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 Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 12:43 am
"Is now," Felicia asked, tentative, "a b-b-bad time to say I w-wish I had them? S-sometimes-- especially for cosplay-- I wear some f-fake ones." The idea of being so terrorized just for freckles and red hair blew her mind. "Makes sense though. You want to like, you know. C-control the narrative you p-present to the world. Nothing wrong with that." Felicia wrung her hands as he talked about love and power, pulling people in like they were mortals and he were the undertow, an inescapable grasp if you could just hold on tight enough. "What happens," she asked, continuing the metaphor, "if they c-cut their strings?" The fact that Rep had reached out for contact was nigh monumental, even if she was too oblivious to truly grok the significance. "Well, not everyone! B-but I've seen and stuff. I dunno. I g-guess you made some bad choices, but don't we all, is what I wonder? The w-world's not black and white at all. And things are d-different here." Leesha pushed her glasses up her nose again, grinning at Rep. "T-thanks! Neediness is my l-lke, anathema. I f-feel like I don't understand a lot of girls, and I don't mean that in a like, I'm so much b-better than them kind of way. I just don't g- get them, like a bunch of p-puzzle boxes. If you b-breathe wrong, you might spring a trap, you know?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 9:32 am
Rep gave Felicia a strange sort of look. "It's no weird, there seems to be some weird ******** thing in America where it's seen as like a desirable pretty thing rather than some genetic blight." It was hard to imagine a world where he wouldn't always have stuck out as an object of acceptable ridicule, where he could have gone through school in peace without having to over-compensate for the freckles and the target he presented. "It just isnae fun, and aye, you need to control things, you need to control everything or it'll all get away from you, you know?"
"And if people like, cut the strings then you need to get rid of them, you need to salvage what they have of you or get the strings back." There was a grim finality to the way he said it. "And you can't be gentle with them, you can't let them get an inch on you because they have your weakness and if they escape one day they'll be the most ******** dangerous kind of enemy there is, the kind that can hurt you in ways that aren't surface."
He did smirk though, deciding that despite himself he did like the other hunter. "Aye things are never black and white, the world just isnae that simple. Sometimes there are things that are wrong but also right, one thing but also another, a person isnae flat good or bad, right or wrong, and its the ones who are certain that they are an absolute that are the most ******** scary thing of all. I mean I talk a big game, but I'm just as ******** lost as everyone else, trying to stay grounded when every day, every ******** minute I'm like someone else depending on my mood. How do you even stay grounded like that?" he shrugged.
"And some bitches are just completely mental. You've got your needy ones who go off the deep end when someone leaves them or hurts them cause like, to them its a comment on their self worth, confirmation of like, s**t they already think about themselves. It just makes them crazier and that's where the traps lie, and the other sort like, they are all about control. Those are the ones like, who are your proper like dangerous bitches, usually swank and well groomed, cause their outside is the most important thing, they want people to see them and think about them a certain way, they are dangerous too though, cause if you leave them, you've insulted that image and corrupted it and they can't handle it. I prefer the first sort of bitches, those ones are easier, as long as you tell them they matter they'll be happy, the other ones won't ever be happy, not ever, because you can't control the whole world and that's the only thing they want. They age, they get less pretty, they realise how hopeless it is, they get worse."
She got a critical look. "I dunno what kind of b***h you are. You are sort of space-casey. Don't get attached but are still like, enthusiasm. I bet you'd be upset if your PC ******** you and left."
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Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 7:09 pm
Felicia barely covered her face in time to stifle a snort. In America. talking about the country in any capacity was basically ruined for her, at least with that phrasing. But she straightened up to continue listening, "That sounds," and she struggled for the words, brows knotting beneath heavy bangs, " exhausting. T-to try and hold onto everything. I'd r-rather just like, l-let it go, and if they w-walk over me, then so it goes, and hopefully they won't w-want to do it again." Ah, her endless fountain of naive optimism. "And t-that sounds even more complicated. You're breaking it down into their hardwired p-programming, but they can go even more b-base than that. Why are they the w-way they are? What are they, peeling it all b-back, why does what motivates them...well. M-motivate them? I d-don't really understand something until I t-take it apart, so I think I'm like, k-kinda ********. The world is just g-gonna have to be a mystery, I think." At the notion of her computer actually ******** her and leaving, Felicia looked both perplexed and offended. "H-how we talking here? Is this s-some Chobits s**t where my b-baby becomes a hot android g-guy? Can I still use him f-for hours without him complaining, with no r-rest for like, six months?" She waggled a finger at Rep. "Who is h-he leaving me for? Another p-person, or like, another high end PC? The d-devil's in the details, dude."
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Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2015 8:12 am
"Once they've walked over you they've gained a doormat and they'll do it again and again for ever and ever. It'll never stop. But if you are ok with that then I guess that's fine? I mean, some people don't get too bothered by being used as a doormat. I do, I cannae hand it, I get too invested, I'm mair a user than a use-ee."
