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 Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 5:38 pm
He chuckled before letting his hands slide down, his stomach now vacant of that contact.
"He is sometimes.....when he has the energy."
Again, he grew quiet. "I want Barth to keep wanting me. That's what makes me happy. I don't want to end up alone again." He played with the buttons on his jacket. "He went and found Lilith...and I got worried. He showed me you......and I got worried. What.........what if he's bored?" He looked up at Zar. "I'd be more unhappy than I am now - if things were back before I went to school. When no one liked me."
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 6:30 pm
"Even when he doesn't have energy he's a p***k." Zar said irritably. "You shouldn't cater to him."
As far as Calder's doubts went, he couldn't reassure him, he had no way to know if Barth was bored or distractable and no way to know if he'd run off on both of them. Or try. "If he ran away you'd be on you own?" he asked carefully before pushing on regardless, it didn't matter. "Just because you are scared of being on your own doesn't mean you should try and change yourself. If you want to try out the female things, do it, but do it because you want to know, not because you want to twist yourself into something else for the sake of that idiot."
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 6:50 pm
Calder mumbled a "ok" and rolled over to his side, looking at Zar and frowning. "Just....wondering if at least if I worked this hard at it, if it would help my life any better. Or...I could use it to just.....make everyone happier to be around me." Because in the end, he'd rather have the security of having a family than one that would break apart before it really had a chance to start.
Reaching out, he lightly touched the side of Zar's stomach.
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 7:28 pm
Zar shook his head. "Pandering to people never makes life better. It doesn't make you happy. Finding people who like what you are, right at the core, that's what makes you happy. Or well, has the best chance of it anyway."
He didn't flinch at the contact, but instead looked over at Calder. "If you respect yourself, other people will respect you."
It was all a very convincing line, but one that he all too often failed to follow himself.
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 7:39 pm
He continued to pet Zar's side, trying to distance himself from the conversation that still left him conflicted. Zar was being sweet, sweeter than he usually was, and while the kepie felt bad, it wasn't a feeling that Zar had brought on like usual. Instead, the incubi was being soft and comforting, and he almost wanted him to have more things to say, to feel worse, just so the demon could stay here and comfort him longer. Just so he could hear sweeter words.
Shuffling closer, he moved to try and lay his head against Zar, before he stopped. Instead, he set his hand against Zar's stomach, feeling the thick fur between his fingers, and just let it rise and fall with Zar's own breathing.
"Zar.......... can I try something?"
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 7:46 pm
Zar's instincts were deeply animalistic and this meant that any contact on his underbelly was perceived as a deeply dangerous and touchy matter. Anyone else touching so close to his vital organs would have rapidly found a set of fangs in their hand. But it was Calder, so short of a flick of his ears and a wary curl of his tail, he tolerated it without complaint.
"Yesss?" he said, raising a brow.
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 8:03 pm
Turning about. he laid parallel to Zar, and soon the rolling mist collected about his body, expanding out and up till he was a mare once more. It had been strange, but while Calder grew up with a natural form as a mare, it had felt different recently and he felt uncomfortable from it. Even when Zar wasn't there, he was overly aware of his body, and he felt as if just being her was now off. Was now - somehow no longer right.
She laid there, body against body, and then lowered her head to lay down beside Zar's arm.
She had worried ever since Zar had made comments, but sweet as he was being right now, she wanted to see if she could feel comfortable as just her again. If it could be like before.
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 8:19 pm
Zar did not seem phased by Calder's changed shape, but instead looked him over thoughtfully. He deliberately did not hit on her or make any sort of overtures as to gender, though it was very very difficult for him with all of his instincts snarling at him that he was in the vicinity of an attractive female.
He sat down and yawned, a gesture which showed off the strange multiple rows of teeth he had and the jet black interior of his jaws. He had to re-set his jawbones carefully when he was done.
"What was it you wanted to try?" he asked casually.
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 8:25 pm
She laid there, but her large, green-black eyes looked up at him. "This.......just.......laying beside a boil who likes lady parts. And being ok with that again."
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 8:39 pm
Zar looked slightly baffled by the entire prospect, laying down himself on the floor and looping his tail around them both in a protective circle.
"Why wouldn't you be okay with that?" he tilted his head. "You are normally so chatty."
