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 Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 6:04 pm
Nothing In My WayShiloh remained sitting up for a while, not really noticing when Jamie flopped over. He didn't mind. The cord was long and Jamie was still listening and that was all that really mattered.
He was enjoying this, in a cathartic sort of way. When he said he'd come over and they'd feel sad, he didn't really think it would actually happen. He wasn't really happy per say, but the melancholy there was small and budding, a lingering thing that he could never really kill but sometimes went dormant. It was okay to feed it occasionally; ignoring it usually served to worsen the problem.
"Yeah..." he too fell back into the bed, a small woosh—fhoomph accompanying him as he did so.
"That's why it's nice." he was thumbing through his ipod for another song, "Sometimes it really hurts, but... it can be kinda hard to say what you wanna, like..." he bit his lip, "Songs are really good for sayin' those things when you can't."
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 6:20 pm
Nothing In My WayEven though Jamie never looked away from the ceiling, there was something painfully obvious in Shiloh's comment that made him take pause. A different song was playing and it made Jamie feel a weird mix of hopeful and somber. It was already apparent that Shiloh shared some of his sadness, even if they weren't exactly the same, and he could understand the loneliness and the hiding and holding back this song seemed to hint at. Sometimes it wasn't easy to express yourself.
A lot of the time it wasn't.
"I get that. It can be... really hard to, um, admit to things. Especially when you get so used to... hiding it..." Funny how it felt a little easier to admit things to Shiloh, even if they were only vague reveals.
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 6:38 pm
Nothing In My WayPainfully obvious and completely unintentional once he really listened to the song again, but it was too late to take it back. Actually, he wouldn't have wanted to regardless. It was true, wasn't it?
The ceiling offered no answers, but it offered comfort at least. That and Jamie laying next to him.
At least Jamie stopped stuttering around him. It was kind of nice, knowing that he could be comfortable with him and that Jamie could be comfortable with him in return. Despite the moment, he found himself smile just a tiny bit.
He felt really funny.
"...and then it all sort of bottles up." he shifted a little bit on the bed, "Stuff really starts to hurt..."
He was quiet as he considered his words.
"Maybe it doesn't have to be like that." he ventured.
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 7:26 pm
Nothing In My WayThat was what finally got Jamie to look at Shiloh and not the ceiling. Maybe it didn't have to be like that. It had been like that for a long time, but as he turned his head to glance in his friend's direction, he found himself wondering if it could be different. Yeah, Jamie was already starting to trust it could.
"I'd... like to think it doesn't have to be. Maybe we... could do this again."
Shiloh had mentioned he had good music, Jamie had been all about it, that's all it had been at first. Maybe this didn't have to be a one shot set up, though. Maybe they could have music nights like this, a small chance to express themselves where words failed. Jamie really liked the idea, at least. There was definitely a comfort to be found here sharing music and talking in almost-whispers.
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 7:37 pm
Nothing In My WayJamie was looking at him, but Shiloh was still staring up at the ceiling. His breathing had slowed, and his eyes actually started to drift shut. He was all set to switch to another song before Jamie spoke.
He turned his head, blue eyes meeting blue eyes in a moment that felt really weird again, but not necessarily bad. Just strange in that 'you're laying next to who might as well be your best friend in his bed listening to sad music having a tentative heart to heart' kind of way.
"That... that might be kind of nice." he settled, maybe smiling a little. Whatever the odd feeling was, he kind of liked it.
"A-Anyway." Shiloh sat up with aplomb, patting his hands down on the bed. He had only just gotten here, and they had only cycled through a couple songs, but he remembered something very vital, "I never did bring that icee I promised."
"We can listen again some other time, like you said." feeling sad was good and relaxing when he needed a good vent, but he sort of wanted to have a little bit of happiness too.
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 8:05 pm
Glub glub"So, I gotta say,"
Shiloh was looking at the tank and the wonderful variety of accessories Jamie had decorated it with. The gravel was pink and colorful, the decorations were intricate and Shiloh could tell they weren't cheap. Not only that, but the stand the tank sat on was lined with even more things, and Shiloh could just tell Jamie probably was one to swap them all out every so often.
This ******** fish probably lived better than he did. Or well it would, but...
"The tank is kickass." he finally finished his thought, "But like... why're you keeping it empty?"
The other tanks were pampered, but subpar compared to this empty one. Shiloh made well to comment on every other fish, but this empty one was the last one he came upon, and well...
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2016 8:25 pm
Glub GlubLoitering back at the previous tank and using his finger to slowly guide a few of the fish around with a dumb smile on his face, Jamie almost missed the compliment and question altogether. "Huh?" he blurted out eloquently before his mind finally caught up with what was going on. That's when his expression drooped a tiny bit, but only enough that the smile he'd worn seconds earlier was now tinged with faint sadness.
"That was Glubby's tank." Joining Shiloh next to the extravagant setup, he pressed a finger to the glass, swirling it around in a muted version of what he'd been doing at the other tank.
"She... was my very first fish ever and I... I guess I couldn't bring myself to use it for anyone else." It was stupid and Jamie knew it, but he was getting misty over a goldfish. When she died, he'd cleaned out her tank and put everything back the way it had been, unable to completely let go. She'd been with him through so very much.
