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 Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 11:50 am
Chapter 7: Respawning Treasure Chests Marth apparently set a trend after his raid of the temple, you see, as thieves only just started raiding it.  "We must slaughter all the thieves and take the treasure for ourselves!"  Fortunately, the guards have perma-F.o.W vision and only notice you're there if you're in a three tile radius of them.  Yes, and violets are blue, where do they get this info from anyway?  The soldiers are slightly more menacing than George's five man platoon, with an exciting surprise to come.  Unlike George who carries a Star Orb fragment in his inventory later on, so if you killed him, you're ********, Astria carries no such a thing. So you can totally off him for that sword if you felt like it, this is if you wanted to mess with an orgy of Heroes, and him with the strongest sword in the game.  Map full of Thieves? This sounds... like a fun map that Paola will have a field day on. But wait!  They  Are (not so much with this guy)  All  Carrying  Amazing  s**t  Oh hey, I missed him and his costume changes! And he's not an incompetent axe fighter like he has been thus far.  It's Navarre, he gains fame through being an anti-social p***k. :/  The thought of women dying gets him all rowdy as well, also seen in Sheeda's whorecruit with him in Book 1.  You'd think that thieves would gotten the point in the past that Navarre is arbitrary and likes to randomly decide to kill them all off when a pretty girl comes around, but noooooo.  Apparently not, if you're surrounded by men dead set on killing you..  So Caesar and Raddy can now be replaced with a much more useful Warren local!  Or just anti-social, gentle is too nice for Navarre.  Yeah, purple and brown? Just what are you thinking?  Welp, there goes gentle, right out the window. And it's the 1990s Feena, everyone had gaudy hair!  Like really, don't ******** talk about Navarre's hair, he flips tits.  Feena- Don't ask why she can equip the Rapier, she just can, okay? And she's a dancer auto = welcome aboard the perma-spots in the team, Haxxna!  Jesus Christ in a troll forum, look at his bases! As much as I dislike him as a character, he is fabulous as a unit.   And he gets the benefit of an easy 80 Exp right off the bat, thus saving Paola and the Pegs from having to do everything themselves.  Woo, forest tile navigating is sure exciting...  And the real fun of this chapter begins: Mages and Armours pour out from any fortress on the map for five turns, might not sound very fun, but at a closer examine of just how many fortresses there are in this level...  Again, Archers are not so good to use in forest/sand-centric levels...  I know, aren't the Ariteans just complete assholes killing Thieves and using the treasures taken from their mangled corpses for their own cause instead of returning it?  Want to know who the true monster here is?  Criticals, c'mon, y'all saw it comin'!  Well, we stole his "Thunder" cool  Anything to show off to the women!  Because the various silks, rings, crests, etc has been consumed by the Ariteans.  Here is one of FE3B2's famous rehash scenes, if you don't know the tale of Narga, I direct you to Chapter 0, literally, that's all it is.  I guess Astria is just going to let the enemy army just slip on by?  But what about Astria?! Next chapter- sexy maps, sexy people, sexy reinforcements, shota and old men! Bonus!: Because you're never going to see Feena attack ever, she has her own attacking music too!
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Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 1:23 pm
Book 2- Chapter 8: lol, but y u mad tho? Astria [as usual] doesn't do a really good job keeping Marth out of restricted territory, letting him walk right on by.  Get caught in a big ******** sandwich, and because Paola isn't 20/20, it probably won't end well.  Feena! The solution to life!  Couple'a Generals, bait for Linda and Yubello, and... a guy to the right with a shield, there's no third tier-  OH DEAR MOTHER OF GOD. Not his bases, silly! His bases AND the Gradius! Also, Dark Orb = auto Maph effects, so if that's not a "DON'T ******** WITH MY ******** OFF STICK" hint for you, he'll just double hit the s**t out of you, taking off 40 HP a 100% guaranteed hit at a time. Emperor diets! Magically turns little horse boys into raging bara assholes! Right, so as you can see, you have to act pseudo fast before s**t falls everywhere. Luckily there is a semi-plethora of time to piss around thanks to Feena. Hardest thing is Gordon is required to get to the other side of the field for various reasons and has shitty move while Feena occupies herself with Marth for reasons to come.  Of course, you're expected to know that only Gordon can recruit him, as he trained with him and is best buds with him from:  <******** you too IS, to GameFAQs it is!  And those guys start chasing you later on too with reinforcements pouring out of the forts non stop later on as well. Also, see that Thief? Just so happens, he's carrying a Star Orb Fragment, so if you fail to kill him on turn one = auto bad ending for you! IIRC, if you don't send a flyer to Jav him in the ocean, and strike him on the south side, some Heroes will gang bang whoever attacked the Thief on the ground.  Apart from being surrounded by Heroes, yes, yes he is Marth.  We'll? I think Paola has a name, y'know, all you're going to do in this chapter is piss around and watch pretty girls dance. mad  Which explains why he's basically invincible, but in the back lines, even Garnef had more balls than him!  This map is silly, if you're one of those people who likes spending ~10 turns killing reinforcements on a map that can be seized in three, this map will make you hate life, but if you're one of them fancy LTC people, this will be a lolmap. Because I am a completionist, this is a semi-lolmap.  You sure did a bang-on job protecting the Raman Temple from thieves. :/  Y'know, a few minutes ago, just stealing the jewels of Narga, blowin' s**t up, now we're just fighting, same old, same old.~  "Good job for saving the world Chiki, go back to bed for thousands of years!" [valkyrieprofilereference]Someone didn't get Ending A..