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 Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 9:16 am
“The great Sessrumnir,” he emphasized in the same way as Caspian had, “Was just a kid who got into trouble. At least that’s a little bit of what I know about my past life. I can only remember bits and pieces, but it seems as though he was the last one before me. Before that, I have no idea of the history of Sessrumnir.” Part of him was curious, but the other part didn’t really want to know. He didn’t know if it was because he didn’t want to be disappointed, or maybe it would be too sad.
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Michael responded just as softly, even as Caspian gave his wrist a comforting squeeze. “I’m only doing the things I have to, to get by. They’re not necessarily good.” He’d told Caspian before that he wasn’t a good person, and he still believed he wasn’t even if Caspian did. He was smart enough to not willingly get cut off from his family, but that didn’t mean his heart was completely into it.
He realized he hated that Caspian thought of him as a good person, because that meant it would be that much more disappointing when Caspian realized that he really wasn’t. At least this way he couldn’t say he didn’t warn him.
The worst part was; Michael realized he didn’t want to disappoint him.
Michael found himself with a small smile on his face when Caspian let him know he’d guessed correctly, finally. “That’s not a horrible middle name,” he said with the shake of his head. “The way you were talking about it, I thought it would be much worse. I think it fits you.” Still, he could understand why he would rather keep it to himself, especially when others might not understand or think it was strange because they didn’t know the reference.
“Oh? I get a prize? I thought just knowing was prize enough,” he said with a small laugh. “Alright, your majesty, what kind of prize do I get? If it makes you feel any better, I helped pick out both my brothers’ middle names. My grandmother is convinced ‘Luke’ is biblical, but it’s really just Star Wars. And I thought ‘Peter’ was appropriate to fit with my name. He won’t respond to it, but Peter’s first name is actually Benjamin, like our father. But he goes by ‘Beau’, so it doesn’t really count, anyway.”
It was strange, feeling so talkative when he usually wasn’t. Not too long ago, he wouldn’t dare share all the things he was sharing with Caspian now. And as someone who didn’t really talk as much as he was now, he couldn’t help but feel anxious about it. Maybe Caspian was tired of him going on and on?
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 9:56 am
”I’d like to learn about who you were back then,” Caspian mused. “Less, maybe, about myself, but if you’re there maybe it won’t be so bad. It’d be kinda nice to see what sort of life you lived back then.”
It wasn’t simply polite curiosity; as much as Caspian was interested in the current Michael and Sessrumnir, he was interested in the past one as well. There were so many questions he had about Jupiter in general, but now was not the time; he would save those for later, when they made visits to Sessrumnir’s wonder, and Caspian wanted to save them for later.
“I told you,” he said now, his voice soft, “that you could tell me a hundred times that you’re not a good person, and I still wouldn’t believe that. I will literally go to my grave saying otherwise - a grave I don’t intend to have for a very, very long time, by the way,” he added, because he remembered all too well the sensitivity of that subject and did not want to take it lightly.
He gave a little snort. “It’s not bad until the kids you went to elementary and middle school with started chanting ”Merry, Merry, quite contrary or any other silly rhyme everywhere you went once they learned your middle name was Meriadoc. I don’t mind it so much now.”
And he thought, privately, that it sounded much, much better when Michael said it, as though it was something gentle and lyrical, a funny fluttering in Caspian’s stomach.
He could not help but laugh a little. “Knowing me is a prize,” Caspian deadpanned dramatically, and shook his head against Michael’s arm. “No, you get one prize of whatever you want, redeemable whenever you want. Doesn’t have to be now, so think carefully about what you want, okay?”
He still hadn’t lifted his head or moved away. “I like the name Benjamin,” said Caspian. “I mean, Luke is pretty funny when you explain where it really comes from. I wonder what would happen if I tried to call Peter ‘Benjamin…’ Would he have a heart attack?”
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 9:57 am
Michael supposed he would just have no choice but to go to Jupiter at some point, if only for Caspian’s sake. And bring him with him, of course. It wasn’t very often that anyone suggested that they were interested in who he was, and what his past life was like.
Although he shook his head when Caspian insisted that he would think he was a good person no matter what, he didn’t make any comment to the contrary. He knew how stubborn Caspian was, so Michael was pretty sure they would always end in a stalemate.
He did offer a sympathetic glance in Caspian’s direction when he told him about how kids would make fun of his middle name. “That’s just because they didn’t know enough to appreciate it,” he offered, although he could definitely understand how it was like to live with a name that was… well… one that couldn’t really be changed.
But he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that conversation just yet, as open as he was being with Caspian.
Michael frowned for a few moments, and then forced another small smile. “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind. Other than just knowing you, I’ll make sure you know when I want to redeem my other prize,” he said, amused and unsure of what he would actually request, but it was all in good fun.
“I didn’t have to deal with other kids when I was in elementary or middle school. It was one of the good things that came out of being home schooled and having no friends because we moved around too much. But my brother was called ‘Christopher Robin’ a lot, and Peter got the whole ‘Peter Pan’ thing, but I guess he didn’t mind it as much since he preferred Peter,” he explained and then snorted softly when Caspian suggested calling Peter ‘Benjamin’.
“I’m sure he would just respond the same way he responds to every teacher on the first day of school. ‘It’s Peter!’” Michael said in a mock attempt at Peter’s voice. It didn’t sound anything like him. “Apparently some of his classmates respond for him as well. At least that’s what my co-workers have told me.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 10:09 am
”I remember you like Lord of the Rings,” Caspian murmured, his mind going back to the invasion into Negaspace. “You and I, when we first met...we joked about going to find the eagles.”