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Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2015 8:51 pm
The tail made her tense at first, but then she relaxed again and went to sniffing Zar's paw and laying her head back down.
"I never really thought of anyone being interested in those parts ever that I forgot they could even be used for anything. That they were even there. I grew up like this without anyone saying those things. I can be Calder with a pin and want it cause I know how all that works. All parts of me. I never did anything like me as this. Now I don't even know what to do with myself. I don't even know if I'm uncomfortable or just.... Feeling weird?"
She looked at Zar. "You were just being so nice right now. I wanted to feel ok again like this."
She whispered now. "I felt afraid last time."
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Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:27 pm
Zar did not move, able to hold perfectly still when the need arose, currently cautious of giving Calder reason to be flighty and as such doing all that he could to soothe the mare. His instincts rendered it a difficult task, naturally geared towards taking advantage of weakness or fear and pushing them (and his prey) to their limits. He did not want to upset the kelpie, to be honest he wasn't sure what he did want of Calder or what was even right to ask. They always seemed to be speaking different languages and it made communicating difficult, even now it was tough for Zar to explain to the other just how easy gender felt to him, moving effortlessly between one and the other like his forms, his only hesitance stemming from his mother's warnings about competition with her.
"That was rather naive of you I suppose." he said calmly. "Most creeple I think you will find won't think anything of whatever parts you have, most are too young or too indifferent to fixate on that sort of thing. I am one of the exceptions, but you know my nature, you know what I am. Of course I would appreciate beauty in the nether regions and temptation therin, it is a complement, not an insult." He carefully did not look at Calder's rump, instead looking fixedly at her face. "You told me that it was fine to understand all parts of oneself or I would never have ventured to relax into this shape, shouldn't you be fine with learning the nuances of your various genders?"
He flicked his tongue and it flashed his senses with a sudden dazzling influx of scent and colour. "If you wanted to learn, I could help you, but if you do not, that is fine too, you will simply never know if you are truly uncomfortable or if it is just anxiety and trepidation at the unknown. One must take the plunge to know if the water is as deep as one thought."
Once again he set a paw on Calder, this time on her back, near her shoulders. It was not threatening but an attempt at being reassuring, his long talons harmlessly draped across her.
"I do not do nice." he said playfully. "You really must be mistaken."
"Afraid?" he went on. "Of me? Whatever the heaven for?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2015 10:12 am
She tended at first at the law in her back, startled and concerned something was about to happen she didn't want. But as the fresh wave of panic came on her, she fought back the urge to get up and run and stayed still, taking measures breathes. After a while, she pushed the concern down best she could. She already knew what it felt like. It felt like fear, nervousness, worry that she wouldn't be pretty enough or woukd benson pretty as to make her other gender unwanted. It was worry that she would be too different than the boil she knew and it was a mix of concern about maybe actually wanting it - and what that might mean. It was also the unknown, what she hadn't tried and how it would work that made it overwhelming. She didn't ask for help unless absolutely necessary. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone and make them feel as if she was a chore.
But Zar was right.
Huffing to the point of having her lips vibrate, she leaned her head down. "You're right. I should try. Just never thought I'd eat my own words."
And then, more quietly, she whispered. "...I need help."
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Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2015 10:44 am
Zar could feel at least parts of the panic through the link but kept his own emotions back, concealing the fact he was listening to Calder's emotions at all.
He smiled gently. "Sometimes that is just what happens. We are all very good at giving advice, not so good at following it ourselves. It's far easier to see other people's problems and their potential solutions than our own, we are inside our own snowglobe so to speak."
He perked his ears at her final comment but still did not move, relaxed and with his eyes half closed.
"Well you know that I could help you of course. I even have scale models if you wanted to examine what it all looks like. I am well equipped to help you on that count, if not the hesitance and uncertainty."
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 8:06 am
"If you are okay with it, I'd like to see thise. I - haven't had the chance to be with a ghoul so I'm kinda looking at whatever I have. If I'm going to do this, I want to at least look normal and as I should." She didn't want to look lumpy or off in any way.
Settling still, she idly started to sniff the air around Zar, usually not able to be in her natural form and this close to smell him as deeply.
"And... If you could check them - to make sure they look okay?" She ventured
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