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 Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 6:35 pm
i've got a blank space baby
"Why wouldn't I be?" Thorne responds, looking up at Chris, half-lidded. He already wants to fall back asleep, but Chris keeps him awake. He feels like he is running his fingers over the edge of something important. Something that settles in Chris like a weight, unknown to Thorne, but there. Feeling. Feeling. Feeling.
"If you somehow roll over on my arm while I'm sleeping I'll kick you off the bed," Thorne deadpans, completely serious, because he's had it happen to him too. Chris's long legs aren't always a blessing, after all. "But I promise. Why are you so afraid that you'll hurt me?" Thorne swipes at a bang that falls into Chris's eye.
Thorne continues the game with Bergie idly, moving his foot this way and that for the cat to follow and try and catch. Millie tolerates this with a rumble. She can handle a semi-active perch.
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 9:21 pm
i've got a blank space baby
"I don't know," Chris says quietly, unsure. Some form of anxiety in him unchecked, the fear that something will happen if he's not there. Like it's been brought back from the ball, that fear that if he takes his eyes off of Thorne, Thorne will disappear. But this doesn't have any logical reason behind it, nothing that could explain it. Just unease and worry fueling him, vague thoughts.
"I'd deserve that," He replies immediately, knowing Thorne is serious. He's found himself on the floor before, blanketless and cold and bruises forming when he's suddenly jolted out of sleep. Other times he's just slept though it though, which is even more worrisome. "Because I don't want to be the reason anything worse happens," He says in response and then immediately looks pained, like he didn't want to admit that. His eyes avert again, completely away from Thorne, even when his bangs are brushed away.
Bergie gives Millie a strange sort of purr back, trying to get her to play as well. He's pouncing on the foot the best he can and he'll get tired of the game eventually, but for now, he's quite enjoying himself.
[wc: 194]
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 9:46 pm
i've got a blank space baby
"It's alright," Thorne replies. He understands that strangeness and anxiety that comes from feelings you could not explain. He understands that sometimes there are no words. He just wishes he could do something. He wishes he could let his fingers run over all of the knots inside of Chris, not necessarily unraveling them but simply pulling them loose. He wants Chris to breathe, to be safe, to be at home, to be able to look at him without turning away.
"No, you wouldn't, but I would be the awful one who did it anyways," Thorne replies, his voice soft like a purr. He works his hand through Chris's hair, gently tracing patterns along his scalp. Leaned up against the other man, he feels more at home already, hips brushing, heat pulsing between the space of their chests. Thorne looks up at Chris and exhales a soft sound.
"Chris," he says quietly, so gentle it could be a whisper, "You will never be that reason. I don't know what happened to make you think that way - I won't ask, until you feel ready to tell me, if ever, and I won't pry. But I can promise you that you will never be that reason." He leans in, nuzzling the other. "These are just wounds, and they heal. I'm not saying it will be easy, any of this, because it never has, but everything I've done to you, everything you've done to me - good or bad or in between - will heal. And I'll keep reaching for you even then."
He strokes his thumb down over Chris's jaw.
He wants Chris to look at him of his own volition.
"I trust you," Thorne says softly, "I love you. You have already been the reason for so many things - but never any of them bad. I am made better by you."
Millie creeps down over Thorne's legs and does the strange cat thing where she slowly stretches her paw out towards his face, but it falls short a scant inch away. A strange sort of purr rumbles through her, tail swishing. Thorne bumps them both with his foot.
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 10:18 pm
i've got a blank space baby
It's a long moment before Chris says anything again but it's a quiet "Thank you" when he does. Because he knows Thorne understands and knows he won't judge him for the anxiety, never has when he had it before and never will, now or in the future. With his free hand he seeks out one of Thorne's hands, laces his pinky around Thorne's. Habit, comfort.
"Are you kidding me? My knees are literally weapons, I still don't understand how you deal with me every night," Chris answers a little more bravely, incredulous. He sighs quietly into Thorne's touch in his hair, his eyes half lidded in peace. This was them, these points of contact, these small touches. It had killed him to keep himself away, to make sure he wasn't hurting Thorne, and he loves the freedom now even if there's a underlying feeling of worry. But Thorne promised and Chris believes him, will always believe him. He trusts Thorne.
He's still adverting his eyes, still feels shame burning in his chest. He wants to tell Thorne, he does, but the words are still hard after a decade. He is still trying to forgive himself and right now he doesn't know if he could say it without it being an incoherent mess, without it sounding like something crazy. So instead he shudders out a breath, says in a very quiet voice, "I want to tell you. But I can't right now, not yet. So just.. just wait for me."
