Horace - bottom to top, some missing but saving before I lose more @IspeakfelineReply Monday, 7:26am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline That sounds facinating. Try not to get entangled. Sunday, 5:15pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Everything is green here. Green and entangling. Friday, 9:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Perhaps if you don't want to be stepped on emotionally you should not get under the feet of someone who cannot see where they are stepping. Friday, 9:48pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Just because I can be submissive doesn't mean I wanted or needed to be stepped on emotionally. Friday, 9:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Perhaps I prefer a more submissive sort of partner. Friday, 9:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Yes I preferred you didn't. I had specific rules I suppose. Friday, 9:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And I felt horrible and apologized. And you have told me you didn't want me to ******** other people. Friday, 8:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You did it anyway. Friday, 8:25pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And it's not an open relationship if I couldn't be with others, too. Friday, 8:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You were going to be uncomfortable no matter what, you want everything or nothing, lets not pretend otherwise. Friday, 8:22pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Open relationships involve communication and caring if your partner is uncomfortable. Friday, 8:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline No. Because an open relationship was not acceptable to you. Friday, 7:57pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Didn't I? Friday, 7:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You simply didn't like what was left when he was gone. Friday, 7:50pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Jan was interesting. But I didn't take him away. Friday, 7:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline But perhaps that..way of thinking never had a place here. Friday, 7:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Its harder and harder to be Jan. Friday, 7:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Perhaps you did. Ha ha. Friday, 7:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Sometimes I wish I could. Friday, 7:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Nothing hurts you. Friday, 7:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline It won't hurt me. Friday, 7:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I am happy to shoulder whatever burden you desire to put there. Feel free to say I ruined it by not being human enough, not being committed enough, if it makes you feel better. Friday, 7:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It is up for debate on who ruined that. Friday, 6:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You had one and you had to ruin it. I would have been your reason. I rather like to have people to follow me. Friday, 6:34pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island The 'reason to move' is the part that seems absent at times. Friday, 5:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline When you are old or when you are not. You sound like the clone talking about it as if it is desirable, while there is reason to move, there is no reason to stop. Friday, 5:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline There will be plenty of time for death. Best let it creep in unexpected. Friday, 5:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You have such terrible taste sometimes Horace. Friday, 5:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline There is nothing poetic about that death. Friday, 5:52pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Doesn't always gotta be by your own hand Friday, 5:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Yeah, I guess I could get gutted by an infected. Wear my intestines as a necklace. I guess there's many different ways to kill yourself. Friday, 5:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I would disagree. I would say there is a much higher probability knee deep in danger. Friday, 5:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, the probability of death is quite a lot higher on the island Friday, 3:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I was. You weren't. Friday, 2:50pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then you should've been here all these months Friday, 2:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I'd like to be there if you are in a position where death seems like a viable escape mechanism. Friday, 1:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'd rather you stay on the relative safety of the island. Friday, 1:27pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island To what - keep an eye on the kid? Friday, 1:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Pity I am not there with you. Friday, 12:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Homey is not a word I'd use. Picked up a kid, can't be more than fourteen. No idea how long he's been surviving out here. Friday, 12:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Oh? What are the escapes you respect? Friday, 12:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline It is not an escape I respect. And oh fog. Homey. Friday, 12:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But no, it ain't lovely. It's foggy. Friday, 12:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You could view death as an acceptance of a final failure. Or an escape. Friday, 11:43am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Death is never nice, all it is is unattained goals and wasted existing. I am rather glad I am not out there, is it lovely? Friday, 11:41am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island At any rate, I'm glad you're not stuck out here. Friday, 11:41am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Might be nice, though. Friday, 11:36am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline What a pity. Try not to die. Friday, 11:34am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Unfortunately I've been called out on that mission. The one with infected. Friday, 7:19am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You will be pleased to know there is an S class mission at the moment and I did not go. So I am good and safe and here still waiting. You know where to find me. 27 Sep 15, 5:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I do not doubt that you are doing an excellent job, you are very dutiful. 27 Sep 15, 5:44pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's a nice feeling. 27 Sep 15, 5:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Perhaps I'm simply doing a good enough job that they want me. 27 Sep 15, 5:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Perhaps they will keep you there for ever. Perhaps you will let them. 27 Sep 15, 5:31pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's not as though it's by choice. 27 Sep 15, 5:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Oh yes of course, that is dangerous. I simply mean as an excuse for me being there. Perhaps you will be back some day and not off hiding in the backwoods. 27 Sep 15, 5:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Mmm, but I wouldn't while on a mission. 27 Sep 15, 4:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You have such an excellent and responsive body and mind. 27 Sep 15, 4:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Such a pity that I am not. Perhaps at some point I will have a mission there and you can give in to me then. 27 Sep 15, 4:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Hmm, if you were here right now I think I'd actually give in to you. 27 Sep 15, 4:18pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Oh? Like you? 27 Sep 15, 4:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Yes. She drew a more predatory sort of individual. 27 Sep 15, 4:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Point. Her uncle happened to suit my tastes more than she anyway 27 Sep 15, 4:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Not for her anyway. You were sleeping with her uncle. 27 Sep 15, 3:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Aw, you've implied I'm not tempting. How distressing. 27 Sep 15, 1:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline That or simply someone tempting enough. She is not very good at staunch morality. 27 Sep 15, 1:16pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You mean if a vampire came along 27 Sep 15, 10:55am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Well she never has and her stance is that she would not till marriage but that doesn't mean with the right scenario.. 27 Sep 15, 4:46am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island *does 27 Sep 15, 4:44am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Ah, so she goes still have sex. Interesting. 27 Sep 15, 1:19am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline People are more disarmed and feel more special when you have that on your armoury as a general rule. 27 Sep 15, 1:18am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Ha ha ha yes. 27 Sep 15, 1:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Chantelle wants to save it for marriage. 27 Sep 15, 1:06am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Chantelle would not let you sleep with her. 27 Sep 15, 1:06am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I do not entirely know what or who I am, there are new "me"s frequently. But I do know that those various faces are entitled to their own relationships if that is something that occurs with them. 27 Sep 15, 1:00am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I wanted the parts of you that you let me see. And I wanted to see the rest. 27 Sep 15, 1:00am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then what are you? 27 Sep 15, 12:47am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You wanted something that wasn't me anyway. I am distinctly not a one person man. 27 Sep 15, 12:45am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess I'm easily satisfied in that way. I only wanted one flavor. I would have been content with it. 27 Sep 15, 12:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I just rather happened to enjoy yours. 27 Sep 15, 12:05am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You could argue that, but it would not make me want to opt for one single flavour for ever when I could theoretically have them all. 26 Sep 15, 11:58pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I could argue that you're the greedy, unsatisfied one. 26 Sep 15, 11:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I don't do full meals Horace. I'm a gourmand. If only you weren't so greedy. 26 Sep 15, 11:53pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If only I was a full meal. 26 Sep 15, 11:53pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, that's a shame I guess. I'd have thought you would have developed lactose intolerance by now. 26 Sep 15, 11:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline What if I was in the mood for dairy 26 Sep 15, 11:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline So cruel Horace. 26 Sep 15, 11:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You'll be fine. Go ******** Melvin. 26 Sep 15, 11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Pity you are so far away. 26 Sep 15, 11:27pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Oh really? 26 Sep 15, 11:22pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline There are very immediate ways. 26 Sep 15, 11:19pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I want to affect you more somehow 26 Sep 15, 11:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I am not the one to be asking about what is wrong or right. 26 Sep 15, 11:12pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Is it wrong to find some sort of satisfaction in that? 26 Sep 15, 11:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Well that is simply another thing you were wrong about. 26 Sep 15, 11:07pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I never thought I could affect you in any way. 26 Sep 15, 11:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline And you have done something to me, I just have no grasp on what it is. 26 Sep 15, 11:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Your powers of self deception are admirable. 26 Sep 15, 11:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Mmm yes. 26 Sep 15, 10:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I probably would have let you kill me bit by bit and told myself you weren't killing me. 26 Sep 15, 10:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I have done nothing to you. 26 Sep 15, 10:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I am losing Jan little by little and it is mostly your fault. 26 Sep 15, 10:55pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Regardless of threat of death, Jan, there are things I can't accept. 26 Sep 15, 10:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline But I also might just have killed you little by little, if you want the honesty. Then you could never leave. You could never ruin the memory I had. 26 Sep 15, 10:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I was going to give you moments to redeem yourself perhaps, if I felt merciful. I wondered if the subjugation would make you more pliant. 26 Sep 15, 10:54pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Pfft alright 26 Sep 15, 10:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I am not sure. I was for want of a better term playing it by ear. 26 Sep 15, 10:50pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island When would you have drowned me? At the cave? 26 Sep 15, 10:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I could have drowned you. 26 Sep 15, 10:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Oh I didn't try, if I had wanted to I could have.
Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 1:18 pm
Read bottom to top Missing a swathe because I don't have all my stuff :l tweetdeck
@IspeakfelineReply 5:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Chantelle did not sleep with anyone. 5:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Did you take advantage of the fact? Or not, because Chantelle does not have sex? 5:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Curiously, I was entirely female during that time. 5:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Perhaps. I cannot elaborate too in depth you understand. 5:22pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Was it like when we visit Amity and have to wear constructs? 5:21pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island When she visited me in the infirmary, that was you? 5:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I created her and now she ..exists on her own. 5:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline No. 5:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But you are not chantelle now, are you? 5:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I was not at liberty to inform you of it. 5:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Yes. I was also Chantelle. Make of that what you will. 4:59pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island ....there was. But, uh, weren't you podded? 4:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Yes I remember..vaguely. There was a boat? 4:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I have met Chantelle. 4:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Just meet chantelle it is somewhat the same. I do miss my very exceptionally expensive wigs however. 3:53pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It would have been interesting to see you. 3:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Whenever I needed to. Fairly often before the island. About half the time while here hahah. 3:25pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I can't imagine a wig would be comfortable. How often did you wear one? 2:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline It is the way I used to have it. It beats wearing a wig. 1:32pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Do you like it? 1:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline It is very long at this point yes. 12:54pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I miss laying in bed with you, the way you leaned into my hands, touching your hair - it's gotten long hasn't it? I miss you so much. 12:52pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I miss you too. 12:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Everything. The smell of your hair the contact of your skin, the braile of the scars. I miss the face you make when you are indignant. All sorts of things. 12:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But what could you miss about me? 11:33am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Yes a great deal. 10:29am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You do? 7:33am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I miss you. 31 Oct 15, 11:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Yes it is highly convincing. Perhaps something did rub off. 31 Oct 15, 11:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Nice to know that I'm putting up a good show. 31 Oct 15, 10:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Well you are doing just fine at the moment evidently with your tattoos and so on. 31 Oct 15, 10:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I probably won't, but okay. 31 Oct 15, 10:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Continue to have wonderful days. 31 Oct 15, 10:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Ok. 31 Oct 15, 4:34pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't say stuff I don't mean, not about this 31 Oct 15, 3:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Sure you are. 31 Oct 15, 3:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Very little affects you emotionally so I thought that would not. I am sorry. 31 Oct 15, 3:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline So was I. 31 Oct 15, 3:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I was a bit distressed. 31 Oct 15, 2:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Well you forgot. 31 Oct 15, 1:48pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I meant to show you, before. 31 Oct 15, 1:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline No, you did not. 31 Oct 15, 12:50pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Have a tattoo on my chest now, too. Did I tell you that? 31 Oct 15, 12:50pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I could show you the tattoo or send a picture. It's a little swollen - I'll be sad when the swelling goes down. 31 Oct 15, 12:49pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I though it nice, since you wished me a happy one. 31 Oct 15, 11:24am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Thank you for updating me on things I do not get to see or be part of any longer, it is very kind. 31 Oct 15, 11:24am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I am so pleased to hear that. 30 Oct 15, 3:22pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I had a nice birthday, thank you. I got a new tattoo. 29 Oct 15, 8:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Have a wonderful birthday regardless, I will simply be missing you. 29 Oct 15, 8:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You returned it, you know what they do with food you return? They throw it away because it was meant for one person. 29 Oct 15, 8:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I did not make you throw it away. There are things you gave me I can never throw away. 29 Oct 15, 7:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Happy Birthday. There won't be any gifts from me because I can't bear having to throw away more things. 27 Oct 15, 12:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island The necklace was a gift to me from you, and I couldn't throw it away. I don't know what I expected you to do, but not throw it away right in front of me 27 Oct 15, 12:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And I'm not perfect, I never said I was. 27 Oct 15, 11:32am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline It was never mine. 27 Oct 15, 11:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Because it was originally yours. 27 Oct 15, 10:59am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You left me no choice it was yours why would I keep it. 27 Oct 15, 10:26am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You didn't have to throw it away sad 27 Oct 15, 7:25am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Mr Perfect who didn't force me to throw away one of the few gifts I have ever given anyone by banking on my inability to judge emotions and absolve himself. 27 Oct 15, 7:24am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline What did you ask me to compromise since you are so right in all this? 25 Oct 15, 10:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That's not what I asked you to compromise over. 25 Oct 15, 10:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Can I decide just to love you a little? No. I do not have that capacity. I cannot compromise what I do not have. 25 Oct 15, 10:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline How can I compromise what I am? 25 Oct 15, 10:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You have no concept of compromise. 25 Oct 15, 10:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline All that I did was be exactly who I am and who I have always been. 25 Oct 15, 10:05pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I did not create this situation. There is culpability on both sides. 25 Oct 15, 10:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You made this situation Horace, stop pretending you are the victim here, the door is open you are just complaining about it. 25 Oct 15, 9:49pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't think of you as inhuman, by the way 25 Oct 15, 9:49pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Grasping is all I have left to do. 25 Oct 15, 9:46pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I know. 25 Oct 15, 9:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You are just grasping. I get called inhuman by a large number of fools. 25 Oct 15, 9:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If I had called you inhuman,would you have liked me more? 25 Oct 15, 3:03am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't know anymore. 25 Oct 15, 2:13am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline What do you want from me Horace? 25 Oct 15, 2:13am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Yes well, you don't now. 25 Oct 15, 1:44am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I do; I did. I trusted you. 25 Oct 15, 1:42am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You just need to treat me like you treat other human beings who are capable of lies. 25 Oct 15, 1:41am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How am I supposed to tell? Taking it all as truth may be what I want to do, but that is dangerous. 25 Oct 15, 1:17am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline I neither only speak lies nor only speak the truth obviously, I am not some enchanted gate guardian. 25 Oct 15, 1:54am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Which is it, then? 25 Oct 15, 1:48am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Whatever you say Horace. 25 Oct 15, 1:41am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You aso told me you only say lies. 25 Oct 15, 1:26am Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline It does though. I told you many things and then you told me what I actually meant. 25 Oct 15, 12:20am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Because I dislike myself does not mean I used to disbelieve words. 24 Oct 15, 11:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline And it is a vanity you will not relinquish for simple hollow words. 24 Oct 15, 11:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Because you dislike yourself. 24 Oct 15, 11:49pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If you had told me things you wanted... why would I have had any reason to disbelieve them? 24 Oct 15, 11:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline And it would have been a waste because you would not have believed it anyway, I do not sink my words into nothing you know. 24 Oct 15, 11:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline If you say so. You just wanted to hear me say you were amazing and great and not terrible and sweet and attractive and whatever else you needed to hear. 24 Oct 15, 11:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm not pyschic. I needed the words. Part of a relationship is being told what the other person needs and then learning to intuit them thereafter. But the telling comes first. 24 Oct 15, 11:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Part of a relationship is not having to be pleaded with for every little thing. You had a relationship with yourself which I was only tangentially involved with. 24 Oct 15, 11:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's not unreasonable to need things said clearly. 24 Oct 15, 10:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline If you didn't want to pay attention to me or interpret me appropriately why on earth should I ever have paid attention to you? 24 Oct 15, 10:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I didn't ask for love letters, just regular words. 24 Oct 15, 9:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Just leave me alone. 24 Oct 15, 9:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You know everything so well, no one could ever want something from you, no they have to write you a love letter to get the point across. 24 Oct 15, 9:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Yes dismiss everything as usual you ignorant, selfish and stupid man. 24 Oct 15, 9:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And it was only me asking if you'd try to follow, I said nothing about you talking to her. 24 Oct 15, 9:34pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island The notion that you are dangerous come from personal experience and nothing more. What false hope? That would imply ou hoped for something from me - hah. 24 Oct 15, 9:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Perhaps you should take a look at yourself before you get on my back about talking to America. 24 Oct 15, 9:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Well I don't know how to help you Horace. Do you ever think it might be unfair of you to think I am dangerous or whatever nonsense people have fed you but to still constantly want to bait me with false hope? 24 Oct 15, 9:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Months ago, people told me to block you on twitter, but I can't do it. 24 Oct 15, 9:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Yes, I wanted to cut you out because you are bad for me. I ache for you, but you only hurt me. But I still keep coming back to at least here, in these messages where a mediocrum of safety lies. 24 Oct 15, 9:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline So perhaps you should take a leaf from your own book and stop harassing me if you want nothing from me. 24 Oct 15, 9:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You have done enough. You made it evident you want me to cut you off and you want nothing more from me. 24 Oct 15, 8:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I have done hardly anything to you. 24 Oct 15, 8:55pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What I did? 24 Oct 15, 8:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You do not. If you were able to do what you did you do not. 24 Oct 15, 8:30pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And I do care. 24 Oct 15, 8:30pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I was allowed to before? 24 Oct 15, 8:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You don't get to make judgemental comments about whatever I am compelled or choose to do any longer. 24 Oct 15, 8:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You already made quite clear how you feel about me. 24 Oct 15, 8:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Why do you care? 24 Oct 15, 7:54pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island She's leaving - will you try to follow? 18 Oct 15, 2:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I've never said you weren't human. 18 Oct 15, 2:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline well you must be right. Im not human enough to have an opinion. 18 Oct 15, 2:45pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I know what I saw and how it felt. 18 Oct 15, 2:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline You don't know me at all. 18 Oct 15, 2:43pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, when it's obvious to see, it's really just an observation. 18 Oct 15, 2:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline Telling me my own priorities 18 Oct 15, 2:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How am I mean? 18 Oct 15, 2:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Jan @Ispeakfeline So mean.
