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Bilious rolled 1 8-sided dice:
3
Total: 3 (1-8)
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 Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 2:25 pm
"Who says I'm not fighting back?" Jerry scribbled that last comment down and had just enough time to circle it before the charge came.
He was sent hurtling back, bed frames erupting in splinters of wood and metal as he crashed down on the far side of room with a groan, groping for his glasses and fallen notebook. "I am actively trying to pull myself together, Rep," He wheezed, "My... flakiness... hasn't endangered anyone in a long time. Can the same be said about your temper?"
He coughed, using a broken piece of bed frame to once again haul himself upright once he found the colorful blur of notebook and found his glasses tangled in his jacket.
"The truth of the matter is, I could kill you if I wanted to. You think i'm not Sunly to refuse to fight you? Are you saying you're a monster that needs to be stopped, Rep?"
He found the pen as well his hand writing shaking a little as his blood rushed frantically.
HP: 32/50
Defense: 3
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Baneful rolled 2 8-sided dice:
7, 3
Total: 10 (2-16)
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 2:40 pm
"I'm saying its a ******** matter of HONOUR. You are willing to talk s**t, call me an idiot and then when I pick up the ******** challenge you laid down you go all SHRINK on me." he hauled Tracey out of the mangled remains of the bed frame, his own grip shaking but with the raw adrenaline that seared through his veins.
He shot Jerry an icy glare, frustrated that despite his greatest effort, he hadn't managed to get a reaction out of the other man. He wanted to scream, he wanted to destroy everything. There was no greater slight than to be ignored, to be dismissed and medicated.
"Your ******** FLAKINESS." he snarled "Has endangered everyone because no one can ******** trust you to be stable. No one can ******** trust you to do your job without making an arse of it. My ******** temper doesn't bleed over into missions where people do their job. I CARE about Sun. Its not just your ******** division. To some of us its everything, and people like you who don't take anything seriously at all yet STILL somehow do BETTER at EVERYTHING, are a ******** insult."
He laughed weakly, shaking his head, almost exhausted by emotions but not about to give up until he couldn't swing any longer.
"And if you won't fight me here. I am going to do everything in my power to make you fight me elsewhere. I am going to ******** sabotage everything you hold dear until you meet me on my ******** terms. Until you stop trying to ******** LOOK DOWN ON ME with the ******** PROFESSOR COLLINS act, and put your money where your mouth is."
He lashed out again, slower than before, hissing. "If I need to be a monster, I'll ******** be one."
HP: 40
DMG: 4
CHG: 1/3 1/2
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Bilious rolled 2 10-sided dice:
1, 9
Total: 10 (2-20)
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 2:43 pm
Jerry drew in a short breath. Don't let him get to you don't let him get to you... his hand brushed against his cane that had been sent flying across the room with the barrage of attacks.
He gripped it tightly before hurling it directly at the man's head.
"I don't want to kill you, Rep. I think you'd be a good guy if you just chilled out. You really don't want to fight me. Especially not here."
HP: 31/50
Damage: 4
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Baneful rolled 2 8-sided dice:
5, 4
Total: 9 (2-16)
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:01 pm
The cane rebounded off his head with a yelp of surprise. Well. It was a ******** start he guessed, as the stars cleared from his vision.
"I do want to ******** fight you. Were the attempts to cut you into tiny ******** cubes not enough? And you say kill me, like you could ******** kill me." his voice smoothed out from the ragged furious tone from before. "Suns FIGHT. Its what we ******** do. "
He angrily swiped at a nearby mattress. "There's more to you than the ******** stupid geek act. There's the guy I fought in the bathroom. I WANT TO FIGHT THAT GUY." Maybe that guy he could deal with deferring to, but Jerry, especially Jerry acting like a life tech coward he couldn't deal with.
Picking up the cane from the floor, he lobbed it right back at him. "So keep your ******** patronising "you could be a good guy" bullshit"
HP: 36
DMG: 3
CHARGE: 2/3 1/2
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Bilious rolled 1 8-sided dice:
5
Total: 5 (1-8)
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:12 pm
Jerry laughed as the cane hit him, and he fumbled to catch it. "Why do you do it, Rep?" He straightened his glasses, righting the cane to lean on it with a sigh. "You may have crippled me because you can't take bottle your anger. But I'm not holding it against you. I know what it's like, feeling out of control. A sun is useless if it's not in control. Super Novas just engulf everything, destroy everything. We fight to preserve life, human life."
