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 Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2013 8:21 pm
It was private as it needed to be, and Shiloh craved Ian’s warmth, basking in it. It made him sleepy, he felt as though it would finally be okay to sleep, now that Ian was here, they could sleep together in the most innocent sense of the word, curled around each other, the gentle beating of their hearts rocking them to slumber land. But as tired though Ian was, there was still that fight, the anger at Deus but more so at himself and Shiloh shook his head as Ian cradled his face, shook his head just like every other time Ian passed down this route of self-loathing. He leaned forward again, as Ian closed his eyes, pressing a kiss against his forehead before leaning his own against it. “Shh,” he said softly, giving him a gentle nuzzle with his nose. He hadn’t been aware that Ian had witnessed the fight and it hurt him, not because Ian hadn’t acted, but because Ian had seen his utmost foolishness. “Just breathe, Ian. It was my fight, not yours. No one knew it was going to- That I was going to- No one could have guessed what would have happened. Hindsight is… Twenty-twenty, right? There were a few people with the power to make a judgment call, including me and we didn’t, I didn’t, even though my shield was low I figured no one is crazy enough to go that far, not someone who… Who makes those kinds of jokes about other people himself right? We all should have known better, I should have known better. It’s my fault for opening my big yap in the first place. How could I have ever thought that lashing out like that- But it was just, I couldn’t take it anymore.” The words spilled out and he didn’t really know how to stop them but his tone was steady, the shakiness replaced instead by a sort of frantic pace, a panicky need to get it all out, to explain everything to Ian. “Ian, if I didn’t want you anymore, I would have stopped you at the door. I wouldn’t lead you on… We all make mistakes, yeah? The important thing is to learn from them.” He exhaled a sigh, the panicky feeling retreating as he kissed Ian’s cheek, forcing a smile. “I’m okay, anyway, right? I’m still here, and… I want you, okay? I like you a lot, Ian. That hasn’t changed.”
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Posted: Wed Dec 18, 2013 8:42 pm
He felt a gentle kiss against his brow, and somehow just that little gesture, small and simple, seemed to soothe Ian, easing some of the tension in his shoulders. His fingers lifted and found the side of Shiloh's face, smoothing along his soft cheek as though memorizing his features just by touch, skimming over his lips and then across his jaw.
"All you did was make some comments," Ian said, and there was anger in his voice, low and simmering. "He was the one who chose to be offended by them; he didn't have to be, offensive is taken, not given. Besides," he gave a snort. "Not sure why he even got his panties in a twist anyway, he's engaged to another man himself, so why does it matter?"
Bitterness laced his words, a sense of despondency. It leveled out however, Ian's tone growing more gentle as he said, "You did your best. I, however, just stood there like a ******** idiot to watch you - "
He broke off the last words, biting down on them, and tried to calm himself once more. At the very least, Shiloh's words brought a sense of warmth to him, easing some of the anger and frustration that lay deep within his chest, and the overwhelming relief that Shiloh still wanted him after everything made him feel slightly dizzy. Shiloh leaned forward and kissed his cheek and Ian lifted his hand, fingers dusting over his jaw.
"I'm glad to hear it," he said, and leaned his head forward, his lips against Shiloh's ear as he mumbled softly, but distinctly, "I want you too, in every way."
Though one of those ways would have to wait. Ian pressed a gentle kiss to Shiloh's temple and sighed. His arm went around Shiloh's waist again, pressed himself as close as possible without actually crushing him. The bed still wasn't big enough for the two of them, and it was slightly awkward, the positioning, but Ian didn't care, and he had the feeling Shiloh didn't either.
"You know," he said quietly. "When you d...when you were gone, I thought...I thought it was another Patrick thing, you know? That you had somehow...wanted to push that Rep guy as far as he could go until he broke. I know that wasn't the case, but I just..."
The rest of his sentence trailed away.