[/valkyrieprofilereference]  God forbid, Dragons everywhereeeeeeeee! And moody temperatures. If that's not subtle enough of a hint that we're going to go there for whatever reasons, Marth is not a normal human by any definitions, prime example being his lolintellect.  Who is conveniently in this place and is too a*****e to leave and tell Marth about this himself, despite knowing great teleportation magic that can warp an entire army across the world.  Banutu is Banutu, that is to say his stone got stolen by Thieves yet again. From once partaking in a draft, the person who drafted Banutu was actually very pleased with him on the account that FE3 style Mamkutes have ridiculous stat gains upon transformation, so his bases semi mean jack s**t in light to the +8 STR, +11 DEF, +2 MOV, +4 RES they gain. Although his SPD is poopy, Mamkutes can't breath fire twice apparently, and they have +11 DEF and 1~2 RG, so SPD really doesn't matter that much anyway.  By this point, if you're not on the other side of the north bridge, you're ******** src="https://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b7/rei_masamune/Fire Emblem Monshou no Nazo/FireEmblem-Version10J1275.png" class="user_img" alt="User Image" /> But thanks to Marth finishing up early, Gordon was the product of dance chaining, and he was able to get to George in no time!  Despite the fact that Ryan is literally running circles around you.  George is kind of a c**k here. We all know that Gordon has a Steel Bow, and George has the equivalent to a nuke, and full out knows this. How well do you think this would turn out?  OH GOD GORDON, NO, DON'T BEG, YOUR LOIN CLOTH'LL  To save everyone from terrible wardrobe malfunctions on Gordon's behalf, George straightens his ways immediately.  Hello Partia access. cool  Aaaaand, this is the conversation that you want triggered (if ever, you can totally seize before this conversation is triggered) when you're just about to seize, as Hardin now becomes offensive and makes a B-line towards your troops.  ...He attacked his own subordinate kingdom because he's the Emperor? Really IS? Couldn't you do a more sob story than that?  There is seriously no such thing as a good Emperor in media ever. mad  One of them has a Manual, so before you get Marth to seize, you may want Linda to slaughter that General without remorse.  Welp, I think I should seize by this point....  Maybe if Astria did a better job, this wouldn't have happened?  Oh relax Marth, this isn't FE5, you'll get to spam Paola next chapter!  Swimming? Building ships? Catching the next ferry? We'll never know, plot!  Luckily Hardin is too lazy to give chase. Next chapter, map recycling, people who actually give chase, but too fat to catch up, required village pillages and Paola solo!
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Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 1:24 pm
Chapter 9: Ride of the Valkyrie Oh god, all those waves and Hardin shaking his fist at Marth on the shore, worst boat trip across a narrow creek ever!  But how did Doga manage to catch up? =o Just another one of FE3's mysteries...  ...books, if you didn't know that, then well.. you're silly!  Prime example of Gato being his lazy self: he created something, saw a flaw in the plan of human's desire to burn every other human with magic for no apparent reason, said "******** it" and left the issue for someone else to solve.  Here, Khadein is a low budget school apparently, if the average alumni is expected to only know how to use Fire magic upon graduation, whereas we have a thirteen year old kid, not even reached puberty burning the s**t out of things with an Elfire.  At the same time, apparently, the Star Orb is the only Orb that Dragonballs upon creating the Starlight spell. All the other orbs are completely fine when forged into tomes.  Wishing Linda had dat' holy Aura blood stat bonuses...  Looks like Paola is going to have yet another solo quest...  Khadein's after-Mediuth economic growth allowed them to build one village and enough grass seeds to fill in eighteen tiles of their country.  EVERYONE wants him dead, for that ring, seeing as there are A LOT of magic users in FE3B2. In which Paola will send him to Valhalla before anyone can begin to quarrel over who's getting that ring. (-Cough, Linda, Cough-)  Real nice of you, Misheil, now I gotta spend turn counts to even get there. stare   Was under the impression of "bridge under water" for Chiki destroying you, but okay.  I guess no one makes any effort to fill Misheil in on anything, seeing as Marth and co. already have that mission in on the back burner..  He still looks pretty butthurt if you ask me. :/  Oh, Garnef's plot five years ago begs to differ. cool  Minerva: stabs corpses after battles to make sure that people are dead.  So there's where all the benched units go after battle!  Literally fifteen tiles away from the village, in which guaranteed Minerva would have been able to see them:  "CO Nell contacting advisor Jeigan" Get Max out here, Marth is as effective as Sonja in a non-F.o.W map in versus mode. Oh Marich, you p***k, what have you done? Best friend, those two, eh? cool  Jeigan, cram the Prologue in FE11 speech, you're the worst adviser ever. mad  Oh, I think Paola will be enjoying 30 EXP after another..  Hey Paola, I heard you like capturing, so we put a Thief in a Thief, so you can capture while you capture. On a serious note, "Thief" is a PRF weapon for Malliesia which lets her open treasures across the map.  There's a Star Orb in there not guarded by Trollnef this time. Not like you'd miss it anyway, seeing as it's in the way that your army is supposed to go.  Before he dumped you in the middle of nowhere. Not long before they rehash exactly what Misheil told Minerva of finding his sister. She then joins for whatever reason.  Minerva is semi-required for Endgame, but that means you'll have four chicks with wings all fighting for lances. Either pull Sheeda out, or use em' all. I think I pulled Katua and Sheeda out into retirement in this run, but someone out there had a squad of four flying women at one point.  If Marth isn't two turns away from seizing, then you got yourself an issue. Although it is fun to see how many you can kill before he does seize.  I thought Bolganone was fire magic?  In the end, it doesn't matter, you don't mess with Sirius.  Yeah.. like how all the Bishops in there are all armed with magic... Next chapter- required Thief staff, WINdell, leaving things up to luck, and late joiners!
