Welcome to Gaia! ::

I guess were not the words of someone who really wanted to answer Ignacio, but they came as some relief, nevertheless. It got the attention off him, for a minute. Maybe he could keep Richard away from the secret he had been withholding for years, the secret that would blend his lives together, the secret that might pull him in too deep and leave him in a place where he would end up--

A monster. Of course.

A couple ... monsters --

His mind froze at kid with pipes, and honestly, at that point, Ignacio had stopped hearing much of anything. There was only one kid with pipes he knew of wandering around the city. It was too much of a coincidence to think there may be more than one. The half-monsters were a relatively rare breed, as disturbing as they were. They were some kind of disgusting merger of human and youma, brought together in some sick marriage by the Negaverse. The concept of them disturbed him at best, gave him nightmares at worst. He knew he could never be one of them, but it hadn't stopped the occasional thought anyway, the occasional thought of people he knew turning into one, especially the people he knew now that his own starseed was protected--

But his brain was distracting itself from the reality that it had found itself in.

Not only had he failed to protect Richard from trouble, perhaps he really had failed. Catastrophically.

How had the piped monster managed to find Arra, innocently running in a park last night? How had they managed to cross paths? Had the piped monster been following Ignacio? Had he managed to figure out where Ignacio lived? Did he manage to figure out who Ignacio was attached to, and go after them, knowing that he couldn't go after Ignacio? Was he trying to twist the knife? Was he taunting Encke?

How was this possible? Encke was careful about where he dehenshined. He made sure he could feel no auras, that he was in a hidden location, that he checked once, twice, thrice. Had there been a hidden cat? Did the piped monster captain have associations with cats?

Had it just all been a horrific coincidence? Had, somehow, the monstrous boy captain who had been plaguing him manage to come across Richard while running and find him a convenient victim? Richard ran alone at night so often that perhaps it was a miracle that he had not had his energy drained this severely already--

But he had been found by the piped monster.

The piped half-monster captain that had stolen starseeds.

That had drained energy.

That had attempted to steal Encke's, his, soul.

Was steps away from stealing away Richard's.

Perhaps using him to replace the starseed Encke had taken from his pocket.

He hadn't responded, body still frozen in place. He appeared to be staring out into some middle distance, pupils way too wide. He was no longer hyperventilating.

It was possible he wasn't even breathing.

Richard wasn't really reaching Ignacio.

He was there, but he wasn't. His mind was elsewhere, but it was nowhere. His eyes were focused on something, but nothing. He was hearing, but he wasn't listening.

Perhaps the signs that his breathing had been taken away were obvious when he suddenly wavered, reached out to grab at something, anything, to keep himself stable. A strangled gasp escaped his lips, as he clung hard to Richard, and then pushed himself away without pushing on Richard, turning towards the wall. He folded his arms on top of the dresser and rested his head on it, breathing hard, only breathing because instinct told him that he needed to unless he wanted to asphyxiate.

There was a part of him that wondered if he should for his transgressions.

It was a few minutes of hard, strangled breathing, thoughts filled with nothing but terrified silence, before Ignacio managed out a, "I know him." And then a louder, more strained, "I'm sorry."

Richard would never be safe here.

Ignacio kept his head buried in his arms on top of the dresser, foot tapping anxiously, breathing coming as loud gasps and strangled croaks.

Freak occurrence his a**.

He knew it likely was. The small voice of logic that remained in his head told him so. Unless there was a very specific, narrow situation, it wasn't terribly likely that the piped monster captain had managed to figure out that Transcendent Eternal Sailor Encke was also Ignacio Araya, who loved Richard Bell, who went on midnight runs on a usually very typical path. The logical part of his brain was hard to listen to at the moment when all he could hear was crunching, the popping of those smoke stacks, the ringing in his ears, a dull, distant scream his brain was likely producing to be his Arra--

Ignacio wasn't speaking, but his ears were at least open, now. He was attempting to pull himself back to the ground, knowing his own signs of a panic attack, knowing that he had likely just come out of a catatonic episode. It was hard. Focusing on Richard's voice helped. Focusing on the words he was saying did not, necessarily. It was good to have some level of confirmation that it wasn't like any link to Encke had been mentioned. Would the captain have even mentioned that, though? He didn't seem the type to stand there and gloat...

The feeling of finger tips on his arm made him shudder, but he didn't pull away. He didn't necessarily say it was okay, either, but his Arra likely knew his signals by now.