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Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2013 7:39 pm
Shiloh had been angry too, angry at Rep, angry at the way the man hunted him down like he was a creature of prey, like he’d hide in some corner like a rat. Shiloh had never been one to hide, however, even if he were beaten into cowering like a dog with his tail between his legs he would at least stand there and face his opponent. He had been angry with Rep. Now, he was only angry with himself. “I shouldn’t have made them in the first place,” Shiloh said, and he meant of it. “All of this could have been avoided, you know? I didn’t have to say anything at all… That’s what you’re supposed to do anyway, if you don’t have anything nice to say.” He curled against Ian, his body feeling very defeated for his mistake. It all could have prevented, his pain but too Ian’s, his dark circles didn’t have to be so dark, and his body didn’t have to be so tense, trembling with anger and frustration. Shiloh breathed in relief as Ian relaxed against him, even if was just a bit it was something and if he wasn’t going to give up on himself, he certainly wasn’t going to give up on Ian. The gentle caress of Ian’s lips over his ear, then his temple, soothed him in a way that words couldn’t and watched Ian with inquiring eyes, trying to figure out just was he was thinking. “If you mean… I don’t want to die, Ian. I didn’t want to… If that’s what you meant. I mean I was pretty sure I’d get beat up a little but that’s nothing new and besides, at least then like… Even if people didn’t get it, it was public you know, even if Rep didn’t totally get it, at least I stood up to him.” He dipped his face, feeling sheepish. “It seems stupid, now.”
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Posted: Thu Dec 19, 2013 9:13 pm
He was angry at Rep, angry at the world - not angry at Shiloh, but angry at himself, hating himself that he'd allowed it to happen, that he'd stood by and watched as his boyfriend had been taken down. Ian had always been a coward, what was just another instance?
"It could have been avoided if he hadn't gotten that stick up his a**," Ian mumbled. "Not saying you should have encouraged it, because you did poke the bear, but he was the one who didn't stop when he could have, when he should have."
His fingers were gentle as they stroked the side of Shiloh's jaw and then made their way down the side of his neck, sweeping over the smooth skin. It seemed Ian's hands were restless, the rest of him needing that physical touch to keep himself grounded in reality.
It was not like Patrick.
It was not like Patrick.
Shiloh had not chosen to die. He had not taken himself out of the world because he'd been angry at it, because he'd been lost in it. It had been a moment of rashness, a fight that never should have happened in the first place.
But it had happened, and here they were, facing the consequences of it. Ian reached for Shiloh's face, tilted it back up, and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, soft and gentle.
"Hey," he said quietly. "You're not stupid. You're not, you are wonderful, and jeez, I am...so ******** glad that I met you."
He reached for Shiloh's hand, entwining their fingers together tightly. "I'm glad I met you," said Ian, his eyes meeting Shiloh's.
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Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:42 pm
Shiloh nodded a little, Ian's hands busy against his skin but he didn't mind, they were a welcome distraction from his thoughts, something warm and tangible and not at all fleeting. It reminded him that he was alive as much as it did for Ian. "You're right though, Ian," he said, voice quiet as he contemplated things, his own fingers brushing idly over Ian's arm. "Even if he should have known better, it's no excuse, I should've known better. I poked the bear and I knew I was doing it but I just wanted to prove my point, to show him that not everyone's going to roll over and just take it... But it doesn't excuse that I sunk to that level in the first place, and I..." He trailed off, nestling himself against Ian, the gentle rise and fall of his chest calming him as he focused on it, one hand splayed over Ian's shirt the best he could considering the limited movement of their circumstances. The next time he spoke it was a little more thoughtfully and a lot less melancholy. "It's just... Something to be aware of, so history doesn't repeat itself, right?" he said, smiling a little. Shiloh was sure he wouldn't be so lucky a second time around and he had no desire to repeat the mistake, or to put his life and everything he had in jeopardy over a stupid tweet. He almost laughed, thinking just how absurd it was but then Ian was kissing him, gentler than before but not without any less feeling. Shiloh's smile was considerably wider by the time they both pulled away. "I'm glad I met you too, Ian," he said with an accompanying squeeze of his hand. "I've never met anyone like you before. You're... Sort of really amazing, you know? Even if you refuse to see it."
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Posted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 8:55 pm
The infirmary had quieted down somewhat, the lights dim; apparently it had grown late while they had been in their own little world, and now it was nearing the time when most of those within were sleeping. The monitors and the whirring noises of machines and IVs, the clicks of things here and there, the occasional soft footstep, however, meant that the place was anything but quiet.
Ian was glad to hear some of the bitterness seep away from Shiloh's voice, lapsing instead into a softer, more musing state of mind. He absently ran his fingers over the backs of Shiloh's, then over his palm before lacing them together again, squeezing gently.