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
Offline
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
Offline
Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2016 12:14 pm
27 Dec 15, 2:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I could not shoo her away, especially with you as an excuse. She would have set up camp in my room. 27 Dec 15, 12:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was still more important than me. 27 Dec 15, 5:31am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Nice time is not the word choice I'd use 27 Dec 15, 4:47am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes ok. Have a nice time with Maebe. 27 Dec 15, 4:45am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I didn't mean for it to be pointless 27 Dec 15, 4:45am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It didn't 27 Dec 15, 4:42am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well I hope it provided you with a sufficient ego boost. 27 Dec 15, 4:41am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh so it was just another pointless torment. 27 Dec 15, 4:39am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island s**t, maebe came over. 27 Dec 15, 4:24am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He wouldn't mind, he does not mind what I do overly. 27 Dec 15, 4:23am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What would Melvin think? 27 Dec 15, 4:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I could if you wanted. 27 Dec 15, 4:12am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Would you stay the night? 27 Dec 15, 4:01am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You wanted to be important at one point didn't you? Well you are important enough for me to hop in a portal. 27 Dec 15, 4:00am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I absolutely can. I am not here on full assignment, I am here helping of my own choice. 27 Dec 15, 3:58am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You can't come back from your assigned base just to ******** a dude. 27 Dec 15, 3:56am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I suppose this is just more torment for no reason. 27 Dec 15, 3:52am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not. I have finished what mandatory shifts I had for the day, any of the work I am doing at the moment is voluntary and optional. 27 Dec 15, 3:49am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You are working. 27 Dec 15, 3:28am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And then nothing comes of it. 27 Dec 15, 3:28am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Bother me. It bothers me when you do this. 27 Dec 15, 3:27am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island No, it's alright. I should not bother you for such things 27 Dec 15, 3:21am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Very cold, very remote. But I can hop in a portal to retrieve supplies you know. 27 Dec 15, 3:20am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh no its fine, the base is quiet. It is far though, off in eastern europe. 27 Dec 15, 3:18am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island No, I can't interrupt your job. Are you far? 27 Dec 15, 3:00am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Right now? I am off island on a mission but I can pop back if I set a schedule to~ 27 Dec 15, 2:58am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Where are you now? 27 Dec 15, 2:57am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Is anything enough? 27 Dec 15, 2:56am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline A little of both perhaps but just enough. 27 Dec 15, 2:25am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. 27 Dec 15, 2:15am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If those things were not the case you would have found yourself receiving your just desserts. 27 Dec 15, 2:01am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I could not have, there were a large number of people around and I was still on duty. I have to maintain exemplary behaviour if I wish to stay alive. 26 Dec 15, 5:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You know, you could've ******** me in the infirmary. 26 Dec 15, 5:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island even though I can't 26 Dec 15, 5:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I miss you 26 Dec 15, 5:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It does not bring you nearer to me if anything it makes me want to be further away from you because it is violatory and uncomfortable. 26 Dec 15, 4:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I only wanted, well 26 Dec 15, 4:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I was not aware it caused you pain. 26 Dec 15, 4:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But if you like the language I am sure you can learn it from someone else who does not have significant trauma and family who are gone associated with it. 26 Dec 15, 4:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not comfortable with you insinuating yourself into my background. 26 Dec 15, 4:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Why? 26 Dec 15, 4:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I could go to Sweden. I bet there's a base there. 26 Dec 15, 4:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Isn't it enough that I enjoy the language? 26 Dec 15, 4:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Why? You will never go to Sweden, there are hardly any Swedes on the island, what function would it serve other than handing you further ammunition to annoy me? 26 Dec 15, 4:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What if I want to know more than rövgöka mig för fan? 26 Dec 15, 4:33pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I want to know Swedish and I'd want you to teach me. 26 Dec 15, 4:33pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I want it. 26 Dec 15, 4:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. There is no reason for you to know Swedish and I am not a teacher. 26 Dec 15, 4:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Will you teach me? 26 Dec 15, 4:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Because I wanted to. 26 Dec 15, 4:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It was returned because I wasn't supposed to keep it but I don't understand why you gave it back to me 26 Dec 15, 4:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes well now it was given outside the context of one so. 26 Dec 15, 3:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Gifts given in the context of a relationship are inappropriate to keep without. 26 Dec 15, 2:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You were rather clear that you did not want a middle ground or you would not have brought gifts back to me and you would not insist on constantly provoking me and flirting with me when you know I have a sexual interest in you. It is all nothing short of cruel and you are not clear at all. 26 Dec 15, 12:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I thought there could be a middle ground. 26 Dec 15, 12:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Nothing to do with you? That's not necessarily true. 26 Dec 15, 12:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline What purpose would it serve? You have already repeatedly made it clear you want nothing to do with me. 26 Dec 15, 3:02am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Want to help me learn Swedish? 26 Dec 15, 2:44am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then what would a good enough goodbye consist of? 26 Dec 15, 2:35am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Whatever you want it to mean. 26 Dec 15, 2:23am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What did you mean by it? 19 Dec 15, 1:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I did not want to hurt you. That was not my intention. But all right. 18 Dec 15, 11:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I can't. 18 Dec 15, 11:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You don't care if you hurt me, so I 18 Dec 15, 11:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But if that is how it is then that is fine. 18 Dec 15, 11:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. 18 Dec 15, 10:25pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'd thought you had made that pretty clear as well. 18 Dec 15, 10:24pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I may have feelings for you, but I can't be with you. 18 Dec 15, 10:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well. 18 Dec 15, 10:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well it isn't. 18 Dec 15, 9:57pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island *where 18 Dec 15, 9:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It wasn't my intent to lead you on. I thought it was pretty clear whee we stand. 18 Dec 15, 9:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Whatever you say Horace, I am tired of you leading me on for no reason at all. 18 Dec 15, 9:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't! But you have to earn happiness. 18 Dec 15, 9:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You just enjoy being unhappy. 18 Dec 15, 9:24pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, I do. I try to be honest with myself. 18 Dec 15, 8:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you say so. 18 Dec 15, 8:31pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Recognizing when it is not worth it to eternally wait isn't being fickle sad 18 Dec 15, 7:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The opinions you are expressing seem to imply the contrary. 18 Dec 15, 1:18pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm not fickle. 17 Dec 15, 8:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You are young and fickle and you will. 17 Dec 15, 8:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You will. 17 Dec 15, 8:25pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I highly doubt anything I do will 'prove you correct'. 17 Dec 15, 8:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you say so. I would just say that you have absolutely no commitment to anything, nor a cause and you will only prove me correct. 17 Dec 15, 7:27pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I have to disagree. 17 Dec 15, 6:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is never fruitless. 17 Dec 15, 6:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But I think it's important to realize when a reason for waiting is fruitless 17 Dec 15, 6:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The only limit on my patience is my lifespan. However short or long that may be. 17 Dec 15, 7:54am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Because when I want something I am patient and I do not get tired. 16 Dec 15, 11:58pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Tired of waiting or maybe the pros of giving up outweigh the eventual satisfaction. Or if you're never going to have whatever it is, why keep waiting 16 Dec 15, 11:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Why would I? 16 Dec 15, 11:30pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Do you ever give up on whatever you were waiting for? 16 Dec 15, 11:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Most likely. I suppose I can be denied, but yes I tend to just simply be patient about it. 16 Dec 15, 10:52pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Do you like want and need because you don't experience them the same way? 16 Dec 15, 10:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Denial of what a person wants or needs makes it nicer getting it. 16 Dec 15, 10:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes, want and need are probably some of my favourite things. 16 Dec 15, 10:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You did always like inflicting a little bit of denial 16 Dec 15, 10:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Such a terrible pity, I should love to make use of those. It would render so many things out of the subjects reach. 16 Dec 15, 10:14pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Some people on the basement still have chains on their walls - no one makes use 16 Dec 15, 10:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That could be fun. 16 Dec 15, 10:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Obviously I would hang you on a wall. 16 Dec 15, 10:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I thought it was some backhanded comment on objectification or torture. 16 Dec 15, 9:57pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It was just a question to be silly. 16 Dec 15, 9:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It did not. 16 Dec 15, 9:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am sorry if calling you attractive offended you. 16 Dec 15, 9:50pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Decorative - do you want to hang me on a wall or stuff me full of flowers? 4 Dec 15, 11:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Then please do continue to call me Jan. And I am, it is a lot of careful work and keeps me occupied. 4 Dec 15, 11:40pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Enjoying the infirmary? 4 Dec 15, 11:40pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Ah, feel kind of weird to call you that somehow. 4 Dec 15, 11:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Lawrence I suppose. The infirmary has its effect. 4 Dec 15, 1:21pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Who do you feel more like? 4 Dec 15, 1:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Call me whatever you like. Jan or Lawrence are both fine. 4 Dec 15, 12:03am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What do you want to be called? 2 Dec 15, 1:31am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I was tired of people ignoring my chosen name and using it to make me seem like a liar. 2 Dec 15, 1:30am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes. 2 Dec 15, 1:30am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You changed your name. 2 Dec 15, 1:29am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I didn't need you to successfully help me, I just needed you to consistently try. 2 Dec 15, 1:28am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island God, I wish I had ******** been able to help you! I'm no Taym, here to dangle salvation over your head like a damn carrot on a stick. 2 Dec 15, 1:27am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Tell yourself whatever you like. 2 Dec 15, 1:27am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I couldn't stay where I wasn't wanted, where you'd probably kill me. 1 Dec 15, 7:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I care about you but all you ever want to do is blame me. 1 Dec 15, 7:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I should find someone to speak to who actually cares about something other than finding someone to stroke their ego and to whom every request for help is just an excuse to remind them how great you were last time you helped them. 1 Dec 15, 7:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Forget it Horace, every time I try to even slightly relate or explain myself to you you twist it and make it all about you and how good you were and how hard you tried when you didn't. 1 Dec 15, 7:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes because failing once is reason to entirely give up on someone. I saw what your level of investment in my recovery was. 1 Dec 15, 7:05pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm saying you had people trying to help you quit and you refused it. 1 Dec 15, 6:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The same thing I have always done. Exist. 1 Dec 15, 6:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Erm. No. They can't. Not on their own, otherwise it was not actually an addiction. 1 Dec 15, 6:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And she's more or less gone now - what will you do? 1 Dec 15, 6:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Addicts can quit. 1 Dec 15, 6:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is like trying to take a drug away from an addict, it is probably not going to last very long. Especially when the drug has legs and likes to return to torment. 1 Dec 15, 6:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island The only thing I could think of was removal and well, we can see how well that went 1 Dec 15, 4:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No? I think that it causes significant trouble in my daily life but the only way I could think of to solve it was murder and that is effort. 1 Dec 15, 2:59pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And you think this side effect is acceptable? 1 Dec 15, 2:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline My only conclusion is that in most things I am gifted, it simply has the side effect of certain unfavourable symptoms, such as America. 1 Dec 15, 2:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I myself investigated the possibility of a prefrontal tumour but there was nothing short of normal physiology, or at least if there was damage, it was not visible on an MRI 1 Dec 15, 2:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You do not want my full medical history and I would not have it to give you. Suffice to say when I left my parents there was no more of that nonsense. 1 Dec 15, 2:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline They tried various things, early intervention as if I was autistic which is what they initially assumed that it was some spectrum disorder. All sorts of medicine, medicine which made me feel absolutely wretched physically and did nothing at all. Suffice to say nothing helped in any lasting way. Some resulted in postively alarming results. For some time I simply stopped moving from what I am told, they tried schizophrenia as a disgnosis too. 1 Dec 15, 2:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You never would talk to me about the ways they tried beyond 'pills' 1 Dec 15, 1:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don't trust anyone as much as I trusted you. I just wanted you to go about it in a way that wasn't like all the psychiatrists I have met in the past. 1 Dec 15, 1:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then get someone else to ******** do it 1 Dec 15, 1:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then get someone else to ******** do it 1 Dec 15, 1:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then get someone else to ******** do it 30 Nov 15, 6:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I did and do but I would not be your subservient patient and subject to your biased will to do so 30 Nov 15, 5:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's not strange to ask someone to get help for a 'drug' addiction. But you didn't want to try and fix things. 30 Nov 15, 2:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was beyond my damn powers to give you so that was all that mattered to you. You did me a disservice. 30 Nov 15, 2:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You were never second place, you just made that one up. You were always worth more than America, it was just like asking someone to give up a drug to prove they loved you. 30 Nov 15, 12:43pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I didn't want to be second place. 30 Nov 15, 12:43pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That's not what I was striving for. I wanted to be important to you. 30 Nov 15, 9:19am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You just wanted what you already had. You were striving for how I acted to america when that was not and is not affection. 30 Nov 15, 3:06am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And.... all I had ever wanted was to be more important to you. 30 Nov 15, 3:06am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Very well. Then you showed your like in very odd, not enjoyable ways. 30 Nov 15, 12:38am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I certainly would not have slept AROUND you if I considered myself in danger or disliking you. 30 Nov 15, 12:38am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If I did not like you I would never have given you even a moment of my time, much less slept with you. 30 Nov 15, 12:37am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I did like you a lot and it is strange that you did not realise that. 29 Nov 15, 10:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess it's self preservation. 29 Nov 15, 10:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You neither loved nor liked nor cared for me even in the ways you can. You hurt me, so this is 29 Nov 15, 10:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes but haven't we all. 29 Nov 15, 9:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I have been harmed before. 29 Nov 15, 8:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I can blame you for being afraid of what will not harm you. 29 Nov 15, 8:04pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Can you blame me for trying to protect myself? 29 Nov 15, 7:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh well, I am genuinely sorry you feel that way. 29 Nov 15, 7:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Decided that actually living might be nice, with an added bonus of somewhat less emotional turmoil. 29 Nov 15, 7:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Decided to live lonely and bored instead? 29 Nov 15, 6:48pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I've tried living dangerously. 29 Nov 15, 6:48pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You do want those other people. 29 Nov 15, 6:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do so wish you would live more dangerously. 29 Nov 15, 6:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But I want you, not those other people. 29 Nov 15, 6:23pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island There are things I shouldn't do - call it survival instinct. 29 Nov 15, 6:23pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island There are others for you to be intimate with. 29 Nov 15, 5:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You could if you wanted, I would gladly renew our intimacy. I miss you so. 29 Nov 15, 3:57pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island There are things I can no longer do. 29 Nov 15, 3:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I very much enjoyed you touching it. Such a pity it is an altar you no longer worship at. 29 Nov 15, 3:42pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You always did have gorgeous skin. 29 Nov 15, 11:43am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am glad you remember my feelings on loud noises. Such a pity, if it was shirtless you wanted I certainly could have provided. 29 Nov 15, 3:50am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It was terribly loud. Maybe you wouldn't have enjoyed it. Only a few showed up shirtless. 26 Nov 15, 12:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You always say the same things. 26 Nov 15, 1:11am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Perhaps ask Melvin for help in that department. 25 Nov 15, 8:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You would think so but no. 25 Nov 15, 8:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Very well. I'm sure you can find other diversions. 25 Nov 15, 7:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I have only a tenuous aquaintence of those people, I am best to leave you to it. Do enjoy yourself. 25 Nov 15, 7:04pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It would not bother me if you were there. I'm mainly going to hang out with Hattie. And I'm bringing Micah 25 Nov 15, 6:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh its not about me feeling comfortable ;D I could be comfortable anywhere. I was concerned about you and your new potential friends. 25 Nov 15, 6:44pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess if you wouldn't feel comfortable, don't come 25 Nov 15, 6:43pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's up to you.
