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 Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:36 am
Tony took the coffee, drinking it slowly, not much for tea. at least not when drunk. He sighed, not feeling better but at least feeling a bit more like himself.
He looked at her.
"Oh, no, I didn't mean to make you feel guilty about that. I shouldn't have kissed you, I know, it's not fair to either of you. I just... I was..." he sighed, rubbing his hand over his eyes. It was difficult, balancing a meaningful friendship with someone he found to be beautiful and charming. He hadn't let himself think such things before, for obvious reasons.
Things were different now.
It bothered him, though, to be seeing in this new light so quickly, and worried he was turning to her out of rejection and need. He wanted to be fair to her, and not make her feel like some rebound. She meant so much more to him than that.
A lot more.
He'd finished most of his coffee and got up, going with her to the cab and sighing as he got in, waiting for her to join him. He wasn't too talkative, though. Pensive. Sobering up, at least. When they got to his house he paid for the taxi, giving extra to cover any further driving she might require. The driver idled at the sidewalk while Tony moved toward the front door, expecting her to accompany him at least to the door.
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:53 am
Oddly enough, he was wrong. She didn't feel guilty in the slightest, at least not for Dave's sake. They were casual, not even a couple. Three dates did not equal that kind of commitment to her. Or, maybe she was keeping him at arm's length which only strengthened her belief that she wasn't being fair to the man. As she stared into her mug of tea she knew this but didn't say anything. There was a lot to mull over in her head.
She let the cab ride stay quiet and was thinking herself about what he said and what she meant to do about all of this. The night had taken a turn she hadn't expected but she couldn't honestly say she was sorry for it. She'd cheered him up. He was having fun and smiling but all the alcohol only hid the pain. He needed to feel it to process the emotions and resolve them.
When they got to his house she helped him out if he needed it and walked him to his door. She needed to make something clear and he seemed sober enough to hear it. She took his hand and looked up at him, her heart thundering in her chest so loud she wondered if it was a drum. Or if everyone could hear it, too.
"I'm not sorry for you kissing me and the kiss has nothing to do with my decision to stop seeing Dave. At least, not how you think. Tony, I like you. A lot. And until I stop it's not fair to lead Dave on to think there could be more to us when I know my heart's stuck elsewhere, with you."
She leaned up and kissed him slowly, sweetly, taking things naturally for once in their bizarre friendship. She wanted to know if everything was just circumstance or there was something between them like she thought. If there was chemistry there or she was just imagining it like a Hollywood movie romance, all in her mind. If the kiss deepened on its own, she let it. If not she didn't mind. This was all about seeing if both of them, nearly sober, had a spark. By the time she pulled away she found herself wrapped up in his arms with her own carelessly wrapped around him, her fingers tangled in his hair.
"Tell me you didn't feel a thing and I'll leave it alone. Even if it's not with me you will find someone, Tony Darrow. You're too good not to. Suri may have had her reasons for doing what she did but I can't imagine it was easy for her. How could it be? You are a wonderful man."
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 1:39 am
Tony closed his eyes and leaned back against the door as she kissed him, his arms instinctively moving around her. He held her close to him. This felt better than the alcohol fueled kiss he had all but forced on her earlier, but he still felt like he was doing something wrong.
"I did feel... I feel something..." he said, looking at her helplessly. "But I can't. Not right now. I just... I..."
He looked at her, taking her face in his hands and just looking at her for a moment. He could see the concern in her eyes, and the attraction. He felt something stir in him and he caressed her cheek lightly with his thumb. He smiled at her thinly.
"I just... I don't want to hurt you, Kyndall, and right now I think I would. What we have right now is very important to me. I don't think I can handle losing your friendship, to be honest. Thank you for caring for me, and taking me out. And bringing me home..."
He smiled and leaned forward, kissing her again, in the same manner she had kissed him. He pulled back at length, feeling light headed. "I should go inside," he said very quietly, mostly to convince himself to do that. The sensible thing.
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 2:12 am
"I don't expect anything."
She needed to reassure him of that, at least. No one expected him to get over the break up right away and move directly into her arms. She was realistic enough to know he needed time and space and a friend most of all. She wasn't going to push him now if she never had before. She had a healthy amount of respect for him and knew any decision they made should be at the right time. Not some reckless thought after a night of drinking.
"I care about you, Tony. Past romance. No matter what I'll be your friend. I don't want you to do anything you're not one hundred percent about. Not for me or anyone else."
But she certainly didn't resist slipping into his arms and kissing him one more time when he pulled her to him. There was a spark there, alright. She felt it clear as day. It wasn't just in her mind, anyway, and that made her feel sane. She didn't want to let him go but she knew he needed to go inside. She couldn't keep him out here forever and couldn't follow him inside. The cab honked behind her as if to reassure her of that idea.
"Sleep well. Call me if you need me. I'm only a phone call away anytime. I'm glad you came out with me tonight." She looked up at him, hoping he knew how much regard she held in her heart for him. As a joke, she continued. "Next time let's try to stay a little more sober, ok? Then you won't miss your cue."
She smiled and slid out of his arms, descending toward the cab. Instead she was going to have it drive back to the bar and let her pick up her car. She felt sober now.
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:18 am
Tony watched her for a moment, his expression difficult to read. Probably because he didn't know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. He wanted her to stay, but he couldn't ask her, after telling her to leave. Everything was jumbled, and not just because of the alcohol.
"Be careful," he said, of her journey back to the bar. He smiled feebly at her joke, then retreated into the house. He closed the door and leaned on it, head against it. Looking up, he peered through the peek hole to see her get into the cab.
He felt lonely without her, his arms heavier when they weren't around her. He sighed, drawing away from the door at length and moving back into his house. He sat down on the sofa and struggled to sleep, Dogby padding over to keep him company. She sat on the floor nearby, looking up at him and whining softly when he didn't pet her. He drifted off to sleep at length, thinking about the whole night.
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