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 Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 6:57 pm
Michael tried not to flinch at the idea of trying to talk about things with Caspian. He said he would try to open up to him, but talking about himself was completely different. He didn’t know if he would ever be ready for it. Part of him didn’t want Caspian to know, because of how ashamed he felt.
He rubbed at Caspian’s arms again, stilling only for the kiss to his forehead, and let out a small sigh through his nose. His brows relaxed just enough to shift his expression into something more uneasy, concern growing behind his eyes. This was probably so much more than either of them were ready for, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Caspian would have changed his mind in the morning.
“For you… I promise,” he said softly, his head lowering to hide the now rueful expression that overtook his features. He didn’t know how long it would take him to try to open up, but he did want to make sure Caspian know that he wouldn’t try to push him away again. Caspian had already rebounded with more grace than Michael thought possible.
“I won’t push you away,” he said, making sure Caspian knew he was serious. There was a small pause, and he glanced morosely up at Caspian, his hands slipping down from Caspian’s arms to rest on his thighs, where he picked absently at the oversized sweatpants Peter let him borrow.
“But… don’t feel like you have to stay,” he said, knowing he was slipping back into one of his old habits of wanting to give Caspian a way out if he wanted, but was unable to stop himself. “If you ever find someone who will make you happy, or… someone you want to be with… please don’t feel obligated to stay with me.”
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 7:10 pm
His hands smoothed up and down Michael’s chest in gentle, soothing gestures before Caspian allowed them to rise higher, flitting against his neck. He twined fingers together against the back of it, feeling absurdly fond of Michael John Gallo, even with all of his hesitation and walls and tendency towards closing himself off.
For you, I promise. It was enough to make Caspian lightheaded, even though part of that was due to Michael’s hands resting on his legs; an extremely, startlingly distracting sensation that made him shiver a little, Caspian’s face tinging a bit redder.
Now was not the time to think of that. Not when Michael was giving him that way out again, not when he was looking at him with that expression on his face. Caspian felt his heart twist in his chest, and he’d leaned forward, lips pressing warmly against Michael’s before the “with me” had even finished leaving his mouth. The kiss was soft and gentle and meant to reassure, and it had happened without Caspian having ever intended to do so, his body moving on it’s own. When he drew back, he looked a trifle embarrassed, but he did not regret the action.
“I am with someone who makes me happy,” he said quietly, and he was again trying not to think about the with part, because it felt too new, too fragile to look at harder. “I don’t feel obligated, Michael. I never have.”
You are the one I want.
Caspian shifted a little, then said softly, “You should rest. It’s been a long day.”
A pause, and then, with a slightly ashamed tone,
“I’m sorry I kicked you.”
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 7:43 pm
The kiss effectively shut him up, having not expected it, and he glanced up at Caspian when he pulled away. He could see the slight embarrassment in his expression, but also a strong resolve. Whatever was happening between them, Michael thought that maybe it would be okay. If they were careful and didn’t push too hard or too quickly. Maybe they would make it out okay.
He could feel the words from Caspian’s lips seep into his heart, as if he was finally allowing something to melt everything that had frozen around it. Michael knew that it might take a while, but Caspian had managed to get him to a point where no one else had. A chance to hope and feel again. Maybe even a chance to -
Caspian shifted, distracting him from his thoughts, although the apology was a surprise. It had his expression soften a little, and he shook his head.
“I deserved it,” he said, rubbing his hands absently against Caspian’s thighs, before removing them and lifting his hands in an offer to help Caspian off of his lap. “I think you were holding back, anyway,” he half joked, although a small, fond smile made its way to his lips.
“You should rest too. You’ve been out all weekend looking for some idiot who tried running away,” he pointed out, prepared to turn the covers down and climb underneath once Caspian was safely off his lap and beside him.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 7:51 pm
”Yes, well,” said Caspian, relenting a little, though Michael’s hands on his legs were distracting him yet again; it was becoming a little harder to concentrate on what exactly he was saying. “Even if you did, I’m still sorry. And I may have held back a little.”
There was a shift, and Caspian was both relieved and disappointed to find Michael’s hands removed. But he offered him a little smile, accepting the help as he slid sideways off of his lap, settling onto the bed beside him instead, suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he’d been sitting on Michael’s lap. Studiously ignoring the heat rising in his cheeks, Caspian waited for Michael to get comfortable, twisting his hands together absently.
He was abruptly reminded of the fact that they were sharing a bed; something that had happened on more than one occasion by this point, but things were different now - at least, Caspian sincerely hoped they were. He wanted things to be more than what they had been, but it was late at night and they’d just had an emotionally fraught conversation that had been both liberating and painful all at once.
Now it was just a matter of what would happen in the morning.
Caspian felt the corners of his lips tug a little, and he eased back the covers and shuffled beneath them, turning to lay on his side with his back to Michael, hiding the intense flush still on his cheeks.
“And that idiot came back,” he said, hiding, also, a smile.
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Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 8:09 pm
After such a long weekend, it was almost strange to be back in his own bed. It was definitely more comfortable than sleeping on benches or in the dirt of an alley or any number of horrible things. There was still a lot that needed to be done. There were still things that needed working on. His own fears, which had been bottled for the time being. They hadn’t poured out into a mess of pain and regret just yet, but Michael feared that the seal on that lid was already broken, prompted by the article Peter showed him.
He didn’t blame his brother. He blamed himself for his failures and inability to contain his emotions like they had been. Part of him still feared that he would end up hurting Caspian, and not just by something like stupid lies. He was afraid of hurting his family, who looked to him for strength, when in reality it was all just a farce.
But as he settled down onto the bed and adjusted the pillows, he knew that next to him was a lonely young man who, despite everything, might be the key to helping Michael get his strength and courage and confidence back. It would be easier to waste away, but Caspian offered him something no one else had before.
With every touch and soothing word, it was that promise for forgiveness. Even if Caspian didn’t say it out loud, and Michael doubted that it was even his intention, but Michael felt more at ease around him. More alive. Hopeful for once.
He smiled softly at Caspian’s response, and then settled down to close his eyes.
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