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 Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 6:47 pm
T'rel sighed. He studied T'nus for a long moment, before rolling his eyes. "You're under observation," he mimicked T'nus' tone easily. It was something he did with the children in the Weyr's creche. Having more freedom than he had had as Weyrleader, he spent his free time with them. "I'm supposed to report irrtability and behavioral changes, and you've displayed both. Observe the wild T'nus in his natural habitat. See how he sits, watching his prey." He winked to let the older man know he was teasing. "Will his prey escape his fearsome gaze tonight?"
"My firelizards hum along with me when I play," he added, moving back to one of their previous topics. "It's a pleasant sound, most of the time, if I play lower chords. They raise their pitch when I do, but otherwise, it has a nice harmony." He paused, and grinned. Another memory had come to his mind. "When I was a candidate and first Impressed Harper, he wouldn't sing on tune," he said. "I tried everything! I thought I'd need to train him properly. He fooled me." He smirked. "He knew exactly what he was doing. He was doing it because it upset me." He started to string his guitar, unattaching each string carefully.
"How do you feel about being Wingleader?" he asked.
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 8:22 pm
T'nus rolled his eyes. There he went again, acting like a child from the Lower Caverns. T'nus put his chin on his hands and ignored his baiting. "Hmm.." he mumbled in a vague noise of clearly faked interest. In truth, music in general never interested him much. Especially not those with the same tiresome subjects they always chose to write about in songs. He was a terrible student in his youth. He never saw how repetition and memorization could amount to anything useful. He preferred learning of his own accord. Being forced through lessons was one of the worst experiences of his childhood, and it had left him with an irrational dislike of harpers. Although he supposed, looking back, that he was grateful for it.
T'nus lifted his head a little surprised at T'rel's sudden question. "Being a wingleader?" he asked him. He shrugged. "What do you mean, how do I feel about it?" he asked, defensively. He felt like T'rel was trying to argue with him. His history as a wingleader was one of the things he felt he often had to defend.
T'nus was not exactly the most traditional of wingleaders, running drills and dolling out assignments as expected. He tried to innovate his wing, balancing efficiency and excellence, cohesiveness and individuality. He ran separate practises, trying out new formations, new methods. After all, he'd been a wingleader (in a manner) since he was a weyrling. No one ever taught him how to do it. He built his wing from the ground up, through experience, and considered himself more of a peer to his riders than a superior.
Of course, that was back when it was alright for a wing to be a think-tank rather than a fighting-unit. When it didn't matter if you got something right the first time, you had a lot more freedom to try new things. Now time was too often in short supply. Things couldn't always be done the best way, they just had to be done the best way possible. And that bothered him (perfectionist as he was), but he got over it.
To T'rel, he shrugged, and answered slightly hostilely. "It's a job, I do my best at it. What more is there to say?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:48 pm
T'rel had been raised in the Harperhall from infancy after his mother, Antara, had died a sevenday after his birth due to infection. He'd taken an interest in music early in life--and had continued to learn from the Hall until he had been Searched at fifteen turns old. He noticed T'nus' lack of interest, and sighed. He had hoped to be able to connect with the older man over the time they were forced to work together; but so far it seemed his attempts were in vain. Perhaps T'nus simply had no desire for them to relate to one another.
Brilliant. T'nus had reacted just as T'rel had hoped he would. The former harper genuinely respected the man; but T'nus wanted to stay up all night. It was time to twist some words, cause a little tension--perhaps then the older bronzerider would decide to sleep. "No need to be so grouchy, T'nus! I'm trying to find a topic you can contribute to. I mean just what I said. How do you feel about it? Do you feel you're protecting your wingriders, or guiding them? Or both? Do you feel you're a good Wingleader? And why?"
T'rel too, had been a natural wingleader. He had the ability to make everyone feel like they were his equal; even as Weyrleader, he'd been like that. He had often sat with the candidates, just talking to them. He was helpful, and guided his wing in every way he could. He wasn't a perfectionist; he preferred guiding them, rather than exherting control. He was especially talented at formations and placing indivual dragonriders where they would be most needed in the Wing.
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Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:45 pm
'No need to be grouchy' he said. If T'rel hadn't been so dim as to let a child get the jump on him, there would be no need at all! But since he had, T'nus was obligated to remain so all night. "Well, obviously you ought to be protecting them!" he said, rolling his eyes. "Shells, what kind of wingleader are you if you can't do that. You-" T'nus stopped. Why was he even bothering to argue, he didn't care what T'rel thought? He didn't have to justify this to him.
For Faranth's sake, this was exactly why he didn't like harpers. "I'm not going to argue this with you. If this is a 'conversation', as you say, perhaps you could actually contribute something to it?" he snapped back. "Enlighten me, what is your opinion on the matter?"