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Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 1:25 pm
Book 2- Chapter 10: 2sorcerers1goodone They don't really go into details of who these various Bishops are, but they aren't doing their job that well, that's for sure. -Then the rest is a total rehash of WINdell's whole quest to find Star Orbs. And yes, besides Gato, who is on vacation 24/7, WINdell is the mayor, or principal, or whatever of Khadien, because Marth killed all the other Bishops back in the day when lolnef was in charge.  He's a red unit, you're a blue, nuff' said, now send him to hell in one hit, ya' late joining ball of wondrous PRF magic. mad  I think "stronger" is stretching the truth too much...  "Apologize for..."  "...BEING SUCH A ******** -maniacal laughter-" -Dat CRT hit rate on Trollcalibursety, you suck, Ellerean.  On a serious note: Ellis is a scrub.  Gosh, for being under Hardin's control, they really don't keep up with the news that Hardin was doing battle with the Aritean rebels, who fled to Khadien just a few seconds ago..  He only said one thing though .__. Unless you mean to say the whole protecting Ellis thing, she IS pretty hard to love y'know.  ... <******** off Ellerean, you're pathetic even on a throne.  Anyhow, here are some stats, I do believe I am overdue for them.  Marth as expected has a rather underwhelming STR, and Linda is give or take, everyone else doesn't matter, as they'll be wallflowers in Endgame, or cap things easily.  Paola being the main (see: only) person worth mentioning on this page, Marich just joined, and I'm not using Wendell in this run. I know, blasphemy!  She's also unmounted mind. Welp, once she gets on her lolgon, I do believe we'll have our own game lol maker.  Marich is the last of the four that are semi-required for Endgame. He's good, seeing as Excalibur is PRF to him, but by now, Linda is going to promote right away with that Bishop Ring from last chapter, and ugh, his joining time..  Uh-oh, someone's in trouble~  Of essentially abandoning two teenagers to protect an entire city while a big scary red man desperately in need of Visene looms over them with a big golden ******** stick and tells them what to do?  Gotta love everything to be able to drag the guts out of your foe with razor wind, god! Don't you pay attention?  Garnef didn't have an Emperor (that he was scared of) telling him what to do?  Back when Gato actually did stuff!  Naturally, this pissed Garnef off so much, that he was all "Y U NO GOOD TOME?!" so he stole the Dark Orb, Star Ocean IC'd it, got Maph, and Maph/Dark Orb is a hell of a drug, so it turned him into the crack hoe we all know now!  What would that even look like? I see he has a mohawk under that gaudy cloak, but that nose.. I can't see a good, justice Garnef, guys.  Wendell: "Say no to crystal Maph!" -with that, Ellerean decides his golden locks are just too much to lose in light of strong magic.-  Ellerean- Has a worse stat growth than Marich, wears girly arm socks to cover up his girly arms, is not required for Endgame, and doesn't have access to Trollcalibur.  Lets you see what's behind locked doors, I know, it sounds like free 53 EXP in the making. -There's unreachable treasures that require the Thief Staff to use, but they both carry on the FE3B2 tradition of being odd end staffs that no one would have any use for, rather than to 20/-- Malliesia.  Well! That was an underwhelming chapter.  With so much mage related s**t being concentrated into one place, this prompts Gato to show up in the story.  Clearly Marth's only line of intelligence in the game, also the most amusing line, now where's that Gato's Magic count I had going on in Book 1... Anyone else notice the ******** of questions Marth poses in Book 2?  Like, there's like two questions right there, the statement before was somehow turned into a question, and guaranteed, the next statement is going to be a question, and more to come.  Clearly, Marf wasn't paying attention to Wendell two seconds ago.  Collecting the five orbs will summon Sheng-LongAnd the Light Orb will counteract the Dark Orb, making it possible to attack Hardin.  Damn it Raddy, trade chain right! -fistshake-  Marth really has a problem paying attention...  So thus, we begin our journey to find the Light Orb. Where is the Light Orb you (and Marth) ask?  On top of a mountain across the world!  As well as questions, Marth is quite the fan of exclamation marks.  Desert chapter- s**t. Next Chapter: Desert chapter, Paola lolling, hidden treasure horrors, and did I mention a whole lot of Paola?