"I'm really not," said Ian with a small laugh, but it was less an argument, and more of a soft denial. He leaned forward and nuzzled his nose against Shiloh's affectionately. "Besides, I think you might be a little biased in your opinions of me, eh?"
Grinning almost the same as he had before the incident, Ian let go of Shiloh's hand to fiddle with his hair again, sweeping back some of the strands. "This bed is too small for the both of us," he said with a stifled snort. "I know I asked this before, but when are you going to be out of here again?"
His hand drifted lower, pressed against Shiloh's chest. "I like falling asleep with you in my arms," Ian murmured; and then he rolled his eyes. "It's a little hard to do that when you're half strapped down and in a public hospital wing, though."
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 12:34 pm
“Only a little,” he grinned, nosing him back. Then he was leaning back a bit, as Ian swept his fingers through his hair, brushing it away from his face. Shiloh smiled dryly, moving his own fingers up to see just how bad his hair situation was. “A week,” he said, attempting to tug a knot out of his hair. “I can’t wait to get out of here, I really need a shower. Is the power back yet? What about the portals? Oh god, I must smell awful, I'm sorry. ” He hadn’t been gone that long, but he knew he couldn’t trust the lights in his room, as it was certain the infirmary would be running on backup power. He didn’t put too much stock into either of his questions, Deus being what it was, but he could hope, a good meal and running water sounding fantastic. He nestled against Ian, giving up on his hair and trying to figure out just how bad he stunk, placing his hand over Ian’s on his chest as he settled in. . “I like it too,” he sighed softly, as he leaned on him. “A week will go by fast, right?”
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 12:42 pm
"Power isn't entirely back on, but there are a few things working here and there," Ian replied, idly twisting a strand of pale hair around one finger. "Portals are up, though, so anyone who wants to go kick some monster butt is welcome to."
The smile turned into a full-on grin, Ian ducking his head to bury his face against the side of Shiloh's neck, breathing deeply. "You smell good to me," he said, and kissed the side of his throat as though to further this point. "And you taste good too, I might add."
Laughing, grateful for the fact that he could be lighthearted about this finally, Ian drew back and turned his hand over to squeeze Shiloh's fingers. He toyed with them absently and said, with a roll of his eyes, "I certainly hope so. Who knew my bed could get so lonely without you in it?"
There was humor in his voice, but it didn't quite reach his eyes; truth be told, Ian hadn't yet been back to his room since he'd gotten his stuff out, instead spending most of his time in that spare one of Mimsy's. Ian, however, brushed this aside and smiled gently at Shiloh.
"I don't mean just the sex, by the way," he said, feeling it needed explanation. "Well," Ian amended, "I do, because that part is pretty ******** fantastic, but there's just something about having someone else with you while you sleep that makes it easier."
He leaned forward and kissed Shiloh's forehead. "You should sleep," he told him, and touched his cheek tenderly. "Sleep, and maybe another day will pass fast."
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 1:35 pm
“Hm,” Shiloh answered softly, not sure what to think of the power or portals but then deciding it didn’t really matter anyway, he was still here for another week, it was best not to get ahead of himself. Still, he thought, sneaking a glance at Ian, it couldn’t hurt to plan some leave time if the portals were up. They could both use it. He didn’t have much longer to dwell, however, as Ian took measures to assure him that, even though Shiloh was sure he stunk, he didn’t mind. Shiloh broke into laughter after him, shaking his head and nosing Ian away. “Goof,” he grinned, returning the squeeze against his fingers. “Probably had so much space you didn’t know what to do with yourself. No one kicking you in the middle of the night, no one snoring…” Shiloh had been teasing, as he very much missed being the perpetrator of all those things, missed sinking into the old mattress next to Ian and falling asleep to the warmth of his body. There were other things too, of course, which Ian clearly explained as Shiloh’s cheeks reddened. He nodded, after a moment, and smiled. “Yeah, it’s all wonderful, isn’t it?” Then Ian’s fingers were against his cheek, gentle and affectionate, and Shiloh watched Ian carefully, resting his arms against him. “Are you sure? Are you going to stay? I mean, you totally don’t have to, I know it’s sort of a tight squeeze but if you want to, well… I'd like that.”
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 1:45 pm
"Yes, that's me," said Ian grandly, poking Shiloh's cheek affectionately. "I am one big giant goof that you're stuck with for the time being, so you better get used to it."