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Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:55 pm
T'rel was startled at T'nus' seemingly hostile attitude to the topic. His brown eyes widened in surprise. "Of course," he agreed. "Protecting your wing is one of the most important duties. I believe, however, that it is both. Guiding and protecting. You have to know how to lead, to be able to protect them." He paused, and then added, "It was a simple question, T'nus. I didn't mean to offend you, or anything."
Maybe they would need to change the subject. "I wasn't arguing, either. I simply asked a question. It's an average question, at that. You would not believe the many times I was asked what being a Weyrleader was like. How it felt. How I felt about my duties." Why was it that each time T'rel decided to help T'nus, or even be friendly with the older bronzerider, it backfired?
"You come up with a topic, then. You don't seem to like mine, much."
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Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:04 pm
T'nus was curious too; why was it everything T'rel said seemed more like an attack than a question? He felt like the harper was constantly leading him into a trap. He'd think he was only defending himself, and yet somehow, he ended up the aggressor. And he couldn't tell if it was accidental or insidious.
Either way, T'nus was sick of this badgering and word twisting. He didn't yell, but spoke firmly. "That's enough. You can stop pretending to be friendly. You may have the weyrleader and everyone else convinced it's the other way around, but let's get this straight. I'm not the one with the problem here. You've hated me from the moment I got here. I don't know if it's because you're arrogant or jealous, but we came here with every intention of helping you and you met us with hostility every step of the way."
T'nus held his hands up in exasperation and puzzlement. "Why did you even ask for our help, when you clearly never wanted it? Were you just mocking us, trying to see how many riders we would send when we barely had enough to fill our wings ourselves?"
"I may not have a harper's silver tongue, but I know people. And I know you don't like me. So will you stop this constant charade, because it's messing with my head."
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Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 9:08 pm
T'rel stared at the older man in disbelief. "What?" he asked, genuinely confused. "Pretending to be friendly?" What was T'nus talking about? T'rel was silent as he thought over the man's words. "Jealous? Arrogant?" He rubbed at his sore forehead, and flinched at the sensation. "I didn't meet you with hostility," he slowly replied. "At least, I never meant to. I tried my best to be pleasant. We were in a crisis. Shards, I was twenty! I didn't know what to do with myself. I had just lost my weyrmate. I asked Fort for aid because we needed it. Half our numbers had been depleted. We were barely surviving."
He hesitated, and then shook his head. "But since the moment I asked about your numbers, you haven't trusted me," he said. "If I seemed unimpressed..." he shrugged, sighing. "I don't know, T'nus. I suppose I was. I didn't know what shape Fort was in. Fort's twice the size of Ista. I foolishly expected more help than what was received. I wasn't mocking the Weyr. I certainly did want it. I might have rather we'd never needed it, but I appreciated it."
He shook his head sadly at the man, wincing as he did so. "Shards, ouch..." he muttered. The movement had caused a great deal of pain. "I like you," he said. "I have trouble relating to people who don't try to be friendly; and you seem to enjoy the company of everyone else in the Weyr. I was raised a harper, yes--but only until I was an apprentice. I was Searched, and brought here. I figure I lost most of my ability in the arriving." He gave the older man a hesitant smile. "I would like to get through that hurdle--if you'd let me. Friends?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 6:37 am
While he appreciated honesty, T'nus could hardly help being angry as T'rel blatantly admitted what he had always suspected. So he was disappointed by them. T'nus strongly believed that friends should never have to hide their feelings, but then his friends wouldn't have felt like that. At least, he didn't think so. You shouldn't have to try to be pleasant. he thought at him bitterly, but held his tongue.
Yet at the next sentence, T'nus didn't know what to say. He liked him? Here he was again, doing things that seemed polar opposites. Admitting his negative opinion in one breath, and then asking to be friends in the next. This was what T'nus found so hard to understand about him. "I don't know, T'rel. I don't know!" he said, uncertainly. "You're asking me to forget two turns of ill-will in a single sentence."
'Friends?' He said it so easily, like it was nothing, like it was expected, deserved. It annoyed him. He opened his mouth to say so, when Azimuth's voice came into his head.
You are not wrong to be angry, Mine, of course. He first soothed. But was it not you who said you would give him a chance?
T'nus sighed. That was him, wasn't it? And what was it Azimuth said, 'when trust is lost, it must be earned back.' That sounded about right.
T'nus took another breath and spoke slowly, the anger gone from his voice. He recognized that about half of what he was as a person was thanks to Azimuth. If people said he was a calm and careful person, it was because Azimuth was there to stop him when he was being rash.