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Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 1:27 pm
Welp, no more worrying about homework for another month, I'll just let procrastination auto-pilot my History paper. cool I celebrate me surviving the infamous due week where all the profs make EVERYTHING due in the same week by updating. Book 2- Chapter 11: Last Desert Chapter in FE3, Yessssss! In case SNES storyline and expectancy to remember trivial locations visited for one who chapter, never to be discussed again, Thebes is the city that Lolnef was hiding in Book 1 with Ellis. Remember when Marich punched him in the d**k with cancerous explosive light? Good times...  Yup, this being the first FE to bring about the awful turn count raping tradition of horror. Worst being if not a Thief, the chances of getting an item = LCK, so if you have 5 LCK = 5% of getting the item, woo.. Much like any other desert with s**t in it, it's a large enough map to make FE4 s**t itself.  Not all the treasure? Sure, why not?  Except if you teleport in and out. Notice three things here:  I guess Axefighter's non promotion brothers? Not much of a problem, they can be stabbed in the d**k with a Lady Sword for lulzy damage.  Now, these are the problem, most likely will give you nightmares, 16 Mt, and 12 Mov, 12! That's like half a map in one go! Now take in the fact that some maps they swarm, and Malliesia is out there, and... yeah. sad  And the one unique (and only time he ever appears in FE3) sprite is no other than Link! No longer does one need three pendants and a trip to the Lost Woods to snatch the Master Sword, as we're going to nab it off Link's corpse! Sadly, no it does not shoot lasers upon full health, in truth, it's like a Kill Sword on steroids.  There's blazing hot deserts in the northern hemisphere of Akaneia, just saying.  Anri's Blog posted:o god, the desert, it's hot, i hate everything!!!!!! there's a bunch of mountain men with axes walking around with dragons, everything sucks, my hairspray is totally not working either, i hate everyone. -a " OMG michael was my lab partner in biology, but i don't even think he notices me. and there's no more ice cream for me to angst nosh, the world is awful.  Fun fact: the shrine that the Falchion was originally in is on the other side of the world, taking the long way is manly, I guess?  Thebes Tower is the place where notBowser goes to stash various notPrincess Peaches throughout history in Akaneia, see.  But battle! This fight consists of Paola c**k teasing the Flying Dragons with a Javelin, and someone else killing the Dragon, whilst she flies off to help someone else being pestered by a Dragon. Minerva and Linda help sometimes, but Paola is the bulk of this fight. Marth sneaks on over to the throne while Paola protects him from scary things and no one else even moves besides Malliesia who flings her Reblow staff at Paola constantly.  To make your life totally awful, IS threw in a couple of bow users to mess with Paola, but they apparently forgot that the Iote Shield is obtained in Chapter 3.  Welp Doga, last time I use you in FE3.  Also, I forgot to mention this, but for some reason, FE3 puts "Wait" as the first command, so if you like pressing the confirm button before thinking, then.. you wasted a turn! Nice IS, real nice..  Guess who's going to be at like Lv. 500 by the end of these three chapters?  La la la~-  OH GOD!  I know, when I end up inevitably wandering in a desert full of hostile angry men with axes and dragons sometime in my life, I'm going to be sure to be friends with a totally hot chick on a dragon before doing so.  Also, give your Mages Def increasing Star Orbs, the results are lulzy, more on that later.  To add on to the OH GOD-ness of flying dragons, their attack nullifies Def, so you'll be taking that 16 DMG like a boss. Fortunately, 51% is meh in the grand scale of things, and most of the time, Paola dodges or shrugs the first two attacks off.  And I'm boring, so no awesome SSB-esque duel between Marth and the holder of the Master Sword, just select a Thunder tome that can double and almost guarantee a critical somewhere in there and...  Psst, his armour is green, and his hair is semi-blonde. =o  Zelda can wait, we already have half a billion princess to rescue!  Once Paola finishes her job, we leave her up to finding the items with a delicious 12% to unearth them because I sure as hell don't want to spend ~50 turns on a map navigating Julian and Ricardo to find these.  Three levels into her promotion, and she's almost capped everything, you're on my A-Okay list Paola! We give her the Goddess statue so her odds of finding things can increase by at least a little.  But enough of this fun stuff, let's dive back into plot and Marth asking a billion questions!  Fun fact: she was supposed to be with Banutu at the end of Book 1?  In all fairness, "Goes away with Banutu to a distant village" isn't exactly helpful in your contact page...  Anyway, hey Marth made a statement for onc- OH GOD, LITTLE GIRL INNOCENCE SAYING SUGGESTIVE THINGS WITHOUT THEM KNOWING IT'S SUGGESTIVE, WHY JAPAN, WHYYYYYYY?!  And.. Chainey demorphs from Chiki who needs to be facing a person to morph into them mind you, sure, why not?  Navigating a desert full of dragons isn't really something that would make someone beaming with smiles in all honesty.  And because it's from Gato, the order to be too lazy to help was specific.  Plot reasons to introduce you in a mysterious way mainly, but also because Gato ditched all his pupils one day, so you're the only person who has contact with him.  Marth likes his girls in all forms -creepy wink-  I'm sure that'll be introduced in a single sentence later on, only for Marth to ask again five chapters after that, and the chapter after that. -And tune in for the most boringist part story-wise in FE3 where I combine two chapters because I cut most of the dialogue out thanks to rehash-mania!-
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 4:03 pm
