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 Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2015 11:59 pm
Talking? - no, no talking. Hitch was s**t at talking, and he knew it. Not the real stuff, anyway. Small talk, fine. Talking about someone else, fine. Talking about something like this? Well, look how ******** well that'd gone the first time.
Not to say he was without words at all as he led Tolliver along back to the couch, and kept finding small ways to touch him, to stay in the moment - a brush of hair behind an ear, a brush of fingers across his cheek, things like that. "Y'know, " he murmured, finally plopping down on the couch. "There's somethin' funny... I just ********' realized." But he didn't tug Tolliver down beside him.
Instead, his heart beating hard and adrenaline rushing in his veins, he just went ahead and tugged Tolliver gently, but firmly, onto his lap, facing him. Hitch's cheeks were tinted deep red, because even if this wasn't exactly all new territory to him - this definitely was. He drew a deep breath to try and steady himself, but his voice was still hoarse as he went on, "I know you're from England, an' you got a twin, an' all this other s**t, but... "
He toyed idly with one of the top buttons on Tolliver's shirt; when it came undone, he did nothing to fix it. Just brushed his fingers briefly over the new expanse of exposed skin and moved on to the next one. "I don't know when your damn birthday is, or like - ********, how old you even are."
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 12:11 am
His head did not feel entirely clear, not because of alcohol, but because of the sheer closeness of Hitch, the fact that he seemed unable to stay still, fingers restlessly moving over his face, in his hair. A haze of warmth and longing had settled over Tolliver, not entirely eliminating the anxiety that was still pulsing through him.
A soft gasp of surprise was exhaled as he was pulled down, legs bracketing Hitch's hips, sitting in his lap. Tolliver felt his face burn, but Hitch's cheeks were of a similar color, which made him feel just a little less embarrassed. He had tensed at first, shoulders stiff, but slowly, very slowly, it began to ease.
Hitch's hand on his shirt was received with a little sound that had Tolliver reeling with embarrassment, almost clapping his hand over his mouth, but he made no move to shy away from it, willing himself to remain still. His own hands were resting on both of Hitch's shoulders, Tolliver uncertain what he should be doing with them.
"I'm..." he shifted a little, easing closer to Hitch, biting his lip yet again, because it was a habit he couldn't seem to stop when he was nervous. "Twenty-two," Tolliver said breathlessly, shame flooding his voice, because he felt pathetic for being unable to have more experience at his age. "Birthday..."
His fingers fluttered over Hitch's lips tentatively. "October nineteenth."
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 12:35 am
He liked watching the tension slowly melt out of Tolliver's shoulders, but he loved the sound he made when it came to the shirt. It was short, sudden, expected - and above all else pretty damn cute, something he wouldn't normally have even admitted to himself. Hitch said nothing about it, but the way his lips curled at the edges said more than words would have anyway.
Three buttons down.
Hitch was listening intently as he toyed with one button after the other, filing the information away in the back of his mind. When he heard the shame in Tolliver's voice, he rubbed a soothing hand up and down his side along with a reassuring smile. Or it was supposed to be reassuring. It was really more sultry than anything, but hey.
Hitch kissed Tolliver's fluttering fingertips, shutting his eyes for a split second as he repeated it back to himself: "October nineteenth." He would remember it. With Tolliver's shirt hanging open now, he reached up and pushed it back off his shoulders. Hitch had looked before, but - the first time he'd been sort of drunk, and then the next morning had been that whole - thing. He took a little more time to appreciate it this time, looking Tolliver over, sliding one hand up over his chest and down to his belly where he stopped.
"Tell me somethin' else, " he rumbled softly, tugging Tolliver closer still so his lips could brush across his collarbone. "Anythin'."
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 12:49 am
He felt nervous with each button undone, anxiety pooling in his stomach, making his fingers tremble. Tolliver's hands tightened a little on Hitch's shoulders, feeling the hand that moved gently, reassuringly up his side, though it did send shivers through him all the same.
He let his hand carefully move to Hitch's jaw, and then realized, a little belatedly, that the buttons were all undone now, and the anxiety skyrocketed, his head spinning as his shirt was pushed back. It fell to his elbows, the sleeves pooling, and Hitch's hand was warm against his skin, lips at his collar.
