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Interesting Conversationalist
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 Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 8:50 am
The response came promptly.
Nio Love To: Caelius From: Petra NO I DID NOT "BANG" HIM. ... I hope.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 4:22 pm
Nine-o'clock arrived with a rather loud BANG, ironically, having nothing to do with Petra's rendition of what Caelius and her may or may not have been doing this morning, as 'Robert' slammed the door open.
A Robert that was, who, was wearing his shirt tucked in, pants tied clinically with a belt, coat and scarf donned neatly, and hair parted in an equally meticulous fashion to one side. He managed to get as far as two steps in before it looked like he was going to flip the round table that had somehow disappeared from his office overnight. No, instead there was a desk. A simple desk. And a swivel chair. Why the ******** was there just a desk and swivel chair. This was slightly more distressing than the fact that Robert was not even bothering to keep up pretenses and not even ******** wearing his ******** Division coat.
The door slammed equally angry behind him as he took a second to bolt the door behind him. Securely.
"Robert." Caelius began, which, if anyone was watching, would probably consider this a sign of insanity or extreme loneliness as the person who looked exactly like Robert and spoke exactly in Robert's voice, though the tone was notably lower and very strained, something the Life Trainee probably could not even replicate if he tried, "Where is my ******** table."
Priorities, of course.
Unfortunately for Robert, he had no way of knowing that earlier, Allan and Simon had run around all the rooms playing Bankai hide and seek and had pretty much destroyed the table that Caelius was currently Very Upset about being missing, and decided, as an act of kindness and sincerity, to replace all the furniture in the room instead, thus desk and swivel chair.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 6:21 pm
Oh, look. Daddy's home.
Robert looked distressingly bored as he sat there, one hand holding his head, while the other tapped his fingers. He had thought people were going to come in and out, ask him to sign things, call him, ask him for orders, etc. And all he'd gotten was a text in some language he couldn't even read.
Being Caelius was BOOOOORRIIIINGGGGGGG.
When 'Robert' walked in the door, however, his boring morning was over. Just the mere sight of seeing himself walking in the door was jarring enough - but to see him dressed like he was going on a job interview, with all his hair slicked back all oily and gross, made him want to gag and laugh at the same time. Even with a sexy body like Robert's, Caelius ended up looking like a p***k. Which meant ROBERT was walking around looking like a p***k.
He was very disappointed.
And the first thing he'd asked was where his table was. BOOORRRINNGGG.
"Hello, Robert." 'Caelius' huffed out all super serious like, sitting straight up and puffing his chest out. "You're looking terrible, can I suggest a shower, and perhaps removing that stick from your a** so that you can walk normally?"
If he was going to die, it was going to be in a blaze of glory.
Robert grinned like a fool and shrugged his shoulders, his little charade coming to a quick end. "Why are you asking me? All I did was wake up in your bed and sit out here and be a good little boy like you asked. This was what your office looked like when I came in here. s**t, like I'm really going to redecorate your office just because I'm stuck in your body."
He was itching to get up and muss his hair. Seriously, he couldn't stand looking at himself like this.
"Sir." Robert's face became very serious, and suddenly, he looked a lot more like Caelius than usual. "Before we go any further, I gotta ask. With all due respect, sir. Did you bang my Petra last night."
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 6:50 pm
Considering that Caelius had pretty much expected Robert to blow up half of Deus Ex Machina, he considered his options and decided that being shirtless was not the worst thing that could happen. However, considering that it was still the start of a very long day, things were not looking very optimistic. At. All.
He put his pile of documents temporarily down on the only remaining piece of furniture left in the room and then turned around to view the wall, narrowing his eyes at, well, himself, as he unpinned several reports and added it to the pile on the table, trying to ignore the fact that he was listening to his own voice talk like a two year old.
Unfortunately, the problem with the intimidation factor with Robert Who Was Currently Caelius was that it didn't quite work, and was in fact, rather disconcerting and oddly annoying to be stared at by yourself. "Do you think I would take the time to spend quality time with Petra in this ******** predicament?" 'Robert' was all snark now, something that the original owner of the body had probably never used his facial muscles for, ever. "I would like kindly explain." Here, he tapped the documents very sharply on the table, "Exactly what happened. I am sure you are acutely aware that you, Robert Morris, are the sole perpetrator of this status effect. When you so kindly smashed the ******** artifact, you destroyed the ******** artifact's seal, am I not making myself ******** clear enough?"