Aight, I figure I should probably update this, WEEK LONG BREAK, YEAAAAAAAAH! Book 2- Chapter 12: Where Marth Mashed Start And Skipped the Prologue and Book IAnd here we are kids, the two chapters in FE3!B2 that serve purely as gameplay filler for this game. With the addition of the earlier statement, these chapters also serve as plot rehash to either remind the player of Mediuth and Anri's back stories for the billionth time, or for those lazy pricks who skipped Book 1 and went on to Book 2, which is none of you guys, ...I hope. So to save tedium of SNES lolplot, I'm cutting all the rehash out which will leave us with probably 40-60% dialogue to work with.  I don't even care about the geographical location of where they are anymore, while going east from Thebes would be a lot less time consuming and less going into the apparent not ocean, I'll just let Akaneian men do what they want.  While all the Pegasus Knights just flew over all that crap like pricks. I however, do feel sorry for Social Knights for having to pick their horses up and hike up shear walls.  It wouldn't be effecient to burn through a Blizzard tome to shut everyone up about the heat.  That's no mountain at all... y'know, going skiing off the mighty Akaneian mountains, you take a detour, and you end up flying right into a river of magma!  Hint: That "roaring" sound is in reality, Flying Dragons, fearful indeed.  This chapter, albeit filler is enjoyable to at least some extent. Although there are like six Flying Dragons with bladders full of piss just waiting to unload in your Corn Flakes, they're nothing Paola and Minerva can't handle. Also, note that the fighting space is cramped, choke points are a-go here.  The enemies are just about the same as earlier, only replace those trivial Hunters with Fire Dragons, and you got yourself one magma-y mountain!  Hence all the Fire Dragons who are totally not in graves to our dismay.  This goes on to be a theme later on, so do add this word to your repitoire kids!  Which equals for them not having to waste a turn turning into a dragon, as they're transformed from the start, and don't ever revert, fantastic.  Rehash! Originally heard from Morodof in B1!Ch.6: Basically they were all happy, humans lived here, they lived wherever they lived (i.e- away from humans) then God decided to d**k punch the dragons for no apparent reason at all and if they didn't seal their forms inside stones, they'd degenerate (or flip tits and destroy things forever)  It was nice of the Flying Dragons to patiently wait while Chainy info-dumped already known information on Marth though!  You can't mount until you get to the cracked part of the bridge, hopefully all your mounts are at top of the vanguard! Also, Chainy doesn't join this chapter despite being with us, what a chump.  This is NOT a chapter to piss around around spawn base, as reinforcement forts are right there, so you can either cover those and play this chapter defensively, which is a whole new definition of tedium, or just run as fast as you can and pray to Vishnu that the Fire Dragons don't breathe too much fire at your squishy units.  By following FE3 and 5 laws, reinforcements come out arbitrary, sometimes three Fire Dragons come, sometimes one Barbarian comes out, and there's also a chokepoint conveniently there if you're feeling the need to grind a single strong 1~2 RG unit.  Also, because Flying Dragons are technically fliers, Ryan has the advantage, coupled with Partia, he enjoys this chapter immensely.  Feena can do that as well for some easy Archer love.  Most people just get Julian to walk across the dragon filled map and get what I'm about to get, but with five uses, and easy EXP, the treasures that required this staff have already been gotten, so why not give her some EXP? God knows she desperately needs it.  By this point, the player should check to see if they have twelve of these, if not, they're ******** src="https://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b7/rei_masamune/Fire Emblem Monshou no Nazo/FireEmblem-Version10J1474.png" class="user_img" alt="User Image" /> Sixteen DEF! Which means she'll laugh at everything, and kill everything thanks to the typical FE law of enemies not having the word "RES" in their dictionaries.  Ryan also LOVES this chapter thanks to stealing kills like a hoodlum, and every Dragons auto 99 EXP/Partia kill.  After a not so climatic fight of Paola saving a lot of a**, and Malliesia proving her worth of a staff bot, we get through this boss-less stage!  Guess where we're going next, and guess where the final chapter is going to be based?  So, basically exactly where Durhua is (or was), but because we didn't get time to sightsee back in the glorious Book 1 days, we didn't get to see where all the pretty degenerated Dragons were sleeping over there.  FE3B2 Shits all over Book 1 moment: A single Earth Dragon caused everything in Book 1, now we discover that there are hundreds of them, take that Book 1! -Chainy then goes on to tell Marth of another time the Earth Dragons kicked the humans asses before Mediuth did with Anri/Marth a few years ago.-  And this shield, as told by Jeigan in B1Ch19 keeps these dragons sleeping, but because HUMANS stole the shield, the world is starting to go to s**t.  Narga is a classy dragon you see, he bites dragons as opposed to breathe of them like every other dragon in this game does. In the end, ripping your own yellowed (or golden?) canine out of your 5,000 year old mouth really doesn't benefit and this ends our favourite fab dragon. At least someone will then go on to write a book about him so vivid that it shoots him out of it, and adds +20 to a s**t tonne of stats!  Which we learn later to our absolute agony in dismay, is total BS.  "is still faithfully follow his orders" On that note: Gato is 5,000 years old now, wat?  But is too lazy to partake in a** kickery, dragon breathing, so he just pretends to use magic and tell Marth to do things.  DUN DUN- you're too dumb Marth.  At least Chainy's got the right idea, if it was me, I would have made up an excuse to escape Marth's barrage of questions earlier. This took longer than I expected, so these chapters will remain divided for better or for worse. You decide yourself when we continue exactly this in Filler Emblem: Morestory no Newcontent, with ice this time, and maybe a whole new class if you're lucky!