Tolliver had squeezed his eyes shut momentarily a shudder racing through him, fingers trembling even as he tried to pretend that he wasn't self-conscious about his body. The scar on his leg was bad enough, warping the skin terribly, but there were also smaller ones up and down his right side from where he'd skidded painfully across the pavement.
"I've...lived here for a few years now," he managed to get out, and he dared to lift a hand, his fingers brushing briefly through the tips of Hitch's hair. "I don't like...spicy foods. I can't swim. I like dogs better than cats, but we have a cat named Crook."
His arms slid hesitantly up, and then a little higher, and then Tolliver had given in, wrapping them fully around Hitch's neck, and his face was in the other man's hair, leaning entirely against him. He tried to ease some of the anxiety, tried not to let his fears twist things into something unpleasant.
"...I don't know why you're paying attention to me in the first place," Tolliver whispered, chest tightening. "I'm not...I mean, you're...you're much more..."
He couldn't quite get the words out properly.
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 1:20 am
The thing was, for all Tolliver's anxiety - scars didn't really bother Hitch. He was actually into them. Not his own, of course. It was always an exception when it came to himself, like the old acne scars he reviled, or the hint of scarring along his knuckles from one too many punched walls in his life. For anyone else, scars were untold stories. Tolliver's scars told a story he still couldn't bring himself to ask for, but they took smooth, ordinary skin and made something unique from it, almost like art, the swooping strokes of a brush.
It'd probably sound lame as s**t if he tried to say it like that, like 'hey, I think your scars are interesting'. So he found other ways to show his appreciation, like tracing his fingers softly along the lines of the scars as he continued lavishing his attention on Tolliver's collarbone. - there might be a mark later. Some sick part of him almost hoped there would be, somewhere his twin wouldn't be able to see it.
No spicy foods. No swimming. A cat named Crook. Again, each little tidbit was filed away, and he was hungry for more of them. He wanted to know more about Tolliver. Maybe say more of the right things, do things to keep him comfortable and happy. At least enough to try and keep this thing going for a little longer before it ended.
Then, there was a shift. Tolliver's arms were wrapped around him, and even if it was just his neck, his face buried in his hair, Hitch was acutely aware that this was the first time he'd simply been embraced by anyone in more than a year. The realization brought another wave of emotions over him, good and bad. He blinked furiously, trying to will them away, but it wasn't so easy to pull out of a riptide.
Hitch's hands shifted the minute Tolliver began putting himself down, sliding around the other man's back. His embrace was tight, his forehead still resting against Tolliver's collarbone. "I'm not, " he said simply, as though it were a matter of fact. "Whatever you think I'm more of, you're wrong."
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 1:37 am
For several moments, he completely lost track of time and sanity, words and thoughts replaced by soft gasps and eyes squeezed shut, Tolliver dizzy by the time he managed to wrap his arms around Hitch's neck and shoulders. It strained his own shirt, which was still half on, the sleeves around his arms, pushed off of his shoulders, but he didn't care, because he wanted to be closer, wanted to feel closer, not just physically, but mentally as well. And he was scared of what that might mean, terrified he was doing something wrong.
He felt Hitch's arms go around him, and Tolliver's grasp tightened a little, his eyes fluttering shut as he all but burrowed himself against him. A little shudder ran through him, chasing its way up and down his spine, and he couldn't help but think that it wasn't him that was mistaken, but Hitch. Hitch, who had somehow managed to pull him out of his share, catch sight of the side of him he'd tried so hard to keep hidden, to pretend didn't exist, because he'd been afraid of it, was still afraid of it.
Tolliver pulled back a little so that he could see Hitch's face, worrying at his lower lip. A shaking hand lifted, pressed against the side of the other man's face, thumb sweeping tentatively under his eye. His other hand followed suit, fingers dancing over Hitch's temple in hesitant, tender gestures, like he was trying to figure him out just by looking at him.
He wanted to get to know him more. Wanted...well, he wasn't sure, his thoughts warring - except for one thing, he knew one thing that he particularly wanted right at this moment.
Slowly, backing away just once, like he wasn't sure he could go through with it, his palms cupped Hitch's face, Tolliver bent his head and kissed him. And while it was still a little tentative, it steadily grew in strength and warmth, Tolliver leaning fully against Hitch to press him back against the couch cushions. He tried to remember some of the techniques that Hitch had used before, carefully deepening it after a short while.