Ignacio, on some deep level, knew that the how question was inevitable once he had such a severe reaction. Of course it was. Richard was a goddamn protective fool, and Ignacio loved him for it, but he also wished he would back off this topic. There was nothing good that could come of this, was there? What if Arra did what Ignacio feared he would do, what if Arra followed Ignacio out, tried to fight alongside Ignacio, got himself in the way of Ignacio, got his starseed withdrawn, lost the color in his eyes, in his skin, in his starseed as it was shattered--

It was hard to let go of an obsession of seven years.

Truly, Ignacio knew that at this point, continuing to hide it was foolish. Destiny City's war had found Arra, and it could find him again. Would find him again. His use as a silent, hidden protector was gone. He had failed at his duty, anyway, and an enemy he was familiar with had managed to find his love and use him as cattle for ******** Metallia--

Maybe the best way to protect him was to tell him the truth.

It was at that moment he finally turned towards Richard, looking him in the eyes, holding that glance for longer than a few seconds.

"I have something to tell you, Arra," he offered, and it took all of his strength not to avert his eyes again. "And it might hurt you, because it's been something I've been holding back for a long time." He knew it would hurt him. Ignacio wasn't an idiot. "The whole time we've been partners, really."

Dios.

He fished a winged pen out of his pocket and showed it to his Arra. He felt a chill in his blood at doing so, a tinny ring in his ears.

"This isn't just some obnoxious decorative trinket. It's a ... transformation pen."

Ignacio caught that uncomfortable swallow of a lump in Richard's throat, but it was better for Ignacio to push on. If he thought too hard about what he was doing, the panic would bubble back up. He could feel it in the edges of his vision, in the way sounds sometimes were not registering the way they would if blood was not slamming in his ears.

"It might be easier if I show you," murmured Ignacio, and he sounded hesitant, but at this point, there was no backing away from it. There was no running away from it. He had already started the process. Richard would know. His love had to know. If he couldn't protect Richard, maybe Richard could protect himself. And, perhaps, if his Arra understood that Ignacio could protect himself, he would stay back, stay away. Perhaps Ignacio could learn how to signal to Arra when he should get away. Maybe he could teach him how to fight them off, or what kind of signals to look for--

He was delaying--

Ignacio backed up from Richard, gave him a sad, sorry smile, and then lifted the pen, declaring, "Encke Eternal, Make-up."

There was no enthusiasm in his voice.

Within seconds, Ignacio was replaced with Encke, a man covered in a mostly white, but also blue and purple, glowing outfit with glowing fingers, glowing eye tattoos, and a cometary symbol on his forehead. Ignacio felt the energy of his comet rush through him, and couldn't help standing a little straighter, couldn't help the way his sad smile transformed into something more confident and ready. For a moment, he closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, and let himself feel the energy and the power flowing through him.

But it was a moment that ended too short, as he remembered what exactly he was doing this for.

"Like I said, I'm not in as much danger as you might think I am," offered Encke, and despite his tone a few moments earlier, he couldn't help sounding more ... stable, despite the blood still rushing in his ears. "In this form, I'm known as Transcendent Eternal Sailor Encke, and I have plasma magic." Encke was used to this, but to Richard, he must have sounded like he was on drugs. "I'm not gonna show it to you. It's dangerous. And uh, Encke's a comet. Like an actual comet. In space."

He rubbed his neck, at that.

"I can actually go to it, believe it or not."

His poor love didn't look like he even knew what he was looking at.

To be fair, if he was suddenly confronted with the opposite situation, where he had no real idea of went on underneath the city's surface, and Arra suddenly lifted up a transformation pen and turned into some glowing dude with white buttwings, he probably wouldn't have been able to come up with anything to say, either. What Ignacio was seemed like fantasy. In some ways, it was fantasy. Who would have thought that magical superheroes were actually real?

Who would have thought that he might have fashioned himself as one of them?

When Richard seemed to latch onto something, the thing Encke was the proudest of, his eyes lit up in delight. He couldn't help it. Being able to talk about his comet with his Arra was exciting. Being able to focus on his comet for a moment helped the edges of panic continue to fade away. "Yes, comet. Here," he darted over to the end table next to his side of the bed at a speed that seemed unusually fast even for Ignacio, and typed something in on the phone, before passing Richard an article on 'Encke's Comet'. "Literally this comet. A real, live comet. That I can go to." That used to have a thriving society on it, a thriving society of people that weren't exactly human. A thriving society that he used to rule.

... Perhaps he would leave that portion out until Richard was able to process more of what was actually in front of him.