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:49 pm
Book 2- Chapter 13: I Think I Promoted Too Early Welp, that does it! When I venture into Akaneia, I definitely want to be either a chick with wings, or Mishiel. Speaking of him, how did he get to pursue the Dragon Knight class? There's no reclass yet, and the only way of being a DK is first being a PK.  Makes me wonder of the legitimacy of this story itself if Jeigan can't even get the numbers right. stare  It was mighty nice of Hardin to suspend his reign of terror while Marth and co. spend days (weeks? Months?) climbing up 5,000 feet of mountain.  Yet they're perfectly capible of fighting, especially Linda with her loin cloth in a GOD DAMN MOUNTAIN SUMMIT!  Pallet swap ahoy! Although I give IS for at least putting some effort in these two levels design, gives the player motivation to continue.  Rehash! Exactly what was said in the map scene.  This is before FE11 when crossdressing avatars of an apparently deceased god were a-go, see?  Let's just.. not converse about your natural skill with a sword without having to morph into someone who does have skill.  Rehash! Perpetuating that humans are dicks for stealing the Shield of Seals, and walking around like they own the place. From everything and also from every other video game in existance.  What dickery!  Rehash! Mediuth's story for the millionth time (430,000 if you don't count Book 1 or the Prologue)  Ice Dragons! They're pretty underwhelming by the by.  So... this is basically a picture that sums up this chapter, IS forgot that Marth can cross water, and that two overpowered women have wings to protect Marth. I'm sure someone did cross the recommended path like a chump, but I find giving Marth and Julian Dragon Killer swords, and having Paola and Minerva protect them to work just as well, better if you include turn count wise.  However, Julian goes on a detour to pick up the greatest item in this game. This time, it goes to Marth, and from drafting, a Marth that can move far can save a lot of tedium.  Dead serious, that's all there is to this chapter, I would argue if done in an offensive Paola lol way, this is one of the easiest chapters in this game. The think that looks like a pink tentacle coming out of the ground on the left is an Ice Dragon by the way. They're basically like Fire Dragons, only with lower HP, but beefier ATK, DEF and RES in particular and they ignore terrain and shoot... you guessed it, ice!  Really Gato? After going through the Hardin, whyyyyyyyy? phase, learning of the true functions of the orbs would be a simple "oh, okay". Then again, we're talking Marth, telling him that you can open a can of Coke by pulling the tab off would send him to the hospital for shock treatment for days.  Gasp! FE3 has some pretty ridiculous reasons to postpone plot development.  Which needs to be reminded that HUMANS stole the orbs and the shield.  Hence Gato's orb fetish, 600 years later, and he found.. three out of five orbs!  So much for divine dragons only being able to enter there, eh? We also disproved this last book as well.  Sadly, being a game of the 1990s, plot wasn't there, so no, Hardin didn't stub his toe one day and said "******** it, everyone's going to die" or anything to that level of badass, he just simply got possessed.  Convenience will play a crucial role with the finding on this one, guaranteed.  Fun fact: he's going to sit in the same tile next chapter, and find his way to the bench the chapter after that. Next chapter: dickery on IS's behalf, being thankful that I gave the Boots to Marth, orbs ahoy and we also get the greatest endgame trivializing staff in the history of FE!
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:53 pm
Book 2- Chapter 14: Haha, Good Try Dragons, Go Back to Being Secondary FoesOh, and last chapter, did I mention that Garnef came back from the black holes of the Eagle Nebulae to give Hardin that orb? That ********. Anyway...  But his suprisement scene is off camera, as the large, unfathomable files of text and other unrelated questions directed Chainy's way (some inevitably questions about events that took place two seconds ago) is just too big to host on a SNES ROM.  Somehow, the Shield of Seals* keeps her sanity- which she was totally fine with it not complete in Book 1 mind you, opposed to her dragon stone like all the other Mamkutes out there. * Which I will call S.o.S from now on because it's too bitchy to spell that out 24/7  He then goes on to wake her up, bring her to civilization and abruptly get her kidnapped by Garnef, he's such a good guardian! Currently, she's back here in her collector's display case sleeping.  Well, maybe if she learned to draw her sanity from a dragon stone like a good girl, we could avoid this.  Ice Dragons! Send in your high AVD sword units, they'll 2 RG the s**t out of you, send in your Mages, they'll show you the definition of squishy in a fantastical blizzard scene. I dislike this chapter greatly. That's not even the half of it! "No Mount" I'm not done yet!  See all those Thieves?  No, there's nothing that they can get to before you, BUT:  With "--" for LCK, this somehow rounds their odds of being struck with the Devil Sword to 0%, meaning that the Devil Sword is just an ordinary sword for them, and you'll be biting 23 DMG most of the time thanks to the Thieves's high hit rate.  The first Warp staff in the game! Naturally, this Thief can escape off the map in three turns and is a mile ahead of you, so if you're really that obsessed with the Warp Staff, better move quickly~.  Thankfully with those two chapters of filler behind us, the game will get at least a little more interesting, that is to say less rehash, more new plot.  You know how I say Marth likes to ask unrelated questions?  ...Duke Cartas, we hear his name like once in a split second in some map scene, think "oh, I'll never hear his name again", forget about his name, his name then comes back a dozen chapters later and becomes a main part of the plot, typical FE3!  Marth- a noble doesn't know that nobility can't marry former peasants (Anri in this case)!  And therefore never has kids, and whenever Marth says he's a descendent of Anri, he is therefore lying.  