Posted: Thu Jan 28, 2016 12:14 pm
Read bottom to top As usual a swathe because I don't have all my stuff :l tweetdeck
Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And people like to say I am the unpleasant one. 8:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Obsession is obsession. 7:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But yes thank you very much Horace for wishing me well in the most bitchy and backhanded way I have ever encountered. I am SO grateful. 7:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And who has almost killed me several times. 7:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline To pretend that I care for someone I has explained to you numerous times is closer to an enemy than anything else. 7:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is passive aggressive and frankly cruel. 7:49pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's hardly insane and controlling to wish you well. 7:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I felt I was doing well resisting the desire to follow her everywhere even with her right here, I felt I was making progress. 7:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Just because America is here means nothing. You are insane and controlling. 7:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Playing house? I am establishing medical camps as I told you. 7:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess I should tell you to have fun playing house in Russia. 7:27pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, I'd advise against killing Chantelle. Messy thing, murder is. 7:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Nothing is ever coincidence with you. 7:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Coincidentally. I don't see her much. 7:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Oh, you're in Russia. With America. I see 6:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I hope not. I would prefer she got murdered. 6:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I think she and America might become good friends. 1:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline She is unpleasant of late. 1:48pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island So harsh to your niece 10:30am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island They get ice crotch just fine 8:54am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Thats not very nice. Hunters do not get diseases Horace. 1:53am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I meant a skill. I would know if I'd caught a venereal disease. Which now that I think about it, should have been something I worried about 1:44am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I should hope not, I am very clean and healthy. 1:04am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't think I caught anything from you Monday, 9:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I wouldn't wanna compete with Melvin for you. Monday, 8:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If that's what you feel like dismissing it as, go ahead I guess Monday, 8:22pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You like to make a martyr of yourself. Monday, 11:41am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Hah. There wouldn't be room for me 'if I was still there'. Monday, 11:31am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He's allowed to be if he wants. So would you be if you were still here. Monday, 2:31am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Sure looked like PDA from afar. He looked handsy. Monday, 2:16am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I hardly count huddling for warmth and some chaste kisses as PDA Horace. Sunday, 11:48pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Such PDA, regardless. Friday, 6:33pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island This doesn't necessarily have a lot to do with the semblance of domesticity. Friday, 6:33pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I did not say you were incapable of commitmen to a certain degree. Incapable of committing to one person, incapable of fully committing to anything, maybe. Friday, 4:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I just find it amusing when you are perpetually reminding me about how I am incapable of commitment which one would think was important for domesticity. Friday, 4:55pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's not an insult. Friday, 4:35pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Really, Friday, 2:15pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You always struck me as kind of domestic. Friday, 2:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes because I've always been such a domestic petson haven't I Friday, 1:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Must be nice. Friday, 1:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Domestic, too. Friday, 12:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am rather good at looking like things. Friday, 10:25am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You look content. Friday, 6:33am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Visiting yes. Friday, 4:35am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I see you're back 20 Jan 16, 10:22am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Why didn't you? 20 Jan 16, 7:20am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes I could have. 19 Jan 16, 11:24pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You coulda just said people haha 19 Jan 16, 2:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Mortals? Versus what? We are all mortal. 19 Jan 16, 1:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Control is important for me. I will admit mortals are not. You had importance, you still do or I would ignore your messages. 19 Jan 16, 12:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island There are always other ways to control or influence. But I get it. Sex is important to you and people aren't. 19 Jan 16, 7:01am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And I do not wish to return to the dark. 19 Jan 16, 7:00am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You exist on feeling, on emotion and devotion. I have no choice but to mimic and control. Asking me to give that up is like asking a blind man to give up his white stick. 18 Jan 16, 11:58pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Someone like me? 18 Jan 16, 6:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Because control is central to how I function and exist, perhaps it is difficult for someone like you to understand. 18 Jan 16, 5:44pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You use sex as a power thing, I get it. I don't get why you can't stop. 18 Jan 16, 5:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You dismiss me all the time Horace, I explain to you why things are more complicated than just "controlling my d**k" and you lecture me again. 18 Jan 16, 5:16pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Okay, go ahead and dismiss me , brush me off. I should be used to it by now from you. 18 Jan 16, 5:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Ha ha ha ha you are adorable sometimes. 18 Jan 16, 4:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You can't compare societal expectations of function with the apparent inability to control your d**k. 18 Jan 16, 4:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You implied you were sleeping with someone else. And perhaps you shouldn't. Most people give up on me, even my own parents gave up on a solution to what I am. I hardly expect you to be more committed than a mother and father. I nevertheless excelled their initial expectations by being capable of functioning in society. 18 Jan 16, 12:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess I shouldn't have expected you to be able to control yourself. 18 Jan 16, 12:18pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm not sleeping with anyone but ok 18 Jan 16, 12:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Then for your sake all I can say is that I hope whoever you are sleeping with now can give you what my nature cannot. 17 Jan 16, 8:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I do want those things but I don't want to have to share you with Melvin and America and any random 2bit whore on the island! 17 Jan 16, 8:45pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I left because you told me to! 17 Jan 16, 8:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You don't know what you want so there is certainly no way I can know what you want. 17 Jan 16, 8:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well no, because you left and have made it clear you do not care about those things. 17 Jan 16, 8:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't know why I'm wasting my time 17 Jan 16, 8:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Ah. I see. None of that applies to me now 17 Jan 16, 8:35pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well that was when I considered you my property to some degree, when I cared what you did and felt like I had a vested interest in protecting you. 17 Jan 16, 8:33pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Considering that before you said you would hate it and me and never touch me again... I dunno 17 Jan 16, 8:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I would shrug, I am not sure what you expect me to say about it. 17 Jan 16, 8:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What if I told you I've slept with someone quite recently? 17 Jan 16, 8:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well I would not be averse to giving you another chance to regain it. I am nothing if not lenient, but I would need to be consulted on all things relating to me and my person. 17 Jan 16, 8:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Since there's no way to regain your trust and, at this point no point, I guess we remain at an impasse. 17 Jan 16, 8:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The only negative would have been feeling like sleeping with you and you being all worn out. And the effort of having you bathe beforehand. I could not be certain you hadn't been in contact with unworthy or impure individuals. 17 Jan 16, 8:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If we had been at a point where I trusted you then yes. 17 Jan 16, 8:00pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island So if I'd ******** a bunch of people before that, it would have been ok? 17 Jan 16, 7:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That one incident was enough to make me doubt your ability to keep my secrets. 17 Jan 16, 7:43pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Tell 'people'. Aside from that one incident with Dawson, where I did NOT tell him it was ou, I just wanted to ensure his safety, when have I told people things? 17 Jan 16, 7:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Which is enormously dangerous. 17 Jan 16, 7:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No it is not a business transaction. I trust you with more than my genitals or did and that is something you have prove you cannot do, you tell people things about me. I do not think you are horrible simply that you make choices about things which concern me without actually consulting me. 17 Jan 16, 7:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I had sex once with someone who was not you and we didn't speak a ******** WORD about you. So I don't see what you're getting at except that you think I'm a horrible person so why do you even want me anyway 17 Jan 16, 7:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I see. 17 Jan 16, 7:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Oh, so this... with you, this is a business transaction to you? 17 Jan 16, 7:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Purely from the perspective that I could not trust you with my private information. I would not be concerned about some sort of invisible "cooties" you might be carrying from sexual congress. It is all a matter of me doubting your ability to keep sex and for want of a better word - business - seperate. 17 Jan 16, 7:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, you wouldn't want me of I'd been sleeping around with everyone, would you? 17 Jan 16, 6:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Ok. 17 Jan 16, 6:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'll admit to it being harsh, but its true. 17 Jan 16, 6:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Harsh. 17 Jan 16, 6:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I like my temples a little less crowded. 17 Jan 16, 6:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You are welcome to worship any time. 17 Jan 16, 6:12pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Though I guess I'd argue that your body is the only shrine needed for worship if you're going that route. 17 Jan 16, 6:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Oh? Has Melvin set one up yet, then? 17 Jan 16, 6:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The only person worthy of a shrine is me. 17 Jan 16, 6:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island As long as its tidy, I suppose at least Melvin won't object. 16 Jan 16, 4:14pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, I guess as long as you haven't set up soem shrine to her that's good. 16 Jan 16, 2:06am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well I am not that either. 15 Jan 16, 9:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Collector, whatever word you please. 15 Jan 16, 7:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not a hoarder. 15 Jan 16, 6:00pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Huh I pegged you as a hoarder. At least in her case. 15 Jan 16, 1:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If I do it is in my closet somewhere and I forgot to throw them out, maybe Melvin has, they were not exactly my size. I don't think Chantelle would want them either. 15 Jan 16, 1:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. 15 Jan 16, 11:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Do you keep them still? 15 Jan 16, 8:18am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Taken without my consent obviously I was going to defy you. 14 Jan 16, 10:58pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island ....omg you totally did. sad 14 Jan 16, 9:04pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Yeah, right. I bet you went and found them after. 14 Jan 16, 8:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I might have considered it if you haven't tried to take them without my consent or explaining or consulting me. 14 Jan 16, 11:48am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You would not have handed them over. That's not in the nature of your obsession with her. 14 Jan 16, 8:29am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you could not respect me I saw no reason to respect you. I hate rudeness quite a bit. 14 Jan 16, 8:29am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you had afforded any sort of respect to my pride and my right to own items I would likely have handed them over if asked and explained to. Instead you simply demanded them and when denied that took them as if I was a child. My possessions are few and with good reason. 14 Jan 16, 12:51am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I never thought of you as any kind of patient. 14 Jan 16, 12:46am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Treating me more like a patient than an equal. 14 Jan 16, 12:33am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I cannot say I wouldn't take thpse things again. They were America's, not yours, and you kept them for the wrong reasons. 14 Jan 16, 12:32am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island The information bit is about Dawson, isn't it? I did not know that would be an issue until after the fact. 14 Jan 16, 12:27am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And yet you wouldn't give it when I asked you not to take things from me or to keep things and information between us. 14 Jan 16, 12:19am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You told me to go. I though you wanted obedience. 14 Jan 16, 12:17am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You made your choice first. 14 Jan 16, 12:10am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's all a moot point now, though, because he gets you all the time. You've made your choice. 14 Jan 16, 12:07am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But you didn't think about how that might hurt anyone else. 13 Jan 16, 11:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He was grieving Rin, he needed to hear Rin and he needed the intimacy he had. It was the most straightforward. 13 Jan 16, 11:53pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Fix him with your d**k, I guess. 13 Jan 16, 11:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Not for a while and even then with Melvin I just wanted to see if I could fix him, like the lamp. He wasn't like you. 13 Jan 16, 11:49pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, as it turned out, weren't you already switching to Melvin even then? 13 Jan 16, 11:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline How many times have I told you you were. You were my partner, you were the one I was in a relationship with, you had it. There was nothing more to give. America was lesser than you back then, she was off somewhere else, the instincts to harm her were less. 13 Jan 16, 11:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Even if I became more able to accept that like... I'd never be number 1 to you. So it's pointless. 13 Jan 16, 11:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Realising that the fact I sleep with other people does not change your value. 13 Jan 16, 11:19pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What are some other good decisions you think I should make, then? 13 Jan 16, 8:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline One of the few sound decisions you still make. 13 Jan 16, 7:53pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess I'm not good at making good decisions. I still talk to you, don't I? 13 Jan 16, 7:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I see. 13 Jan 16, 7:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don't think you are capable of making good decisions. Case in point - Dawson. 13 Jan 16, 7:45pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Would you expect me to prove it? 13 Jan 16, 7:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. I would expect it to be obvious they were capable of making good decisions. 13 Jan 16, 7:34pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But you would expect others to prove it to you? 13 Jan 16, 7:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I would refuse to, I do not have to prove myself. If the other person could not simply observe or take my word for it I would have little to say to them. 13 Jan 16, 7:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Would you be mad if you were asked to prove your sleeping around was useful? 13 Jan 16, 7:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes. 13 Jan 16, 6:59pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island So if someone proved to you it was 'useful' you'd be all for it? 13 Jan 16, 6:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But I also don't care to commit my trust to someone dense enough to sleep around with other people. It is not the sleeping around but how it is done. 13 Jan 16, 6:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I frankly don't care. 13 Jan 16, 5:40pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I highly doubt you'd be fond of your partners sleeping around 13 Jan 16, 5:40pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Because it's still compromise in the the other person might limit the second one on something else. 13 Jan 16, 5:21pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am happy to compromise on things not integral to who I am and navigate the world. Besides how does one compromise on something where one individual wishes to sleep with anyone and the other states no one. Any limiting is in the second persons favour and yet never enough. 13 Jan 16, 1:41pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island This is where compromise in relationships comes into effect. And communication. And caring if you hurt someone. 13 Jan 16, 1:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Many, many times. And yes there are other effective ways and I use those too, I see no reason to cut down my important tools. 13 Jan 16, 12:16pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Also, there are other effective ways to get what you want. When has sex actually worked like that for you? 13 Jan 16, 1:22am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't think I get paid for that, alas. 13 Jan 16, 1:08am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am getting better at this. So you are a professional sword swallower. Such a vocation. 13 Jan 16, 1:05am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Is it the phallic implications of the sword? Very good! 13 Jan 16, 1:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Excellent, I struggle with innuendo. 13 Jan 16, 1:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Was it? 13 Jan 16, 12:54am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island ....that's some large innuendo there. 12 Jan 16, 1:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Because ambition Horace. Asking me not to use sex to get what I want is asking a swordsman to give up his blade. It does not mean I value everyone I ******** Jan 16, 1:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I dont understand why one person isn't enough 12 Jan 16, 1:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I just said I did not. 12 Jan 16, 12:58pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, I know I like the way you ******** me, but I'm sure you'd think others worthy of booty calls. 12 Jan 16, 12:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Sex with you is very enjoyable indeed. 12 Jan 16, 12:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island in your opinion 12 Jan 16, 12:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I know the sex can't possibly be that good. 12 Jan 16, 8:00am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you like. 11 Jan 16, 3:27pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Only me? Huh... I guess... I should feel special. 11 Jan 16, 3:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do not have time for "booty calls". Unless it is you. 11 Jan 16, 3:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am busy Horace 11 Jan 16, 10:02am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You could go back for a night 11 Jan 16, 7:56am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Maybe, there is not much I can do about it at the moment while on a mission. 11 Jan 16, 12:19am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, Melvin must be getting lonely. 11 Jan 16, 12:16am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I have no idea. 11 Jan 16, 12:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island At least it's warm here. 11 Jan 16, 12:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How disappointing. Will you come back soon? 11 Jan 16, 12:13am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. It is just me. 11 Jan 16, 12:12am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island No one to warm your bed there? 10 Jan 16, 10:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes. It is underground but it is very cold. I am lacking in insulation. 10 Jan 16, 10:12pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Are you cold - out there on your frigid base somewhere? 10 Jan 16, 10:12pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Too much is messy. 10 Jan 16, 6:23am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island In moderate amounts, sure. 10 Jan 16, 6:05am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Blood is wonderful. 10 Jan 16, 6:03am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Most of your surprises involve more blood. This is somehow pleasant. 10 Jan 16, 5:54am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am full of surprises. 10 Jan 16, 3:31am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I find that really surprising 10 Jan 16, 3:16am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well I would miss you. You are perhaps one of around two or three other human beings worth speaking with. 10 Jan 16, 3:09am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island When the uselessness of self outweighs any feeling of purpose 10 Jan 16, 3:08am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island The only purpose I hold is the fight until I can't anymore. There are many fighters. I would not have been missed. 10 Jan 16, 3:00am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you were a burden to me or tedious I would have and could have killed you already. You have a purpose, so that line of thought is curious to me. 10 Jan 16, 2:59am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline What is the point in that exactly? 10 Jan 16, 2:55am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If I'm dead I can't screw up more. 10 Jan 16, 2:55am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's thinking that it's better if I'm dead so I don't take up space. 10 Jan 16, 2:54am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's not nesc considering a life worth ending. It's more of a way to remove myself when I've become too much of a burden on others. 10 Jan 16, 2:50am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I suppose in those situations at least one has some kind of value on one's life to consider it worthy of ending. Life for me is irrelevant, if I die I die, if I live I live. I seek perfection but if I do not reach it I will never know. 10 Jan 16, 2:41am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Terrible. It feels terrible and hopeless. 10 Jan 16, 2:39am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I can't imagine what that would feel like, I do not care much for death. 10 Jan 16, 2:19am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Even if I considered by my own hand for a while. 10 Jan 16, 2:19am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I want to be in control of my own death. 10 Jan 16, 2:10am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I have no idea what percentage it was. 10 Jan 16, 2:08am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I had no reason to believe you wouldn't kill me. 10 Jan 16, 2:00am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Might not have wasn't good enough. What percentage was it - 30%? 50% chance of not dying? 10 Jan 16, 1:30am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And it might have been kinky along the way. 10 Jan 16, 1:30am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You should have stayed then, you might not have died. I wasn't sure if I was going to kill you. 10 Jan 16, 1:28am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It was a choice between staying and dying or leaving and dying in a different way. 10 Jan 16, 1:26am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You barely tried. 10 Jan 16, 1:18am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I tried to endure you. 10 Jan 16, 1:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Or without reason not to. People say watching sad movies hurts, but they can endure it, people say whips and slaps hurt but sometimes they enjoy them. What people say is not always the truth either. 10 Jan 16, 1:13am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Then it is something I do without realising it. 10 Jan 16, 1:09am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But what if people tell you time and again that something hurts, but you still do it? 10 Jan 16, 1:07am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is like telling a colour blind man that discerning blue from red is not some herculean task. It in fact actually is and involves a lot of guesswork and seeing how other people react. 10 Jan 16, 1:07am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline When will you ever figure this out Horace. 10 Jan 16, 1:03am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Taking other people's feelings into consideration is not some Herculean task. 10 Jan 16, 1:02am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You would have to ask my doctors for the reasons for my mind's inflexibility. 10 Jan 16, 12:58am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'd like to specify that I mean mind inflexibilty. You've proven flexible enough in other areas. 10 Jan 16, 12:47am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I could think of no other reason for such inflexibility. 10 Jan 16, 12:45am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is never relevant. 10 Jan 16, 12:42am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island She mentions your age overmuch. I try to keep it relevant. 10 Jan 16, 12:38am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It makes you sound like America. 10 Jan 16, 12:15am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess that was unkind, if possibly apt. 10 Jan 16, 12:11am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline ... 10 Jan 16, 12:11am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Is this a whole 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks' thing? 10 Jan 16, 12:09am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was and I do. 10 Jan 16, 12:08am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That's not what I meant and you know it. 9 Jan 16, 11:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you say so Horace. I must choose to be how I am clearly. 9 Jan 16, 11:24pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You just don't want to try or can't be bothered. 9 Jan 16, 11:24pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Anxious people cannot change their anxiety but they can change the way they react to it. 9 Jan 16, 10:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No people change how they act. No one can change part of themselves which is ingrained. If someone is anxious they are always anxious, if they are prone to sadness that stays the same. I do not waste my time changing how I act superficially when the truth of what I am remains the same. 9 Jan 16, 10:16pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But people do change parts about themselves. That's what makes relationships work. Compromise. 9 Jan 16, 9:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is just the way things are, why would something I could not change bother me? 9 Jan 16, 8:21pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That doesn't bother you? 9 Jan 16, 8:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Maybe so. 9 Jan 16, 7:58pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island This is why people leave you, though. This is why you'll be alone 9 Jan 16, 7:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is just a brief emotional surge of glands and adrenaline. They can get over it. 9 Jan 16, 7:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Because I am not about to change who I am over some guess at whether it will hurt someone else. People can deal with hurt, it is their problem. 9 Jan 16, 7:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But you say yes even when you know your yes would hurt someone. 9 Jan 16, 7:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I say no very rarely Horace. Even when someone asks me can I kill you I would say I would rather not but if you must. 9 Jan 16, 7:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. Because I do not say no. That gives people something to use against me and I have no drive to say no anyway. 9 Jan 16, 7:07pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Doesn't that make it mean more if you say no? 9 Jan 16, 6:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The monogamy thing for instance is almost impossible for me to enforce when as passive as I am it is very easy to say yes to sex. 9 Jan 16, 6:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do not try to cross them continually unless it is something I know I cannot change in myself. 9 Jan 16, 5:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island *cross them 9 Jan 16, 5:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But if you cross a hem continually... 9 Jan 16, 5:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But I can't know they are there till I trip over them. 9 Jan 16, 5:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don't know Horace. 9 Jan 16, 5:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What does crossing them gain you except breaking someone's trust ? 9 Jan 16, 5:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Because one needs to cross them to see if they are truly there. 