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 Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 10:56 am
Bereck gave a brief laugh, broke eye-contact again and ran his hand cautiously down her arm; back to her hand again. "Well... I suppose it was a bit unusual. We were always unusual. I did my best... and I'm glad you feel that was enough." If she was relaxed about it why shouldn't he be? No sensible reason that was for sure. Maybe Berath was right, maybe he was worrying too much about that and about a range of other things.
"I was glad you wanted me around," he added after a moment. "Being able to be there... it was important."
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:03 am
Oh. Oh, well that was nice. She leaned into his arm, the pet, and for a second her eyes slid shut. It had been a very long time since anyone had done that, even longer that it was Bereck. She missed it and the warmth that followed.
"It was more than enough. It's... a scary situation, especially one you never thought about." Her nose wrinkled but her hand turned to hold his hand when it reached hers. "I have to ask. When he was born, did you feel instantly connected to him? I've been told that happens but I was out of it and freaked out and then avoided pretty much everything."
That probably hadn't helped her upset, going AWOL. She hadn't wanted to see her kid and really, once he was born, she imagined Bereck would revert back to not wanting to see her.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:19 am
Bereck glanced around almost furtively at that question. Once he had established that there was nobody else around he shook his head. "No," he elaborated softly, "that... took a while. Quite a while. Months. That's not the sort of thing you're supposed to say, I know, but it's true." There had, perhaps, been a bit of resentment even and that was even worse of him. He and 'Lina had been talking again and... and then Aleck had been born, and suddenly they weren't.
"I had no idea what I was doing," Bereck went on, eyes downcast and mouth set into an unhappy line. "I felt awful that I didn't instantly love him more than anything in the world. I just... I felt.... Obligated. He needed me and-"
Bereck stopped and shrugged, clearing his throat. "Everyone says you're supposed to feel that instant connection and you're a terrible parent and a terrible person if you don't." He had felt awful and he'd tried so hard to make up for it and though he had a wonderful relationship with Aleck now he still felt guilty thinking about it, as if there must have been something wrong with him to feel as he had.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:26 am
"Maybe it's more for people who plan on kids or are together." It should have been a suggestion, really, but instead came out as a soft statement. Alina pulled her hand out from under his to stand and move her chair to be pressed up against his bedframe. She leaned. Arm to arm, and put her hand on his. "I'd hug you but I'm not sure how badly you're hurt, or where."
Her free shoulder shrugged, Alina daring to look out from the corner of her eyes. "I won't tell him. Keeping up with everything just proves what a good man you were, Ber, and are. One in a million. The good kind. I'm proud of what you've done with him."
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 12:04 pm
Maybe she was right. Bereck looked up again as Alina came to sit closer, a wan smile on his lips. "Where I'm not hurt is a shorter list. All over my back, my chest, down my left side.... It's not pretty." He still wanted a hug but he didn't feel like he could say it. Why? Sheer foolishness.
"Thank you," change the topic, "I... I appreciate that. Maybe it doesn't matter now but it still feels like it does and... well it's not a nice thing to be told, is it? And I... thank you. I did my best." She was proud of him. He lent against her in return, desperately wanting that hug but still finding himself unable to say so.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 12:39 pm
"Mm. That's...some damage there, Ber. So.." Well, he leaned into her. It meant 'yay cuddles!' Didn't it? Alina moved her arm, wrapped it carefully around his, and leaned her cheek to his shoulder. She didn't nuzzle against him, simply leaned and maybe petted as comfortingly as she could against his elbow. "I'm sure I'll have to beat off women with sticks once you're up and about."
"You love him now and have through at least eighteen years of his life. That's what matters." She smiled again and cocked her head to the side a bit to look at him. "You did good. No doubting that. Okay?"
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 1:58 pm
"But doubting is one of my greatest talents," Bereck retorted with more than a little humour in his tones. "I doubt what I'm told, and so I find out the truth... though maybe it makes me a little too critical sometimes. I'll try though, if you say so, on a personal level.
"Don't know about beating women off with sticks. It would be rather odd for hordes to suddenly taken an interest, unless there's far more truth in 'chicks dig scars' than anyone could have suspected." Closing his eyes Bereck rested his head on Alina's. "Perhaps suddenly they'll all think I'm 'hardcore' or something."
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 2:14 pm
"Professional and personal doubt are different and we both know it." She retorted, squeezing his arm gently. "Doubt during work and challenging the intelligence of those below yours is one thing. Trying to decide if you could have been better is another."