And he goes on to have kids, Marth is a descendant of Anri's brother, not Anri. ... Back the ******** up! Say I were to go on to save the world, and my brother sits at home all day and eats Cheetos all day. To say you're a descendant of me is pure BS, you're a descendant of a lazy Cheeto eating slob, not me.  I like to handle this chapter by placing someone with high AVD to cocktease the Ice Dragons, and snipe the ones off to the side with people with 2 RG. Granted, the high AVD part is down to luck, better be thankful it's at the beginning, so rageresets can be performed. emotion_awesome  There are definite positivities to obtaining the Hammerene in Ch. 5, and Partia in Ch. 8!  I have this feeling that although Paola is the frontier slaughterer, Ryan's still going to 20/20 before her.  The Ice Palace is equiped with one of those fancy 21st Century automatic opening doors, but because Gato is in charge, natually it's a magical fancy 21st Century automatic opening door that only opens with Marth and no one else. There's also three of these doors and they're spread out across the chapter. See why giving Marth the Boots cuts down on tedium?  Next turn:  NO, IT'S NOT ANRI, I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS TWO MINUTES AGO! ARGGGHHGHLJDSAFKASLKGHASLKFLSAKDHFALKWHFLASDKJFAS! -fistshake-  For all the cancelling of enemy terrain underwhelming glory one can hope for. And it's required to beat the game, so why not?  How one ended up in a treasure box across the world? Beyond me, but yayyy, Star Orb, 30% all stats to the holder! Aww, no more shards for lulzy stat distrubting for everyone. sad  Most possibly because you're the only one even doing anything in Akaneia right now, Marth, so it's better off in your hands than in Gato's hands in which he'll sit there the whole time.  Marth is a walking shield? Sure, why not? His DEF doesn't really vouch for that, but plot is plot!  Oh! OH! Right!  Marth notices all these things and asks about them in like ten different ways throughout this game, you'd think he would've asked about the five big gaping holes on his mini shield (see: the tini brooch he uses to pin his cape which is somehow supposed to function as a shield).  And not the shield which could probably be sold for more, but eh, I don't know the trade in Akaneia, so a brick of solid gold from god could be as much as a grain of salt over there for all I know.  Because we're talking Akaneia, there's only two humans who ever commanded an entire army, Marth and...  Nina's ancestor (Duke Cartas)! Who kept the shield because it looked nice with five gaping holes in it, I guess.  A stolen good obtained in a riot? Because that's just the definition of regal, Cartas.  Rehash! Exactly what was just said. Also, putting two and two together, The Curse of the Fire Emblem comes from Cartas stealing it.  Can you guess what the second half of the game will be about when Hardin isn't being a dramatic d**k?  B2 shits all over B1 again: There are now THOUSANDS of Earth Dragons, you're just looking smaller and smaller by the moment, Mediuth.  She went from not needing the S.o.S to be sane in Book 1, to needing it in two chapters and back to not needing it, oh you, FE3!  We also apparently have to fight pluralized Book 1 final bosses later on.  Aaaaand back to needing it!  You have to love Marth's statements, he's such a crucial figure to this game, always helping advance the plot and whatnot. The pinnicle of his character right here!  2/5 orbs, more importantly, we're finally done with this god awful mountain in a few more turns!  Yes, Marth can move that far with the Boots, give him them!  Pictured: Chiki on a Saturday morning after a night of-.  Good morning to you too, Miss Sunshine!  I guess not even dragons can sleep for 600 years straight, they got to get up every now and then for a glass of water.  Kids just grow out of their cute stage too quickly these days.. If I find any MCR garbage or anything like that in your room young lady, you're out of this house!  Ah, there we go, can't be consistent with character all the time, now can we?  Chiki has better join time this time, better base stats and has 2x against dragons, she will function as a third flier to the team. Granted, her SPD is still abysmal, Mamkutes can't double anyway, and we don't plan on dropping her in an open pit of enemies soon anyway and expect her to survive. That's Paola's job Get this: it's a sword, but it kills swords! (Mercs and Heroes) Granted, every enemy human dies in two hits with a low tier weapon anyway, it's still amusing to give to someone and watch them just totally rip a Merc up every now and then.  I know, IS is so obvious.  Degenerating, dragons? Well, lovely Anna here has a solution to that as well as shits all over the plot: you can now buy your own sanity in four delicious new flavours!  Gosh, this was a long chapter. It's not over yet though~  Meet the biggest way to cheese the game forever: it lets THE ENTIRE ARMY MOVE AGAIN. Problem with fighting 20 reinforcement units at once after crossing the trigger point? Well, give your Marth a pair of boots, kill the boss with Paola, cross half the map, Again Staff, cross the other half and no fighting reinforcements! This will also make the final boss a lol.  The other treasure is pretty meh, we give it to Linda because she's going to love tanking both physicially and magically.  Gato then becomes the greatest person ever, I wish I kept track of his magic in B2. sad  You're starting to get on my s**t list, Citan Uzuki. That's how many bosses you ducked out of? (Curtesy: The Dark ID) Oops, wrong game.  Pay attention to the plot, Marth, if Garnef gave the Dark Orb to Hardin, he's probably still alive, yeah?  He gave himself to Hardin, aww...  Why didn't he do that before? Surely it would have been harder to blast him into hell if he was protected by a bunch of assholes with stupid tomes!  Naw really? Afterall, it IS Garnef, not like he ever does anything nice like have a lovely tea party with various Princesses or anything. Next Chapter: Enhancing the plot, opposed to nostalgiafagging for once! A shittonne of items, silly dodge animations and the return of the fly haxxing ladies with a new member!
