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 Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 11:26 am
Boni had to ponder that for a moment, his silvery eyes staring off into nothingness over Embry’s head. A lot of people found the way he just stared disconcerting, even knowing that he was blind and couldn’t actually see them. He didn’t know why it made others uncomfortable, and from the little he’d managed to glean on the subject they didn’t know why either. It appeared to be entirely subconscious reactions. Embry, as far has he had observed, had never been one of those people.
“I think the basics might be the same, though since I’m neither a brother or father I’m having to try to picture it in my head rather than pulling off of experience.” He hummed softly in the back of his throat. “It seems to me like the roles would be different but there could still be the close and protecting bond. Taking into account various personality types, age differences, and family traditions, of course, since no two people are exactly the same either.”
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Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 2:13 pm
Embry had to laugh out that, letting loose a warm and throaty chuckle. “Very true, and I’m quite glad of that! Think of how dull and limited the world would be if everyone was the same. I can’t picture it at all.” And she truly couldn’t. Similarities, sure, but a world of identically-cast people, with the same wants, hopes, dreams, ambitions, personalities, even characters? It was impossible for her to wrap her mind all the way around such a concept, and it had a feeling of wrong to it anyway.
“I wonder what kind of parents we’d make,” Embry mused aloud softly. “I mean neither of us really grew up with sibling roles since you didn’t have any and I grew up alone. You had your father, at least.” She tensed a little as soon as the words left her mouth, wondering if she’d said something wrong. “I didn’t mean that like I was complaining, or anything,” she added hastily. “I mean it’s great that you had your father, and I grew up just fine on my own.” Embry winced again, wondering if she was just making things worse.
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Posted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 5:25 pm
Boni felt Embry’s muscles tense, and gave his mate a reassuring nuzzle on the back of her neck. “Indeed, we both seem to have done fairly well by ourselves,” he said lightly, aiming for neutrality to help relax Embry further. It seemed to work; he felt her muscles loosening and she let out a tiny sigh of relief that he doubted even she was aware of releasing. He smiled a little himself and his body vibrated with a brief and soundless chuckle.
“It’s an interesting question though, and one I’m not really sure how to answer,” he said thoughtfully into the silence, recalling them both to the topic Embry had brought up. “I know we both have a lot of knowledge to share, but I can’t help but think that we won’t know how we’d react to having children until they’re actually here.”
Boni fell silence for a moment, a personal worry gnawing at his soul. “I’m afraid they might alienate themselves from me, because how I view the world is so different from how the seeing view it,” he confessed, the depth of his worry being hinted at by the tone of his voice.
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 4:33 pm
“Don’t even say that,” Embry immediately exclaimed, pulling back to give Boni a surprised look. “You’re such an amazing person, how could your kids not adore you?” She fixed him with a stern stare, flicking an admonishing tail against the side of his body in a gentle blow.
“Our babies are gonna grow up learning from you how to see the world in a perspective others rarely ever see,” she said in softer, reassuring tones, leaning forward to give her mate a brief nuzzle. “Just because they can see the world doesn’t mean they won’t appreciate learning to view it through your eyes.
So to speak,” she added with a smile.
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 4:39 pm
Boni felt a surge of relief at the instant and strong response from Embry. It made him feel unbelievably loved and supported to hear his mate defend him, even if it was himself she was defending him from! But doubt is a dark poison. Even as she continued to speak another worry pulled at his soul, one that had plagued him even before he met Embry, whenever he would sit and consider his future.
This doubt, this week growing upon his soul, was one that was rooted so deep not even his mate could pull it from him.
In a voice so quiet it was barely a whisper, Boniface voiced his doubt.
“What if my condition wasn’t a fluke? What if I wasn’t damaged, but that I was supposed to be born this way? What if, because of me, our children are born blind?”
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 4:49 pm
For a moment the shadow of doubt darkened Embry’s heart. She firmly pushed away the negative thoughts. “You said yourself your mother had been really sick and delicate, and that you were the only one born. I mean I don’t even think something like genetic blindness exists, it’s more all a matter of circumstance. Even your father thought you were blind because of your mother’s condition, right?”
Yes, there was no point in worrying. Embry was strong, healthy. While she’d heard of cases of others being born blind, it was either because of disease or odd energies surrounding the season of fertility. Yasashii was a clean place and full of healers. Their babies would be fine.
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 5:12 pm
Boniface sighed unhappily, turning his face towards the entrance of his den. A light breeze floated in, carrying the smell of pine sap and herbs. “That’s what Dad said,” he admitted in a slow voice, “but I don’t know if he knew for sure. He never talked a whole lot about Mom. I have no idea what kind of health her side of the family had, whether she was a typical or atypical example.”
Though Boni rarely ever made facial expressions, his distress was great enough that a frown creased his brow. “I know it’s most likely low odds, but if the odds are still there then when we roll the dice they still have a chance of showing up.”
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 5:23 pm
Embry moved to firmly cut off Boni’s train of thought before his worries could physically make him sick. She probably should have done this quite some time ago, from the sound of things, but it was the first time they’d really brought up the subject of having a family together.
