Welcome to Gaia! ::

Mal stared at Pollux, mouth slightly agape as the heavy truth he laid down put an abrupt end to their dialogue. To illustrate her mind being effectively blown, she lifted two fists to her head and did her best impression of an explosion, fingers splaying outwards to suggest so much brain matter splattering across the walls. "Damn, guy. That's some Intro to Philosophy level thinking right there. Way to kill the nice thing we had going."

Before Mal could ponder the profoundness of the trillions of atoms around her living their entire lives in split seconds, growing, loving, ********, fighting, dying in the blink of an eye, waves of experience flourishing and extinguishing in a single great sigh, Aster mentioned the phrase "power signature," and she was immediately distracted by the thought her life had turned into an 80's Sci-Fi film.

"Power signatures? I don't know what those are, but please tell me you need some kind of bitching wrist device to read them, and then tell me I can have one and that it doubles as an iPad."

Sailor Circe briefly looked at Aster with a coy grin. “Just a mickey. Enough for a few or one really good drink.” The senshi was happily distracted by sipping on her drink and a good ol’ brownie; watching the back and forth exchanges between Flora and Pollux, both of whom she thought needed to relax and unwind.

“Feel something?” Circe was just as slow as Aster to pick up on that sensation of something dangerous looming around. “You’re too jumpy, relaaaa-----“ Circe’s half eaten brownie tumbled out of her mouth and fell to the ground. The aura of something slowly crept into he senses like a spider crawling on her skin. Circe jumped up and brushed at her side even though there wasn’t anything on her, just that dark presence on her senshi-radar. Or maybe it was just the pot starting to mess with her.

If it had just been a normal day, back at Hillsworth, Ian might have thought that the baker had spiked the brownies with something a bit stronger, and more hallucinatory than pot, but it wasn't anything like a normal day, or even week for that matter. He was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"Wow, that's trippy," he muttered, watching the colors change on the lizard monster. He didn't even notice when his body changed, entranced by the flickering. "You guys are seeing this too, right?"

"So... you have a spidey sense. Though I guess in your case it's a senshi sense. Though I don't know why you'd want to refer to it as anything other than a spidey sense, because if I had a spidey sense, let me tell you, I would own that s**t."

Mal was about to step off the precipice and plunge into a rambling mediation on the many things she would do if she had a spidey sense - chief among them fully realizing the pulp 30's crime fighting alter ego she had created for herself in middle school, The Velvet Jewess - when she found herself knocked back by a lizard monster. As she caught herself on the wall behind her, her thoughts were as ********! I was just about to run a train on those Charleston Chews."

"I ******** knew it was dinosaurs!"

"Wait... why does my body suddenly feel less like a sacred garden and more like a lump of anger and sex?"

Slumped against the wall, Mal looked down at herself with eyes made blurry by the creature's rapid flickering. Even without having to squint, she could register the unfamiliar, unfeminine shape of her own body. Hands groped her suddenly flat chest, while the less that was said of the new sensations cropping up below her waistline, the better. She looked up to see that the two girls beside her had also opted for a change in lifestyles, as it were.

After thinking about how shifting genders would at least only require her to change the "a" in her name to an "e," Mal began to scream hysterically.

Sailor Aster had been in various states of intoxication. Her checklist of drugs experimented with is long enough to disgust, and the effects she experienced varied with each one. But in all of these states, in all of her hallucinations, in all of her trips, in all of her highs, she never had a p***s.

She - he - scratched his head in confusion as he adjusted himself within his skirt. He suddenly felt very naked in this fuku.

"Its not the brownies," Aster assured Ian.

He looked at Pollux and Flora who were using their abilities against the creature. Not wanting to seem like an even worse Senshi - distributing pot brownies probably made her look bad enough - he mimicked their actions.

"Sunflower Turret!" he cried as a small sunflower appeared before him and began to shoot sunflower seeds at the monster at a rapid rate.

Mal continued to scream as the senshis assaulted the monster with a barrage of... was that chick shooting sunflower seeds at it? Mal wasn't one to criticize - except when it came to books, movies, musical tastes, and other people's fashion sense - but if she had to describe the so-called guardians of humanity based solely on her experiences with them so far, she would have to say they were less than impressive.

The flash of light finally shut her up, hands flying up to shield her gaze from the creature's blinding beam. Mal blinked as the light dissipated, yellow blotches lingering as her eyes attempted to readjust. She wanted to scream more, but something inside of her told her she was being hysterical. Screaming was emotional, and only girls had emotions. She was a man, and men had no need for such things as feelings, logic, reason, or multiple orgasms. One was good enough for them.

Mal’s instincts were in fluctuation. Years of being a fierce independent woman were flying in the face of the all-encompassing influence of testosterone, which demanded she either attempt to punch or court everything in her path. And considering the two people besides her were dudes and that the other group had been lost to a fresh crop of enemies, her options were at least pretty clear.

Mal gave her best barbaric yawp and struck out at Aster, a sickening twinge in her belly as that semester of feminist literature was rendered completely useless in a single act of violence.

Fortunately for Aster, years of Mal being a fierce independent woman coincided with her years of being a stoner layabout. Her best punch was weakened by the numerous bags of Doritos she had consumed in her lifetime.

[1HP of damage to Aster! Mama said knock you out!]