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 Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:11 pm
"Haha," Rodney said, "The verse I was thinking above...was actually about fathers. 'What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?'."
Rodney folded his hands.
"Maybe that's...part of the problem. The...pride. The feeling you have to get it yourself."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:25 pm
"I do have to get it myself." he said matter of factly. "You can't trust anyone but yourself at the end of the day. The whole world is full of people looking out for number one."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:30 pm
"Most people," Rodney agreed. "But...who you need to trust and ask...that's God. Not a person. I...we're supposed to die to ourselves. To not pursue..."
Rodney clutched his knees.
"Anyway. You saved someone, didn't you?"
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:33 pm
"I don't know if I believe in any God but myself Rodney. No one but me has ever tried to care for me." he shook his head. "To say otherwise would be lying."
"And yes, a stranger. Possibly incidental."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:37 pm
Rodney looked rankled at that.
"There is a God. And it's not true. Many...many people have cared for you. How could you say that, when..."
He froze, slumping some.
"Or do you mean, when you weren't...acting."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:44 pm
"People want someone nice, someone who does what they want and laughs at their jokes." he said. "They don't want to know me or what I am and when they do get a look they want to kill it or lock it away. Because what I am is something with destiny, something and someone with somewhere to be."
He sniffed. "People care for what they get me to be for them."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 3:05 pm
"They want to be loved, you mean," Rodney said, even more sadly. "Yes, I suppose..."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 3:11 pm
"Most of them do yes. And not in your entirely feasible way but something more profound, something more instinctual. Something I obviously can't give." he leaned his cheek on the pillow wearily. "I can give you friendship and whatever you deem appropriate within that and I've given you effort, I've tried to be this better person and will continue to do so."
"I'm just too tired to be anything good right now."
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