9 Jan 16, 4:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You never cared about crossing them, though. 9 Jan 16, 4:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I only try to find the boundaries Horace, like a blind man feeling in the dark. 9 Jan 16, 4:40pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But you change them. 9 Jan 16, 4:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I enjoy unchanging, stable things. 9 Jan 16, 4:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Would you have wanted a forever? 9 Jan 16, 4:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Melvin has a great many problems and is reliant on people who are fundamentally not me. I do not expect a forever from him either. 9 Jan 16, 4:23pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Maybe Melvin won't. He lies to himself better than I could. 9 Jan 16, 4:22pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes alas. 9 Jan 16, 4:19pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I left for other reasons instead. 9 Jan 16, 5:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Because I expected you to leave if I told you, Maja did, everyone inevitably does. 9 Jan 16, 4:20am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Sometimes I think I might have been more okay with things if you had talked to me about them. But you didn't. 9 Jan 16, 4:17am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You do want other, stranger things, too. 9 Jan 16, 2:56am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I know what I want, it is just not always what other people want. Mostly I want exceptional people near to me and there are so few of them. 8 Jan 16, 2:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I never know what you want 8 Jan 16, 2:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Inconvenient when you get in the way of what I want. Much nicer when they are what I want. 8 Jan 16, 12:30pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Because my emotions are inconvenient. sad 8 Jan 16, 12:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Face it Horace I like you and not someone else. 8 Jan 16, 12:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Why would I want someone without emotions? Just because I struggle with them myself does not mean I find the idea of someone like me remotely appealing. 8 Jan 16, 12:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm sure you can find a suitable replacement without all the emotions. 8 Jan 16, 11:42am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Many but none of them are you. 8 Jan 16, 10:24am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Isn't it ok? You have many lovers, after all. 8 Jan 16, 10:11am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I hope not because then it won't be me. 8 Jan 16, 7:42am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I wonder if I'll ever find someone else who can ******** me like you do 8 Jan 16, 7:27am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island So mean 8 Jan 16, 7:20am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It simply serves to heighten the eventual reward. 8 Jan 16, 7:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You punish me a lot, I feel sad Such delayed gratification 8 Jan 16, 7:12am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I understand the satisfaction of making a physical response happen in someone who I'm unsure of their thoughts. It feels kind of honest. 8 Jan 16, 7:05am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It feels good, nice almost, like doing something correctly. It is why it is so easy to reward and easy to punish delays. 8 Jan 16, 7:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am glad, I do not know if you understand the satisfaction which comes from provoking a physical response when one does not quite have an emotional guage of a person. 8 Jan 16, 7:03am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Just thinking about it gets me worked up 8 Jan 16, 7:03am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You certainly have that skill perfected 8 Jan 16, 6:50am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Instinct maybe. Maybe its the only instinct I have. Plus I have a very clear goal for what I want, I always just want you to come, as hard as is feasibly possible at the time. 8 Jan 16, 5:18am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island My body still tingles. How do you always know exactly what to do when you ******** me 7 Jan 16, 9:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well its a list we can start on. 7 Jan 16, 9:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I want an awful lot of things. 7 Jan 16, 8:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh we could just do everything you wanted to do. 7 Jan 16, 8:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How would you do that? 7 Jan 16, 7:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It isn't fair is it? I should make it up to you. 7 Jan 16, 7:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's not fair 7 Jan 16, 7:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I'd rather you didn't. I prefer you hot and flustered and alive. 7 Jan 16, 7:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, I'll keep that in mind for when I die and shuffle back as some d**k-hungry zombie. 7 Jan 16, 7:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But she is dead now so that is no longer an issue. 7 Jan 16, 7:25pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I see. 7 Jan 16, 7:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do not find it easy to say no, I thought you understood this. 7 Jan 16, 7:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was simply something that happened, I can't quantify if it was "worth" it or not. There was not a situation I could fathom where it did not happen. 7 Jan 16, 7:12pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I know you've had ice crotch. Was it worth it? 7 Jan 16, 7:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I've had ice crotch, it is rather unpleasant but not unbearable. I just..would rather no harm came to those particular parts. 7 Jan 16, 7:04pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You were good, too. 7 Jan 16, 7:03pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I doubt you'd risk the ice crotch in any event 7 Jan 16, 7:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And I am glad corpses being of absolutely no interest to me is a relief to you. Just do not end up as an undead. 7 Jan 16, 6:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do and that is a real shame, you felt as good as I remembered. 7 Jan 16, 6:52pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You don't need my emotions and we should not ******** sad 7 Jan 16, 6:49pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess I'm glad you wouldn't d**k my corpse 7 Jan 16, 6:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Those were what I liked. 7 Jan 16, 6:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Necrophilia would be frankly tedious Horace, no it is the reactions one can wring out of you and the words and emotions. 7 Jan 16, 6:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No I missed your body and the rest of you attached, it would be rather dull if it was just your body ha ha ha. 7 Jan 16, 6:19pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I missed you, but we shouldn't do that 7 Jan 16, 6:18pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You missed my body. 7 Jan 16, 6:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Only some ways? I missed you, I thought it was very nice indeed. 7 Jan 16, 6:05pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Know in the biblical sense. It was nice in some ways, I guess. 7 Jan 16, 3:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was very nice to get to know you again. 30 Dec 15, 7:24pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Me wanting to know you wasn't an attempt to figure you out 30 Dec 15, 6:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I did not seek to figure you out, I was rather happy with what I had. 30 Dec 15, 6:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Finally you understand that. 30 Dec 15, 5:52pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Maybe if I'd had more time I could have figured you out. But I'm not sure 'figuring out' is needed, not fully. You aren't a puzle box for me to unlock. 30 Dec 15, 5:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes well I never could figure myself out so your guess is as good as mine. 30 Dec 15, 5:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You never were easy to figure out, though I enjoyed learning some of your habits and mannerisms. 30 Dec 15, 5:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Ah, stingy 30 Dec 15, 5:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you don't already know I am not self-analysing for your benefit. 30 Dec 15, 5:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I still want to. 30 Dec 15, 5:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You don't need to ask me that. 30 Dec 15, 5:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. 30 Dec 15, 5:13pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What contradictions do you have? 30 Dec 15, 5:12pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island People are full of contradictions. I'm sure someone might be all the things you need. 30 Dec 15, 5:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is impossible when so many of them are contradictory. 30 Dec 15, 5:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You don't wanna find someone who could fill all your niches? 30 Dec 15, 5:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If that particular niche was entirely filled I would not waste my time letting you constantly wind me up and then let me down. 30 Dec 15, 4:58pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Isn't it the truth, though? 30 Dec 15, 4:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Very mean. 30 Dec 15, 4:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Guess he fills the d**k niche. 30 Dec 15, 4:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island He was. 30 Dec 15, 4:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That is rather mean, he was your friend wasn't he? 30 Dec 15, 4:22pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Sounds like living with a blow-up doll. 30 Dec 15, 4:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Nothing wrong with it, he is healthy and well. He does not ask for much and is permissive of many things, he fills one niche in my life. 30 Dec 15, 4:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well he is that. 30 Dec 15, 4:14pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That seems... very sterile for a relationship. 30 Dec 15, 4:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don't ask Melvin much. 30 Dec 15, 4:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Do you not wanna know? Huh. 30 Dec 15, 4:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don't think I will. Thank you for updating me. 30 Dec 15, 4:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Ask Melvin if he's heard anything. 30 Dec 15, 4:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Ah, well, there you have it. You talk in your sleep. 30 Dec 15, 3:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. 30 Dec 15, 3:50pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I though someone might have told you. One of your previous lovers, perhaps. 30 Dec 15, 3:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No, I have never heard myself sleeping. 30 Dec 15, 3:29pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Did you not know that you talk in your sleep sometimes? 30 Dec 15, 12:58am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If only you'd come try it again I am sure you could find a style to suit it. One hand is no good for it. 30 Dec 15, 12:49am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I can imagine 30 Dec 15, 12:36am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Thankyou. I enjoy it longer. It is rather pleasant to run one's fingers through. 30 Dec 15, 12:11am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Your hair looks nice longer 27 Dec 15, 9:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well the offer still stands so long as you do not take me up on it only to do this nonsense again, I am a busy man.
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
Offline
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
Offline
Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 7:50 am
America Read Bottom to top Valentines day -
Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do not exactly weigh myself all the time, I am vain but not that vain. Below triple digits, above the nineties. More options 9:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And I am not exactly tall. 9:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline My weight is fine, it is easily above ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** whats the correct weight thus month Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I sustain the correct ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you may as well face facts that youre looking even an older with every pound ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** i dont ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** know what an eating disorder looks like Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I enjoy all manner of food, my own cuisine included. More ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** eat some of your own food if youd like that to be ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** just an a*****e that cant take your own s**t handed back to you AMERICA JONES @******** avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But there is no need to be rude, it won't change the fact that I am a very handsome man. 9:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Horace wanted to be treated like you and to be closer to me, he was an ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** its beyond ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** horace has a much nicer body and you cut off his ******** finger and gouged a circle into his chest 9:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline How you could mar such a beautiful body is beyond ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** welcome 8:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Including my neck. 8:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline So perhaps that explains why I feel unable to re-create myself, even excluding the physical marks your aquaintence has left on me. 8:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wonder i hated her at first but like her now 8:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was almost exactly a year ago. 8:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline When I woke up, it did not stop. It was still her. I was no longer her. 8:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline After the cave incident I was trapped in her body. As if I could not take off the wig or outfit at all. My body was in the pod so presumably it was a golem. 8:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I will ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** arent you whippey about ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wasnt even a threat i just wanna know the time frame this happened in 8:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am incapable of missing her. 8:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline So please do not go asking him about it. Whatever it is is likely for a function. 8:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you INSIST on threatening me further it was him. 8:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** gotta be someone in life ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ask the doctor then 8:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not sure it is wise for me to go sharing all of the specifics given the nature of the aforementioned threat. AMERICA JONES @******** did it More options 8:29pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Some time ago, I do not have a precise ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** did they do it 8:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Not spread it around. There was an implicated threat that if I told anyone it might happen again. 8:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Erm. If you would be so kind as to. 8:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I think so. I am not even certain any longer. 8:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** they split her off ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** was a persona Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And I am starting to find myself uncertain if she was ever part of me at all. 8:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Chantelle is not my niece. At one point she was just a convenient mask. Now she is...a golem? A clone? Something else. AMERICA JONES @******** avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Chantelle was. 8:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And when I do there is always a risk they will be /taken/ from me. 8:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I cannot MAKE new selves. The hand has trapped me in whatever I am in at the moment. There are no guises I can ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you gonna make a hella religious ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** religion meant for the ******** masses isnt the solution is it 8:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It has only been exacerbated here. I am not sure any more about a large number of ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** got an issue unique to yourself when it comes to sex 8:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline What else am I supposed to call ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** sense of ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** maybe they dont understand what theyre saying either 8:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But yes possibly it was just a ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** a bond means something shared not taken 8:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I was concerned that perhaps it was why I felt that my sense of self fragmented to a greater extent after ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** just like telling other folks what to ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** was cool with ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It seemed more biblical than ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** otherwise thats romantic ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you have a kid from it theres that 8:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He seemed to make it sound like it made some degree of sense. He phrased it as a bonding process which is initiated and which cannot be ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** doesnt make sense 7:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Like the concept that every individual one sleeps with somehow "steals" part of the self. I was not able to ascertain if it can be recovered via ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** questions 5:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And raise questions which I am not fond of dwelling on. 5:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do try to accumulate it from others but it only seems to make things ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** person logic 5:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I just adhere strongly to logic. 5:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well obviously I cannot comment. I do not "feel" crazy. Though I assume that one would ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** is but youre on kind of a functional extreme so i feel pretty comfortable using it here Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I make no judgements on your mental state. 5:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Crazy is a rather broad ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not unless i go crazy ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** cant assume anything about crazy person ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** true 5:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That's ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** happened because youre crazy hun 5:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I would have my hand and my music still if it was not for those rules. 5:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh other people's rules are certainly a tool to be used against them. My own personal ones are more irritating than anything ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** are just like any other tool to someone like you 5:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline There are parts of me which can be trusted. If you know the ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** know too much to trust either 5:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Would you rather I was charming or ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** charmer 5:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No, just with me. Preferably alive but that is not really my ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And see how long I could keep you. 5:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Just rest I ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** would you even do if you had me lawrence Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Every time I try to assess what I want, it is /you/. 4:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And chained to your fate in kind. You did not even die, only a PART of you did and yet there has been something /off/ in me since. 4:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I would find a place, create a life, sustain that life until some factor or other began to dismantle it and move on. Here I cannot depart and I am chained to you like a dog. 4:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is a sort of agony for me. I lived a nomadic life before this ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** cant say its not some sort of ******** up comfort 4:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But it is still a departure I suppose. 4:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline At the very least, I will never leave you of my own volition. When I die, if I die, then you will have a little peace perhaps, if I don't manage to take you with me. 4:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Depends how you define crazy. He believes there is true good in the world. He believes everything and everyone can be ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** crazy so maybe that can last is rodney crazy too 4:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline At least they learn. 4:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The older people get the more likely they have met someone who used them and are wary and scared already. It becomes a ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you force them to see the reality of the you that uses them and dont mind hurting them 4:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It takes a certain naive optimism to think they can understand what I am or yes, buy what I am ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** they believe in you 4:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Most of them ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** was very ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont think he really knew that until then Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He knew that, everyone knows that. YOU know that. 4:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I will ALWAYS go to you or her. 4:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And hypocritical I ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** playing victim 4:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Because I don't like being ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** moment you walked to ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** left horace ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Perfectly balanced or not, they leave in the end or they disgust me. 4:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Perhaps that is the only reason I try to be what other people want at ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** it takes you awhile to find that perfect ******** mix of gullible and vulnerable 4:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I still keep feeling the hole where she was. Maybe feeling is the wrong word, being aware of it. I /like/ Russia. I enjoy being away from the familiar and the routine and near you, because this obsession demands ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** otherwise theyll just leave ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** for ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** actually caring about someone means not wanting to be the one that hurts them 3:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Why should anyone be decent? 3:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If everyone leave then why is it so heinous to get what you can while they are ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you know how to be ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** like a stubborn ******** child ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** know how to be decent 3:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And they still leave in the end. 3:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Is that the same? Because it is a hollow, unfulfilling thing. 3:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don't. I know how to be what they ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** know how to be decent to people 3:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I shouldn't, but I want to. I want life near me, I want to live by proxy. 3:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Look what Dawson did to her. 3:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I have done nothing but feed him. Perhaps its ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** shouldnt keep ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** that mean youll keep from ******** him over and hurting him 3:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Though I worry sometimes with all the morals and strange twisted logic I should not keep him at all. 3:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Rodney is just a pristine creature which should not be on this ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** too huh Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You aren't the only one who is tired. 3:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But if I do not maintain Melvin and Rodney they will drift. Vacation days are apparently sentimental and important. 3:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I would frankly rather that than anything else I can think ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you can come sit next to me whole i work if youre feeling woeful in your way 3:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Giving up hope sounds rather dramatic. Hope is a vague intangible thing. Goals are better. Even if that goal is paperwork for the day. 3:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Rest for me is next to you. Which obviously is more than a degree problematic. I am made of enduring stuff. A lack of humanity provides that I ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** up hope is rest 3:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Then you are entitled to do exactly ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** trying to be happy is ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** is rest 3:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But I suppose that is hypocritical of me to say when I cannot seem to find rest anywhere either thanks to ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** is rest 3:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But primarily it is the logic of the thing I do not understand, why if you are tired you cannot ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** right now im going to be extremely ******** selfish and take care of paperwork and not do any ******** brave facing bullshit for anyone today 3:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I have an obvious vested interested in your continued wellbeing, one which was driven home already thanks to heroism and not being /enough/ as you put it. 3:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Selfish is the most logical way to be, altruism never earned anyone ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** im selfish and you know ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** really should be a strong and hopeful for other people i know that 3:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Appropriate I suppose that you bonded to essentially a ball and chain if you consider your very birth to be one. 3:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Everyone has their weights. They endure because there are times when the weight feels lighter ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** of its a ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** almost sweet of you to say so but its a weight lawrence 2:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline People believed and still WANT to believe in something. They all have that hole in them. It is so easy to abuse for wealth but you used it for something more. Something fertile and strong. 2:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But it is an atrocity akin to defaced art to see you turned about, to feel that the very gift of what you are is somehow offensive to the world. You /created/. A town lies dormant where it once grew because of you. 2:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You are the singular most beautiful thing I have ever known. I have surrendered more than I would for /anyone/ for that fire in you. And I do not care if you loathe me, it is one and the same to me. 2:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is an insult to that struggle and a vanity to consider this fact a burden. 2:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Every creature which lives stands upon the shoulders of millenia of ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** a ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** were both born at the cost of lives 2:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You did not give up running after a run when you were weary, you rested and did it again. I fail to comprehend why you cannot run again in this. 2:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline We are all tired. 2:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You and she were too easily twisted by others, told your fire was dangerous, told your nature was wrong ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** tired 2:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But in others you forged something contagious. 2:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Hardly. You changed things, you gave people hope, you moved the world around you and you broke only those too frail to stand ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** intentions and over confidence and a trail of bodies and broken people 2:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You ran, you moved, you competed with whatever fire was in you, whatever it was and IS that I ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** the good intentions lawrence 2:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Sometimes I could coax it out, and it was not half as terrifying as you like to believe. 2:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Everything that lives is afraid, but you faced up to it, you did not shut it in a box and keep it ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** was always afraid lawrence 2:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was the world that burned that man up, not you. He could not stand the control he failed to exert over evil and over others. 2:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It almost makes me angry. How dare he convince the phoenix that her feathers are too hot? 2:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You are a beautiful glorious creature, all fire and iron and strength. You were afraid of nothing and now you are afraid of yourself and what you did to a fool who simply could not stand to look directly at the sun. 2:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He has damaged you more than I could ever have hoped to do. Look at you. 2:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is utterly ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** tried for as long as he could but even after he ended us the damage was ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** it meant i hurt him in ways he couldnt handle 2:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Not everyone can be above the average, I fail to see why you were supposed to be, why could he not care for what you are rather than what you failed to be? 2:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If the world was full of good people there would be no meaning to the word. 2:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And what is wrong with ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wasnt a good enough person 2:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I wish you were less because then I would not be so fixed upon you. If you were less it would be easier, the hole in the world you and her created would not be so keenly felt by ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ha 2:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Never enough, never enough. 2:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You sound like Horace. 2:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I'd be slightly older but he might be slightly less ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wasnt enough and it was my fault and he died blaming me 2:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you'd agreed with me I'd have protected him, I would have done whatever I could. Whether that was much or not well. I would have told the horsemother to go ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not how it was lawrence but i wont argue 2:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was your fault wasn't it. You were never quite enough for him, never quite fancy enough or good enough to pull him out of his mire of fashionable ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** many things have looked like him ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** youre right that choice made it worse 2:29pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I could look like him you know, I have a very handy little artifact. Ha ha ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** my fault he went in the first place 2:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Maybe you should have listened to my offer before I went to the desert. Maybe then the clone business might never have happened to /him/ of all people. 2:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Besides, what fun would it be without you there, self righteous and angry to rescue him? You being broken is tedious at best. 2:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And no, Melvin is convenient, he doesn't frustrate me or irritate me, he is a pleasant obedient dog of a man and I would have no reason to dispose of him. 2:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Ha ha ha. You know nothing of lonely frankly, but it amusing that you can deem yourself ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** we be looking for melvin in a cave ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** with the barest amount of love or even none at ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** youre right its truly amazing what one person can do to anothers ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** and no thats not ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** answered ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** valentines you piece of s**t 10:15am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Facinating that a single, pathetic man who barely even loved you has metamorphised you so much, especially when that supposed affection wasn't even enough to /stay/. 10:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You always seemed to crave touch, like a cat seeking to own everything around it, now you snub and shun it all, even violence seems absent of the fire you once kindled. 10:12am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Does it still hurt? Do you blame yourself or have you absolved yourself for what happened? 10:12am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline How does it feel to have the only person you ever deemed enough to love dead? 10:12am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Happy Valentines America
Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2016 11:23 am
America Read bottom to top Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Ah. I suppose that it makes sense. More options Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** hide it under a wig and bad accent Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** put out a signal of sorts Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** on your own i dont think too far Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** clone thought she could maybe take you under merlins protection and maybe thatd make a difference Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********, 10:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline How far do you think someone would get if they ran from the island? Friday, 10:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Jan ate more than I do. Friday, 10:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I know you do. I do not hate you, I have no idea what to call what I feel about you. Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont even know why im trying it never worked with taym and i hate you anyway Friday, 9:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Why am I even attempting to explain this to you, why do I always do this. Friday, 9:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I for the most part was actually. It just tastes off frankly. Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** be a ******** vegetarian Friday, 9:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You know I don't remember if I looked any different. Friday, 8:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Melvin likes me however I am. And meat is disgusting of late frankly. The dog likes it. Friday, 8:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline What difference would it make anyway? Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** good job Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** apparently useless Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** that point youre physically underweight and pathetic Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ideally to have a peak body you should be heavier than the first time we banged cause youve put on muscle with training Friday, 8:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Perhaps you don't but nor do I. Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** i need it Friday, 8:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But I am hardly about to give you more fodder to snipe at me with. Friday, 8:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And perhaps it is a little more complex than that also. Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** tell me melvin wouldnt bend over backward making sure you have fresh groceries Friday, 8:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is better than tainting myself with the food which is prevalent on this island. Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not some ******** up idea that being a tiny old skeleton man is superior Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** im not great emotionally but at least the physical part is in actual perfect condition Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** body is starved and malfunctioning Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** theres literally less of you now Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** sure hun Friday, 7:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I mean look at you, a shadow of yourself because of love. I have never been truly devastated by anything. Friday, 7:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline There is nothing subtractive about me. My mind is superior to the average one. Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** and all Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** than technically Friday, 7:22pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I just prefer myself to look exactly as I wish, and with the diet I prefer. I am more than human. Friday, 7:21pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And it is hardly an eating disorder, that implies some sort of deliberate and calculated effort. Friday, 7:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not lying about anything, for the most part I feel fine. Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** most people do but i wouldnt think youd need that kinda denial Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** funny how you keep lying about it though Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** if your brain got even more ******** up Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not to have too many concussions before you get back Friday, 6:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Everyone is blatantly overreacting to all of it. Do not let the medical camp fall into the disarray it was in when I arrived please. Friday, 6:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh for goodness sake. Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** luck getting healthy again Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** a notice you werent allowed back here until you let up on the eating disorder
Horace Read bottom to top Horace @nokoni_island It doesn't have to make sense, I guess 7:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Neither 6:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Or would it simply be briefly grieving having no one to dislike and resent for chasing you away? 6:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That makes no sense at all. Is it simply a selfish thing where you would prefer not to have to deal with the inconvenience? 6:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Your means of death, your death.... I can say I wish it didn't impact me. It does but I can't explain it. 6:16pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Is it any wonder that I'm miserable when you say terrible things to me? 6:15pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm still here. 6:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Not that I intend to die. I am simply indifferent to it. 6:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am simply curious why the means of my death should it theoretically occur should impact you at all. 6:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Except you are no't anywhere any longer. You get miserable just being in the same room as me. 6:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That's why I'm here, anyway. 6:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Subjectively it matters. 6:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Objectively how one dies is completely irrelevant. 5:59pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island There are better ways to die. 5:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is not frankly like it would matter to me if I died anyway, everything is just an experiment, everything is what I want. 5:52pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Left alone so you can forget you have a body that has food-based needs? Left alone so you can slowly die if it? 5:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I prefer to be left alone. 5:42pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well. I can't say I'm surprised by their actions. 5:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes, yes I know. I have meddling people /watching/ me eat which I despise. 5:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You were always light, but if you're not getting enough nutrition to survive there's a problem. 5:00pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I know being smothered isn't fun, but if you won't take care of yourself someone has to. 4:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Enough. 4:46pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How close are you? 4:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes well I'm close enough. 4:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That's the figure for smaller/light boned body types. 4:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well my body type is different. 4:13pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island For your height you're supposed to be like at least 130! 1:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If I weighed less than 90 pounds I'd see the problem but I am not even close. 1:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am healthy. I don't see why losing a bit of weight is such a cause for concern. 3:26am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Just... try to be halthy or something, okay? I know its not my place to say anything, but Friday, 10:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Not a child, no, but not getting nutrition is like a child's diet when they go unwatched. Friday, 10:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not a child. Friday, 7:54pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island He's worried about you, doesn't want you to be hurt. Friday, 7:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If this smothering nonsense keeps up I will be. Friday, 7:32pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That wasn't my intent in phrasing, no. Friday, 7:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Conveniently phrased like you are leaving I see Friday, 7:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Take care of yourself, Lawrence. Friday, 7:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It was a rhetorical question. Friday, 6:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Who knows frankly. Friday, 6:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then why do you have a nutritional deficiency? Friday, 6:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I eat plenty. Friday, 6:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Please eat a little more. Friday, 6:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But even with our weapons, we have to eat healthily to survive. A nutritional deficiency is dangerous :c Friday, 6:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline They call it an eating disorder, I call it a lot of overblown nonsensical worry about nothing. I have always been light. Friday, 1:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You should take more vitamins or eat more :/ you eat like a bird. I didn't know a nutrient deficiency was even possible Friday, 12:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well. Maybe not about that. Friday, 11:56am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Was he lying? Friday, 7:36am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Harrison was trying to say I have some nutrient deficiency and they believed it. Friday, 12:17am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If you're alright, why are they worried :c Friday, 12:17am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Why not? Friday, 12:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am all right Friday, 12:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No, I can’t Friday, 12:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess you could slip out for a while? Friday, 12:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Are you alright, though? Friday, 12:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It wasn’t so much getting hurt as well.. it is complex. Suffice to say I am being imposed upon. Thursday, 11:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What happened? Thursday, 11:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How badly did you get hurt? Thursday, 11:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline So I am being smothered by kindness. Things have slightly backfired. Thursday, 11:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes. They have decided I am dying because I got injured in a spar. Thursday, 11:46pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Is smothered by kindness a bad thing? Thursday, 11:46pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Oh, sorry. Thursday, 11:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But yes something happened after a fashion, I am being smothered by kindness. Thursday, 11:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I mean I sent you a message so obviously I did not NOT want to talk to you. Thursday, 11:32pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Something happened? Thursday, 11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Ignoring the fact that something happened. Thursday, 11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You ask a lot of self evident questions and make up your own answers. Like you just did. Thursday, 11:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island So why did you message me? Thursday, 10:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Fair enough. Thursday, 10:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island After the things you said, don't you prefer not talking to me? Thursday, 10:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No time for stuffy me. Thursday, 10:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I simply assumed you were having too much fun. Thursday, 10:00pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I was away for a bit, then I thought you'd rather not hear from me. Thursday, 9:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oooh you /have/ been quiet. Been having fun?
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
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Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
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Posted: Mon Feb 29, 2016 4:12 am
America Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am well aware of that ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** sorry but im not breaking out the strap on for you any time soon 12:02am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Look. It had certain capabilities you do not normally, that was slightly distracting. Nothing more than that. I feel nothing towards the ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** that big hunky dead blue body Sunday, 11:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do not make sleazy sex eyes at anyone missy. I am far too far above that nonsense. I was admiring how well your confidence and assertiveness wore that golem was all. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you making sleazy sex eyes at my personality or some bullshit Sunday, 11:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was the fact that it was /you/. Sunday, 11:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I assure you it was about you. I am not all much of a fan of male genitalia, with the exception of my own. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** sure thing Sunday, 11:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Your /personality/ still was. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not sorry but my inner ******** radiance was not in that ******** liter bottle of c**k you were eyeing Sunday, 11:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was not the body. Do we /need/ to discuss this. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** were into that body Sunday, 11:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That comment about the barbarian golem, any interest was purely because of you. You are the epitome of my interests. Sunday, 11:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You know fine well it is not the truth. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** just tell the truth and let you do the rest Sunday, 11:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And lies I cannot refute without further besmirching my reputation. Sunday, 11:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I most certainly do not when it is statements damaging to my very dignity. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you like having an audience Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** if you arent gloating then youre bitching Sunday, 11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Why on earth do I ever tell you anything in any sort of confidence?
Horace
Horace @nokoni_island Why do I even care Sunday, 11:13pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island No, you're not. Sunday, 11:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am as safe here as I would be elsewhere. Sunday, 11:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Go somewhere else. Sunday, 11:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island He knows where you are, you know. Sunday, 11:03pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You're being so provoking today. How interesting. Sunday, 10:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island He's not as stupid as he plays himself to be. Sunday, 10:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But is he even smart enough to use that? Sunday, 10:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's not hard. Sunday, 10:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, if you're on duty it displays your exact location. Off duty, it still shows where you reside. Sunday, 10:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island ...he's Death. If you're on the island you are traceable, thanks to the watch. Sunday, 10:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He’d have to find me first. Sunday, 10:34pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, he certainly didn't get in trouble for physically dragging me out of the library to 'spar'. I doubt you're any different. Sunday, 10:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh I won’t get hurt, I do not intend to spar. What can he do? Nothing. Sunday, 10:31pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Or, at very least, an ignoble injury. I hope you're having fun. Sunday, 10:27pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island He'd wipe the floor with you. What an ignoble death. Sunday, 10:22pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don’t know. Sunday, 10:21pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Aside from a list, what happens if they took everything? What's left? Sunday, 10:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is not as simple as a list Sunday, 10:02pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Who is left? Sunday, 9:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline At this point I am almost inclined to see who they would need to take. Sunday, 9:58pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Incentive not to, I guess. Sunday, 9:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Probably. Sunday, 9:49pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Wouldn't they take away something else if you got into trouble again? Sunday, 1:39am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Don't do anything rash. Sunday, 1:12am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Then I will have to do something about it probably. Sunday, 1:08am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island They won't stop smothering you, you know. Watching. Sunday, 1:03am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Who knows. Sunday, 1:02am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well, I hope you won't inconvnience people by dying of malnutrition. Sunday, 1:02am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I see. Sunday, 12:39am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not about to discuss it. Sunday, 12:38am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How? Sunday, 12:26am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It would impact my life in ways certainly. Sunday, 12:24am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island We did, but what I'm asking overall is would it affect you? Sunday, 12:22am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Didn't we have this discussion about emotions? Sunday, 12:19am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Would you be sad if I died? Saturday, 7:10pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It doesn't have to make sense, I guess Saturday, 7:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Neither Saturday, 6:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Or would it simply be briefly grieving having no one to dislike and resent for chasing you away? Saturday, 6:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That makes no sense at all. Is it simply a selfish thing where you would prefer not to have to deal with the inconvenience? Saturday, 6:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Your means of death, your death.... I can say I wish it didn't impact me. It does but I can't explain it. Saturday, 6:16pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Is it any wonder that I'm miserable when you say terrible things to me? Saturday, 6:15pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm still here. Saturday, 6:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Not that I intend to die. I am simply indifferent to it. Saturday, 6:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am simply curious why the means of my death should it theoretically occur should impact you at all. Saturday, 6:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Except you are no't anywhere any longer. You get miserable just being in the same room as me. Saturday, 6:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That's why I'm here, anyway. Saturday, 6:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Subjectively it matters. Saturday, 6:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Objectively how one dies is completely irrelevant. Saturday, 5:59pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island There are better ways to die. Saturday, 5:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is not frankly like it would matter to me if I died anyway, everything is just an experiment, everything is what I want. Saturday, 5:52pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Left alone so you can forget you have a body that has food-based needs? Left alone so you can slowly die if it? Saturday, 5:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I prefer to be left alone. Saturday, 5:42pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Well. I can't say I'm surprised by their actions. Saturday, 5:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes, yes I know. I have meddling people /watching/ me eat which I despise. Saturday, 5:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You were always light, but if you're not getting enough nutrition to survive there's a problem. Saturday, 5:00pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I know being smothered isn't fun, but if you won't take care of yourself someone has to. Saturday, 4:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Enough. Saturday, 4:46pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How close are you? Saturday, 4:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes well I'm close enough. Saturday, 4:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That's the figure for smaller/light boned body types. Saturday, 4:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well my body type is different. Saturday, 4:13pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island For your height you're supposed to be like at least 130! Saturday, 1:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If I weighed less than 90 pounds I'd see the problem but I am not even close. Saturday, 1:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am healthy. I don't see why losing a bit of weight is such a cause for concern. Saturday, 3:26am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Just... try to be halthy or something, okay? I know its not my place to say anything, but Friday, 10:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Not a child, no, but not getting nutrition is like a child's diet when they go unwatched. Friday, 10:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not a child. Friday, 7:54pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island He's worried about you, doesn't want you to be hurt. Friday, 7:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If this smothering nonsense keeps up I will be. Friday, 7:32pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island That wasn't my intent in phrasing, no. Friday, 7:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Conveniently phrased like you are leaving I see Friday, 7:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Take care of yourself, Lawrence. Friday, 7:06pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It was a rhetorical question. Friday, 6:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Who knows frankly. Friday, 6:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then why do you have a nutritional deficiency? Friday, 6:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I eat plenty. Friday, 6:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Please eat a little more. Friday, 6:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But even with our weapons, we have to eat healthily to survive. A nutritional deficiency is dangerous :c Friday, 6:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline They call it an eating disorder, I call it a lot of overblown nonsensical worry about nothing. I have always been light. Friday, 1:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You should take more vitamins or eat more :/ you eat like a bird. I didn't know a nutrient deficiency was even possible Friday, 12:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well. Maybe not about that. Friday, 11:56am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Was he lying? Friday, 7:36am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Harrison was trying to say I have some nutrient deficiency and they believed it. Friday, 12:17am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If you're alright, why are they worried :c Friday, 12:17am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Why not? Friday, 12:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am all right Friday, 12:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No, I can’t Friday, 12:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess you could slip out for a while? Friday, 12:13am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Are you alright, though? Friday, 12:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It wasn’t so much getting hurt as well.. it is complex. Suffice to say I am being imposed upon. Thursday, 11:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What happened? Thursday, 11:51pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island How badly did you get hurt? Thursday, 11:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline So I am being smothered by kindness. Things have slightly backfired. Thursday, 11:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes. They have decided I am dying because I got injured in a spar. Thursday, 11:46pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Is smothered by kindness a bad thing? Thursday, 11:46pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Oh, sorry. Thursday, 11:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But yes something happened after a fashion, I am being smothered by kindness. Thursday, 11:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I mean I sent you a message so obviously I did not NOT want to talk to you. Thursday, 11:32pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Something happened? Thursday, 11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Ignoring the fact that something happened. Thursday, 11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You ask a lot of self evident questions and make up your own answers. Like you just did. Thursday, 11:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island So why did you message me? Thursday, 10:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Fair enough. Thursday, 10:39pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island After the things you said, don't you prefer not talking to me? Thursday, 10:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No time for stuffy me. Thursday, 10:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I simply assumed you were having too much fun. Thursday, 10:00pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I was away for a bit, then I thought you'd rather not hear from me. More options Thursday, 9:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oooh you /have/ been quiet. Been having fun?