There was a long pause as he took a deep breath and waited for the other to catch up. "And the only reason I have not told anyone about this incident quite yet is because of how much s**t you would be in if any Council member knew about a trainee having clearance or being privy to any classified information, not to mention being responsible for the incident. I hope your self preservation skills are strong, Robert, because assuming you get your ******** body back, you may not get your life back. With all eyes on you, how long do you think it will take them to notice something wrong?"
"So yes, consider this an upgrade from death post status effect under one very important condition: that you ******** behave yourself. Considering I am pretty much the only person saving your immortal ******** soul from imminent death, if not by my hand by the time we are done here, then perhaps you should take a second to listen very closely and carefully to whatever I have to ******** say."
With that, he slammed the papers back on the desk. "We'll start with these. As this is no longer classified information, though I highly doubt I am at much risk here with your stellar retention skills, you will spend the day filing these documents and keeping up appearances. You are not under any circumstance or condition, allowed to leave this desk unless I say otherwise. These will need to be filed by date, order, and then marked with my initials, C.I. - yes, with a pen - on the lower left hand corner. That should be easy enough for you to fulfill. "
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 7:36 pm
Robert signed the very first paper, right in front of Caelius, quite seriously, in a reminder that perhaps, if he thought about it, paperwork may not have been the best use of his time in this body.
The signing of a single paper took 4 minutes and twenty seconds to complete before he looked up at 'Robert' and fluttered his eyelashes innocently.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 9:31 pm
Caelius did indeed have a moment where he was vaguely concerned whether or not Robert knew how to spell, but, considering the majority of these were trainee mission reports, and no-one in their right ******** mind read them normally as most of them wrote the most retarded information such as "I saw something and hit it", or "Something hit me, bawwwwww" in general, all-in-all he thought it was a great use of Robert's time, wanting the day to pass by as smoothly as possible, without a single goddamn hitch.
He separated some of the non-trainee mission reports from stack, so there was really only half the work, and if one did the math that was 4.20 x 20 = 84 / 60 = 1.4 hours where time would fly by relatively smoothly. Sure, Robert was still not wearing a ******** shirt, but Caelius was also still not letting that ******** trainee out of his sight or out of this room regardless of what happened.
Giving them one more Not As Effective glare, however Robert wanted to interpret his own facial expressions, he grabbed the only spare pen, unclipped one of the newspaper pages hanging on the wall, and began to work, simply sitting down and leaning against one corner of the room, circling all the events that corresponded.
Now, Caelius, was by all means and purposes a morning person. He pretty much got up when the sun was up, sometimes before, worked all day, sometimes evenings, sometimes days straight, and then continued the process, as long as it took, and due to the consistent endurance on his body, could keep up this process.
Robert's body however, was not only bruising from yesterday's little incident, but also an extremely non-morning person to the point where it continuously tried to override its mind on how important sleep was, it would be nice to sleep right? Just close his eyes for a second, oh maybe he was also hungry and could get some more breakfast-
- He was doing relatively well until he got to a particularly long report detailing a long sub-clause complaint about how Portals are highly ineffective underwater, feeling a headache already coming on as he rubbed his forehead and closed his sore eyes for just a quick second.
The next second 'Robert' was out, simply still poised in a sitting position on the ground, head still hanging over the stack of papers.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 9:55 pm
Robert had hoped that showing off his fine penmanship skills would get him out of actually signing anything. When his workload was only cut in half, he was wrong. So he sat there, and bedgrudgingly got to work on signing yet another paper with a big messy c, followed by a long, wobbly i.. and then..
And then..
...Caelius was asleep.
Robert put down his pen, and watched his own body sleep while sitting up. He reached out, and waved his hand in front of 'Robert's' face, then snapped his fingers very softly. The man had fallen asleep right.. right there.
It took Robert a lot of time to figure things out, but when he did, he practically bolted upright, stood up, and snuck out of the room as quickly as possible. The train of thought that had taken Robert so long to charge through were as follows:
He's asleep.
God I want to go back to sleep.
Wait, no I don't.
Why don't I want to go sleep?
I should want to go sleep.
This is ******** weird.
I wonder if Petra's still naked.
My pants itch.
I wonder if Petra's still naked.
Froot Loops are spelled funny.
Haha.
Froot Loops.
I'm hungry.
If he's asleep, and Deryk comes with the beer, he's gonna take away the beer.
I want the beer.
I should leave.
He said not to leave.
FROOOOT Loops.
Yeah I should leave.
I wonder if the caf has Froot Loops today.
And that was the final thought that had him up and heading for the door, tiptoeing in exaggeration and sneaking out while very carefully closing the door behind him. At this point, however, he'd moved on from Froot Loops and thought about Trix.