"I have a deep link with that comet, and that's why I'm glowing. That's part of what gives me the powers, too. And I use them to help stop what happened to you last night. That's how I ran into the piped monster captain." The first time. "Similar situation."

He could use them to fight against what happened to Richard in multiple ways, really.

The plasma powers were quite useful for incapacitating an enemy or driving them away. The powers associated with his transcendence, the energy transfer? It could restore some of what had been lost to the Negaverse or the Dark Mirror if they had already succeeded in taking energy. There was a part of him that was tempted to take his Arra's arm, perhaps show him that part of it, but he was distracted by the question that was finally asked.

Oh.

Should he lie? He hadn't exactly been okay the first time he had met with the piped monster, and he didn't want to worry Richard further. At the same time, though, where had all this lying gotten him? There he was, years later, with a possibly hurt, definitely confused Richard, telling him the truth anyway. He was being truthful now. There was no reason to continue lying. No more lies. No more secrets. The idea of being open with Richard, now that he was talking, was somehow ... comforting.

"Not exactly," murmured Encke, some of the newfound confidence in his voice faltering a bit. He glanced towards the door of their bedroom, but not because he was considering running away. "Remember that night when you discovered me coming in, coughing hard? Coughing up blood?" He would admit it for what it was, now, because there was no point in pretending it was something else. "That was the first time. I was weaker, then. I'm stronger now."

He turned his eyes back to Richard, and tried to offer as confident of a smile as he could. It certainly looked more confident than it would have ten minutes ago.

"But I also heal faster. Sometimes, a night of rest is all I need. And the link to my comet helps. Me and, ah, others too." He paused, before lifting his brows and asking, "You still feeling groggy?"

Encke's offer seemed to fall on deaf ears, and he frowned the longer Richard went without offering any response.

Did he say something wrong? Had he hurt Richard more, somehow? He knew the other was likely going to be hurting, likely for a while. Maybe he would be angry. Anger, he would expect, especially after keeping a secret for so long. Sadness, he would expect. Hurt, he would expect. The expression Richard was giving, though, was none of those. His face wasn't shifting. He wasn't really paying attention. Ignacio knew that look, perhaps from on occasion seeing it mirrored back to him.

... What had he done?

"Arra?"

He saw the deep breath Richard took, and took a shaky one of his own. Was Richard panicking? Maybe he should have worded that differently. He was hoping that maybe telling Richard that he had gotten stronger would lessen the blow. Encke had been thrilled when he finally was eternal, finally was about as powerful as he could have been. He was stronger than a lot in the City, now. He could defend himself, or at the very least, defend himself easier. And it wasn't that he couldn't die, but he couldn't die by the sick ways that the Negaverse insisted on, couldn't disappear by being corrupted, either--

But it wasn't like Richard had any real context for what 'Eternal' meant. He didn't have any real context for 'Transcendent,' either. All Richard was hearing was danger.

Encke sighed.

He broke the distance between them, placing a finger under Richard's chin and attempting to pull his head downwards. If Richard cooperated, if Richard allowed it, Encke angled his head up to give Richard a soft kiss, holding it for just a few moments.

"I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

Even as Richard startled, Encke moved to knit his fingers with his, holding their hands together.

He wasn't sure if it would help, but for a moment, he thought he would try it. Encke closed his eyes, humming quietly, as he pulled from that deep source of energy within himself, as Methone had shown him how. He felt it, he pulled at it, he felt the electricity pulse through his veins. He let it seep through his hand, through to Richard.

Maybe the warmth of energy transfer would be ... comforting.

"I promise," offered Encke, again, though he knew that it truly wasn't something he could promise. He felt more comfortable making that promise, though, than he ever had been before. As a transcendent eternal senshi, his confidence in his own abilities as a senshi were at an all time high. He couldn't die from having his starseed yanked. He couldn't die by being corrupted into one of them. He could drive them off. He could win.

With a sigh, he leaned towards Richard. "I've been avoiding telling you this for years because I can defend myself." He swallowed. "You... can't." It felt strange to imply that Richard was incapable of defending himself, but perhaps his experiences from last night would ... agree with that idea. "I had the thought that maybe I could keep you from all this bullshit if I just kept you ... ignorant of it. And maybe you wouldn't try to involve yourself, because I know you. You're a goddamn protective fool, and I love you for it, but I didn't want you... out there."

He bit his lip.

"But maybe that was foolish of me, and I'm sorry. This s**t found you anyway."