Welcome to Gaia! ::

Of all the verbal abuse Abbi was used to receiving this is a lot she can stand, but there was one thing that had grown larger and larger in the past few months until it was a trigger point she normally would have tried to bury with other topics of conversation. But Jack's disregard for her worry, for her concern, for her kindness toward him broke any barrier and she felt an odd acidic sort of bubble pop in her chest.
With a terrible noise her hands reached out and grabbed at Jack's shirt, an ill attempt to keep him where he was. Quick to realize that wasn't going to work, the teen instead put her whole self into pushing at his side, sure that tripping him up would be enough.

She shouted, giving one last shove and using her own momentum to move backward. "You've got two people who want you, who want to be with you, to hear you talk about your stupid high-horse-opinions! You've got two people who want you and you're getting mad at me for telling you one of them is you just lying to yourself?!" Abbi took another step back, shaking from her own anger and surprise at herself for being this angry, for letting it show so suddenly. "I don't have anyone, I've never had anyone and you've had... God, who knows who you've had, who's wanted you and you're acting like its an inconvenience?"
Unable to look at him, she stared out at the ocean and then up at the darkened sky that was beginning to lose its grip on the water it intended to spill.

"You know what? Just forget everything I said. Go on and pretend like... Like you're happy. Pretend like no one cares a thing about you, like you're the only one on this Island with problems and boo-hoo no one can help you. Fine." A hand cut through the air, ran through her bangs, brushed against a flushed cheek.
"Enjoy your dumb run, a*****e." Finally she looks at him, a glare that is more articulate than her words can be for it holds her frustration at him, at herself, at his blase disregard for the delicate situation he is in and the fact that she has none to be in and only wants the people she cares for to be happy when she cannot. Eyebrows turn up at the last second before Abbi turns and bolts off down the beach, off the course and toward the dorms.

As much as she hated it, Abbi was always up at night lately.
Sleep was for the lucky, and everything in her life had proved thus far that she was anything but.



She is half asleep, her eyes won't open properly when they're so swollen like now, but she can type two letters even if she cannot type them properly the first three times.
They are too little to explain that she wasn't projecting, that she is honestly worried about his happiness. They are complacent, but she is too tired to tell him that it isn't that she thinks someone else will make her happy, but that feeling needed and wanted will surely fill this hole that has begun to grow somewhere in her chest, that if someone could just give her a little time she could understand that she isn't a waste of space.

But she just settles for the simple reply. Jack wouldn't understand even if she tried to say all that, he would hold onto his anger and keep that close rather than listen to Abbi who, even dozing back to sleep as she hits send and dropping her head back on the pillow, would prefer peace over being vindicated. She can let it go if it means remaining friends, she can carry her loneliness a little longer if it means Jack won't hate her.
At least when she wakes she'll have that.

Again the texts wake her, half because the phone rests on the mattress next to her pillow and half because Abbi always expects the communication to be a command so she wakes easily. When it is only Jack she sighs and rolls over, shoves her nose against the cool wall and sighs again when the realization that she has to wake up settles in.
Frowning, she pulls the phone under the blanket with her and stares at the texts and the picture, bleary eyed and grumpy. Though she is looking forward to later today, Abbi has to contend with the worst day of the year. Really, she shouldn't hate it so much when there are a total of three days that are pretty awful scattered along the year and so far another outranks it. Later tonight she will be with friends and will get to drink instead of getting smashed on her own, of feeling utterly alone, but Abbi cannot help the feeling that she should still be very unhappy.





With a sigh she rolled out of bed and tripped toward her closet to try and get ready. Thankfully the swelling from having cried most of the night had gone down and she can actually see herself in the mirror.
She cannot decide what to wear and sits back down on her bed.