If they're just for kids, does that mean if I eat them, I'll die?
I wonder if Petra's still naked.
He texted Deryk, and told him the change of plan, while thinking about fruity cereals and naked Petra's.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 10:04 pm
...but first he put a shirt on.
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 6:57 pm
It was rather unfortunate that Robert did not close the door firmly shut behind him, making the room seem as if it was open for any and all visitors. OOC - This is now an "ORP" for anyone interested in passing by Caelius's office, however the only occupant of the room seems to be Robert, who is sitting in a corner with a pile of notes, sleeping. The single desk in the room is otherwise, unoccupied.
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 7:05 pm
Madison didn't often go past Caelius' office - it seemed like a bad plan, generally. He might spot you. And yell at you. Especially if you were one of his trainees. But she had mission reports to turn in, damnit, so it was time to creep past his door and do her very best not to be seen... ... a special challenge today, clearly, as his door was open. Damn. Madison snuck behind the door, peering askance through the crack between door and hinges, with the intention of zipping across the gap when Caelius was distracted. All that went out the window when she realized who was in there. Her eyes widened, and she peeked around the other side of the door, sticking her head into the room. What the hell was he- oh god he was going to get in soooooo much trouble if Caelius came back. Was this a really shitty prank or something? "Robert. Robert," she hissed at him, trying to wake him up without attracting further attention. Oh god damnit. Madison snuck into the room. When she was close enough, she poked Robert. Hard. "Hey, wake up, stupid! If you're trying to play some kinda trick, pick a better target! One that won't murder you in your sleep!"
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 7:32 pm
It didn't help the second that Madison poked 'Robert', his eyes shot wide open, adjusting glasses that weren't there for a second before looking around, rather confused and surprised and incidentally, looking very much like the body's original owner.
It only took a second longer for the initial shock to wear down - how the ******** did he fall asleep? - as he looked from the open door, to the open desk, to Madison.
Robert was missing. Which meant he was missing, which really meant 'Caelius' was somewhere in Deus Ex Machina, potentially blowing up Deus Ex Machina. He tried to give it some thought: there were the usual loci that trainees gathered in, the training fields, their rooms, so on so forth, but that was still too many areas, not to mention Robert. Not to mention Madison in lieu of said missing person.
He narrowed his eyes. "Did you let R- Caelius walk off?" 'Robert' was aware of pretenses as he tried to subtly close the folder on his lap that wrote 'External Mission Report - Classified'
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 7:44 pm
"Did I what? Let Caelius what?! Dude, Caelius does what he wants to, I'm not stopping him from doing a damn thing, let alone walking away," Madison said, giving Robert a thoroughly weirded-out look as she put her own mission report papers neatly on the desk. Hey, bonus. "He wasn't in here, anyw-" ... "HOLY s**t YOU ARE GOING TO DIE," Madison gasped, snatching at the folder as she realized what it was. "What are you even doing?!"
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:24 pm
The look 'Robert' gave Madison was a long suffering look that probably interpreted to something like 'I have no clue what I am doing here myself', though he wasn't too pleased when the trainee took the folder from him.
As in he was pretty ******** livid, considering years of keeping classified information classified, instinctively put one hand back on the folder to grab it back. "Get your hands off my ******** report."
Once again, not exactly subtle in the under disguise department, but as far as Caelius was concerned, he did not have to as in, if one really thought about it, the person in charge of handling classified information and dealing with information leaks was himself.
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:31 pm
Madison gave Robert the most exasperated look she could muster. "Okay, that was only the worst Caelius impression ever - come on, dude, just put the thing down and walk away. Seriously." Paranoid, the trainee backed towards the door and leaned out, looking down the hall both ways. "He could come back any second and then you will be <********> and whatever little thing you're trying to pull isn't worth it!" There was no doubt in her mind that this plan was entirely Robert's. Because it was a terrible plan.
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2012 8:57 pm
He considered his options and finally relinquished, stacking the folder neatly on the table - he had to pull out a few stray pieces and file them in a more organized pile again before closing the folder - and locking the door with his key card.
Obviously, by no stretch of anyone's imagination, Madison and Robert knew each other pretty well, so there was really no threat there. Caelius was already behind schedule, thanks to the unexpected nap - though really, his own fault - he probably would not even complete his mission report quota, much less check on the status of the abandoned Lairs being excavated, the current weapons candidate project, the compiled reports for the location of the last piece of Artifact 201C, the list went on and on.
So he simply stood outside the door, and with the last dregs of his patience, sent a text to a certain someone, ignoring Madison entirely. Nio Love Text from Robert: Return to my office immediately.
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