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:54 pm
Book 2- Chapter 15: Aritean Army Outta Nowhere! Gotta be honest: thank Narga for Gato, if he didn't warp Marth across the world, and there were two other filler chapters of Marth climbing down that mountain, he wouldn't have made it down in my save file.  I can only just imagine the horror on the Akaneian's faces as A WHOLE ARMY ARMED TO THE TEETH MAGICALLY (literally) APPEAR IN FRONT OF THEM, AAAAAA!  Ah, Gra, the continent's b***h.  Many = 2, one of them is going to be cheesed in a hilarious motion, and the other one is a give or take really :/  Take a ticket guy, you're not the first, and definitely not the last who uses silly tactics.  Good to see double exclamation point obsessed Marth is back though!(!)  A typical thing in the country of Aritia.  Look familiar? This time, our lucky prisoner is going to be cheesed.  Fun fact: there is a d**k 3~10 RG Bishop in this stage who will always kill "her" even if "he" is still an enemy.  Abel's "him"? Quick, arm everyone with Knightkillers!  Holy ********, with one quarter of this game left, like three outside chapters, Est finally joins with Ch.1 stats! I am still ashamed of myself for formerally supporting her archetype.  Kain always looked cooler than you, now you prepromote and get stuck in lategame with few chapters to "shine", HA!  Yes, I am totally going to do it, I brought Yumina into this battle specificially for this.  Welp! Worst part is they don't learn from this later on.  So what I LOVE about the chapter is:     Marth orders his army to endorse grave robbing and therefore half the enemies in the stage drop their s**t! I have no idea what the player is supposed to do with all this s**t, providing they shop throughout the game, but items! We all like them!  Better not supply shitty lategame characters, there's enough of them already in this game! -fistshake-  How all villages should be.  Like it was all fun and games five years ago, but Marth will have nothing to do with this BS anymore, we wants both items, not just one!  Bullshit! Alan is bullshit too, take him back! ...  Samson was always cooler anyway.  Chiki has a new attack that includes vomiting pixely acidic mist all over the enemy that does lulzy damage on a critical.  oh, OH! Oh well.  Can't have a drop orgy without replenishing special weapons, now can we?  The Akaneian army, I guess didn't notice the whole "poof!" scene, and the prison guard is dead by now, and Linda pilfered his Silver Lance off his freshly cancered body.  Took him two lines on his behalf, and Marth gaving him nasty looks, but he betrays his love interest just like that!  Some may argue Paola is part goddess  Whatever the case is:  She can fly over the mote with Abel out of the picture and ORKO the boss with little effort.  Stats! Pay close attention to Linda and Paola in particular.  All Linda needs is a little bit of resources for her STR and DEF, and she'll be able to decimate anything that crosses her path, as like any SNES game, magic is unfairly strong. And Paola is just a goddess on her own, and all that is natural growth on her behalf.  Meh, thanks to Partia, Ryan is able to gain rapid levels killing the shittonne of promotes.  But being locked to bows discredits him from being 1~2 RG, 20 DEF/STR Linda good, or flying haxx Paola good.  Not like there was much mass moving of army on anyone's behalf anyway.  Anyway, Marth has an arbitrary hissy fit out of the blue, but Jeigan one lines him and we never see Marth be emotional again, because Jeigan's motivation speeches are just that good. Anyway, you can expect more map recycling, but with at least a little bit of effort this time to change things, opposed to just recolouring, even more treasure pillaging, the start of the 3~10 RG horror enemies that plague endgame and more late joiners!
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:55 pm
Book 2- Chapter 16: Get Outta' Mah' Castle! Again... I really do want to know who is narriating this story, it was like Jeigan for two, then emotion Marth, back to Jeigan, then Marth, ughghgh inconsistancies.  In four years, he lost his brains, in exchange for emotions, luckily the question Marth is sort of in the past!  What if Sheeda was dead by this point?.. Oh Paola, you've been such a help all this time!  Like literally ever single castle chapter in this game, it's like they have radar on Marth's raids or something.  And while we're bitching about treasure, why did Gato let Aritea keep the Earth Orb if he just spent 600 years looking for it? Fortunately, this Thief moves at the pace of Neptune's orbit around the Sun, so we can either immediately dispose of him now, or wait a billion turns until he finally makes it to the escape area.  Feena This Devil!Thief becomes a theme here, FE3B2 tries to intimidate the player by throwing a mass amount of troops at them with high ATK in hopes that the haxx ATK'll at least chip their DEF at least a little bit.  Also, remember the whole Gordon recruiting George hooha? Well, they do it again! Granted, it's at least a little bit more obvious this time around.  To make up for the map recycling, they added some archetecture this time around to make it at least a little bit more bearable. DON'T OPEN THE DOOR, OH GOD, WAIT AS LONG AS YOU CAN! When you do, FE3B2 will then show you its new plan to try and conquer the player, and this plan will be here to stay after this chapter.  Remember how I said the orgy of high hitters? Welp!  I also make really dumb ideas sometimes when I play this game.  Ah, here is a better plan! /dead serious  Linda- gives FE3's cheap tactics the finger by having access to max DEF thanks to Star Shards, and magic.  Yeah, if this were drafts, Linda would have cancer'd you for that sword already!  Holy holepunch, George, you're going to top Marth's question per chaper quota in one conversation box!  But I really like George's tone here, he talks to Astria like he is a child. I like George, he's such an a*****e.  Then again, Astria is sort of not there, most of the time. Let's go on a timewarp! Book 1: Astria: "Mediuth is a nice guy, surely he'll free Midia after this!" Book 2: Astria: "Hardin destroyed everything, and Nina hasn't been seen in months; he's such a nice guy!"  Didn't Boa use that exact logic on Midia as well? Crazy.  He does have semi-acceptable bases, and access to the Miracle sword, but Oguma and Navarre are the Heroes. Not like they're really used with Paola flying around, and tank Linda anyway. In fact, most of the chapters, you really only need to field the two of them to progress with ease.  Opening the door leads us to an old guy with that awful tome we only saw once way back in Thebes in Book 1. It gets sillier than just that though: opening the door also introduces us to like four other Bishops all with Meteor, so you really have to move fast if you don't want to be end of Jurassic era'd.  Fortunately, it's his only tome, which leaves us to be able to:  Kill him without losing a single HP, take that Book 2!  Surely the enemy would leave her be as they invade the castle. She'll come out of her room shortly enough for a glass of water!  Eh, no biggie, she should be used to this by now. By this point, this is more of a running joke, "Princess Ellis got captured by Garnef, again!"  Welp, I guess we're going to have to go to his castle and jump over his fire breathing self and get the hammer/Starlight tome placed conveniently at the end of the bridge again!  I direct you to the second and third line of Gato, you don't say... I always laugh uncontrollably at this part, even if I have played this game like a billion times.  To us, this means actual progress in this game, which is a godsend! Next Chapter: Having his house back, Marth is an a*****e, more tits, tits, but with actual armour on them this time, even more map recycling and the hardest enemies evar!!!11!!1oneone
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