Posted: Tue Mar 29, 2016 11:40 am
America Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But now I don't even have her. More options 7:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Sometimes I just want to be someone else. Chantelle didn't hurt anyone. 7:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You think its always about duping ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not going to be responsible for your life here ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** people open to being duped but still giving you a ******** steady trickle of people willing to ignore excuse or forgive your s**t no matter how you act 7:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline When you are here I do not. 7:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Sometimes I think I want to get killed off. Sometimes I don't. 7:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I feel trapped ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** always pretty shitty here 7:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I have been more than a little pressed lately from various quarters though I do not expect that to be an excuse or garner sympathy it is simply a fact. Melvin has been sad for some reason, Rodney has been ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** well as trying to tear down and question her self worth manipulating newbies being horrible at horace and shitty to dawson yeah 7:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And not just a spiteful response with no foundation or purpose. 7:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline So me being barred from your space here is a consequence of my threatening Mimsy. 7:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh I ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** behaved and worked well there so nothing in me was saying you shouldnt be ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** were allowed into my space in svetloyar you were allowed to use my bathroom and your company was tolerated Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But I will take your word for it. More options 7:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Though I cannot recall one single occasion where you rewarded anything good. 7:29pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well we'll see I ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** if you wanna sulk be my ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** have 7:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You don't reward any ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** just dont believe in rewarding bad ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** the one being ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ha 7:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline At this point it is more a hobby than anything else, as far as hating me goes. 7:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You act as if you are tragic and scarred over some pointless violence you returned easily in kind, violence which could not be repeated even if I /did/ want to. 7:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You are being ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** would need me getting over it 6:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is not like I can hurt you any further. 6:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline There is only Right and Wrong and I am Wrong. 6:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don't need you to get over things. I just want you to tolerate me more leniently. I am aware there is nothing I can /earn/ no redemption in your world of absolutes and control. 6:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You are agonisingly ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you can save your ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** seems likely no matter what you do and the second isnt gonna ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** just want some gold stars and head pats from rodney and for me to get over all the awful s**t youve done to me 6:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I would just be some pathetic nice passive creature watching from afar while you slobber all over dawson like a friendly dog. 6:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Even you. Had I been friendly and polite to you I would be even further from you than I am now. At least like this I can be close and that comes inherent with ignoring what you ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** whos gonna trust them not to keep doing it 6:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Other than Maja, but I tried to be pleasant with her, I was perfectly legal and sought to be generous and kind. That brought ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** sane people who sincerely want to change admitting wrongs is important 6:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And how should I have thought of that before I did what I wanted? It always worked for me before, if anything it brought nothing but success. 6:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Wrong itself is just relative to other people's standards, it is entirely in the minds of an individual and some blurry societal norms. 6:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I have done an enormous number of things wrong, willfully or otherwide. I don't see how admitting that changes anything at all other than the ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** blaming me would mean admitting you did something ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** that youll ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** blame ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** thought of that before you started being violent and hurting people 6:29pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You made me what I am and you /keep/ me what I am. 6:29pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Hah. There is no point in me trying anything here. There is no way to start over, no way to avoid being hounded, no way to become someone ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** to call it easier when not bothering has brought you trouble time and again here 5:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I thought I was good at it. I wasn't. Why put in the effort to do something it is easier not to? 5:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I used to think I'd be good at it. 5:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline To make me human. And frankly, I wish them luck. It is something I'd like to comprehend. 5:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I think sometimes people think they can find a way to make me ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** then acts surprised when you do those things ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** anyone that seems to know the things youve done and try to ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** i cant trust him ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** i couldnt tell ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont know his experience with love that makes him think that 5:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He is always going on about how love is an action and not an emotion or feeling. I don't understand at all. 5:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He doesn't seem to abide by the same rules of what "being christian" meant to the marks back in Florida. He accepts some things and rejects others. 5:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I don't purport to be an authority on people, generally they are inexplicable and ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** your perspective is ******** ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you arent some authority on ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you can go ahead and act the good christian for him and thatd be better than the default for ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** to doesnt mean you do 5:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I want to understand it. Rodney does such illogical things. I want to be able to behave how he thinks people should. 5:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont think you have the ability to consider other peoples good nature outside of something for you to use 5:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It is only natural when an obstacle is in one's way to remove it and people do so all the time. 5:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Its not some moral high gound or innate goodness, its just fear. 5:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I think most people would hurt others if they weren't always so afraid of consequences. 5:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I always find that hard to ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** reasons they cant understand or predict or reason ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not that they couldnt hurt other folks its that most wouldnt 5:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I'm not half as dangerous as you make out, there are not many people on this island I could beat hand to hand every with the jump on ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** sure 4:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Even the trainees are tough. Shields are so ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** trusting little trainees who refuse to consider a bad word about you 4:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It's not like they elderly or anything. 4:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I'm not so dangerous here, everyone is so /******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** but youre actual dangerous crazy 4:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline *about 4:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Isn't everyone a little bit crazy? I'm sure there are songs abou ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** only you werent also crazy 4:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Maybe so. And thank you, I find mending almost as satisfying as anything ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you did a good enough job ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** probably cause youre a selfserving traitor sort 4:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Unfortunate. I am never privy to anything which is going on anywhere most of the time. At the very least I hope they find a more robust infirmary in my ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** fired 4:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline What happened in Russia? Get tired of luxury? Sunday, 4:50am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am more than used to that. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** youre not welcome Sunday, 4:47am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Thank you. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** good taste all the same Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** taste that just makes you ******** up Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** a lot of eves out there but i guess im the victim of your one show of good taste Sunday, 4:45am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It stands to reason that I am where I am, in the unrequited thrall of a perfectly imperfect and supremely human eve. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** there isnt Sunday, 4:40am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline There is nothing crazy about my draw towards you. It is perfectly logical. There is no one else like you. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** crazy person fixation Sunday, 4:38am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes, I am aware you don’t. I like you though, more than like, something between love and hate. Possibly both. Sunday, 4:36am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am sure he will take the opportunity to get even fatter which will no doubt please his fans. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** cause i dont like you Sunday, 4:35am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I was unaware considering that you never do anything for me bar tolerating my continued existence grudgingly. Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** love that sorta s**t yeah Sunday, 4:27am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Playing the good little housewife for him already I see. Saturday, 8:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Ok, that is fine. Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********, 8:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Understood. If I do lurk it will be on the other side of the building from them is that acceptable? Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** havent but i will if you start lurking around and making the morris family uncomfortable Saturday, 8:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Should I go missing for a comment of no substance. Saturday, 8:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Are you saying you reported me? Just so that I can inform Melvin and Rodney. Saturday, 7:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Just you and Dawson. Saturday, 7:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline All right. I will not be in your house. Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** reporting you for harassment and having measures taken would be the result of that threat Saturday, 7:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline People threaten one another constantly on this island. Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** pulling away has to do with you not belonging in my home Saturday, 7:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline A line I was unaware existed. Saturday, 7:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And that is not blackmail, that is me conceding. Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** crossed a line quit bullshitting Saturday, 7:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But if you pulling away from me is some sort of response then nothing more than words will come of it. Saturday, 7:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I haven't done anything at all, I will accept that I perhaps implied that she might be in some form of danger. Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** been too late for that since you threatened her Saturday, 7:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was simply a statement of fact, and all it was was an offer of hospitality. Saturday, 7:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh I didn't say I'd involve them just that I see them is all. Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** like to see how you manage to cut if the other hand now Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** if you involve other people thatll stop Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** tolerated your stalking for a long time Saturday, 7:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline but I suppose this way I get to see your neighbours. Saturday, 7:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline So inhospitable of you. It is so cold outside this time of year. Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not allowed on my property Saturday, 7:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Excellent. You should have me round to make dinner for you at some point. Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** im on a mission yeah Saturday, 7:21pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline So are you staying on the island now? Thursday, 1:05am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes. That is about right. Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** bad for you then Thursday, 12:45am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And I /loathe/ it. Thursday, 12:45am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And even now. EVEN NOW. I would give up more just for an hour of your time, just to sit by you, just to watch you /exist/. Thursday, 12:44am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And you continue to persist like a shackle about my neck. Thursday, 12:43am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Something far grander than you is responsible. But you are the catalyst that has degenerated me into whatever I am now. Thursday, 12:43am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I know that you did not make me whatever I am. Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** of every bad thing ive caused in the world that isnt one Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** it made the crazy harder to hide Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** being a slut didnt make you a crazy person Thursday, 12:34am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And you led me on, you slept with me. You let me SEE the spark of passion up close and then I couldn’t let go of it. Thursday, 12:34am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline This is a problem you caused with your very /being/ Thursday, 12:33am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And its fine. I can live with it. But you treat me with nothing but contempt in exchange. Thursday, 12:33am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You cost me my music and the ability to be anyone else. Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** mostly it says youre crazy Thursday, 12:32am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The alternative was never being near you again or death, I knew I could not do that, I could not /trust/ myself to do that. Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** stalking and setting up america to get executed are things to not do anymore Thursday, 12:32am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I knew the consequences and they were not light. Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** gee maybe i use that hand Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** youre crazy and dont consider ******** consequences Thursday, 12:28am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I gave up my hand just to be /near/ you. That has to mean something. Thursday, 12:25am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You are always so moody. I am here. I have ALWAYS been here. I will always be here. Thursday, 12:24am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He always was, it was hardly a situation where he’d have lovingly saved me. It wasn’t about him. He was incidental. It was about the /years/. Thursday, 12:23am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And Taym was rude to me frankly. Thursday, 12:23am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You choked me back and got my neck. It’s only scars, we all have plenty. Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** whining Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you dont remember i will anyway Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** do remember the parts where you choked me out and carved I to my chest right or like when you betrayed someone i love to be tortured and die in the desert Thursday, 12:19am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You don’t let me close enough to be chummy and huggy with you and I have been here longer. Thursday, 12:17am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He is just a saint. Thursday, 12:17am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am not even going to try to explain any of it because you wouldn’t understand. Thursday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** spite of what Wednesday, 11:21pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline As always. Illogically, in spite of everything. Wednesday, 11:21pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Good to see that Dawson will be all friendly hugs with you when he gets back. Wednesday, 11:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I will assume you were not. Wednesday, 11:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No reason. Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********, 11:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Also you were not conscious correct? Wednesday, 11:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Or both. Wednesday, 11:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I do not know if I am pleased you are back or if it is the worst thing which has happened to me in recent times.
Horace
Horace @nokoni_island Does this mean you won't be returning to Russia? Wednesday, 8:46pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Are you mad? Wednesday, 2:32pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I did not side with anyone. Wednesday, 2:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Also I noted you siding with my detractors. Wednesday, 2:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Unfortunate, I suppose I sound aggressive when I do not mean to. Wednesday, 1:54am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You sounded aggressive. Wednesday, 1:37am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I was not being aggresive. Wednesday, 1:36am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Aggressive conversation, I suppose. Do you enjoy it? Wednesday, 1:34am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Conversation. Wednesday, 1:34am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Then what would you term it? Wednesday, 1:27am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I would hardly call this picking fights. Wednesday, 1:25am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Why are you picking fights? 14 Mar 16, 10:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Smiler is a strange insult. 1 Mar 16, 10:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well you know where I will be. 1 Mar 16, 10:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Okay. 1 Mar 16, 10:08pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island ....yes. 1 Mar 16, 9:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline We could at least try to erase those unpleasant memories of my room with something much sweeter. I’d even make you dinner to go with your snack. 1 Mar 16, 9:56pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I miss it so much 1 Mar 16, 9:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I want you right now frankly. I want you rather often. It is so sad to be denied. 1 Mar 16, 9:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It rather often left me breathless also. You are a sight to behold. 1 Mar 16, 9:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island The way you made my throat raw 1 Mar 16, 9:37pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I miss the way you made me feel sometimes. 1 Mar 16, 9:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Eh. The island is full of weak unsatisfactory creatures. 1 Mar 16, 9:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But as you say it is never going to happen. Alas. Otherwise I’d have you get on your knees and show me how filthy I made you. 1 Mar 16, 9:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm sure there are others on the island suited to your tastes. I.... don't know that I'll find anyone else who can use me the same way. 1 Mar 16, 9:24pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You do me too much credit. But I am certainly very glad I had a hand in it. I do enjoy a bit of filth, as you no doubt also figured out. 1 Mar 16, 9:18pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If I'm filthy, you made me that way. 1 Mar 16, 9:17pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If... 1 Mar 16, 9:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline There is no point arguing about it. You liked it, I might not be good at emotions but I certainly know what a c**k is telling me. 1 Mar 16, 9:10pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm not! 1 Mar 16, 9:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline There aren’t many people on the island as filthy as you. 1 Mar 16, 9:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh there are plenty of differences. 1 Mar 16, 9:04pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Ah, I was only curious about differences. 1 Mar 16, 9:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It would not make a difference if I said that. 1 Mar 16, 9:01pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Are you saying he doesn't satisfy your libido? 1 Mar 16, 8:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And as I’ve said before, it’s not exactly the same. 1 Mar 16, 8:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Not exactly, he likes to keep people at arms length at times. 1 Mar 16, 8:26pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I guess you can feel close to Melvin. 1 Mar 16, 8:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I still miss you though. I enjoyed the reunion we had. Perhaps sex is the one time I feel truly close to anyone. 1 Mar 16, 7:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh I don’t know so much. Guilt is powerful stuff. 1 Mar 16, 7:54pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Rodney would've been creamed :/ 1 Mar 16, 7:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Oh yes, if I was there then I am sure Melvin or Rodney would have had to have stepped in. 1 Mar 16, 7:41pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm just as honest as you. 1 Mar 16, 7:41pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I meant if you were there when Rep came by. 1 Mar 16, 7:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Even if that is “with open distaste and malice and like I am not a human being” 1 Mar 16, 7:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I was there and yet you always acted like I wasn’t. At least America is honest in how she treats me. 1 Mar 16, 7:31pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If you'd been there it would have been different. 1 Mar 16, 7:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Exactly. 1 Mar 16, 7:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island And that's why you don't have a scratch on you. 1 Mar 16, 6:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline No. Melvin fielded him while I was conveniently not present. 1 Mar 16, 6:48pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Did he even find you? 1 Mar 16, 6:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I didn't get so much as a scratch. And I am stuck here aren't I? 1 Mar 16, 6:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Like provoking Rep out of boredom or whatever reason you had? 1 Mar 16, 6:28pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Are these 'fun things' that could result in your death? 1 Mar 16, 6:22pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But I'll certainly do some fun things before I die. 1 Mar 16, 6:22pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I likely won't. 1 Mar 16, 6:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I hope you find something that works for you. 1 Mar 16, 5:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I suppose to not feel alone I would need to develop a sense of empathy to properly relate to human beings. Ha ha ha. 1 Mar 16, 5:38pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Sometimes people know but it might be something impossible to do without help. 1 Mar 16, 5:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If I knew that don't you think I'd have done it? 1 Mar 16, 5:19pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What would have to happen to make you not feel alone? 1 Mar 16, 5:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Everyone looks like they are surrounded by people to everyone else. 1 Mar 16, 4:59pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island But you're surrounded by people. 1 Mar 16, 4:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And if you say so. 1 Mar 16, 4:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I can't imagine what it would be like to be anything but alone. 1 Mar 16, 4:48pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't think my emotions are going to waste. 1 Mar 16, 4:47pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It didn't feel wonderful. I felt trapped and alone. 1 Mar 16, 4:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And to think all that emotion now going to waste. 1 Mar 16, 4:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline The way you looked at me, I wanted to understand it. I always liked you best breathless and dazed. 1 Mar 16, 4:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And I was never much of a fan of fights, it was a means to an end. I enjoyed having you subjugated, I will admit. 1 Mar 16, 4:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I bet it was wonderful to behold. 1 Mar 16, 4:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline What a shame that I wasn't. 1 Mar 16, 4:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I never felt my mortality more than on a cliff, glass in my palms, but you weren't there. 1 Mar 16, 4:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I was afraid, later, though maybe not the gasping fear you wanted. 1 Mar 16, 4:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Surprisingly, when we fought in your room, it felt peaceful. 1 Mar 16, 4:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Didn't it make you feel truly aware of your fragile beautiful mortality? 1 Mar 16, 4:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Although I must admit I find the idea and memory of you afraid for your life ..distracting. 1 Mar 16, 4:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I trust me not to get myself killed <3 1 Mar 16, 4:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Aww thats cute. 1 Mar 16, 2:15pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't trust you when you're angry 1 Mar 16, 2:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Don't be dramatic I wouldn't kill you. I value my own hide. 1 Mar 16, 12:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Because I don't wanna die yet, I'm a coward? 1 Mar 16, 12:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I think it is cowardly 1 Mar 16, 12:19pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I think its understandable. 1 Mar 16, 11:36am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Sad. 1 Mar 16, 11:36am nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You could call it self preservation. 1 Mar 16, 7:02am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Yes and life should be completely void of negative things. 29 Feb 16, 11:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Bad things happen when I'm around you. 29 Feb 16, 7:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And yet you won't be around me. Bizzare. 29 Feb 16, 7:20pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If I did not care, I would not have bothered trying to warn you out of harm's way. 29 Feb 16, 6:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That is a question I do not know the answer to, nor the veracity of, because you certainly do not seem to care. 28 Feb 16, 11:16pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Why do I even care
Ember Ember Lee @occultgasms 👌👍💞 More options Sunday, 4:51am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Melvin just doesn’t care to hear about it much, I keep him updated with what I get up to when he is curious. Sunday, 4:49am occultgasms's avatar Ember Lee @occultgasms Ooo, fancy! Does this come with a discretion advisory or is Mr. Melvin the sharing sort? So I know what to be prepared for! 😜 Sunday, 4:27am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am sometimes in Room 110 as my own personal office of a sort. Sunday, 4:26am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Second floor, Melvin’s room. Has Wood on the door. Sunday, 4:20am occultgasms's avatar Ember Lee @occultgasms Oh bless your heart! 😇 I'm gonna have to keep you in mind! 😘🤗 Where's that door of yours anyhow? Sunday, 4:07am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Well if you are ever in the mood for any deals, the door is always open.
