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 Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:28 pm
"It's safer to stay clear of the leads. They want people who are self sufficient and don't need people always holding their hands." Except Allan he thought. Allan would hold your hand if you needed it, even if it was with complete detachment to the subject at hand.
Rep looked critical at Melvin's comment about how it'd be a clear day on Deus if he won. "You always put yourself down as far as fighting goes you daft git. You did just ******** fine in that bar fight. How often do you spar? Because if you are going to put down your fighting skills it better be all the ******** time with everyone. Because you can't call yourself a ******** man of science if you don't have a good sample size. I'm no a nerd but even I know that."
He wasn't really convincing himself with the not a nerd thing with his current appearance.
"You don't have good points of comparison man"
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 7:29 pm
He gave a sort of shrug at what Rep said. "I barely remember the bar fight, Rep. I'm still thinking I imagined hitting half the guys there, and the other half can't even fathom how I managed it. I never really got into fights since coming to Deus, and not with real life things. Like that polar bear or people. Halloween is one thing when you're pointing a gun, but it's...." He couldn't really formulate his words for once with this feeling. "...different with things from the real world. The world before Deus." The human world that he didn't seem part of. "It's....not something I'm used to."
He took off his glasses to rub at his eyes. "I don't really spar much. I'm not a Sun. I just heal and throw barriers in the end and hope someone would care enough to drag me to a portal if my shield breaks." And Rep wasn't a Sun anymore, so he wondered who would care enough to do that. It didn't make him feel great.
He glanced at Rep. "I'm just missing something I guess." He didn't like talking about fighting. He sorted himself out long ago to keep himself from fighting when he knew he'd always fail.
His eyes remained on the goggles on his hands.
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 7:40 pm
"Well that's bullshit if ever I heard it Melvin." Rep said pointedly. "No one is missing anything, everyone can ******** fight. If you saw me when I was ******** like, eighteen or whatever you'd have been like look at that lanky streak of piss, he couldn't fight his way out of a ******** wet paper bag. I was just a gangly ******** tit, there's nothing stopping you from fighting but you telling yourself you can't."
"I'm in Life but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop ******** fighting. And its no excuse for you either." he frowned. "Since we came back from jail you've been on a downer. What's up exactly? You got the girl. You have a lot going for you but you feel sad to me."
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 7:47 pm
Typically he didn't like anyone asking him questions or in any way resembling a therapist, but Rep had dished out a lot in his time to him and had said nothing to anyone that Melvin had told him, despite how little that was. There were also things Rep was very observant about that, despite all his questions, Rep hadn't been.
He had been off, and a lot of things were bothering him. Some he felt he could sort out on his own, and others that would sort themselves out to what disastrous end they would meet, but there were others he couldn't really figure out.
"A little bit of this and that. Fighting was one of it. I mean actual fighting. Sparring at Halloween monsters while pointing a gun is one thing, but raising a fist at some grunt at a bar." He rotated his shoulders as if trying to work a odd feeling he wasn't sure was disgust or just something unsettling about it all. "I don't know how I feel about it."
He went quiet a moment.
"Then there's other things." He set his goggles down to rest on the counter before reaching into the tank to grab the proto drakeling he was going to work on but now decided not to bother with. Taking it in his arms, he moved to put it back in it's tank.
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 8:46 pm
"Fighting is fighting man. No matter where it is, it means you feel strongly enough about something to take steps to protect it. Its no something to feel guilty about, its no something to be ashamed of either. " he shrugged. "But I can't tell you how to feel. I'm in a weird place myself lately. For obvious reasons. A lot of s**t's happened and I've not really dealt with any of it." He felt almost guilty to be telling Melvin to deal with his own problems when he's only glancingly dealt with his own.
"What other things? Surely its no all about fighting. I wasn't trying to cause you problems man. Even the bear was like, I dunno. I believe in you I guess. You are a complete ******** nerd, but that's no mutually exclusive with being other good s**t." he shrugged and slumped down into a chair. "I dunno man."
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 8:58 pm
"Guess I've never felt strongly enough to bother. I usually just took care of myself and didn't bother with dealing with keeping a fight going. When someone wanted to punch my face in, I just never bothered to let them continue....or just to raise a fist." He lost the desire to fight when he was a kid. There had been a time, when he was first dealing with seeing shadows, when he had a lot of anger, but his parents would ground him and worry. In the end, if he didn't get upset, no one worried and everything seemed fine.
Was there anyone here he wanted to protect? "Usually everyone here can protect themselves better with their fist than I can." He just kept them going to fight. "I think you are the only person who thinks I can when a physical fight rather than one with a gun." But it was touching all the same for someone to think he could accomplish anything physical.
As for the other question, he wasn't sure. "It's stupid. You have enough on your plate. You're still dealing with this change after all this time you've been in Sun."
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 9:32 pm
"I didn't used to fight when I was wee. I just kind of. Stood outside everything, hoping someone would notice me and that I was hurting." he curled his lip. "It was no way to be, because deep down most people are pretty blind to what other people are feeling. They just don't see. So I fought, and then they had to see me, and they'd ******** know when they hurt me because they'd have a ******** knife in their gut. Sometimes there comes a point where you just stand up I guess."
He looked the blonde man over. "You can't assume everyone is stronger than you man. People aren't. Even the people you think are invincible get hurt, they need someone to back them up. It's lazy otherwise. I mean, Ace and Jordan are like, some of the strongest people I know, but I still need to be tough and be ready to fight because everyone has their weak moments and they need someone to pick them up." Another shrug and he crossed his arms. "I think you could physical fight just fine. It could compliment your gunplay, its not exclusive. You get in close, last thing they expect is a punch in the nose."
