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 Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:25 pm
Sasha's eyes widened as Candace walked into the room, first in pleasure at seeing Candace and then in utter and complete embarrassment over her own actions the night before. She could remember much of what had happened, and a red flush immediately took over, spreading across the apples of her cheeks.
Sasha cleared her throat and stared down at the paper, her hair forming dark curtains alongside her face.
"Well.. we're um. W-we're working on f-flyers," she stuttered with a weak laugh. "F-for choir. I uh. I thought .. I think I mentioned it last night?"
She had, right?
"You can join us if you l-like?" Sasha set her jaw and finally peeked up at Candace, then Jerry, then back to the paper she'd been working on. "Here, I can.. I can move to the other side of t-the desk."
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:53 pm
Jerry's chuckles faded as he spotted just who had sauntered into the room. He immediately became entrenched in his work, leaning down as though he was even more near-sighted than he really was. She was offered, at least, a distant, polite, "Hi."
At least until Sasha *invited her to join them*. He looked up, face red and mouth agape in protest before he finally glanced away as though he didn't care either way, "We're getting ready to advertise auditions." Not that you'd be interested, he almost added, but stopped himself.
What was she doing here?? Who's great idea was it to put them both on Pod-Duty at the same time?? Someone who... obviously didn't care enough to pay attention to who wasn't dating who anymore.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:09 am
Ouch. But a 'hi' was better than nothing. It was progress, right? She liked to think so. But Sasha was very interesting with the way she was blushing and stammering her words. Candace raised a brow, stepping close enough to lean over the desk and reach other to brush hair back behind Sasha's ear. "Are you alright, sweetie? You look bothered. And yes, you did. Right after telling me over and over how much you love me." She chuckled, giving Sasha's nose a playful tap before looking Jerry's way. He didn't look so pleased when Sasha invited her to stay.
"That's alright, Sasha. I'm not terribly artistic. Though if you need someone to organize anything I can see if there's anything I can do." Jerry's words shortly after actually surprised her. He was speaking to her! Directly to her! Though it almost sounded as if he wanted to say more, or just not speak to her at all.
Probably both.
Nevertheless Candace smiled encouragingly all the same, walking up to the monitors to give them a quick look and make sure everything was okay. No awakenings were scheduled for today, so it was good that nothing was different. She then pulled up a chair and set her books down in a safe place, randomly selecting one...oh look, the book Jerry had gotten her for Christmas. How perfect. "That's great! I'm glad you're getting somewhere with your choir, seeing how you've been trying to get it off the ground for so long." She said cheerfully, staying calm and pleasant.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:43 am
"Maybe I'm finally not distracted enough to do it," His mouth answered before his brain had a moment to audit.
He tried to cover his utter embarrassment with suave, no-nonsense nonchalance that resulted in a casual selection of a manly green highlighter and popping the cap there of.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:44 am
Jerry's comment was met with a wide-eyed, open mouthed look of shock and hurt from Candace. What...the hell?! No. ******** no. She had been punished enough. This was ridiculous. It had been well over a goddamn month! Jerry's period of 'she deserves it' was over. She should be getting up, snapping at him. She should be angry. She should yell. She should tell him what an a*****e he was being.
She didn't. All she felt was hurt. Did she really want him back if he was just going to be a complete a**? Candace was being nice goddamnit!
Don't cause a scene. Not in front of Sasha. If Jerry wasn't going to be nice she would be the better person and not make snide remar--
"I don't see how I could have been much of a distraction..." She said gently, opening her book to where she was pretty sure she had left off. The bookmark had fallen out, she didn't realize it was from Jerry throwing it. "Not to you, that is. Though not for lack of trying." A shrug, she skimmed over the page to discover that yes this had been around where she left off. She settled comfortably in her chair and fell quiet except for gentle hum of a song that had been stuck in her head. She was going to be good. They could get through this.
Like goddamn adults.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:34 am
Sasha gave a distressed little noise when Candace mentioned the previous night. Her eyes widened and almost crossed at the tap of finger to nose. Candace was just.. she was just so.. so.. everything. Maybe Sasha should walk around tapping noses or kissing cheeks or .. get drunk off booze cake and make a fool out of herself. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.No, she wasn't going to cry - she hoped. Okay. Okay. So it was going to be awkward, she could handle this. She just had to get over her embarrassment first. Now, Sasha wasn't socially wise but she wasn't stupid either - and now having the two of them together without distractions, Sasha could tell that something bad had happened between Candace and Jerry. Maybe Candace had... had... Sasha couldn't think of anything Candace could have done to upset Jerry. Candace had painted Sasha's nails for her, for crying out loud!Clearing her throat loudly, Sasha grew very interested in her crayon selection. "I'm not bothered," she said a little too loudly, meticulously peeling back the paper on a black crayon. "Just.. okay, look, I'm just embarrassed. Like. Y-you know. Last night." There, she'd said it (in a 'please can we not talk about that topic anymore' tone of voice, but she'd said it). She lifted her chin and moved back to stand next to Jerry, black crayon in hand. Sending both Jerry and Candace covert looks through her lashes, Sasha huffed quietly before writing out in flowery script: 'jerry
be nice ok~
please~
do you want me to leave~
sasha' The paper was immediately slipped to Jerry. Sasha Belrose. Superninja.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:07 am
Jerry's nostrils flared, his fists clenching as she retorted, and his mouth opened up to reply but hesitated as the note was slipped in front of him. He drew in a sharp breath, closing his eyes a moment to find his center.