"It's not that easy, T'rel. Before you ask for my friendship, maybe you should try to earn it. I won't drag out old arguments, but you've done things in the past that made me lose my trust in you -no, I don't want to discuss it now-" he said, before T'rel tried to argue. "And yet, since then, you haven't done anything to try and get it back. Perhaps we should start with that."
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 11:01 am
To earn a friendship... T'rel couldn't remember if he'd ever managed to do that. He could relate better to the idea of freely given friendship; the oblivious belief he'd once had, that everyone he met was a friend. He rubbed a hand over his injury, raking his fingers through his hair nervously.
"I'm willing to try," he said, eyes fluttering closed. He mentally convinced himself that he was resting his eyes. That was all. "How do I earn it?" He'd lost T'nus' trust within candlemarks of the man's arrival, T'rel was sure of it. How was he supposed to repair that? It would have been easier if they could have put it all behind them, and started anew. "Do you have certain requirements?" He opened an eye, giving the man a small smile to let him know he was teasing.
"You know," he hesitated, "I don't know where you got the idea I didn't like you. You're a leader, T'nus. I admire that in any rider." He shrugged. "Circumstances gave me rank. Because Zelith flew Rath. I was just out of weyrling lessons. You though--you earned it. I've always respected that."
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 9:20 pm
"Requirements? No. You.." T'nus started to say, until he realized that T'rel was kidding. He rolled his eyes, though not serious himself. "No, there aren't any 'particular requirements'. Usually just the attempt is worth something." he added.
"A leader?" he said, surprised. "I.. I don't.." T'nus paused.
A few turns ago, he wouldn't have considered himself a leader. Sure, he was a wingleader, but that was too much like a group of friends to him for it to require any real leadership. It was more like a team, or a platform for him to try out his mad ideas, and a group of very patient, very indulgent colleagues who would go along with it. He made improvements wherever he could, like in his own wing. He'd never had to lead the masses before, or be the face of a Weyr.
He liked it better that way, when he knew the names and faces of each of his riders, their particular strength and weaknesses, and their individual styles. He was too wrapped up in his own projects to focus on the Weyr as a whole, and although well-liked, for a long time, in his own Weyr, he was considered too much of a radical for any official position. But in these last two turns of working with R'yn, he'd learned a lot. Who knew? Maybe he was leader material after all.
T'nus shrugged. "You're right, I didn't get to where I was because of chance or circumstances. I earned it." he emphasized again. He folded his arms and smiled. "You know, you're not the only who's ever caused a misunderstanding, T'rel. I've done things in the past that made people lose faith in me too. The only difference is, I could never rest until I'd proven to them that their opinion of me was wrong."
He looked up, and noticed the young rider nodding off. And right when he was finally being honest with him too. T'nus frowned, and flicked a pellet of bread at him. "Oy. Stay awake, will you?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 9:58 pm
T'rel frowned, opening his eyes and stretching. He may have been quite cheerful about staying up all night a candlemark ago, but now, the toll of the day had begun to take its toll on his mood. "I tried to," he responded honestly. "I tried to fix it. You never really gave me the chance to." His eyes fluttered shut again, and this time, he made no attempt to open them.
"'Mmm tired," he mumbled a complaint, wrapping his arms around himself. The movement seemed to wake him up a bit, and the blond opened his eyes to study the older rider. "I tried, T'nus. To prove I wasn't a bad guy. I didn't ask for R'yn to have us work together. Every time I suggested he have me work with someone else--because I couldn't relate to you--he said no. He said we were the best. He always acts like we're the only two that could manage it."
T'rel sighed, shaking his head. "His confidence in me aside... I've doubted my ability since Thread returned to Pern."
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 8:08 pm
Here he was talking, and T'rel was already falling half asleep again. And he said he could keep himself up. Ha! T'nus knew better. Why else would he suffer through a whole night of this? "Hey." he kicked T'rel's chair from under the table. "Awake, remember?"
"Try? When did you try, you didn't even apologize. You only just admitted it now!" T'nus shook his head, interrupting himself. "Well, it doesn't matter now." he said, waving his hand. He wasn't one to get caught up in the should haves or would haves. What mattered was from now on. "I can't promise you much. But I can promise I'll give you a chance. From now on, no ill-will. I'll try to see things in a new light."
He paused, and went on philiophically. "The thing about first impressions.. is that they can make you take anything a man says the wrong way." he said, thinking back on some of his supposed incidents with T'rel. "Some times you just have to wait a while and let the matter settle over, then start fresh with a new first impression."
He added, "I know it wasn't you pushing for that. I know that was all R'yn's doing. Honestly, I think we're just two people who don't relate to each other. I wish that didn't bother you so much." Even so, putting work aside, T'nus knew it was important that they got along for other reasons. After all, T'rel and Lavi had formed an unlikely friendship after what must have been the most bizzare reason for two people to bond.
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