[Q] Sailor Draconis, Senshi of Dragons (crits please <3) | Page 3 | Accepted Quests | Guild Forums

chiickadee

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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:19 pm

thanks so much for the confirmation mousems <333333

and excellent point, she does have to take a big breath in o 3o

and did i put second-degree ? o -o
gosh half of this is written at like 1 AM. i don't even remember that xDDD

will change o v o

Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 12:56 pm

- Sounds awesome, her hobbies are very unique! (: -

Okay all in all the content is good, I have noticed the sections where you have added in responses to crit and whilst reading it can feel like you have stopped and started a lot. It really helps if you re-write things completely now you have all the relevant info, it just gives the whole thing a better feel and sounds less jerky when you read it. x3

The only thing I see as odd is the whole trying to be polite but generally hot tempered / hyper thing. o u o I can see it being very hard to keep polite whilst you are that bouncing with energy. You know? I mean the last thing I do when I personally think of that is think about what I am doing and am often very cheeky / loud / inconsiderate when I am like that and feel like she is the kind of character which would be too.

The Senshi part looks good though (: no comments needed on that! I hope it helps Q u Q - is not good at this -

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chiickadee

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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 1:11 pm

Suprise Sex --- o u o

- Sounds awesome, her hobbies are very unique! (: -

yay, am glad <3

Suprise Sex --- o u o

Okay all in all the content is good, I have noticed the sections where you have added in responses to crit and whilst reading it can feel like you have stopped and started a lot. It really helps if you re-write things completely now you have all the relevant info, it just gives the whole thing a better feel and sounds less jerky when you read it. x3

agreed, and i did notice that xD
but what im using the quest thread is to get my ideas down
mouse/other stampers just use this to get a feel for the character and how they work
when/if i get her as an actual character, i will rework and restate all of this in her journal~
unless its really messy, i dont think i need to edit it for now
im also lazy.
xD

Suprise Sex --- o u o

The only thing I see as odd is the whole trying to be polite but generally hot tempered / hyper thing. o u o I can see it being very hard to keep polite whilst you are that bouncing with energy. You know? I mean the last thing I do when I personally think of that is think about what I am doing and am often very cheeky / loud / inconsiderate when I am like that and feel like she is the kind of character which would be too.

-smacks head on desk-
i feel like a broken record
she is not hyper Dx
she can just endure things really well
like shes not bouncing off the walls, but she can go running and not feel terribly tired afterwards o 3o

as for her politeness, its more like she says her pleases and thank yous, but if she gets mad she gets MAD
like theres a certain degree of politeness i think everyone has or doesnt have.
shes simply the type to say her ps&qs, and open doors for others and what not
if she gets mad, of course shes not going to be super polite, but i think that should kind of ... obvious ? OTL

Suprise Sex --- o u o

The Senshi part looks good though (: no comments needed on that! I hope it helps Q u Q - is not good at this -

nooo ! you're wonderful at it. any crit helps C: <3

Posted: Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:53 pm

added some more thing- mostly outfit edits, and added her wardrobe

made the ornament thing not required, should be a senshi thing c:

chiickadee

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Blue Eyed Melloon

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Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:24 pm

I like how Talia reads! She seems very energetic (NOT HYPER) lol.

So she is competitive because her father wants her to be? I may have missed it in my first read, but why does he want her to competitive? or did I miss the mark on that thought?

I like the idea of the attack, i only worry a bit about the eternal move. I don't know if the gms will think its too similar to jupitars attack. Also, I think they try to encourage people to stay away from summoning animals. otherwise we'd have bears, dogs, owls and other creatures running around. But if the Gms have already looked it over and ok'd it, then just ignore me ^^;

I also want to know WHERE DOES SHE GET ALL THIS TIME? I need some of it to help me with all my work! lol. She is a great character though, and I hope you get her soon because I'd love to see her in action!

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:51 pm

Blue Eyed Melloon

I like how Talia reads! She seems very energetic (NOT HYPER) lol.

glad you can make that distinction OTL

Blue Eyed Melloon

So she is competitive because her father wants her to be? I may have missed it in my first read, but why does he want her to competitive? or did I miss the mark on that thought?

ah you're right, i should clear that up
basically, both her mother and father were big deals in their time. her mother stopped to raise talia, but her father is still a big lawyer
he wants her to be all that both her mother and father were; a big deal
he's the type of father who shows his love in her successes. her mom deals with the girl crap. so he kinda pushes her to do things that look good on her college app, her resume, etc.

Blue Eyed Melloon

I like the idea of the attack, i only worry a bit about the eternal move. I don't know if the gms will think its too similar to jupitars attack. Also, I think they try to encourage people to stay away from summoning animals. otherwise we'd have bears, dogs, owls and other creatures running around. But if the Gms have already looked it over and ok'd it, then just ignore me ^^;

ah, i think mouse looked on it somewhere back ...
but i noticed that xD
thats part of the reason i changed it from an eastern dragon to a western dragon, the attack was just too similar
however, i have to say that ... what else can you do when its the senshi of dragons?
especially since her first two attacks are breathing fire, its sort of a ... logical? step that it should be a dragon?
i will definitely double check with the GMs, though. dont wanna be too much of a copycat! <3

oh, and just as a side note, i actually got her attack from FF13. when i was making the quest, i was playing the game, so her attack is a bit of a combination of fang's dragon and vanille's point and my own twisty twists xD rofl

Blue Eyed Melloon

I also want to know WHERE DOES SHE GET ALL THIS TIME? I need some of it to help me with all my work! lol. She is a great character though, and I hope you get her soon because I'd love to see her in action!

ahaha. well for one, she's definitely not the type to just sit at home and watch tv
but also, its not like shes CONSTANTLY PLAYING TENNIS AND GAMES AND ASLKDFJSDF AT THE SAME TIME.
she has a schedule, something like tennis every day after school, and visiting the arcade/fan dancing when she has time on the weekends.
she will help you with your work, gladly 8D ?
and thank you for the crit ! <3

chiickadee

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Akina Tokuwa

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Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 7:09 am

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Solid quest! Her eternal power is pretty strong, but as long as she can only use it once and people have an opportunity to dodge, I think it is acceptable.

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