He was getting better. They could deal with this like adults.
Adults playing with crayons.
"Sasha, could you... get a head start on these? I'll... be right back." He stood stiffly, reaching to grab Candace's arm in a vice grip to drag her from the table, "Candace and I need to have a talk."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:50 am
"Sasha, darling, there's really nothing to be embarrassed about." Candace assured her with a smile, meaning every word. "Did you have a good time? That's what last night was about. Letting go and having fun. If you had fun, fu--screw what anyone else thinks. Besides, no one'll make fun of you..except about your underwear. I intend on taking you shopping. I meant it, we're going to Paris. I read back on twitter and Clarice said we could." Sometimes tipsy Candace had very good ideas, and going to Paris for shopping was definitely one of them. She'd never been outside of the states before and the idea that she could just...walk out of a portal and be in the middle of Paris excited her.
Candace watched Sasha quietly for a moment before turning back to her book. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, though." She said gently, letting herself just give all of her attention to this book. She really was enjoying it, Jerry had made a good choice giving it to her. Candace was honestly just content to read her books and sit through this duty even as Jerry seemed to have other ideas. She almost asked where he was going. Almost. It wasn't her business, right? What did it matter to her where he we-- "What the--" Candace squeaked, dropping her book in the chair she had been sitting in as he pulled her up an away from it. What the hell!? He'd never grabbed her like this before! "Wait...like..a real talk?!" She tugged at her arm, looking pleased as ever. They were finally going to talk! Oh thank god ******** finally jesus christ thank you so much he finally grew balls to talk to her with!
Of course it'd be nice if he let up on her arm. Candace followed him, hissing a little and tugging at it. "Jerry, you're hurting me. Let go, I can walk on my own."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:16 pm
The black crayon snapped in Sasha's small hand the instant Candace started in on her about her underpants. Her face, now a horrid shade of almost-purple, wibbled slightly as she fought back tears. She was relieved when Jerry took Candace away - if she'd had to try and come up with something else to say, Sasha would have probably burst into tears.
Talking about underpants in front of Jerry. Good grief.
Nona was crooning softly. Since the whole concussion ordeal, she'd been more comforting than anything - aside from last night, of course.
"Sure, Jerry," Sasha mumbled softly as she rubbed one of her eyes with the heel of her hand. Gathering up a stack of papers and a fistful of crayons, Sasha made herself comfortable on the floor where she promptly got to work.
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:06 pm
Candace had... seen Sasha's under... Jerry's face was crimson as he dragged her away from the table and down the rows of sleepers before finally letting go, his fists still clenched, "What are you playing at. What do you *want*, Candace."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:29 pm
Candace sighed when it became clear Jerry was not going to let her go, following behind him until he finally let her go. She blinked, tilting her head to one side as Jerry asked her a very silly question. "Playing at? I'm not 'playing at' anything. As for what I want I just want to sit, read my book and get through this boring pod duty."
There was a pause as she just watched him. He wasn't playing. Sigh. Jerry was no fun sometimes. She crossed her arms across her chest and tilted her head to one side. "I already told you what I want, Jerry. I don't think you quite understand how disgusted I am with myself for what I did." She frowned. She wouldn't tell him she still went to H. She went to H because he was a comfort. He didn't push her away or yell at her or come up with some stupid excuse to not touch her and make her feel unwanted.