Alina relaxed a good deal when he put his head against hers. Had they been sitting together, she'd have melted. Not sitting like that just meant getting a bit more lax against him, her petting fingers curving for a little squeeze.
"We just need to get you some piercings, maybe some facial tattoos. Take up smoking and you'll be knee deep in women." Alina grinned. "Scars can be sexy. I think snarky and smart is attractive, myself."
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 2:35 pm
"What kind of tattoo would I get?" Bereck snorted. "Pi to forty decimals? An accurate reproduction of the human skeleton on one side, dragon on the other? Added to that smoking is foul, so I think I will forgo knee deep...." He cautiously slid an arm around her shoulders, wincing slightly as his wounds complained. "And just stick with one snarky, smart, attractive one.... If she's interested."
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:01 pm
"You're an old fuddy duddy, look at that. No dragon jaw shaped tattoos, no smoking... tsk. Whatever happened to the buck wild Healer that never existed?" Alina laughed quietly, her head turning to nose a bit closer to him.
The arm around the shoulder surprised her a bit, though not in a bad way. She smiled and leaned in regardless. It keant shifting a bit onto the bed to lean in and not press against his wounds.
"I think she may be," alina reached up and touched his hand. "Quite a bit. You are the only intelligent man with lovely hair, after all."
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:32 pm
"You do like the red then?" he asked, starting to relax a little more. "I wasn't sure if you did or not last time you were here. If you don't... I would be prepared to change it. This would be the best time really, it's been a while since I dyed it now so I probably have a bit of roots showing." He didn't really like the idea of having white hair, but maybe that was just because he was so used to the fiery red-orange he'd had (increasingly vividly) since he was thirty. If 'Lina thought the vivid hue was ridiculous though he was prepared to get rid of it. He wasn't used to being prepared to change things about himself for people anymore; his schedule, his hair?... Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:38 pm
"Don't change your hair." Alina hummed in contentment, relaxing even further as she felt some of the tension leave him. She patted his hand again, head tilting up to watch the healer. "I'm getting used to it but you said thirtyish, right? It's been over a decade. And it most certainly doesn't look bad."
Another pat and she leaned a little closer. "I like it. Don't change it."
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:46 pm
He relaxed a bit more at that. Maybe it was a silly thing, but it was another bit of acceptance and he couldn't help but feel good about it. "I won't then," he replied softly. "Once I get out of here I'll dye it again properly." And his eyebrows. Giving a soft contented sigh Bereck shifted slightly against Alina. "You're comfortable," he murmured, "sorry I'm so bony. I'll deal with that too when I'm getting better." He really was far too thin for anyone, even somebody with a naturally skinny build and he certainly was not slight by nature; he'd always been broad and stocky, putting on muscle quite easily and - over the last couple of decades - picking up a layer of fat as well. Skin stretched over bones certainly wasn't his natural look.
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Posted: Sun Nov 11, 2012 7:20 pm
"How long until you get out of here, do you think?" The hand she'd been petting with rose up to sift through some of his hair, fingertips gentle. "If it is going to be a while, I can see if we can smuggle some color in and make you bright in here."
She stroked now that they were in the position where she could and, what's more, because he let her. Alina huffed out a laugh, lips curling into a slow smile. "You're fine. I sort of want to start feeding you sandwichs made only of fattening things and bread. Possibly with a layer of bacon everywhere. You don't feel ridiculously bony. Feel free to lean if I'm comfortable, ******** it. She wanted to call him dear. No better place and time existed than cuddled up when it came to 'dear'.
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Posted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:57 am
Bereck made a small 'mmfh' noise and shrugged expressively. "Hopefully before the gold's eggs hatch, and the crimson's if it turns out her flight was fertile." He wanted to get out there and check on her, but he couldn't, and there were plenty of other healers to do so.
He liked that she kept calling him 'dear'.
He relaxed a little more.
"I don't really want to fuss with dyeing in here; it can be messy, and a hassle without proper bathing facilities." It was also something he liked to do himself - he knew how to do it right - and at the moment that would be taxing. "The idea of bacon with everything sounds delicious, but I think that's just the firelizards' opinion," he continued with a brief half-laugh. "Sadly I don't think my digestive system is up to coping with much grease yet, or anything much more exciting than porridge and various bland stews."
Sanguine and the silver, as one firelizard, sat up on their haunches and made their chattering case for Always Bacon. If Bereck didn't want it they could take care of it for him! They would become big fat successful firelizards, and everything would be wonderful.
Bereck chuckled and scratched the silver between the wings. "Really do need a name for you," he murmured absently.
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