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 Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am
"Really?" Wash looked genuinely surprised. He had to admit, he didn't know much about Judaism. Or about his friend's religious affiliations. Didn't know much about anything.
"I guess...that's a good way of lookin' at it. But without Hell, how's there a Heaven?" He paused. "Do the bad people jus' - jus' stop existing?" He tried to wrap his head around that idea. There had always been a heaven and a hell, a darkness to light, in his personal ideology. The absence was - strange.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 12:03 pm
"I don't know." He said quietly. "If there is an afterlife... it's self inflicted. I've died... or nearly died before. I don't remember any white light or anything. Just... nothing. You and your thoughts." He mumbled looking tired. "If there is a Hell, I'd believe we were in it. Maybe Deus is just... some purgatory where we repeat our mistakes over and over."
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 12:24 pm
Repeat their mistakes. He stared at the mugs on the table, and then at the bottle. Is this really where they wanted to go?
"No...No, I think...I think we got more control over ourselves than that." He got up then, and went to the sink to fill his mug with water. "We don't have to keep followin' the same road." He leaned against the little kitchenette counter, sipping the water from the tiny mug and trying to clear his thoughts.
"I'm sorry - you got enough on your mind, without my own burdens." He sighed. "It's just...hard. Somedays. Hard to remember why we bother to get up t' greet the day." This conversation - it reminded him of his time imprisoned. The visions, the lies, the uncertainty. Their everything - their survival - had depended on things outside their control. It was always so, wasn't it?
I say, 'You are gods; you are all children of the Most High.
For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
"Can't keep askin' questions we can't answer," he muttered into his mug. "We just gotta keep going with what we have. We got to believe in what we know to be true." He smiled then, and it was bittersweet. "I guess that's why they call it 'faith', yeah?"
He crossed the small room to take his seat back beside Jerry, clutching the mug like a lifeline.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 2:25 pm
Jerry said nothing, simply staring at his guitar contorted through the amber liquid in the bottle, his brows furrowed. He wasn't even close to thirty yet, but he felt old. Ancient.
"Maybe that's why they recruit young, usually." He said quietly. "Easier for kids to adapt."
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 4:45 pm
"Maybe," he allowed. "'Could also be the weapons, you know; closer to them in age. Maybe easier to bond. Who knows. Certainly seems more cruel, to drag 'em in so young." Wash thought about what Sasha had said- about being able to finally live her life.
"What would you have done, had you not come here?" He stared into the distance, at nothing in particular.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 5:33 pm
Jerry continued staring for some time before finally reaching forward to concentrate on pouring himself a couple fingers of whatever it was he had taken from H's office. His stomach didn't want any more, but his brain did. He settled for holding it. "I was going to be a music teacher. I think I messed that up pretty badly. Arrested, I guess. At best I might have managed janitor and done lessons on the side." Or worse. He had been in a bad state when they had recruited him. He had thought it would be a fresh start. To be himself. To be the person he wanted to be, he felt he was.
Apparently the person he had wanted to be wasn't quite compatible with their line of work. "And... you were in construction, right?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:52 pm
Oh, yeah. He remembered that now. That Jerry had been a teacher, things hadn't worked out. That was unfortunate; he felt the man would have been a good teacher. He was...kind. Supportive.
"Yeah, but - I never looked at it that way, after Daniel -" it was hard, saying his name out loud, and he had to stop a moment to find his voice. "After he was born... I dunno. I guess I saw myself as a father, more than anythin' else."
He leaned forward, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:55 pm
"God's greatest gift is the ability to adapt." Jerry mumbled quietly, "Evolve." He set the glass down on the coffee table again before finally slipping from the couch to half crawl, half drag himself to lean against the wall beside his guitar, staring at it and it's dimly glowing cracks blearily. "The question is what sort of man do I evolve into."
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:00 pm
As the couch shifted, he looked up, watching the man move.
"I dunno if it's really evolvin- so much as...learnin', about yourself, yeah? Lettin' go, moving on. Acceptin' things as they are." He rubbed his temples, suddenly tired.
"What kinna man do you wanna be, Jerry?" It was an odd question.
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:32 pm
Jerry set his jaw, gently running his fingers along the strings of the instrument without making a sound save for a soft acoustic hum.
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:23 am
Wash waited, and listened, and let himself sink into memories and thoughts of things that would never be.
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:25 am
"I don't know," Jerry murmured quietly, pulling the guitar into his lap to fiddle with the strings for a moment, checking the tune. His fingers drifted over them, pulling out quiet, faint notes that echoed in the barely furnished room.
At the very least, the place had decent acoustics. At least with no carpet or shelves to dampen the sound.
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 7:54 am
"I think you'll find you have a hard time bein' a better man than you already are." Wash gave him a weary, but genuine smile.
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 11:33 am
To that, Jerry gave a bitter, short laugh and a discord on his guitar. "You mean a joke? A welcome mat for walking all over? Someone no one in their right mind would take orders from nor listen to?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 3:50 pm
Wash tried again, frowning slightly. "C'mon, Jerry... You can't let 'em get to you, like that. You're smart, talented, got a hell of a weapon. It ain't always your fault. Sometimes, the shoe is on the other foot, y'know?"
"You gotta love yourself, man. Ain't nobody can do that for you."
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