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
Offline
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
Offline
Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2016 3:36 pm
Horace
Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I'm not. I wouldn't mind starting a little family with you. 11:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You know.... For the first time in my life I'm glad condoms exist. Lawrence @Ispeakfeline If you say so. More options 7:27pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Me being actually pregnant wouldn't be a good thing haha 7:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Hmmm? 7:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island What. 7:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Shame 7:00pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Ok I can't do this 😆 April fools 7:00pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Yes, as the baby ate me from the inside 6:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You'd look nice with that glow about you. 6:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I'm sure I could figure it out. Im versatile because I'm a vet. 6:54pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island You were a vet. It's different and I'm not sure you noticed, but I'm male. 6:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Do you know how many cesareans I've done? You'll be fine. 6:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Do you know how many cesareans I've done? You'll be fine. 6:36pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island It's too bad it'll kill me~ 6:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I look forward to being the father of your mutant <3 6:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Excellent biggrin 6:10pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I'm pregnant.
April fools Day
Wednesday, 8:11pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Though I probably won't be doing any of that any time soon, regardless. Wednesday, 8:09pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Shortage does not mean none. Wednesday, 7:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I was referring to the fact that there was a shortage of "acceptable" and I was the forfeit. Wednesday, 7:57pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Seems pretty logical to me. Wednesday, 7:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I cannot even fathom how you came to that conclusion. Wednesday, 7:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island I don't always need a c**k in my mouth. Wednesday, 7:35pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island If this is about sucking d**k, there is of course the option to suck none. Wednesday, 7:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Less acceptable alternatives. Wednesday, 7:15pm nokoni_island's avatar Horace @nokoni_island Settle? For what? Wednesday, 7:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I suppose you just need to settle sometimes.
America Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am as close to home as I am allowed. Tuesday, 10:45pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But I did not kill my clients, they did that on their own usually and had been doing it for decades. Tuesday, 10:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But if someone was to kill an elderly individual with say a heart condition one would simply need to switch out their warfarin with something more …clotty. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ha thats answer enough Tuesday, 10:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline You just want to get me killed. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** many did you smother with pillows in their sleep Tuesday, 10:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Plus rich, some of them very rich. And then I was. All for a bit of a sacrifice on my part. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ha Tuesday, 9:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And they never called me old. Tuesday, 9:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline It was a community service frankly and a lot of them were widowers or spinsters. They were all too amenable to a “nice young man" Tuesday, 9:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Not all of them. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** god you were banging your old lady clients werent you Tuesday, 9:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline That. Tuesday, 9:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Old ladies in my experience are all pretty erm. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** a tv show about horny old ladies Tuesday, 9:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I am neither composed of gold nor genetically female. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** golden girl Tuesday, 9:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He got over it but now Rodney is being condemning somewhat. But I am glad you are back, it sets everything back on track. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wild weekend Tuesday, 9:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline And sex always causes ridiculous complications. Melvin is aware things are an open relationship yet got irate about me going for a wild weekend with Horace to shut him up. Tuesday, 9:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I have been making some degree of effort to mend rather than destroy, people are just so easily offended. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ha Tuesday, 9:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline People just keep putting themselves in my way. Tuesday, 9:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I’m a victim of my own nature. Tuesday, 9:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Excuse me I meant me. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** youve got a string of em right Tuesday, 9:15pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline He's not the only victim. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you ******** him up that badly huh Tuesday, 8:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline I get used just as often as I use people, its why Horace keeps coming back even now. Tuesday, 8:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Some people want to be duped. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** people right an left Tuesday, 8:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Emotions and affection are a reward. Sex is one of the few times I am matched on an impulsion level with another human being. Tuesday, 8:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline How else is one to earn anything? I tried giving what I had and mimicing emotions, trying to do what was "right". Bad results. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** to lie or manipulate or threaten right Tuesday, 8:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline There is no satisfaction in having to take what isn't given. It is not in my interests. Tuesday, 8:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Jerry was too unsophisticated and DANGEROUS for me. But there was music and I suppose I and she agreed that was interesting. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** maybe even if they didnt Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** anything that agreed to it honestly Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********, 8:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline She liked Jerry. Do you REALLY think I would ever. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** jerry? Tuesday, 8:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline She just did what made sense to her. Tuesday, 8:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Harrison offered after a training course. I needed it to constantly put on the wig and makeup. There was no coercion. Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** "chantelle" sleeping in rep or harrisons room Tuesday, 7:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline But now I don't even have her. Tuesday, 7:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline Sometimes I just want to be someone else. Chantelle didn't hurt anyone.
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 2:57 pm
America
Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
If I go back to being that version of me people will take advantage, it will be no better than when I was a child. It cannot be allowed to happen, why did I craft that self with nothing but my own skin?
More options
10:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I cannot afford to revert to past selves, particularly selves which were constructed for a softer and less hostile world than this island which I cannot reset nor influence. I cannot start over so I cannot go forward and I cannot afford to go back.
10:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Perfect means able to comprehend and emulate emotion without being prey to its weaknesses and vulnerabilities, of being able to generate a persona to fit any situation and any location and ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** does perfect even mean to ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** doesnt make sense or have real logic at ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** a shallow reason based on some ideal of a future year and not current fact or anything
10:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Because I will be ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** is the reason youre incapable of failure
10:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Its all very logical.
10:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I am not capable of failure, therefore I am not the man known as Lawrence Weiman who managed to fail at being a human being.
7:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I know who I am ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** just who you ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you know who you are now
7:35pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Maybe I am crazy, I don't know any longer.
7:35pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
The me who weighed that much was someone else. Someone I am /******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** because youre crazy and wanting a healthy body is logical and rational and s**t
7:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I got back to three digits and it just wasn't me any ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** eating and then theres eating enough to be ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** after taym began eating as he should i was never able to be anything but worried hed try killing himself again in that way or some other
7:20pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I still ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** hard to believe that of a man starving himself
7:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I don't intend to die. I am ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** a motive youre perfectly capable of ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** the easy part to ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont want to lose you
7:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
She seemed like she could have taught /me/ things but instead she learned things. I find that part hard to tolerate, though her right to choose what she chose is fine. It does not mean I will not resent Dawson over it though.
7:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
All I ever saw was Dawson proclaiming his grief and about how he was closest to her, more stake in her life because he could feel, he could experience it, he had taught her to live and die.
7:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I find it difficult to. I didn't see any of it. I didn't hear any of her ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** still dont respect my clones decision despite that
6:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
That is completely strange, what of their personal mental ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** often means prioritizing a persons safety and wellbeing over their wishes
6:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Should not caring entail respecting ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** what you get for tricking them into caring about you
6:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I am fine. I was tired of having them control every facet of my life.
6:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Yes ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** people are ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** did you run off
7 Apr 16, 10:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Or were
7 Apr 16, 10:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Its just so easy. And there are so few reasons not to.
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** take advantage is the problem
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** fit in yeah
7 Apr 16, 10:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I suppose so. And asking, I learned very quickly makes people treat you like a terrifying thing. Better to learn how to pretend.
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** know their feelings
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont have to ask
7 Apr 16, 10:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
And that question is, I suppose what other people don’t ask, and what sets me away from them.
7 Apr 16, 10:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I look at those lives behind their warm glass and simply wonder why they don’t simply use one another and leave. Why don’t they? Is it hormones? Is it stupidity? Is it loneliness?
7 Apr 16, 10:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I do not even understand my son, my own flesh and blood who I assumed might come close to what I am, might be a boundary edge.
7 Apr 16, 10:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I can be wholesome and pleasant, I can be a family man but I suppose yes, none of those things I become attached to. I watch people in their domestic lives and I know that I will only ever be capable of pretending to be part of it.
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** yeah i prefer folks know what theyre dealing with when its you
7 Apr 16, 9:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
All I have ever been able to change is the superficial.
7 Apr 16, 9:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I suppose that is correct.
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** bone deep sorta change
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** and sincere
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not as something
7 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** believe its possible
7 Apr 16, 9:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
You don’t believe its possible either, you just like making me say compromising things in public.
4 Apr 16, 1:01am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I have not. It was not why I created it, not is it my intention. So good.
4 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** if you use it to hurt people or take advantage of them
4 Apr 16, 12:55am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I took a trip to Japan with Rodneyin that way but he was aware, it was not deception. Is that negative?
4 Apr 16, 12:54am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
For instance, creating a new (and harmless ) face to wear off of the island would not be considered negative would it?
4 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** a good idea
4 Apr 16, 12:51am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
Then I will see to it that I do not, though I may have to check with you what the definition of "******** up" is before I do certain things.
4 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** can have lunch together once a week until you ******** up
4 Apr 16, 12:18am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
It is frustrating not being able to get to you but at least I can still speak to you.
4 Apr 16, 12:17am Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
...I'm not sure what you mean by that question.
4 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** that mean youre more likely to skin some trainees face off and wear it around or less likely
3 Apr 16, 11:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Lawrence @Ispeakfeline
I am glad you are back. It is pleasant to wake up each morning and know I am not far from you, even if I cannot be close to you.
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
Offline
Baneful Crew
Dramatic Hunter
Offline
Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 3:44 pm
<******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** hurt people at ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** maybe just dont go there ever again smile AMERICA JONES @******** be taking something emotionally important to him and giving it to someone else which is really ******** sad
11:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't understand why it would be cheating (not that I intend to do anything there again) but.
11:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Again I am not endorsing those motivations they are simply what they were.
11:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Oh. That's rather horrible. Yes he was never all that important to me, it was always you. I mean, every time I thought I was getting to like him he'd turn stubborn and I didn't like ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** hurt someone else there its cheating on him again isnt ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** like it was what he wanted and a sign of his ******** importance to ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you went out of your ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** excuse your ******** actions there
11:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He is still warning me not to torture anyone else in "our" cave. I am not sure what I've done to his head.
11:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He is a bit of a masochist, that just made it easier, I wish it ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wish he had better ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** like you
11:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
And then he irritated me so I started wanting to take him apart piece by piece because I am a horrendous person.
11:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He was just an exotic young thing I wanted to have sex with frankly.
11:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Horace? ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** selfish reasons of course but still so ******** ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you "helping" him too
11:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm sorry to admit that, but it was part of why Horace made me so angry at times.
11:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Maybe, I don't think that was my intention though I find over-clingy individuals .... ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** i really ******** doubt you tried to make him stand on his own instead of rely on you as much as you could
11:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** took advantage
11:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I did that with Melvin eventually, or tried. He couldn't get over Rin, I tried to help him but I failed, he latched onto me instead, I wanted to make him able to stand on his own. I tried, even if it was for selfish ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** them and gives them the support to fix it themselves
11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
or fixes them??
11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
...protects ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you know what a good person does with another persons weaknesses
11:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Other than how to find their weaknesses.
11:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't know anything about ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you think hell harm himself
11:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I tried to be as kind as I could given what I was saying. I don't have a compass for these things.
11:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
No! That wasn't what I said at ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you blaming rodney for being shitty and thoughtless about coming clean
11:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He wanted to kiss me, I had to explain why I couldn't.
11:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm trying to do the right thing. Rodney said to tell the ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** first and maybe you just ******** dropped him without anything to break the ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** it sounds ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** mean i wasnt sure if he believed in you that much or paid attention and knew the truth but just didnt care
11:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I told him Jan was just a mask but he thinks I'm an impostor. So there is that.
11:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I told Rodney about it, yes. I don't think Melvin believed me properly. He keeps talking about "saving ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** rodney at least mel might need some ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you like
11:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
And I'm told its the right thing but it doesn't feel correct or right at all.
11:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He was close to me. I shared a lot of things with him. I did everything I could to make him feel loved and happy. I wanted to fix him and I did and now I need to break ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** dependant on you was he
11:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't think so, I couldn't do that for him, its something he needs to find ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** he have someone who can help him cope
11:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He is understandably upset hearing the things I did to him. I am not sure if he is okay, but this is how he can mend ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** he okay
10:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I put things right with Melvin so that I could woo you in good ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ******** tell
10:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
If only you knew the obstacles I overcome each day for you smile
7:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Yes it isn't! I didn't think you'd like a dead bird, it's tough to find nice things to get ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** least its not a dead bird i guess
12:35pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Good morning my love, I left you some wild roses on your doorstep. I didn't want to go too gaudy <3
Wednesday, 8:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Yes
Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** the one with the plastic bag right
Wednesday, 8:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
What are they? I always feel obligated to say pretentious movies, obscure ones and artistic ones. I like American Beauty. And that is not some other attempt to break your rules or pun. It is incidental. The themes just held me.
Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** an all time favorite just some i like
Wednesday, 8:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Do you have a favourite movie? I imagine it would not be some animated thing but I realise I do not know.
Wednesday, 8:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
It was rather fun smile
Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********, 11:29pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I can talk about something else smile I watched a movie with Mikael this afternoon. It was a cartoon called Frozen. It had catchy little throwaway songs. I feel I've missed out on a great deal of pop culture. Have you seen it?
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********, 11:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I just spent so long insulting you I wanted to make it up to you and explain why I did it so long and just be nice. You are my Missy and I adore you, but I'll stop.
Tuesday, 11:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm sorry my love annoys you.
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** of lovey dovey s**t
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ********, 11:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Stop what?
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** please stop now
Tuesday, 10:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I love you too much to make you feel unsafe in your own space, I just want to be around you, to see you, to breathe the same air, even for a moment.
Tuesday, 10:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I wouldn't dream of bothering Mimsy, I've done quite enough to her. And as much as I would love to enter your house, to again look upon the subtle nuances of you in the decor and in the very smell of the place - I'm sensitive to smells I've found - I have not and will not cross your threshold uninvited.
Tuesday, 10:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Thank you, thank you so much, even that much is more than I can hope for from you and I am so so happy to have the chance to spend time with you.
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** enter my house
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** away from mimsys home
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** once a week unless you ******** up
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** agreement stands
Tuesday, 10:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I am so in love it consumes everything I am. I can't stop grieving for the loss of even the shadow of you, I can't stop grieving the loss of your company and friendship. I ruined everything and I just want even the scraps from your table back.
Tuesday, 10:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
She said sometimes you need to let people go, but I don't think this is one of those times, its deeper than all that. Maja wanted to divorce me and she did and has. She escaped me. It was awful when she left for me but she got away from what I became. I wouldn't do that to anyone again, I'll never leave you, I've been here since the start and I'll be here till the very end. You are the only one who could stop me when it went wrong.
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** what you were saying not what she was trying to tell you
Tuesday, 10:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
And I understand what Caroline said about sometimes love never stops. I think thats why in all this time, in all these years, I've never stopped loving you.
Tuesday, 10:41pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Ok, but I mean it. You are what I live for now. You and making up at least some of what I have done to people even if its a hopeless effort.
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** doesnt matter to me anyway so dont bother it wont do anything good for either of us
Tuesday, 10:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I have quite a lot.
Tuesday, 10:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Can I buy you something nice to show you money doesn't matter?
Tuesday, 10:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
No, those things don't make me happy, they are wrong. Money is just something which lets me care for others and give to them. I don't want to con people anymore either.
Tuesday, 10:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm learning to jog again, slowly, a bit at a time, I remember when you ran in the forest, I've never seen anyone run like that. It was amazing.
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** does money and conning people
Tuesday, 10:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
You make me happy smile
Monday, 11:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I think a lot about how we first met smile You were so resourceful hiding things around the facility, you are one of the cleverest people I know. I couldn't leave you once I knew you. Even the intimacy felt real, true. And I ruined it and there was no excuse but I love you, I need you, I'll fix it.
Monday, 10:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'll never give up either because you are worth so much to me, you are what keeps me going from day to day. I can do anything you want (other than abandon my intentions haha) smile
Monday, 10:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'll show you how much I love you and we will be so happy.
Monday, 10:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
You'll come around in time, I don't expect you to accept my proposals right off the bat but I'm persistent.
Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** the ******** obvious that part of my life is done
Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont want to be wooed
Monday, 10:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Melody is a sweetie but she's not the one that I adore.
Monday, 10:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
No, it's you my love <3
Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** is it melody
Monday, 10:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I am not sleeping with him any more. It's wrong to use him when I'm wooing someone else.
Monday, 10:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm going to. When I tell him all of it.
Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you asked his opinion on how you go about that
Monday, 10:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I have, I apologised to Melvin about all the trouble I've caused him. I'm going to make things right with him.
Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** good now you can stop worrying melvin and whining about it
Monday, 10:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I am eating again, sensibly this time. smile I know you thought I should so I am. I am going to be a perfect weight. Perfectly healthy.
Monday, 5:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
That's ok, I've lied to you so much, but now its the truth and I will show you how much I mean it with sheer devotion and efforts to make amends for the horrible horrible things I've done. I love you more than anything else in the world and I will show you.
Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** well thats good but pardon me if i cant ******** trust a word of that
Monday, 5:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I feel worse than I ever have and yet I feel it is the beginning of getting better.
Monday, 5:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Not a drop. I am utterly sober and drunk only on these feelings for you.
Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you been drinking
Monday, 4:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Nothing. I had time to think about who I was and it was like waking up from a nightmare, I have hurt so many people and it even now sickens me to know what I became. But I love you and I want to get better for us.
Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** exactly happened when you ran off
Monday, 4:47pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I realise I have been a terrible person of late. So many of my decisions have been cruel or selfish and I am sorry my love. I will do what I can to make things right but I will never give up on you.
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** see
Sunday, 10:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't know, surprise me.
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** do you want
Sunday, 10:32pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
You should bring me back something smile
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** intend to
Sunday, 10:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Enjoy your trip.
Sunday, 6:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Ok.
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** act strange all the time
Sunday, 5:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I went back. If I start acting strange eventually you will know why.
Sunday, 12:19am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I see. That makes sense.
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** think its important to know as much as i can about dangerous things
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** always asked questions lawrence
Sunday, 12:17am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I am simply in a very narrow corner and this is where I have found myself and I cannot reconcile a way out.
Sunday, 12:17am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I am not complaining about your questions it simply was a query about why. Never mind.
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** ill listen and ask questions
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** the one whining
Sunday, 12:15am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't see why it matters to you in the least regardless, my appearance hardly impacts your life.
Sunday, 12:14am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Can you imagine how well it would go down if I lapsed back into a persona designed as a good father and husband? What use would that be, I would end up dead to protect some silly child. This is how I can create a me that works.
Sunday, 12:13am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
When I was with Maja I weighed 112 pounds, Jan weighed similar, Jan is no longer functional on this island, the fallback is that self that was with Maja which I cannot afford.
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont care if you kill yourself in the process but itd be nice if you gained enough self for some self awareness all the same
Sunday, 12:08am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
It is this or regress.
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** yourself further
Sunday, 12:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
This is just a step in the metamorphosis.
Sunday, 12:04am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
The only way to get away from the original flawed attempt is to change my very self into something different.
Sunday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you dont think an eating disorder gets in the way of that
16 Apr 16, 11:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Less crass than that. Being successfully able to pass as a full complete human being seamlessly but without the risks of falling foul of superfluous failings.
16 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** your idea of perfection is being a successful forgery
Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 3:46 pm
Horace
Horace @nokoni_island
Do you think Dr. Lawrence Weiman can get taken away like Chantelle was?
Saturday, 10:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Maebe obviously won't, America absolutely will not, you won't any longer I imagine (and rightly so also), Melvin won't, I haven't seen a few others in a very long time. There are no untapped resources.
More options
Saturday, 10:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm apparently a danger, it's just not permitted. And I can't because there is no one who will so much as entertain me, the options are thin on the ground you know.
Saturday, 10:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Melvin will not sleep with me and rightly so. I told him about how I fooled him with Rin, I came clean with the history. He did not want me to move out and I did not want him to so we are just co-habiting more or less. It is very stressful. I do not cope with pent up tension well.
Saturday, 9:57pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I just do, I was always happiest when I was in a stable relationship with lots of love and care. There is just...this libido to contend with. That is the main problem of late.
Saturday, 9:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I want to help people now, I don't want to hurt them any longer. I want to learn to behave how I should and to care and love others. That's what I'm trying to do.
Well, if I had to take a guess.... You're the hole.
America Top to bottom
Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
That's not the only reason of course but it is a motivator.
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Saturday, 8:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I want to be able to earn the right to be near you.
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Saturday, 8:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Then I will try. I can't run away from here, I was so used to running but I'm stuck. I want to be part of it, I want to understand and be at least passably human.
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Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you can do is try to be better than you were
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Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Saturday, 8:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Difficult. I am not very good at this. Is it ever possible to make things right?
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Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** on you and the person and what you did
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Saturday, 8:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Is it all right to offend people sometimes? Will they resent me for that?
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Saturday, 8:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I can't tell the difference between one and the other, it pains me to admit it.
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Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** hurt melvin but thats cause you lied to him so well and so long
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Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** didnt hurt her
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Saturday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you offended someone with your opinion
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Saturday, 8:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I keep saying the wrong thing and I don't mean to. I seem to be hurting more people with honesty than I ever did with lies.
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Friday, 8:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Who knows if she will even believe me. Melvin didn't.
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Friday, 4:56pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I couldn't have ever hoped for it with you. All the alternatives are fine though.
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Friday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont know what a positive relationship with me is like no
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Friday, 3:52pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
For the record I would never have treated you the way I treated maebe. Whatever sadistic inclinations I possess don't transfer in the same fashion to you <3 I'd sooner worship at your altar than disabuse it. Outside the bedroom though..well I'm not sure what happened there. Though that one instance after golems..I don't know...I don't really know myself in relation to you do I?
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Wednesday, 10:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't need the devotion forever thing, I can settle with anything, I am forced to settle for the crumbs from your table. I can dream about a place where you don't avoid me. Hope is a human trait.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** not happening again
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** sex or feelings or even relationships but the thing you want the forever and married and devotion s**t
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Wednesday, 10:22pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
And what part? The sexuality? The humanity? Are you just going to turn old maid at 21?
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Wednesday, 10:21pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't care if you love me.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont love you even a little lawrence and i told you before that part of my life is over anyway
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** im pretty sure maja loved you
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Wednesday, 10:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't really /want/ anyone but you, it's like eating bland cardboard instead of food, it is not sustaining.
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Wednesday, 10:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I feel like it is appropriate to be monogamous when one is in love. Maja would not have stood for anything less than it.
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Wednesday, 10:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
As far as Melody, while I was pursuing her I had no intention of any pleasant things short of sleeping with her for entertainment now Horace has gotten extra whiny.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** i dont need you to be my monogamous stalker even if its probably for the best
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Wednesday, 10:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Oh I mean surely my parts aren't capable of destroying someone's trust in humanity.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you going to be emotionally supportive and treat her nicely and respectfully after with trying to use or manipulate her with sex
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Wednesday, 10:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Surely it isn't /that/ bad.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** glad you arent gonna like break that little girls trust in humanity with your d**k but
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Wednesday, 10:04pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
It's a gesture smile
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont require that sort of thing
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Wednesday, 10:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I have stopped sleeping with all the people I was sleeping with, to devote myself to you <3 I know that's a little personal but you mean a lot to me.
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Wednesday, 10:02pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't know if it does or not. It shouldn't. I see no reason why it should.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** long as sad doesnt mean cutting folks up
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Wednesday, 8:49pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I am always so sad when I'm away from you.
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Wednesday, 8:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I think that she will just tell me to read twilight and take my life lessons from that. Like Rodney and the bible.
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Wednesday, 8:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
It's just so strange having a version of yourself who veered off in another direction. Is this what it felt like with the clone? It is distressing.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** things you wanna fix
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** willing to talk with you about this and what came before
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** seemed to find this change interesting
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Wednesday, 7:55pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
No, it's kind of distressing frankly, knowing she is essentially another creation. It's like talking to Mikael.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you tried having a sit down conversation with her in person
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Wednesday, 7:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
She's hardly much conversation.
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Wednesday, 7:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
But ok.
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Wednesday, 7:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
She turns him against me though sad I want to get to know him.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** stop keeping mikael from her
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** me helping you
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** with chantelle
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Wednesday, 10:08am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
smile) you've helped me most of all.
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Wednesday, 10:08am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't think what works for her would work for me.
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Wednesday, 10:02am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
She's managed well because she was created to fit this island.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** knows you and your troubles better and shes managed really well
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you think she could help you
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Wednesday, 9:11am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I am. I don't dislike her because she is a golem. I dislike her because she annoys me. Your clone was much nicer.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you should be more open minded about chantelle
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Wednesday, 6:39am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
You are always so wonderfully open minded <3
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24 Apr 16, 9:06pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
You are welcome smile
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24 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
24 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** I guess i do prefer having your crazy documented
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24 Apr 16, 8:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
So today I left you a copy of a piece of sheet music I wrote back when I first marked you. It is not romantic, I provide it as potential documentation of my state of mind. I would play it for you but the hand thing.
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23 Apr 16, 11:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
But if you think I should not then I will not.
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23 Apr 16, 11:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't intend to though it is too late not to go back to the cave, I was living there for a short time in some way.
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** hurt people at all
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** maybe just dont go there ever again smile
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** be taking something emotionally important to him and giving it to someone else which is really ******** sad
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23 Apr 16, 11:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't understand why it would be cheating (not that I intend to do anything there again) but.
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23 Apr 16, 11:39pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Again I am not endorsing those motivations they are simply what they were.
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23 Apr 16, 11:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Oh. That's rather horrible. Yes he was never all that important to me, it was always you. I mean, every time I thought I was getting to like him he'd turn stubborn and I didn't like that.
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** hurt someone else there its cheating on him again isnt it
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** like it was what he wanted and a sign of his ******** importance to you
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you went out of your way
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** excuse your ******** actions there
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23 Apr 16, 11:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He is still warning me not to torture anyone else in "our" cave. I am not sure what I've done to his head.
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23 Apr 16, 11:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He is a bit of a masochist, that just made it easier, I wish it didn't.
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wish he had better taste
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** like you
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23 Apr 16, 11:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
And then he irritated me so I started wanting to take him apart piece by piece because I am a horrendous person.
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23 Apr 16, 11:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He was just an exotic young thing I wanted to have sex with frankly.
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23 Apr 16, 11:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Horace? No.
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** selfish reasons of course but still so ******** helpful
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you "helping" him too
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23 Apr 16, 11:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm sorry to admit that, but it was part of why Horace made me so angry at times.
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23 Apr 16, 11:31pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Maybe, I don't think that was my intention though I find over-clingy individuals .... irritating.
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** i really ******** doubt you tried to make him stand on his own instead of rely on you as much as you could
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23 Apr 16, 11:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I did
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** took advantage
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23 Apr 16, 11:28pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I did that with Melvin eventually, or tried. He couldn't get over Rin, I tried to help him but I failed, he latched onto me instead, I wanted to make him able to stand on his own. I tried, even if it was for selfish reasons.
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** them and gives them the support to fix it themselves
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23 Apr 16, 11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
or fixes them??
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23 Apr 16, 11:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
...protects them?
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you know what a good person does with another persons weaknesses
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23 Apr 16, 11:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Other than how to find their weaknesses.
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23 Apr 16, 11:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't know anything about people.
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you think hell harm himself
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23 Apr 16, 11:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I tried to be as kind as I could given what I was saying. I don't have a compass for these things.
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23 Apr 16, 11:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
No! That wasn't what I said at all!
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you blaming rodney for being shitty and thoughtless about coming clean
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23 Apr 16, 11:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
He wanted to kiss me, I had to explain why I couldn't.
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23 Apr 16, 11:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm trying to do the right thing. Rodney said to tell the truth.
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** first and maybe you just ******** dropped him without anything to break the fall
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** it sounds like
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** mean i wasnt sure if he believed in you that much or paid attention and knew the truth but just didnt care
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23 Apr 16, 11:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I told him Jan was just a mask but he thinks I'm an impostor. So there is that.
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23 Apr 16, 11:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I told Rodney about it, yes. I don't think Melvin believed me properly. He keeps talking about "saving Jan".
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** rodney at least mel might need some support
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23 Apr 16, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you like
Posted: Fri May 06, 2016 9:02 am
America
5:11pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
You know, I considered that once. I actually did. Hah. But no, perfection needs this. There's no solution, but I'm allowed to miss you.
More ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** get pills
More ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** cut it off or something
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5:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Accidentally or deliberately
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5:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Plus I think I might end up hurting a civilian.
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5:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
It's not about that either. There's more to it.
More ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** bring chaste isnt gonna get you anything with me even if im glad youre not using it to manipulate folks here anymore
More ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** go bang civilians if you dont wanna hit up hunters
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5:07pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Well I enjoy it, it is something which keeps me calm. It is like eating. It is something I need to do.
More ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you ruined any chances of the it with taym and that desert
More ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** just sex
Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I wish you'd sleep with me again you know. More than anything else. You could be as mean as you liked.
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4:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
The worst part of Melvin not sleeping with me is I am so so wound up all of the time. Chastity is not at all for me.
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12:08pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Feeling much better, fear shields are a marvel. Not fully mended but getting there smile
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Wednesday, 10:38pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
But I won't leave.
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Wednesday, 10:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I'm sorry missy, if I could fix the problems I would.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** im glad for a cool minute but it doesnt fix any problems
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** does and doesnt
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Wednesday, 10:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
If my efforts to try harder can't make you any happier perhaps that will.
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Wednesday, 10:18pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Well I'm closer to it anyway, both in injuries and years.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wouldnt mean it either way
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Wednesday, 10:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I don't know if its appropriate to apologise for not dying.
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Wednesday, 10:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
It felt like they did.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** wish they had just killed you
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Wednesday, 10:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Yes. The one who can make people younger.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** the one you left taym to be tortured and killed with right
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Wednesday, 10:12pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Being a better person is dangerous.
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Wednesday, 10:10pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I told Nest to get lost, more or less.
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Wednesday, 10:09pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
A routine clearing mission with an old mine shaft, we were ambushed. I fought and tried to save them but could only save one and paid the price myself for trying.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** happened anyway
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** see thats why i think its good
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Wednesday, 10:05pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
This fear mending hurts like /hell/.
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Wednesday, 10:03pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Just to be next to you.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** would it take for you to feel not lonely
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Wednesday, 10:01pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Why?
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Wednesday, 10:00pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Its a lonely existence.
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Wednesday, 9:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Yes I was exaggerating a little. Still, even that much means a lot to me.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** tolerate you like 10% of the way
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** dont me you halfway
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Wednesday, 9:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
It exhausts me and I know it exhausts you too. But I am glad that I have it.
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Wednesday, 9:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I am grateful you know, when you meet me half way with this love of mine.
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Wednesday, 9:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I love you anyway.
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Wednesday, 9:33pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Why do you always wound me?
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** are a gross person
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Wednesday, 9:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Once in a lifetime sad
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Wednesday, 9:17pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I still have the hair from that time in the jungle you know.
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Wednesday, 9:16pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I was. I keep all the things I have <3
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** arent welcome
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** in a lifetime chance
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you were blessed
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Wednesday, 9:14pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I just needed to see you and all I had were very blurry distant photos.
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Wednesday, 9:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
You don't look very pleased but you can't have it all.
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Wednesday, 9:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
You sent me photos of you when I got you to in the past. Just you in the mirror.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** my memory
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Wednesday, 8:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Blackmail is such a horrible word, perhaps negotiate is better.
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Wednesday, 8:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Very pretty.
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Wednesday, 8:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Just pictures of you.
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Wednesday, 8:51pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Oh remember the ones I blackmailed out of you a long time ago.
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Wednesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** selfies
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Wednesday, 8:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Morphine is amazing though for everything except the dreams. Even without as much I'd still be your cowboy any day missy.
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Wednesday, 10:02am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I miss you so much anyway.
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Wednesday, 10:01am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Now I'm just sad. I only have those old selfies you sent me for company.
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Wednesday, 10:01am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Now I'm just sad. I only have those old selfies you sent me for company.
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Wednesday, 6:48am Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
sad
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** have a nice few days without you smile
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** gonna be vulnerable in public
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** things i like
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** time naked in my house
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** gonna
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Tuesday, 11:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
probably a bit my insides are not good
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Tuesday, 11:25pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
till im better
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** long you there for
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Tuesday, 11:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
not sexy
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Tuesday, 11:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
lot of throwing up blood
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Tuesday, 11:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
so maybe dont visit
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Tuesday, 10:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
sooo
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Tuesday, 10:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
undignified tho
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** how long
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Tuesday, 10:59pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
yes sad(((((((
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you stuck in the infirmary hun
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Tuesday, 10:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
comes from cowboys
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Tuesday, 10:54pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
wow the word steer
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Tuesday, 10:53pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
it means i will bring you to nice things like a steer
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Tuesday, 10:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
just for you
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Tuesday, 10:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
thats a metaphor
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Tuesday, 10:50pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
no ill lasso u n bring you back 2 pasture
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** super mean better avoid
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Tuesday, 10:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
but i can take it im an outlaw with a heart of gold
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Tuesday, 10:48pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
the meanest missy in the west
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Tuesday, 10:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
<3333<33
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Tuesday, 10:46pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
never ever evereverever
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** off
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Tuesday, 10:44pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
bless u
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** for ******** sake you and your ******** god complex
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Tuesday, 10:40pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
u called
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Tuesday, 10:34pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
yes?
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Tuesday, 10:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
id sooner have a mean look from u than flowers from them
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Tuesday, 10:29pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
ur my only flower
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** im sure your fanclub will bring you flowers and s**t
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Tuesday, 10:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
i think so
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Tuesday, 10:27pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
yes
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** good did someone beat you to s**t
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** sure are
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Tuesday, 10:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
mmaybe meds
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Tuesday, 10:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
im a bit out of sorts
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Tuesday, 10:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
never
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Tuesday, 10:26pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
if you mean leavin you then no
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you drunk
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** you wont do that
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Tuesday, 10:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
id do ne thing for you
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Tuesday, 10:19pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
i <3 u america
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Tuesday, 7:43pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
you did smile)))))
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Tuesday, 7:37pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
you keep me safe ill be ok
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @********/> More options
Tuesday, 7:30pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
no i saw you in my dreams
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Tuesday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** that was kinda part of the stalker thing
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Tuesday, 7:13pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
i saw you
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Monday, 7:42pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Fine with me smile
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Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** the sparring grounds are a couple benches we can eat there
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Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** we can do lunch
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Monday, 7:36pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
Would you like to have lunch with me? I'll make anything you like, or you can cook and I'll eat, whichever you like.
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Monday, ******** avatar AMERICA JONES @******** okay
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Monday, 12:58pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
I hope you are having a good morning missy <3
Horace
Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
And look forward to when you can find time to slot me in.
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4:23pm Ispeakfeline's avatar Dr Lawrence Weiman @Ispeakfeline
No. I can't expect people to make time for me. I hope whatever is keeping you busy isn't unpleasant.
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