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Whatever might be troubling Alina at the back of her mind hadn't crossed Bereck's yet; the need to have somebody close, somebody he could confide in currently pushed away everything else. He smiled a little and raised a hand to stroke her cheek gently. "I've changed my mind; fifty turns doesn't sound half as bad as two thousand six hundred sevendays. I'll be glad to have your company, and perhaps some wine."

Half a century. Ugh.

Bereck gave another little sigh, and then another not-quite laugh. "I tried to ignore it, turning forty that is. Aleck remembered though; he made me a card and a present. He tried to make a cake too, but apparently unfortunate combustion was involved so he persuaded the kitchens to give him a pie and wrote 'brithday cake' on the top in raisins.... It turned out to be a pretty good day in the end."

"Nearly eleven, yes, and I suppose I can take culpability," Bereck responded, a wry smile. "It's an odd mental block, chemistry is no problem in the laboratory; why is the kitchen so different? One of life's great mysteries."

The idea of turning fifty even in good company was still depressing. Bereck tried to look on the bright side; he wasn't very good at it, but kept trying in any case.

"That's a good goal," he said after a rather long, rather frowny pause. Bereck looked down at Alina, expression warming a little. "By the time I'm fifty I want to be working here, not a patient. Walking decently well too, and somewhat less bony. Humm. Two months... maybe six pounds would be a reasonable target." Regardless of how much he disliked being a collection of sticks gaining weight too rapidly was not a good idea.

"Mmmh." Bereck held his left arm out, fingers stretched out and palm facing down; it didn't so much as waver. "Apparently so," he replied after having done the test, sounding rather pleased as he lowered his arm and wrapped it around Alina again. He could deal with a less than perfect leg so long as he could at least get around the place but his hands were as precious as his mind; he couldn't do his job without them in perfect working order.

He hadn't thought of that.

Bereck's relaxed frame tensed a little and his mind quickly stepped back to assess the situation logically. When it had finished he looked away from Alina, lips pressing together. "Yes. I hadn't thought. I ought to have," he said quietly, allowing his arm to drop away from her.

She was right, even though she said she didn't mind she was right. This was too much too soon, they had been apart more than twenty years and he was acting as though none of that had happened, as though maybe they'd been together the whole time but she'd been away for a month and he had missed her. He was rushing in and clinging on to her because he was afraid and in pain and... she deserved to be more than a lifeline. He should be more considered, circumspect, restrained. She said she didn't mind but it was probably a bad idea all the same.

He couldn't stand to hear her sound like that, it was like being punched in the gut and having his heart squeezed by a huge fist. He closed his eyes, head still turned away and expression now pained. What was he supposed to do? He didn't want to rush into things as if nothing had happened, but he loved her and given he had for the last twenty two or so years that obviously wasn't about to change so was it alright in the end? He didn't know the answer to that but Alina was upset - his fault - and he needed to do something about that.

After a few moments of still silence he raised his arm and wrapped it around her again, but around her shoulders this time. After that he turned his head and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I don't know what the right thing to do is, if this is too much too soon.... I don't want you to think that I... I don't know. I have no idea what I'm trying to say." Stroking her shoulder with his thumb he kissed her brow again. "I love you 'Lina. Please don't sound like that, I didn't mean to upset you." He could be a clumsy fool when it came to people sometimes, too blunt and a range of other things. Generally he didn't let it bother him much; he didn't like upsetting people - even stupid apprentices - but it was different with a very select few, people such as her.

He'd done the wrong thing; he realised that with a horrible sinking feeling in his stomach and another painful squeeze in his chest. "Obviously it's not," he muttered tightly, "I upset you. I just... I hadn't realised that I was being so...." He didn't want to let go, to distance himself from her and move more slowly. He didn't feel it was right to cling onto her as much as he had though because... well there was the matter of time but there was something else too.

Clinging, being clingy. Where did following that line of thought take him? His initial reaction had been that she deserved to be more than a lifeline; she was more than that - much more - so why had he thought it? The notion hadn't come from nowhere, obviously, so there was something related to it that....

Yes, that made sense.

"The thing is," Bereck said slowly, still trying to wrap words around the thought that had come to mind. "The thing is... I don't want to... I feel guilty being like that when I need you a lot more than you do me. It doesn't feel fair to you, to burden you with... well with everything."

Whoever had said you couldn't solve at least some emotional issues with logic obviously hadn't tried hard enough.

"Not really," he admitted before he'd even thought about it. "It just startled me. I hadn't realised that... well that I was doing it, and then I felt guilty." And now he felt foolish and still guilty that he had upset her by jerking away as if there had be something bad about holding her close.

He didn't often reach out to his dragon so plaintively but he felt lost, and Berath was so much better at this sort of thing than he was. She was the kinder part of him, the better part in a lot of ways.

Stirring from a doze Berath swiftly caught up on the situation; as she did so a sad little keen reached Bereck's mind. the green said gently. Berath paused for a moment, thinking hard. she went on a moment later,

Bereck blinked and shook his head, looking at Alina again and smiling hesitantly. "Sorry, did you say anything?... I was having some sense talked into me." Slowly, tentatively, he slid his arms back around her waist. "I love you 'Lina... maybe I shouldn't question and worry so much. If you didn't mind and neither did I until I started over-analysing then it's probably alright; agreed?"