She got an inclined brow. "Oh aye, there's mair to it, but that basic programming doesn't like, have much bearing on the surface, with people there's no need to go right down to binary or address assembly level when you can measure them just ******** fine on the surface. You can't change them, you can't edit them, you just need to know what they are going to ******** do and what ******** people are just a frontend ui with nothing but shite behind it. If you want to go right down to basics though, I agree you are pretty ********, trying to get a handle on what's under the hood of most people is like trying to grab something alive, something twisting and changing without structure, impacted by moods and history and all sorts of ********, it's no like code, there's no structure, its more like I don't know man. It's organic."
He seemed to have thought about the computer thing and shook his head. "I'm talking your only computer, your best one who maybe could do all that s**t, just ups and leaves you for someone else like oh they use me so much better. To get another one you have to work for months and months tediously convincing this new PC to come ******** let you use it. In the meantime you get nothing. That's what this s**t is like. And the old one gives all your source code to its new user."
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Posted: Fri Jun 26, 2015 7:03 pm
"I guess," Felicia said, dubious. "Maybe t-that's it. User and the one used." She tapped the table with her fingers, nails too blunt and chewed on to make any sort of nice rat-a-tat against the surface. "But that's not true, you know. P-people can go outside their expected b-behavior all the time. B-bugs in the source code are possible for people. You've n-never thought you've known s-somebody, and then they w-went and did something unexpected?" As far as Felicia knew, people were infinite until they made a choice and committed to it. They could do anything nothing. "So I g-guess that's why I need to look f-for something deeper. Everything h-has structure. We're just animals, and animal b-behaviour can be understood, taken apart, d-deconstructed. It's just...more complicated. There h-has to be answers, somewhere in our l-lizard brains. I just c-can't get to them. I don't grok at all." She sighed, twisting her fingers in her hair the more and more Rep talked about her precious darling Computer-tan leaving her. "Nnnnnnooo," she whispered, holding her face, swept away in the scenario and the following mental distress. " B-but he was the chosen one."
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Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2015 10:48 am
"People don't." he said grimly. "They just don't. If they go outside their expected behaviour, you didn't have them figured out well enough." He shook his head. "And naw actually. I've never been surprised by something someone else did. There's a lot of times when I'm like please surprise me. Please be something more than I thought you were. But they aren't. They are never anything else than what they are."
He shrugged his shoulders. "For me its just instinct. Like feeling it in your bones when a storm is coming or some s**t. I don't know man. It's all complicated and stupid."
He did smile at her reaction to the loss of her PC though. "Told you. That's what it's like. That's why I get so mad. Like no they can't have all my hard ******** work."
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Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2015 10:03 pm
"Woah." Felicia squinted at Rep, suspicious of his ability to grok. "Not even like, your m-man?" A low, warbling sort of whistle. "M-maybe you're the compiler, then. I'll h-have to ask you for advice." She unclutched her face, looking shaken. "N-no wonder. Maybe you w-were right after all, about me b-being lucky. C-caring that much about everything sounds so exhaaaaaaaaausting." Felicia flopped back into her chair, boneless, in a position that did not look at all comfortable.
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2015 3:15 pm
He shook his head. "No even him. Whenever I'm surprised its usually just like, when I deliberately ignore my first instincts and try and think well of people. It doesn't end well really, I should always just listen. Sometimes I just want the benefit of the doubt though." he sighed.
"And aye, you are. It's ******** tiring. There are a lot of times when I wouldn't mind just being able to like, power down, just switch off for ever. But can't, no rest till I'm dead."
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Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:04 pm
She whistled low, impressed. "Aw, t-that's your problem!" Felicia looked awfully cheerful for a cynic. "I t-try to have like, low expectations of everyone. It helps avoid b-being disappointed, you know?" Felicia hummed a little. "I g-guess that's all of us, though. Nowhere t-to go but ahead, always. Especially here. N-no takesy backsies on the n-normal life!"
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Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 8:01 am
"I wish I could just have low expectations of every c**t, but if I have my expectations too low then I get depressed, cause a world where I'm the best person is a world I don't want to live in." he smirked and shook his head. "What a ******** up world that'd be."
"And aye, ahead is important, we just need to do what we can here and get to know each other, good and bad and try to make this a place worth living in. That I can get behind." He checked his watch - it was so ******** helpful to have a ******** watch - surprised how fast the duty had gone by. "Wow, we are ******** free. That wasn't bad at all. I'd better head back to the bar, but if you ever want to stop by and play some s**t or whatever, I'd be up for that, maybe we can get a LAN area sorted out somewhere someday."
He grinned. "Was nice talking to you Leesha, you urnae half bad for a woman."
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Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 10:23 pm
Felicia laughed her donkey laugh, shaking her head. She didn't see why it'd be so bad, but he seemed so adamant about it that she couldn't help but find it a little funny. "W-woahhh, already?" She scooped up all her stray hottie pictures, shoving them haphazardly back into her bag. "I'm sssoooo ******** in. Once I g-get my VR s**t b-back up to working state, I'll have you t-take a look." She blew a raspberry at Rep on her way out, "And you're n-not so bad f-for a closet nerd, dude. Seeya!"
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