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 8:35 am
Phantoms of the PastWhen Jamie woke up with a start at four in the morning, it wasn't because of the unrelenting restlessness that had been plaguing him recently. Fueled by panic but impaired by grogginess, he stumbled out of bed to grab his phone from its perch across the room, almost tripping more than once. Holding it like a precious gem between both hands, he barely made it back to the safety of the covers before the waterworks started.
Sometimes Jamie dreamed of being bullied. Occasionally his body and mind recalled, without his permission, what it felt like to be shoved and laughed at. He remembered being forced into a locker, left to contemplate way too many thoughts as the air grew stale and shadows played at the edge of his vision until he was finally released by the very same people who hurt him.
Fear still gripped him as he shakily thumbed at his phone, not wanting to disturb Shiloh, but not wanting to be alone, either. He felt pathetic.
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 12:59 pm
Glub GlubShiloh pursed his lips while he watched Jamie, eye trained on his fingertips as he delicately swirled them around the glass. Jamie was sensitive; Shiloh knew this. The mist in his eyes didn't go unnoticed, as slight as it was.
Comfort wasn't really Shiloh's jurisdiction, though.
"But I bet she'd be sad knowin' her old stompin' grounds are goin' to waste." he offered tentatively. "It's a nice tank."
"Like, imagine a new one. We could call her uh... Glub glub. 'Cause y'know, Glubby the second?" it was weak and stupid but he was trying.
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 1:05 pm
Phantoms of the PastTruth be told, Shiloh actually was not awake for once. Somewhere between here and there with his head on the pillow, Shiloh had managed into an easy sleep, face smashed ungracefully against the pillow as he slept on his stomach.
Fortunately for Jamie, Shiloh was an incredibly light sleeper when he was left to the sanctity of his own humble room. The buzz from his phone and the light from his screen roused him, eyes creaking open. Had it been anyone else, he would have gone right back to bed, but the fact was Jamie was practically the only one other than Ollie that had his number.
The typos and otherwise blatant signs of urgency were pretty much lost on him, being muddled through hazy sleep-warmth and barely coherent consciousness, but he replied all the same.
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 3:20 pm
Glub GlubEven as he looked Shiloh's direction, Jamie's hand never left the glass, though his fingers did curl into a loose fist against it. "You... really think it's that nice?" It's not that he didn't believe it. Jamie knew it was a nice tank and he'd put many, many hours into perfecting it for his precious golden girl, but he still wasn't all that used to compliments.
"It probably sounds silly, but... I know she liked it a lot. She was really active, even when she was ten."
Letting his hand slip back to his side, he let out a breath that sounded almost like a laugh. "Glubby 'Glub Glub' the Second, huh?" The sadness lingered in his eyes, but... "I... never thought I'd be able to do that, but... it has been three years since... S-So, maybe..."
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 3:26 pm
Phantoms of the Past'I am now.' The sickness in his stomach doubled when he read that through blurry vision, realizing he'd woken Shiloh up. It had become blatantly obvious in the time they'd known each other that his friend didn't sleep a lot, and though he'd been reassured it was okay, Jamie hated to wake him. All over again he felt pathetic and awful. He didn't deserve this kind of attentiveness. It was just a dumb dream, it wasn't real, it was only a memory. Why did he let this get to him so much?TEXT TO SHILOH i m sorry i didn't mmean to qake you p
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 3:43 pm
Glub Glub"Well duh." was Shiloh's retort, and by the look on his face it was obvious that he sensed Jamie's own pride in it. He knew why Jamie was asking for that validation though; insecurities were a thing that they had all too in common.
"I mean, if you can't, you can't." he looked over at Jamie as he stared into the tank, looking at things that really didn't seem to be there anymore, "But I bet'cha wakin' up and seein' this thing full rather'n empty is gonna feel lots better than it does now, huh?"
"Hey, we could go together if you wanted, yeah?"
Truth be told, Shiloh only wanted to go to the petstore because he liked to look at the hamsters, so this would work out great.
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 3:50 pm
Phantoms of the PastIt took Shiloh a moment, but he slowly realized that his difficult in reading the text wasn't due to his dyslexia, or the fact that his eyes were half open, nor the fact that he was barely awake. It was because they were riddled with typos and hard to decipher as a result.
He yawned, slowly typing out a response.
TEXT TO JAMIE idgaf ill rest when im dead
That made Shiloh laugh aloud, honestly. Good one Beaumont.
TEXT TO JAMIE srsly tho u ok i told u 2 im me if u ever needed smth
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Posted: Tue May 31, 2016 4:01 pm
Glub GlubThe hesitation was obvious, but since meeting Shiloh it was impossible to deny that Jamie had become bolder, more sure of himself, and a little more comfortable with letting things go. The changes were very, very minuscule at this point, but they were there.
"Well... I mean... I really do love this tank." The waffling was real, but slowly he was tipping towards yes. "It's not like she'd be replacing Glubby, but... you might be right, it's a waste to let it sit empty." The dull smile got noticeably brighter, like a weight was lifting off his shoulders.
"I'd really, um, like it if we could go together, but we've gotta fill the tank and let it get to room temperature first. O-Oh-! Um, I mean, if you wanna help..."
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