"You are," Tolliver mumbled against his lips, when he finally paused for breath, eyes still closed, because he was afraid of the expression he'd see on Hitch's face. "You're more of everything. Before this, I...that is, I wasn't sure of...of much, I'm still not, but you - you're..."
He was babbling, sounding stupid, and Tolliver clamped his lips shut again, face aflame.
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 2:28 am
He couldn't get enough of it, those tiny gasps and the ways Tolliver moved, seeking out more of what Hitch had to offer. It wasn't just getting enjoyment or pleasure from making him squirm, it was... again, Hitch was realizing how badly he wanted to be needed for something, to matter somewhere, even to just one person. The whole idea that he might be the one making Tolliver do and say these things for the first time... maybe that was the reason he hadn't let Hitch go last time.
Then Tolliver pulled back, and Hitch felt an irrational surge of fear course through him, even as he chewed his lower lip in that ever-endearing way. Rejection was always an option, even now.
The fear passed quickly. There was that shaking, soft hand again, and Hitch watched him intently as his fingertips danced beneath his eye; both eyes were lined with dark circles, too many long days of work coupled with the trying nights of Eurydike. As the other hand traveled to his temple, he sighed softly, almost inaudibly, his eyes half-lidded again and just enjoying the attention, whether or not he deserved it.
Hitch, as a whole, looked older than he actually was. He'd had to grow up fast, and the pressure took its toll on him. His hair wasn't supposed to have so much salt to the pepper. Even if he retained some muscle, a probing touch would know he was thinner than he should be. Most of the time he stormed around, a cloud of cigarette smoke engulfing him, his shoulders tense but a smile at ready to please whoever he had to deal with in a day. His eyes were windows to an endless spectrum of emotions that he couldn't begin to process; instead, they festered, rotted, grew uglier and darker with time.
Then, his face was engulfed in Tolliver's warm and softness. His eyes fluttered shut without a second thought, and he lost himself to the kiss, parting his lips to invite more of Tolliver's affection. He hummed softly in the back of his throat as he was pressed back against the couch, and even the weight of Tolliver pressing against him made him happy. It made it feel more real, and when it felt real, he felt more alive. How long had he been running on auto-pilot? - it'd been so long he forgot what living even felt like anymore.
Then, Tolliver murmured some words against his lips, but Hitch still heard them clearly. His head swam and his chest tightened, his fingers curling against the skin of Tolliver's back. "I - " He was red, again, shocked. Even if he couldn't believe it, because he was anything but everything - the words still moved him immensely, no matter how much of a lie they were. "Tolli..."
He inhaled deeply through his nose, pressing his lips to Tolliver's again, slow, short, but sensual. "Stay with me, " and he didn't even really think about the words that left his mouth. He didn't have to. "I've got all day, so -- just stay with me, " and it was a s**t hole, yes, and it was anything but perfect, and there were hardly any places for Tolliver to sit. The fridge was almost empty and the cabinets were bare. But he still needed Tolliver to stay with him.
His hands slid down from Tolliver's back to rest on his hips, seeking out the protruding bone there to draw slow circles with his thumbs. "Will you?"
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 2:49 am
It was not so much that he felt entirely at ease with Hitch, because Tolliver was still wracked with anxiety and fear that he was making everything worse. But he wanted to feel comfortable with him, wanted to see the emotions in those eyes, to try and figure out the wry twist of his mouth, decipher the touch of his hands.
And he wanted Hitch to do the same for him, and maybe that was the whole point. Fritz knew him as well as any twin knew another, but no one else did, and Tolliver had spent most of his life trying to pretend that he was capable on his own, that he didn't want all of the ease and apparent joy that Fritz was sweeping in.
Except he did. He wanted it, desperately, to know that he was just as good as his brother, and there was no resentment, because Fritz was there, and he loved him - but it was different with family. There had been no one else to indicate that he, Tolliver, and not Fritz, was worth something, to remind Tolliver that he was desirable, needed, wanted, liked.
But maybe now...maybe just maybe...there was someone.
The slow, short kiss took his breath away, Tolliver's breath hitching in his throat. He blinked sluggishly at Hitch, trying to process the words being spoken, trying to figure out if they were true, or if he was just imagining things again. A swell of warmth spread its way through him, and his fingers fell away from Hitch's face. He didn't know in what context Hitch wanted him to stay, if he meant it intimately or otherwise, but it didn't matter.