It felt like a lifetime ago, and yet no time at all. And back then, he had not known that Sessrumnir was Michael Gallo, had not known how much he would entangle himself in his life, hoping to continue on being friends. The connection between them felt fragile at times, but Caspian’s innate stubbornness made him stick out even the more difficult parts - like Michael trying to tell him that he didn’t want him around.
He was not going to think of that, not now. Caspian forced his thoughts back to the present, trying hard not to think about that argument - or about, again, the morning after, waking up with his head nestled against Michael’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.
“Maybe that’s why he got irritated when I called him Peter Pan,” said Caspian with a small laugh. “But I kind of just...add nicknames to everyone out of habit. Not you, though,” he added musingly, absently skimming the very tips of his fingers up and down Michael’s arm, not really realizing what he was doing. “I haven’t made one up for you just yet, but I really just like ‘Michael.’ I was being serious when I said that.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 10:39 am
Michael let out a small snort of amusement at Caspian's quiet recollection of the first time they'd crossed paths, shaking his head in slight exasperation.
"No," he teasingly stressed, "You joked about finding eagles. I was completely serious. Eagles don't have a good track record against Laurelite." Of course, the first time they'd met hadn't really been in the best of situations. Sessrumnir had been injured, and Remus just happened to be the one who was close by.
"And then," he continued, "You hit my arm where you just helped wrap the injury I got. If you hadn't run off to jump back into doing stupidly reckless things, I probably would have punched you, you know." That was an exaggeration, of course. He wouldn't have hit him in retaliation, but he did think about it, mostly because his arm really hurt.
He could feel the fingers that lightly skimmed along his arm, and for a while he did nothing, knowing that Caspian probably wasn't even thinking about it. And, if Michael was honest with himself, he kind of liked how soothing it felt. But then he twisted his right arm inward slightly to flex, wanting to draw attention to the injury in question: a scar across his bicep and around the outside of his arm just below the short sleeves of his grey teeshirt, cutting across some of the scars from when he'd been clawed by the youma Bazzite.
"You're lucky I don't need that arm as much as my other," he half joked, thinking it was pretty obvious that he tended to use his right arm as a shield of sorts. If Caspian looked closely, there were fainter, much less noticeable scars down his right forearm, also from where Bazzite clawed him, but luckily he'd had his bracer to take most of the damage.
"You were the only one who really bothered to check on me after that fight, you know," he said, not to purposefully avoid the subject of nicknames, but rather wanting to make sure Caspian realized he'd appreciated the shown of concern, however minimal or unconsciously done as it might have been.
“And don't worry about Peter,” he grinned. “Our mother does the same thing, giving everyone nicknames.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 11:08 am
He tilted his head up a little to look at Michael and grinned. “The hitting you part was a reflex; but I’m glad you didn’t punch me,” said Caspian, laughing. “I still think calling for the eagles would have been a good idea, alas…”
He gave a dramatic sigh and then added, “I am sorry about hitting you, though. I wasn’t paying attention, but I’m glad you weren’t too badly wounded.”
Caspian’s fingers slid absently over Michael’s arm; a subconscious gesture that he was unaware of even doing until he felt Michael shift beneath him. His eyes flickered down, watching the ripple of muscle, and he moved his hand up, fingers pressing lightly against the scars that twisted around his upper arm. Caspian fitted his hand to them, a finger on each one, and traced them until he couldn’t reach, gently and barely touching.
“I thought you were one of the only level-headed guys back there, to be honest,” he said, gaze focused on Michael’s arm. “I thought it’d be nice to see you again.”
And here they were. Caspian was suddenly aware of what he was doing and felt the heat in his cheeks again as his fingers skimmed Michael’s wrist and back up, and he curled his hand away gently, forcing himself to stop.
“...you could call me Cas, if you wanted,” he said, after a moment, and though his tone was a casual, there was a hint of something uncertain to it, almost a shyness. “No one really calls me anything but Caspian. I can’t be called Cassie, because that’s my sister’s name, but...if you called me Cas, I wouldn’t mind.”
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 11:43 am
“Well,” he started, trying not to sound too amused so as he wouldn’t encourage Caspian’s reckless behavior. “If I’d known you back then like I know you now, I would have expected nothing less,” he said with a small shake of his head. “Next time I’ll be a little better prepared. But it’s alright,” Michael was sure to add, not wanting Caspian to think he had any ill thoughts towards him.
Michael could feel Caspian’s fingers brushing gently across his arm, and he knew his fingers traced where the scars were, even if he wasn’t looking. He remembered the pain well enough to know exactly where each healed gash was.
Something tightened in his chest, but he couldn’t quite understand what it was. A mixture of apprehension and something else. His hand returned back to Caspian’s knee where it was before, his fingers gripping tighter than they had been. The way Caspian traced his fingers along the scars gave him a sense of unease and soothed him at the same time, which Michael knew made absolutely no sense. It was as if he was suddenly unsure about everything he thought he knew, about himself and… everything.
He cleared his throat as Caspian finally pulled his hand away, unable to bring himself to look at him because he wasn’t sure what to expect to see. Caspian’s movements weren’t harsh and seemed to calm him, and yet it still left Michael feeling confused and a bit lost.
... you could call me Cas, if you wanted.
The words had Michael freeze, his eyes still on the road ahead. His throat still felt dry, and his chest tight. He could hear the uncertainty in Caspian’s voice.
“Cas,” he repeated, as if trying it out. “I like it,” he added, suddenly realizing that he’d been holding tightly onto Caspian’s knee and released it, his arm shifting back to the armrest between them. There was something there that he didn’t quite understand. Something in Caspian’s voice that he didn’t quite understand.
For all he knew, he might never understand. But he wanted to. There were many things about Caspian that confused him, from his confidence to his patience to the gentle way Caspian handled someone like Michael, but… strangely… he found that he wanted to learn whatever he could.
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