“Even if a weak body is hereditary in your mom’s family, you yourself are strong. We’re both healthy individuals, which means our children should also be strong. I’m a healer, and quite positive that your blindness is because you mom wasn’t entirely healthy while she was carrying you, and it simply affected your development.”
Embry tapped Boni’s paw with her own. “I not only bet all our children will come out strong and healthy, I’m willing to guarantee it as one hundred percent fact.”
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 5:36 pm
Boni sighed and tried to take solace in the confidence he could practically feel vibrating off of Embry. She had a lot of good points that made perfectly good sense, and speaking in view of practicality he was in total agreement with her. Emotionally…
Well, it was enough to say that his mate was in a far healthier, optimistic place than he was. Doubts never were very good at listening to logic.
He decided a change in subject was in order, before the poisonous weed could cloud his mind entirely and ruin the rest of the day for him.
“Where are we going to raise the kids,” he asked. “I’d like to be with them at least every other day, every day, if possible, but I’m a bit too far out for that to be practical and I wouldn’t want you trekking through the forest with a bunch of rowdy kits. Maybe I can move to a new den closer to the tribe,” he mused.
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 5:45 pm
Embry’s ears perked up and her tail twitched behind her at the change in topic. It was the best opening Boni had ever given her, especially since she’d respected his decision to want to continue living outside the tribe and didn’t want to push him or nag him. It was tough, especially when she wanted to bring it up so badly, but somehow she managed.
“Well,” she started up slowly, casting her mate a sideways look and trying not to squirm in place, “you could always join the tribe and live directly in Yasashii with me.”
Deities it was so hard not to squirm! Even though he couldn’t actually see her to make eye contact, Embry found she couldn’t look Boni in the face. Not because she was nervous about his response! Oh no! It was just the cave had such interesting patterns in the floor, why hadn’t she noticed before!
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 5:56 pm
Boni froze for a moment when Embry began to speak, able to tell from tone alone that she was about to say something she thought he wasn’t going to like. And once she’d put out her option, he did feel an initial surge of a negative response towards the idea. He’d been living on his own for so long that the thought of denning with a bunch of strangers left him practically squirming in discomfort.
He also didn’t like the thought of restrictions that might be imposed on him. His freedom was precious to him, and not something he felt his was ready to give up.
“I’m not so sure,” he said, but the words dragged coming out of his mouth, betraying doubt to his initial objection of remaining apart from the tribe.
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 6:04 pm
Embry heard the doubt and pounced, trying to take advantage of what might be her only chance to finally convince her mate to come live with her and her tribe.
“It’s not so bad! Really! I mean it’s not like we’re always stepping over paws and tails all the time! Nitya’s almost always off somewhere since she’s a hunter, and the rest of us spend most of our time making medicines or gathering herbs and food. Unless you think you have a vocation as a healer, you could probably spend most of your time feeling as if you were as out of the way as you are here right now!”
Though she didn’t say so aloud, Embry already knew a perfect spot for Boni to make a new den. She’d scoped it out ages ago with the intent to get her mate to join the tribe someday, keeping an eye out for something near enough to be close but not so close to be near. It was quiet, private, and absolutely perfect for the transition from hermit to tribe member.
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 6:12 pm
Boni could feel some of his conviction being worn down as Embry spoke, weaving a picture of a life he still wasn’t altogether sure would be as easy as she claimed it could be.
“What about what I’d be doing,” he asked doubtfully. “I mean it’s a tribe full of healers, right? Even if I am blind, it’s not like I’m uselessly so. I doubt they’d look well upon me for doing nothing to contribute to the well-being of the tribe and taking on a job of some sort. Even if your elder gave us permission to start a family if we choose, that doesn’t mean she’ll let me in the tribe if it’s only so I can be closer to you.”
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 6:25 pm
Embry already had her counter-argument ready. “Not necessarily. You could join as just a plain member, which means you’re not really responsible for doing anything in the actual running of the tribe. You’d probably be expected to take care of yourself since you’re not an invalid, but you’re already doing that anyway out here, so that’s not exactly a hardship.”
Her tail twitched nervously at her side, a feeling of pressure mounting within her. Somehow it felt imperative that she win this debate.
“If you’re worried that you’ll feel like a useless invalid by not contributing something to the tribe, you can always help out on occasion with the gathering. You’ve got a talent for it. We’ve got enough gatherers that no one would expect you to do it, so it would be more like the occasional pitching in.”
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Posted: Wed May 15, 2013 6:42 pm
Boni shifted uncomfortably, fighting down the urge to get up and pace. His discomfort at being unable to marshal satisfactorily convincing counters and the feeling that he was straying into the territory of being purely stubborn was making it very hard to think while sitting still.
“Even occasionally helping out, it still sounds like I’d be considered lazy and unhelpful with the tribe being full of workers,” he said, though there was a note of uncertainty in his voice now.
“And what about any foxes coming to the tribe for care? I’m not really good with the sick, and if there came a time when you needed every paw you had I wouldn’t really be able to contribute. Plus, think about raising children around those who might pass along an illness, maybe even a serious one!”
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