Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hope Alone12 would like you guys to give her constructive criticism on her story. =]




Hope_alone12

The Christmas War


I awoke from my slumber with beads of sweat dripping down my face. Yet again, I had an intense dream. Although, it was quite silly. The dream was about a Christmas fairy who turns evil and eats everybody. It sounds like something from a cartoon, I know! My mother thinks I should see a counselor, but honestly I forbid myself from it.
I mean honestly, everyone dreams weird things about Christmas once in their lifetime right? Besides, being a shy and quiet girl does not help the fact that my mom wants me to talk to someone. I couldn't handle five minutes of talking to some stranger, let alone telling them my problems and dreams, which reminds me, my name is Dahlia Cruz. Not that it is very important though.
Nobody in the world would notice me even if I was in a pink elephant costume, and believe me, I've tried. I'm a short, under weight girl who has the most plain gray eyes, and the most plain black hair. Trust me, girls that resemble me are everywhere! I went into my kitchen to make some nice hot cocoa when suddenly, my phone rang.
"Hello?" My voice rang through the phone.
"Dahlia," The voice began, sounding raspy and out of breath.
"Who is this!?" I demanded, honestly I was scared.
"Dahlia. It's time..." At that instant my back door flew open, and fairies from my dreams flew in with evil grins on their faces. "Do you remember anything I taught you!?" Travis yelled through the phone.
"Yeah! It's only been three years!" I said as I dropped the phone. One of the fairies charged at me, and I did a one-eighty degree turn to dodge her. I quickly grabbed her by her neck and smashed her face into my counter.
"How did you find me I?" I yelled as another one came at me. I threw the one I knocked out on to the floor, and did a high kick, landing a malicious blow to the fairies face. She shrieked in pain yelling in some strange tongue. "No answer then?" I questioned, but in a threatening tone.
"Your scum life will be ended Dreamer!" An ugly yellow one yelled at me. I sighed. Quickly I grabbed a frying pan. The fairies just laughed, and mocked me. Bam! The frying pan hit the wall with a smack, and the fairies turned their heads. I smiled as I grabbed hold of two of them by the wings. The only other fairy that was conscious began to freak out. I gave her an evil smile as I smashed the two fairies faces together. They were out cold instantly. Poor fragile little things. The other fairy fled, and I picked up the phone.
"Where are we meeting?" I demanded.
"Open your front door." Travis replied. I sighed I went through my messy living room to open the front door, and of course, there stood Travis looking exhausted as ever. He had a huge scratch on his face, and I recognized the claw marks instantly.
"Ogres." I stated.
"There were only seven-"
I cut him off,"Only seven? They must have been a hassle. Are they what made you ever so late? I mean dude, it's Christmas eve.."
"There were also possessed unicorns, mutated teddy bears, and really cool tourist attractions." He said. "Besides. I'm only a year and a half late!" He was very cheery. We were supposed to stop Santa's evil twin from ruining Christmas, but because Mr. late guy here, Christmas has been ruined almost two years in a row.
"Looks like this is going to be the best Christmas war ever." I said with a grin on my face.

Wow. Hope's a great writer! ^.^ I like the way she did it. However, I'd only change one thing, and that'd be that I wouldn't [enter] before every dialogue from different characters, but then again, most of my dialogue is from one person, if any. xD But it is REALLY good.

heart

sweatdrop

So did we get any votes in at all?

VOTE PEOPLE!

Micheal gets firts place.
Maria; Second
Hope 3rd!
Congrats!