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 Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 11:47 am
Rochelle didn't look exactly thrilled either. No big grin burst on her face, she didn't throw herself at him in a hug. Here they were, having just admitted actual feelings and he had to go and talk about just.. leaving. Leaving the place they finally were able to call home and settle down in, where they knew people.
"It's a good idea," she said after a moment, hesitating. Of course C'tis looked at the bigger picture. Both of them were selfish people even when they cared about someone else. He wanted the position she did - and why should he? If he calmed down some of that temper (same as she), he could be a Wingleader. And if leadership wasn't dependent on Flights... maybe something else. Rochelle had her path here, she did. Fly a few Fall, get experience, age, and when Idris had her own Wing, apply for Wingsecond. Eventually get her own Wing as well. Another woman on an atypical in charge. ... with a resentful C'tis, if he stuck with her that long. And would he, if this Weyr/Hold thing never cropped up? Would he end up hating her like he did practically everyone else? It left a bitter taste in her mouth. "I don't know. I mean - we don't even know her. She's younger than us and a Goldrider and - and how is this even going to happen? Is it up? We have a life here. It took two shaffing turns since the rest of it blew to between but we do."
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 11:55 am
"Yes, we have a life but I want a better one, one where I'm valued as much as you and given the same chances as you." C'tis looked down at the bedsheets, jaw clenched tight. Of course she didn't want to chance it. She had it made, why move somewhere where things were uncertain? Where she would actually have to compete with the other seventy five odd percent of the population that wasn't crimson or bigger?
"I don't know," he continued after a few tense quiet moments. "I don't think she's done much yet but I don't know." He'd have to talk to Bereck. Joy. "I thought you'd be excited." He looked up again then, not angry but withdrawn.
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 12:10 pm
"For ******** sake--" Rochelle groaned and pulled her hand back to rub at her face with both palms. Another frustrated noise and both hands were in the short hair, fisted in dark auburn. "Don't bring Kibeth's color into this. Seriously, that isn't fair, it's not our fault she's red instead of green. My plan had been to Impress a green and to go off and be a Masterglasscrafter. Are you going to harp on that too? We roll with the punches. But don't go dragging her around as an example of what makes you feel inferior because we don't think you two are and just - that's not ******** fair."
It wasn't. It wasn't fair and it hurt just like it always did when he brought up color status and made snide comments about atypicals. Rochelle didn't think C'tis felt bitter about Impressing Mal instead of Kibeth but the continued remarks over the last two turns about opportunities and crimsons and silvers. She didn't pine, she never felt insecure, and she sure as shards made a point to not feel guilty; yet here C'tis sat, able to make her feel all three.
"I like the idea," she muttered, hands once more rubbing at her face before falling back to the edge of the bed. "I do. The fact someone in her position gives that much of a fart is exciting. Until I see it, though, 'm not going to believe it. Just - losing a home for a third time and becoming an enemy of three Weyrs in one fell swoop, starting all over in Faranth knows where..."
Rochelle shrugged. She hesitated again and went for it - some way to reassure him she didn't hate him or what he wanted. One of her hands reached out to touch at his with her fingertips. Chances of him smacking her hand away, pulling back, or, worst of all, not responding were high. Still... she couldn't just do nothing.
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 12:22 pm
She was going to talk about fairness? Shaffing really? She could talk about what her plans had been all she liked, it was a bunch of crap. He looked down at her fingers resting on his hand in silence for a few moments, trying to balance out his feelings in his cloudy head. He was angry but not all with her, mainly not with her and... he didn't want to throw away a chance at things working with her, especially when he'd only just started to think such a chance might exist.
He covered her fingers with his other hand and kept looking down at them. "You could never have been a mastercrafter," he said eventually, quietly. "You know that, right? With the thread falling you'd never have had a chance to pursue a career outside riding... and I don't either. That talk about me progressing as a Harper? Not going to happen. You only get to follow a craft as a rider if something s**t happens to you... or, ironically, if you're a crimson rider who chooses the breeding route. I know that's not for Kibeth - I just thought it was ironic."
It was all s**t. Either they should have got blue and green and bitched together, or crimson and silver and been able to do what they wanted. Or should he be happy for her - just play the part nature had thrust at him and be glad one of them could be more than rank and file, Threadfodder soon to be forgotten by most if they fell.
"So... once it gets off the ground - if it does - would you come?" C'tis looked up again. "I don't want to go without you, but I can't stay here now there's a chance at something better. I'm going to find out more about it, and then I'm going to go and make it work."
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 12:59 pm
He looked down and didn't pull away. He didn't push her away either. At least looking was a response, not him ignoring her. Rochelle tried to tell herself it was all a good thing; if he'd been pissed beyond himself he'd have jerked back. It didn't stop or hide the ease of tension visible in the line of her shoulders when he touched her back, no matter her previous self assurances.
Even the lack of bristling at his words of 'never' and her inability to be something showed how much she didn't feel like smacking him with words. Rochelle thought so, at least. Her grasp of social nuances often times fell short. "I'm still going to be a mastercrafter. Anyone who thinks otherwise can go Fly themselves - a sentiment that includes you, by the way, no matter how much I've adored you for like a turn. If you're going to say all colors should have the same opportunities, something I agree with, then you can't go about saying people can't do things."
She waved at him with her free hand, full lips pursed. "Scoot over if you can. I want to see if I can wedge myself up on there." Rochelle didn't want to think about how to answer his question without being near. Selfish child at heart, yes, always craving attention and affection. She wanted that before she could even begin to figure out the proper words for him.
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