips and curled around his back.
Nataniel didn't have those answers. He didn't know. This situation was... so unfamiliar to him. But December smelled so good, and his skin was so soft and so warm...
And December just wanted to sleep.
Nat tried to relax. It was still early. His head still hurt from the previous night's exploits. There was a lot of new going on, and- and he wanted... But December was young and stupid and oblivious and here and in his bed and worried over Nat's bad choices the previous night. Where his arm draped over the younger man's waist, Nataniel tugged, drawing their hips flush together and pressing himself against December's form.
He rubbed his cheek against December's knuckles where they curled into his hair and lifted dark eyes to meet the soft lavender of the other's gaze. "We are... not very alike..." Nataniel whispered softly.
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Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 7:04 am
"No, we are not, but we both like this, I think. Being close, holding eachother..." December gave a small smile, shifting just enough to press his lips to Nataniel's once more. "And kisses, we both like those. I like them alot."
But right now, he liked sleep more, and made a point to get himself comfortable enough to close his eyes, without thinking of really opening them again, even though he could still feel Nataniel's gaze on him.
"It's all very wonderful to me... And I want to stay like this as long as you'll let me."
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Posted: Fri Dec 27, 2019 9:02 am
He did like this, and Nataniel wasn't of a mind to deny it. "I do like holding you. And kissing you..." He admitted softly, nuzzling into the crook of December's neck as he settled back to the pillow. He'd always liked being held, being touched. The circumstances barely mattered. He wanted more. He wanted December to want more. ...But that did not seem to be registering anywhere in the younger man's consciousness now.
Maybe that was for the best.
December was too stupid to pose any emotional threat to him and too gentle to judge Nat on his... oddities. His social inadequacies. They weren't very similar, and Nataniel's preferences were obviously very different than his younger companion's. But they could be comfortable together. There were things they both enjoyed.
...And the rest he could enjoy once December had fallen back asleep.
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Posted: Mon Dec 30, 2019 6:44 am
"Good so... More later..." December's words were quickly slurring together as they both got comfortable again. Thoughts simply weren't processing at all, and the darkness of the room didn't help any attempt to retain consciousness. That really didn't matter all too much though, given he had taken the way Nataniel held him as unspoken permission to actually relax and go right back to sleep.
Though he did manage to scrap up enough energy to press one last kiss to the top of Nataniel's head, muttering something nonsensical before he was lost to sleep again.
And likely would not wake up for a long while after.
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