He caressed the side of his face almost absently, his eyes roaming over Shiloh's face, his hair, the bandages he could see criss-crossing over his chest, peeking out from beneath the top of his shirt. "All that space isn't any fun," said Ian quietly. "I'd rather be cramped in a bed that's too small with you than be in one that's bigger without you."
He liked seeing the red flush to Shiloh's cheeks because it reminded him that in spite of Shiloh being okay with their relationship, there were still things that Ian could say and do that would make him blush. The small snippets of shyness and flustered emotions were something that Ian found endearing, something that made him feel good about himself somehow.
Ian didn't answer Shiloh's question vocally, but instead lowered his head and kissed him gently. "I want to stay with you," he murmured against his lips, and then pecked his nose, a devilish grin on his face. He moved to whisper something, mouth against Shiloh's ear, something that sounded suspiciously like "that's what she said."
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:23 pm
Shiloh furrowed his brow when Ian’s finger met his cheek in a playful poke, and he tried to make a face at Ian, but wound up laughing instead, the sound soft but far more full of life than he’d been these past couple weeks. “I’d rather be too,” he admitted when he’d sobered, nuzzling his face against Ian’s hand, dipping forward to press a quick but affectionate kiss back against his lips. “I’m okay with being stuck with you too. I’m glad you want to stay.” Even if he was blushing, even if his nickname sometimes seemed rather apt, he was really okay with it. In fact, if he were truly honest, he was far more than okay with it, he reveled in it, in the new feelings, the fluttering in his chest, the way that Ian’s arms around him had become a source of comfort, a place to come home to. He regretted nothing; at least, he thought that he did, until Ian moved, his breath hot against his ear as he whispered. Shiloh groaned. “You’re terrible,” he lamented, but the corners of his lips gave away his smile. "What am I going to do with you?"
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:39 pm
He supposed he ought to have been a little more discrete, but at least the curtains were drawn. Besides, it wasn't like anyone would be able to hear them anyway, not when everything Ian was saying was spoken softly right next to Shiloh, their bodies pressed together in the cramped bed, his face never more than a few inches away from his boyfriend's. It was silly, Ian knew, to be acting the way he was; silly and romantic and stupid, a combination he was not used to doing.
He was completely and utterly addicted, and it was becoming a problem. He couldn't figure out what it was, why Shiloh, of all people, had been the one to break the steady string of casual bed partners and one night stands, but the fact remained that he had.
He had, and now Ian was completely bound in a way that terrified him.
He kissed Shiloh's ear, smiling as he murmured obnoxiously, "A whole ******** host of things, I hope," and then traced a line of kisses along Shiloh's jaw, nibbling gently until he got to his lips again, their breath mingling together.
"Sleep," Ian said quietly. His arm had slid around Shiloh's waist, curling them together. He leaned his forehead against Shiloh's and closed his eyes, exhaling a long, weary breath. "Sleep, and I'll be here with you."
He nuzzled their noses, and his grip tightened. "You're alive," Ian whispered, one more time. "And I am so ******** happy you're alive."
He didn't say I need you, or I want you more than I can even say or I don't think I can do this without you anymore, all of which were true and all of which Ian shoved back far into the recesses of his mind, hiding them away in the darkest depths for no one to see, not even himself.
"Stay with me," Ian breathed, and he was already half asleep.
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Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2013 10:52 pm
Admittedly the same warmth and comfort that Ian provided invited sleepiness, it drew yawns to the back of his throat, just waiting to be exhaled. But Ian truly was terrible, with his caressing fingertips and wandering lips, Shiloh let out a sigh as Ian kissed him again, and it was from anything but being tired. “You’re making it very difficult you know,” he informed Ian, whispering the words against his lips. But as he felt Ian’s arm slide around his waist, pulling the two of them closer, it was easier to give in to the side of his body that was aching for rest, rather than the side that ached for something else entirely, something that, though he’d admitted to being open about their relationship, he refused to give in to in an infirmary bed. Ian closed his eyes, and Shiloh watched him for a moment, smiling as Ian’s nose nuzzled against his, smiling at the words he spoke. “Gladly,” he said softly, nestling beside him, his face and body both snuggled against Ian as they settled in for some well-deserved rest. “Not goin’ anywhere.”
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