He closes his eyes at the touch, at the tenderness of the gesture, before he finally opens them. It's a long minute before he seeks out Thorne's eyes, feels like he can meet his gaze.
"I love you too," He says, "You make me better too, you make me want to be better. To keep trying. I just - I don't want to mess this up."
Bergie purrs in glee, worming his way over to Millie and half on top of her. He's content to stay there if not for the foot, which he tries to paw at without leaving Millie. He's not very successful at all.
[wc: 353]
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 10:35 pm
i've got a blank space baby
Thorne hums gently and continues his gentle patterns, letting himself fall into the rhythm of Chris's breathing, latching onto it like a lullaby pulling him back down. He will never tire of this. It is a safe haven, home. He will always want to come back, and there is a tremor inside him, a gentle and irrational fear of the one night where he will not. Where Chris will leave, or be gone, or be -
But no. He will not let that overcome him. He swallows the seed back down.
"Your knees," Thorne says evenly, "Are one of my favorite parts of you. And when I have use of my arm again, I will show you just how much." There is a devious, flirting note in his tone, a hungry tease that lulls again into sleepy comfort. "There is no one else I would rather choose to deal with."
He pauses and looks up at Chris then. He noses the other gently, a softer form of understanding, and kisses his cheek and jawline, a soft and chaste brush of skin on skin. Some part of him twists and aches, but Chris is asking him to wait. And he will, he will, he will.
"Forever, if I must," he says gently, his tone whole and pure and true. He has never felt more certain of a promise in his life.
He smiles when Chris meets his gaze, a happy expression.
"It's alright," Thorne says, "I'm not asking you for perfection, and I never will. Just as I hope you do not ask me for perfection, because I've already messed up so many things." He slides and strokes a finger at the juncture beneath Chris's ear, a soothing movement. "We'll both make mistakes, it's part of living. But you cannot chase me away. And I'll always fall with you, and wait. And come back."
It is a promise without a promise being made out loud. It is something more. A declaration, perhaps.
Millie makes a loud meow when Bergie lays on top of her, but she only flicks her tail at the sudden intrusion of space and purrs, reaching up to lick Bergie's nose.
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Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2016 11:20 pm
i've got a blank space baby
Chris curls his arm around Thorne a little more closely, enough so he can push up Thorne's shirt and draw patters on his waist, on his hip. His fingers move idly, drawing swirls and stars and nothing really defined and its.. it's grounding. It's relaxing. Safety, home, comfort. He takes a deep breath and another, feels something in him start to quiet.
"Oh," Chris says quietly for a second and then "Oh." His whole face flushes a bright red, to the tips of his ears, and he manages to reply, "Please do. There's no one else I'd rather as well."
The movement is soft, gentle, and Chris relaxes into Thorne. Feels like he is safe, like he is home. Like he will be okay, because Thorne is trusting him.
"Thank you," He repeats and it's with confidence now, with something strong there. He didn't know what to expect but to have this, he is so very thankful.
"No," He replies gently, "I won't ask you for perfection or the impossible. I like you and me how we are now, but I want to grow with you too, to make mistakes and figure them out with you. I'm.." He takes a breath, "This is a devotion I've never known, but I give it to you. Because I trust you."
He smiles then, gentle, sweet and turns his head to press at kiss to Thorne's forehead, to the crown of his head, to wherever he can reach on Thorne.
Bergie purrs back and turns to lick her in return, game of the feet forgotten now that he's with her and is happy.
[wc: 271]
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Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2016 8:53 pm
i've got a blank space baby
Thorne hums, a gentle sound like a lullaby, and it turns into a purr beneath Chris's touch. He moves closer, bends his hip into the touch, wanting more. Always wanting Chris close to him. He wants both of his arms free so that he is not so useless, so that he can touch the other in return. But for now he lets Chris lead, his eyes half-lidded and soft.
"Oh," he returns deviously, laughter in his throat. "But until then, I'm quite useless. It's rather infuriating. I'll go stir-crazy within days. Are you sure you still want to live with me?" He brushes his lips against the rose red of CHris's ears, a soft hum gentle in his throat.
"Together then," Thorne murmurs, "As always. We'll learn and grow. And forgive." Thorne brushes their noses together again, a teasing eskimo kiss. "And I as well. I trust you more than anything. I'd fall again and again if you asked me."
Finally he reaches up and kisses Chris gently on the lips.
"I'd do it all again for you."
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