He straightened and braced himself. "I'm not going to fight you, Rep. Not the way you want me to. Hospitalize me if it'll make you feel better."
HP: 29/50
Defense: 5
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:24 pm
"I didn't ******** CRIPPLE YOU." he snarled, a sort of panic almost edging through for just a moment. Like a kid protesting their innocence. "I didn't do any of that. It was your own ******** WEAKNESS that did that." Just like hers did. "DONT TRY AND BLAME ME."
"You don't know half of what it ******** means to be me so don't ******** pretend you do." He was on the defensive, he didn't even notice he took a step back from Jerry. "And I'm completely in control, it just so ******** happens that I hate it when other people aren't. Like YOU."
At the resigned statement that he could hospitalise him without retort, it made him tense up. "It would. Oh it ******** would. I'd feel so much ******** better with you under my heel." Destroy what was different, that had been the way before the island, it would probably work here too. And Jerry was different, fundamentally so. He was getting to him too much, breaking his focus, making the adrenaline ebb back to raw exposed emotion. He hated it.
"Why can't you just fight me?" he almost pleaded. "I AM ******** good enough."
HP: 36
CHARGE: 2/3 1/2
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:36 pm
"You're right. The horseman you enraged with your temper did. Because you don't know how to work as a team. Part of being a sun is camaraderie. Narkima." He was trying, Allan-taichou, he was trying. "Work with a moon. Work with eachother, crush the enemy as a unit. A Lifer will make sure we're bandaged up. A Deather will make sure the coast is clear. A Moon will make sure the way is safe, a Mist makes sure everyone is covered, and a Sun will bring forth the offensive blow. A collected, articulate machine." Jerry took a limping step forward, winded a bit from their fight, he didn't mean to emphasize the limp.
"Well? Where's the blow? You clearly don't know what it means to be me or you would put me out of my... my <********> misery already."
Another limping step towards Rep, his expression calm, if a bit sad. "You think all it takes to be a man is the ability to hurt someone? You think that's what makes a man?"
Hp: 29/50
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Baneful rolled 2 8-sided dice:
3, 7
Total: 10 (2-16)
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 3:50 pm
"That horseman would have attacked people anyway." he replied defensively. "He..he like.. he was.. he was attacking me the whole time. It w..wasn't WASN'T MY ******** FAULT OKAY." he clenched his fists, distracted from fighting by just defending his corner.
"And you think I don't ******** know that I need to work as part of a team? You think I've not learned that by now? I came through the ******** nightmare before the same as you, cleared the ******** monsters same as you. But you know what? The machine only works if all the parts are ******** functional." And he wasn't. He couldn't pull half the weight he needed to to match the efforts of everyone else. "I ******** try to like people, but I'm sick of it. I'm sick of trying to be decent and then people taking it as a ******** chance to go for the throat. I need ******** blackmail just to stay on top of the heap, on top of all the ******** conniving bastards who seem all nice and loved and popular but have claws deep down. "
He smirked. "Because maybe I AM a ******** idiot. But I'm an idiot who is aware of that fact and will do what I ******** have to to compensate."
He hesitated for just a moment at Jerry's comment about being put out of misery and felt for a very disorientating instant that he was looking at himself. Why else did he want the ******** idiot to fight back?.
He swung in the end though. Almost sad that that was the only option he was left with.
"Aye. It is."
It was all he knew.
HP: 36
DMG: 4
CHARGE: 3/3 1/2
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Bilious rolled 1 8-sided dice:
5
Total: 5 (1-8)
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:00 pm
He managed to side step, and for a moment, he wondered if this was a mistake, if he was suicidal.
No. Beating rep with brute force would just put them back to square one again. "And you think beating me up will make you more part of a team?" He gave a short laugh, "You think I'm popular? Rep, I'm sure everyone here thinks I'm a useless piece of poop. But you know what? They still respect me. They respect my coping mechanisms. They respect what I can do. And I respect them. You think people will respect you for embracing your failings and not do anything about it? You can't change other people, Rep. You can only change yourself."
Again, he hobbled forward, closing the distance between them.