...Did she really want Jerry back? "It's been over a month. Yes, I deserve nasty, snide remarks. Yes, I deserve to be the scum of the earth. Yes, I deserve it all. But you know what? That doesn't mean I'm just going to sit back and take it." She ran her fingers through her own hair a moment, looking frustrated now. She couldn't think of what to say. Candace had no words for him. She just. She couldn't... "I just...you've made it clear you don't...want me. I get it." Her voice seemed to wobble a little as she said that, shaking her head and rubbing her temple. "But it hurts, okay? It hurts when you glare at me, or when you ignore me, or when you say s**t like you're not distracted anymore. "
Candace shifted her weight from foot to foot, rubbing her lips together a moment. They really needed this talk. There were too many loose ends. "I want to just..talk. We need to figure this out, like...we need to work things out like adults. Not children who make faces at each other and call each other fat and ugly."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:37 pm
He listened with an unreadable expression, finally sighing and raking his fingers through his hair, "I don't... think you really understand." He shook his head, fidgeting amongst the pods, "Exactly what... what... you meant to me. What... what you did meant to me. What it did to me. You're right, I am pathetic. They're all right, it probably was a.. a... p-p-pity ********. But. But for months. For months I deluded myself that it *wasn't*, that you really did... you really felt the same way about me that I did about you. I hadn't... Yeah, I'm... I'm inexperienced. And.. And I'm... I'm a bit messed up in the head, sure. But... but what we had? That was... It felt like that was all I had. And suddenly... suddenly it turned out that it wasn't that... wasn't that special. That I wasn't enough. That you needed more. I was just... I was like Atropos. You saw the bigger, shinier weapon and you just had to get your hands on it. So what. I forgive you? We move on? We go back to how things were? Only this time I'll have... I'll have yet another fear to add to my growing heap. Every time you look somewhere else, I'll be wondering. Every time you talk to someone else, I'll be left worrying. And I know I... I don't have much going for me. I know I was lucky to have you while I did. B-but... but that doesn't mean... that doesn't mean I'll allow myself to... to.. to be used. I'm terrified of ENOUGH in my life."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:05 pm
She opened her mouth to protest when Jerry claimed she didn't know what she meant to him, because she did know. She was scum, she was filth, she was a whore who didn't appreciate what she'd had. She was as bad as her disgusting mother! "Waaaaait wait wait. Pity ********? Who the hell said I gave you a pity ********>? I don't do pity ********> What the hell got that into his head!? She...what?! Was someone talking about her or something? The ******** was this?! "Wha--Jerry what is..what?!" That was what he thought?! Seriously!? Okay, he had a point with the Atropos thing. H was something big and shiny that she had wanted to get her hands on and she had really liked it, but to think he wasn't special to her? To think that for one minute she didn't...
Ugh.
She was so ******** moment Jerry said forgive her Candace shook her head. "No, sweetie. No. I won't ask for your forgiveness unless I deserve it. I don't want that. I don't want you to just pretend it didn't happen, to pretend like...what I did was okay. I had to live with a man who did that once already, and it tore him up inside every time he saw my mother walk out the door and know exactly where she was going. I swore I'd never do that...but..I won't lie..I'm glad you're angry. I'm happy you're upset. I want you to be, because you should be. I'd be angry if you just let it go without talking it through, without giving effort, without fighting for it."
He really needed to stop talking about himself like that. Candace frowned. "The inexperience...you were getting better! I mean it! You were getting there. Just...you always made me feel like you didn't want me. I would try and get you to just..touch me and you would act like what I was doing was painful for you or something. How the hell do you think I'm going to feel when my own boyfriend doesn't seem to want to do anything with or to me? When he makes me feel guilty for how I am? For the things I want to do? When I try to ******** help him and it doesn't seem to do anything but make things worse? When he yells at me for accidentally triggering one of his phobias without meaning to? When he ******** lies to me and hides something so unhealthy for him and flips out when I try to do something to make him stop?" She rubbed an eye with the heel of her hand, looking Sasha's way and lowering her voice. It had begun to raise, she needed to keep the poor girl from having to hear this.
"Jerry, I do love you. Despite all of that I...I had a sweet, thoughtful, loving man who would bend over backwards to try and make me happy and I ******** that up. I know I ******** up something good. But even Atropos gave me a chance to redeem myself, and our relationship now is stronger than ever. But that situation was different." Candace shook her head, tangling her fingers in her hair again. "I want to things to be right again. I want just...a chance, or for you to tell me a flat out no." She reached out for him but thought better of it, bringing her hand back as if he was hot to the touch. Candace wanted to pace, but she stayed still except for shifting her weight from one foot to the other in a gentle, uncomfortable sway. He was assuming so much about her. He was assuming she didn't feel the way she said she did... "Even if things aren't the same as they were before, I just...I want to be able to look at you and not feel like my chest is going to collapse on itself."
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:09 pm
Sasha got through maybe three fliers before she scooted over to the wall and started drawing a large-scale landscape on it. Was she eavesdropping?
Not on purpose. She couldn't help it though.
Happy little tree.
I don't think you quite understand how disgusted I am with myself for what I did.
A smiling little pond.
You're right, I am pathetic. They're all right, it probably was a.. a... p-p-pity ******** she should leave.
Just...you always made me feel like you didn't want me.
She could probably slip away unnoticed, right?
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Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:41 pm
"I don't know, Candace. I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to do. I don't know... how we're supposed to... to... to work through something like this. My grandparents never did anything like this. I didn't know my parents. I don't know how things were for them. I just know how many girls said *no*, how many girls stood me up, how many girls thought I was... a nerdy little... " He shook his head. "I've never... had to... My life's always been... clean cut. Simple. I liked keeping it simple. It was... easier to deal with. To manage. I get light headed when it's too... too... over whelming. I just. I don't know what I want anymore. I want to just... feel like how I felt. Before. Even when it was scary, even when I had my... my moments. I liked it. I did. You made me want to do better. To be better. But. But it wasn't enough. If I continued to... to try to be better. For you. Would it be enough? Or am I going to turn around and you're banging Harrison or Robert or... or... the... the stupid little Unicorn? What am I supposed to do, Candace? How am I SUPPOSED to react? How am I SUPPOSED to feel about this?"
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