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 Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:05 pm
He looked at the open arms and looked back up to Jan. He seemed so sure things would be already, that no harm would come to him, and yet everything about the looming future spoke of danger and sharp edges he could not prevent.
"But..." He felt his body shudder and that painful tightening about his vocal chords as if all his insides wanted to shrink inward.
"....what if she comes again? What if something stronger comes, and what if I just get in the way? Or what if I'm not there? Or...what if whatever it is, comes to you? Takes you away right in front of me and I can't do anything about it just like her?"
His eyes squeezed trying to close as he fought to keep them open, fought to keep them from blinking and letting loose hot tears. "I'm sorry." he said, reaching into his pocket for his artifact and going to wipe his eyes. "I just....wonder if it's safe if you are even around me sometimes."
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:11 pm
Lawrence raised a brow but made no move to withdraw.
"You do not get in the way. You are an asset. I do not keep baggage, I cast it aside. If you cannot do anything it does not matter, what happens happens and worrying about it will not do anything but destroy the present for you. Will you let some unseen evil seize even your present happiness from you?"
It was difficult for him to be soft or reassuring, to understand why it would be hard, why Melvin could not begin to let go. "Are you trying to make me feel bad?" he asked, trying another tactic. "I am not a hunter yet Melvin. I am less fit than you and I have one hand. If you feel inadequate to helping to protect me then how can I ever feel equal to being fit to protect you?"
He looked away but still did not lower his arms. "I am not the one in danger Melvin."
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:24 pm
He stopped, seeing how Jan was feeling bad for how Melvin had spoken to him. It was never his intention to outwardly say that Jan was week. While he was emtionally strong and confidence, Melvin did worry how physically strong he was, the missing hand only making him just as concerned as he was with Rin.
"No. No-no-no. I'm sorry. I just.... I just - I just worry. That's all. I didn't mean to say that. I'm just- too into my head. Thinking about before. About how it was or could be and - " He looked to Jan again, seeing his own open arm and went into hold him.
"I'm sorry." He said, hoping to reassure him.
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:51 pm
Lawrence held Melvin tightly, rather effectively conveying intense and needy emotions where there weren't any at all. "It's fine." he said. "You are allowed to worry, but don't let it consume you, don't let it take away from the things you could be doing in the present. We are both fine and safe right now and working towards freeing Rin one day at a time, and for me that is all that matters."
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 8:03 pm
He nodded, quiet, and held Jan a bit more tightly, to feel him there. To know he existed, how his body felt, and know it was all real. To fall into the delusion that right now, things were safe, that this place was safe, and everything was okay. To push aside the looming idea something was coming and how inadequacies might be challenged, and what future it meant for all of them.
For now, he let his breathing slow back to normal, took in the warmth and smell of the other man, listening to Jan's own breathing, and held him tightly in his arms. "You're right. Right now.....it's ok. We're safe. We're alive and here." In his room, near him.
"I guess I should focus on the time you are here than if you'll go away." And he once again tried to push Rin's death back down into his mind and focus on present sensations.
He stroked Jan's short hair, wishing it was longer, and turned to kiss his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm a mess. You can hit me next time."
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 5:35 pm
It was not actually easy for Lawrence to hug other people, it ran against his innate instincts which tended to rankle and bristle at contact, it was too much sensory input and often veered into discomfort. He had been getting better at it again on the island due primarily to habituation and practice and only glancingly noticed the old responses at all. Melvin was a good and useful individual and distinctly uncomplicated. He pursued a singular goal much in the same way that Lawrence himself did and for the most part it had been arranged that they both were going in the same direction - that of Lawr's best interests.
"Yes." he said, gently rubbing Melvin's back. "Safe."
He smiled at the kiss a little broader. "And please do focus on the present, I rather enjoy spending it with you."
He had to assume that Melvin would not actually want to be hit and the comment was merely an exaggeration, he did not seem inclined to Maebe's particular style of treatment.
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2015 6:38 pm
He held Jan a moment, closing his eyes and just glad to have him near. This was now. This is what he could have, this is what he did have, and this is what he never wanted to loose yet at present, could enjoy. If time was precious, if nothing was certain, then Jan was right. He had to focus on the now and enjoy every moment he could while he could.
Which meant he should do whatever he could and what he regretted he never did when Rin went away.
Again, he kissed lightly, before holding Jan softly to him. "You're right. I should be happy with what I have instead of what I didn't. Just you two being here with me - that's a miracle in itself. I wouldn't trade that for the world."
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