"A sign of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
HP: 29/50
Defense: 5
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Baneful rolled 7 4-sided dice:
1, 1, 4, 4, 2, 1, 4
Total: 17 (7-28)
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:16 pm
He could feel the distant thrum of a charge again, the power intoxicating as always, addictive. Like alcohol almost but without the memory cost, without the come down, just the buzz, just the buzz forever.
"Nothing will make me more part of the island's ******** team." He had two people he could really trust. Two. Even Rin who once he felt like he could confide in regardless, he no longer understood. "You are a ********, but you are a POWERFUL ********." he snarled. "They respect you because you are USEFUL. If they point you at something, you'll kill it, they can deal with your ******** issues in the meanwhile."
He laughed coldly "You say that I can only change myself like I haven't ******** TRIED. You have no ******** idea how much has changed for me since I got here, no ******** idea. And its still not enough. Its a treadmill and I'm ******** falling behind because I'm just not good enough."
"I'm not you, I'm not ******** useful. I don't "get the job done", every mission I've ever been on I've ******** up. I can't even hit things. I'm not even good enough to fight your ******** weapon apparently. I've been told I'm on my last last ******** warning before they ******** kill me off. And despite it all, despite having s**t I need to survive for, I keep d..doing.. like.."
He looked around gesturing almost wildly at the wrecked bunks. "s**t LIKE THIS."
Fear for a moment overcame the anger, at the idea of people's response when they saw he'd lost it again. After swearing he could fix it, he could keep it in check. It was so intense, it put him in real danger of letting his emotions sneak through, of breaking that front of anger, that defensive smirk he was fighting to maintain. He grabbed for anything to divert it, to distract from it.
He found violence like an old friend. But he didn't hit Jerry this time, even as close as he was, just wrecking more of the bunks with an angry diverted swipe to keep back the ridiculous weaknesses.
"Then." A slash. "maybe I'm" a twist of the hook against wood "******** crazy."
He spun on his heel to face Jerry again "Because the same s**t is all I know."
HP: 36
DMG: MISS
CHARGE: SPENT
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Bilious rolled 1 20-sided dice:
20
Total: 20 (1-20)
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:32 pm
Jerry didn't move, didn't flinch as the debris fell around them, the dust settling from the wreckage and mayhem Rep's anger had ripped forth from the room. "I've changed a lot too, Rep." He said softly. "More than I think you realize. More than I think you care about. You won't get hurt from letting people in. Letting them help you. It seems to me you have a good team of people behind you, wanting to help you. Friends where you're blind to it." He gently removed his glasses to give them a wipe with the soft sleeve of his jacket, "We're a lot a like. Different, definitely," He laughed weakly, "But fundamentally the same. You aren't alone, Rep. And you don't need to be afraid.
"If crushing other people's spirits is the only way you know how to make yourself feel better, then you do what you need to do, Rep. But if you really do want to become a better person, a better soldier. A better sun brother, you'll give Sasha back her flute, and find a more productive outlet for that rage, and be amazed at how impressed people will be. Maybe being able to concentrate on what's important, you'll be able to hit those targets."
He put his glasses back on before turning to leave, cane in hand and notebook under his arm, stopping only to pick up his belongings he had set aside during their conversation.
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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:49 pm
He wanted to argue. Wanted to try and hit him again, but he knew it was futile, he couldn't hit anything half as hard as his feelings warranted, he couldn't get that outlet he used to thrive on pre-island. There was just a hollow unsatisfied emptiness in him. Lectures irritated him, left him feeling patronised. As much as he wanted to heed Jerry's words, there was that counter current of resentment. He hadn't fought him. He hadn't earned the right to tell him what to do. He had talked the talk but hadn't walked the all important walk.
Rep didn't try to stop him as he left, just watched him blankly.
He was left with that bottomless terror as the anger ebbed away, in a room full of more wrecked furniture, with nothing to show for it other than the feeling that once again he'd lost. Afforded too much credit if Jerry thought he'd return the flute and somehow change.
Always second place.
He stood for a while in the oppressive silence of the once noisy bunk room, at a loss for what to do, before picking up his cast aside things and slinking back up to the surface. He was disappointed, in himself and even trying to convince himself it was Jerry's fault wouldn't shake it.
He stood in the far too cheery sunlight and sighed, there were still times he wished he had a room of his own.
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