As far as Melvin's other issues though, he was still curious. "Naw man, trust me, I'd rather deal with other people's problems right now than even think about my own. I just get ******** depressed, I'd rather be distracted, you'd be doing me a favour."
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 9:47 pm
Shutting the minipet tank, he looked at the chart only because he was thinking things over.
"People are starting to talk, and usually I don't give a s**t about what they way, it's just you mentioned it before and you know me better than just some random person I might talk to once in a while...and you've said it too." Jordan had mentioned it, but Rep had said it before him.
Melvin took his pen to mark someone on the minipet chart before putting the pen back behind his ear. "Do I hurt you more when I talk to you than anything you gain from my company?" He said, turning around. "You said you're fine with anyone abusing you as long as they need you, but does it just...hurt and drain you so much to talk to me?" Did he hurt more than benefit people when he spoke with then, and in the end, did Rep think he was, by his very nature, a cruel person set out to tear people apart?
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 9:58 pm
Rep raised a brow, giving Melvin a curious look for his insecurity, something he very rarely saw in the other man.
"No. You are worth a lot ******** more to me for your friendship than the times you slip up. No one is perfect man. Everyone, and I do mean ******** everyone hurts my feelings all the ******** time. I'm a ******** soft piece of s**t who takes everything personally even when I swear that I won't. It doesn't drain me to talk to you, if it did, I wouldn't. I can't deal with things that leave me tired and worn out, I don't have infinite energy." He waved a hand dismissively. "When I said you hurt people I wasn't saying it was in your nature to. Or that you meant it. I was just saying you could have stood to have been a bit softer, a bit more pliable with people near you. It felt like you always had these walls up and you were scared to let them down."
He frowned, looking down at his shirt and twirling the golden sun on his necklace. "I just got hurt when you were quick to judge me. You don't do it so much now. You aren't a bad guy."
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 10:15 pm
He went over, sitting back down and rubbing one eye before glancing at Rep. "I didn't want you to be my friend just because I need you and just, thinking I was some huge d**k out to poke and prod you without giving a s**t. You weren't the first person to call me cold and then it just seemed everyone was coming out of the woodwork to call me that. Being called cold is good if you want to be some villain in a movie, but not by people you know." It bothered him for a while.
"I thought I was being soft. I'm only hard on you because I hold you to a higher standard and when you try to run away from some of your responsibilities." Maybe he was just ******** everything up without handling it as nicely and as cleanly has he had hoped.
Maybe he should just mind his own damn business and not talk to anyone for a while and see if that made everyone like his company more. "I'm not saying I don't like you as a friend, but I'm wondering if the fact I only have a few people to rely on to bail me out of jail is because of something I did. I sometimes worry no one is going to bother dragging me back from a battle if I get hurt or even notice I'm missing aside from you and Rin." He let the hand that was rubbing one eye trail back through his thick, curly blonde hair to look at to the side an glance back at Rep. "The fighting. The people. Someone I wonder if I'll survive here." He wasn't good at fighting and people didn't seem to like him all that much. How was he suppose to live if he was terrible at both. He didn't seem made for this place aside from research.
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Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:58 am
"Naw man, I don't think that. I don't like... When I meet someone, I tend to just sort of know on gut instinct if they mean me harm or not. I'm probably wrong a lot of the time, but with you I feel like I was right, you were clipped and a bit awkward but you weren't trying to poke and prod me just for curiosity. It wasn't just mean or looking for someone to watch your back, it was a bit more than that." He found it amusing to be discussing why it was a bad thing to be cold when really he wished he could be more cold and distant himself. "It's no something you did though man. People here are mostly a few screws loose. Its hard to make friends in an asylum, there's a lot of trust issues and distance that have nothing to do with you or any mistakes you made."
He smirked playfully. "And don't go doubting your ******** survival skills either. You are alive. You've been here months. That's more than can be said for a lot of people. The minute you start showing weakness and doubting yourself, that's when you'll ******** up. You've gotta be assertive."
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Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:08 pm
"Assertive..." He wasn't sure what Rep meant aside from being as violent as the Suns, which didn't really sit right with him. It felt out of his realm of being, like asking a fish to climb a tree.
"I'm only ever assertive outside of battle." He pushed more when talking than with fighting. This was all frustrating. "I'll...figure something out. I don't know. Maybe just sparring more would help." He hadn't done that in a while.
Speaking of...
Melvin glanced back to Rep. "Guess you're not allowed to spar?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:25 am
"You can't really be assertive out of battle if you aren't willing to fight for what's important to you when it's challenged. But aye man, sparring always helps. The more you do it the more you'll realise you don't suck at fighting at all." Or if you were him, he thought, you'd find out that you either lost every spar or almost killed people and got your weapon banned.
"I'm allowed to spar without weapons. My fists aren't half ******** bad." Fistfighting was a last resort for him and always had been, he'd always had a knife, always been ready to one-up the odds. But here you couldn't count on that and he never would be able to again. "I'm still game."
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Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 11:38 am
"I've seen what your fists can do." Melvin remembered that much from the bar fight, and thought about it. It felt awkward to ask this sort of thing considering his lack of faith in the area, but he went for it anyways. "Could you show me...fist fighting? I don't know if there is any techniques to it, but you say you have experience in it, and you can still fight then." He knew that with how often Rep got into spars, being cut off suddenly might make him moodier and more aggressive.
He also had one more thing to ask Rep. "And there is one more thing."
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Posted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 2:40 pm
Rep grinned. "I'm no the best hand to hand combat guy around, most of my bar fights and s**t were won by having a huge knife or being quick to break a bottle or tumbler in a guy's face. I can show you what you know though man. And practice will teach you more than anything I can"
He tilted his head slightly at his final comment. "What thing?"
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