(Almost Lover)
After hours of laying in her bed, staring solemnly into the darkness at her side, Dove shifted to sit in her bed, pressing her forehead against the blanket draped over her knees. The moonlight stared in at her through the window, unashamed to be watching such a scene, though the frost on her window did it’s best to shield her from it’s view. She breathed in, then out slowly, fighting her mind’s ability to run constantly down paths she knew it would do better to forget.
She continued to force herself to stay numb, refusing her emotions as they struggled to take hold. Honest feeling had gotten her in trouble far too many times, she thought, and she would do best to restrain it. No one cared about her struggles anymore, and as bad as she was at making friends, she at least knew better now than to burden people with her troubles. There were few left to trust, anyway, she knew, and she no longer had the hope to try to fit in with the group she knew.
Work was easy enough, for now, and her heavy routine had barely been broken. She continued to build on what she had learned, both physically and mentally, in multiple areas, determined to stay busy--busy enough to keep herself from reminiscing and regret. After stepping out on a shaky limb and returning to what she knew best, she had found at least one or two agents to work with her, both with hopes the work would pay for itself. At least she wouldn’t be self promoting, though, oddly enough, she missed her overbearing, schmoozing first agent. It wasn’t bad work--in fact, she was pleased with how well they had taken to her. She supposed she shouldn’t be so surprised… her resume had been strong, after all, and her portfolio was literally worth millions. The locations were beautiful, and she embraced travel as always, hoping to let new experiences take her mind off of things.
And yet, it wasn’t satisfying in the slightest, and barely did anything to relieve the clamp in her chest.
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Silently, she moved her legs from the bed, pushing herself out from below the blankets and pressing her feet to the cold carpet of her bedroom, her palms pressing into the mattress and her fingers smoothing over the sheets. A few minutes she sat that way, staring at her knees and refusing to feel anything, too tired and too downcast to care, but unable to drift into the peace of sleep. Her bed was too cold and unwelcoming, just as she imagined the world outside would be should she try again tomorrow.
Just as all the other nights, this one proved no different, and as she lifted her head, finally, her mind began to creep toward memories that begged to remind her how weak she could be, things she desperately feared would drive her mad. Her room was as it always was, aside from the disorganized array of clothing and papers that scattered the floor. Her breathing came in deep, heavy pulls.
She stood, then, her head almost swimming, reminding her she should have eaten, despite the lack of appetite. The apartment stayed still as ever, emptiness permeating the space she had called her home.
Her hand moved to the wall as she stepped through the dark to help her with her balance, though she paused in front of the mirror, betraying her false self-esteem. Her mask shattered when she was alone.
A stuffed, sequined wailord watched her from the chair in the corner of her room. Her phone lay facedown, unusable and as abandoned as she felt.
She closed her eyes a long moment, then lifted them to her own face, forcing herself to confront the woman in front of her.
Her eyes stilled on the mirror, a motion she quickly realized was a grave mistake as her mind brought back the voice she had been longing for, so vividly that she nearly turned around to look for the source.
“You deserve better than that…”
“Scared…? You don’t have to be…”
“...We look good together, huh?”
“...what a selfish little girl…”
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Her knees began to give, and she leaned forward, gripping the edge of her mirror with one hand, the other covering her face as she buried it into her palm, the silence of the the room unrelenting even as sobs wracked her body and the tears overflowed. The woman fought the sound, though the motion was impossible to restrain as she buckled. Everything hurt. Every memory, every touch, everything.
It had to end.
-----------------------------------
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
After hours of laying in her bed, staring solemnly into the darkness at her side, Dove shifted to sit in her bed, pressing her forehead against the blanket draped over her knees. The moonlight stared in at her through the window, unashamed to be watching such a scene, though the frost on her window did it’s best to shield her from it’s view. She breathed in, then out slowly, fighting her mind’s ability to run constantly down paths she knew it would do better to forget.
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
She continued to force herself to stay numb, refusing her emotions as they struggled to take hold. Honest feeling had gotten her in trouble far too many times, she thought, and she would do best to restrain it. No one cared about her struggles anymore, and as bad as she was at making friends, she at least knew better now than to burden people with her troubles. There were few left to trust, anyway, she knew, and she no longer had the hope to try to fit in with the group she knew.
Work was easy enough, for now, and her heavy routine had barely been broken. She continued to build on what she had learned, both physically and mentally, in multiple areas, determined to stay busy--busy enough to keep herself from reminiscing and regret. After stepping out on a shaky limb and returning to what she knew best, she had found at least one or two agents to work with her, both with hopes the work would pay for itself. At least she wouldn’t be self promoting, though, oddly enough, she missed her overbearing, schmoozing first agent. It wasn’t bad work--in fact, she was pleased with how well they had taken to her. She supposed she shouldn’t be so surprised… her resume had been strong, after all, and her portfolio was literally worth millions. The locations were beautiful, and she embraced travel as always, hoping to let new experiences take her mind off of things.
And yet, it wasn’t satisfying in the slightest, and barely did anything to relieve the clamp in her chest.
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Silently, she moved her legs from the bed, pushing herself out from below the blankets and pressing her feet to the cold carpet of her bedroom, her palms pressing into the mattress and her fingers smoothing over the sheets. A few minutes she sat that way, staring at her knees and refusing to feel anything, too tired and too downcast to care, but unable to drift into the peace of sleep. Her bed was too cold and unwelcoming, just as she imagined the world outside would be should she try again tomorrow.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Just as all the other nights, this one proved no different, and as she lifted her head, finally, her mind began to creep toward memories that begged to remind her how weak she could be, things she desperately feared would drive her mad. Her room was as it always was, aside from the disorganized array of clothing and papers that scattered the floor. Her breathing came in deep, heavy pulls.
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
You took my hand and danced with me
She stood, then, her head almost swimming, reminding her she should have eaten, despite the lack of appetite. The apartment stayed still as ever, emptiness permeating the space she had called her home.
Images
Her hand moved to the wall as she stepped through the dark to help her with her balance, though she paused in front of the mirror, betraying her false self-esteem. Her mask shattered when she was alone.
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no
A stuffed, sequined wailord watched her from the chair in the corner of her room. Her phone lay facedown, unusable and as abandoned as she felt.
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
I thought you'd want the same for me
She closed her eyes a long moment, then lifted them to her own face, forcing herself to confront the woman in front of her.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Her eyes stilled on the mirror, a motion she quickly realized was a grave mistake as her mind brought back the voice she had been longing for, so vividly that she nearly turned around to look for the source.
“You deserve better than that…”
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot drive the streets at night
“Scared…? You don’t have to be…”
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
Without you on my mind
“...We look good together, huh?”
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
And I bet you are just fine
“...what a selfish little girl…”
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Her knees began to give, and she leaned forward, gripping the edge of her mirror with one hand, the other covering her face as she buried it into her palm, the silence of the the room unrelenting even as sobs wracked her body and the tears overflowed. The woman fought the sound, though the motion was impossible to restrain as she buckled. Everything hurt. Every memory, every touch, everything.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
It had to end.