"Yes," Tolliver murmured, and his arms had slid back around Hitch's shoulders now, wrapped tightly around them. "I'll stay with you." He kissed him back, again, and the hesitation was slipping away, replaced by a simple raw need to not walk away from this, from him. Tolliver kissed him slowly, because he didn't know how to do it any other way, but deeply now, instilling as much emotion as he could into it, still a little clumsy, still inexperienced.
"What..." he mumbled, trying to formulate proper words, but failing. Tolliver's forehead pressed against Hitch's. "What do you...want to do right now?"
He realized how that sounded, flushed red, but held his ground, Tolliver's lips ghosting briefly over Hitch's piercing.
"Tell me what you want," he said softly.
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 10:20 pm
Irrationally, somewhat stupidly, a surge of uncertainty swept through Hitch when Tolliver's hand fell away. He was blushing as endearingly as ever, but - that didn't mean anything. Had it sounded too much like pleading? Had he wrecked the moment by pushing Tolliver too hard? God ******** damnit, he just wanted --
-- something like this, like arms wrapped tightly around him, ensuring a presence that wasn't so eager to go. There was tension in Hitch's shoulders when Tolliver embraced him, but it melted away quickly as he subtly sagged with relief. Then he kissed him, and ********, experienced or not, he felt the effort and the emotions that Tolliver was pouring into him, trusting him with. Hitch shuddered and returned it, winding his fingers through Tolliver's hair with one hand, the other still stroking his hip.
And he said he wasn't passionate. Tolliver really didn't have a clue, did he?
Hitch's eyes were smoldering by the time the kiss ended, and his tongue slid quickly over his own lips again, still tasting him there. "I think you know what I want, " he whispered, the hand on Tolliver's hip sliding down to his clothed thigh. "Cause you do too... don't you?"
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 10:34 pm
His fears and anxieties were yelling at him, screaming that it was a mistake to let it get this far, that he'd pushed far past the boundaries of what was acceptable. Surely if Fritz - or anyone else - found out, he'd be mocked, taunted, told that it was wrong -
And yet in spite of that, the overpowering urge to just be near Hitch was winning out over everything. The fears were simmering in his stomach, causing butterflies, but Hitch's rasping voice, the touch of his hand against his leg, the warmth of his lips against Tolliver's; all of that, combined with his passion and easygoing nature, made it almost unthinkable to just walk away and leave it behind.
Hitch made him feel needed, wanted. A thousand other things that sent his head into overdrive.
It was true, he probably didn't need to ask, but he'd asked away, and now he was just looking at Hitch, Tolliver's eyes meeting Hitch's own hazy, intense gaze that was burning with everything he didn't have to actually say. Tolliver bit his lip, and his hand rose, shaking fingers hesitantly sliding through Hitch's hair.
Everything else be damned, he could not walk away, and didn't want to.
He didn't answer verbally, but instead simply let the shirt still tangled around his arms fall free as it slipped onto the floor. Tolliver's fingers went back to flutter in Hitch's hair, giving a small nod after only the smallest hesitancy - and a tentative smile touched his lips, shy and a little uncertain, but leaving no doubt as to his answer.
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Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 11:10 pm
It was the perfect answer, and Hitch's smile was less unsure and more sultry than it had ever been. He slid his fingers from Tolliver's hair downwards, along the side of his neck and down his bare arm. Then, both hands hooked under Tolliver's legs, and --
"Hold onto me."
When he was sure Tolliver would be safe, he lifted him, turning so he could gently lay the other man down on the couch. He took extra care to make sure he didn't do jostle that leg more than he had to. It wasn't done out of pity, but awareness, respect, affection, those were all etched clearly across his face. Then, he eased himself onto the couch above him, leaning down to catch Tolliver's lips once, hot and flash with a fleeting flick of his tongue. Then he moved onto his neck, less kissing him and more nuzzling into his pulse and savoring the bob of his adam's apple.
Hitch's lips lingered for a moment longer on Tolliver's collarbone - he loved how delicately smooth the line of it was - and his teeth lightly grazed the already bruised skin before he trailed down, leaving a line of dampness along his chest. Then took his time, savoring the subtle quiver of Tolliver's belly as he kissed there. Then further.
He felt the scathing eyes of his mother's portraits, so lovingly scattered throughout the apartment, burning into his back. But it was a pain he was going to have to learn to live with.
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