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 Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:07 pm
For a moment, everything was so dark, so terrifying, and Rosuto wondered if he had already died. Was this what Hell is? A dark and lonely place where he could still feel pain? Whatever had happened to him, it didn't seem like such a painful death. He was scared, thinking that he would have to be in this place for all of eternity. It was then that he saw a light. His still-beating heart fluttered and he approached it, not caring that he had meant for himself to die. Now he wanted to leave this darkness at once. As his speed increased the closer he got to the light, he could hear faint and distant coughs. The voice that came with them sounded very much like his own. In this case he probably wasn't dead. The intruder had managed to save him.
Color suddenly flooded his eyes, but everything was still a blur. There was pressure on the cuts on his wrists that felt nothing like the towels from before. Then they must have been bandages that the intruder had managed to find. In that case, Rosuto might as well thank him for saving his life, though he didn't need to be saved. As his vision began to clear, Rosuto could faintly see Hatomi. It had to be an illusion. There was no way Hatomi would be the intruder who saved him. That guy hated him just because he was gay, right? His thoughts were terribly wrong, for the clearer his eyesight became the more obvious that the person, though Rosuto admitted to believe it, may have been Hatomi.
His eyes then widened in total fear and he pushed his tormentor away, soon trying, and failing, to stand and run. "G-get away from me!" he shrieked, his mind now completely blinded with fear. "Can't you wait to torment me tomorrow?! What do you want?!" His heart was now pounding, but he didn't care. He had to get out of the room before Hatomi decides to beat him. Wasn't everything that happened today already enough? What could he possibly want now?
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:29 pm
Hatomi's eyes saddened and he let Rosuto move away not even trying to stop him. "I'm sorry Rosuto," The tears that were falling diwn his face hadn't stopped and he looked down and away. "I should have never have done those things to you.....I'm such a coward how could I mistake this for anger......I'm such a damned idiot," He lashed out and punched a nearby wall a few times. He huffed a few times. "All this time...I though I hated you and your kind, but I was only running from the truth that I had taken the wrong way in my head. All thise kids I hurt....I see it now....they did what you did and no one told me...they all knew....." He punch the wall again knowing full well he blocked the door for Rosuto to get out. "I'm sorry I won't hurt you...not now or ever again.....I can't tell you how truely sorry I am Rosuto....I feel so horrible....I have been taking peoples lives with out knowing it and they didn't deserve it....even if their sexual Orintation was......" He wanted to hold Rosuto to let him know how much he truely ment these words, but he knew he had pushed this to far.
Hatomi covered his face with his arm to hide the tears, but it was already to late he was sure that the other had seen them. "I hate myself.......I'm such a monster.....and a coward I ran away from my true feelings and what they truely ment. I had taken what my heart was telling me wrong and I turned it into something horrible and twisted." He suddenly felt sick to his stomach and it churned in unease. He got up still not looking at Rosuto. "If it will make you happy I'll leave.....I....I don't want to hurt anyone likes this ever again...I....I truely am sorry Rosuto."
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:01 pm
When Hatomi had said those things, Rosuto was very skeptical. He at first thought the tears he saw were nothing but crocodile tears, but kind as he was, his frightened heart soon took on the feeling of sympathy. His mind told him to be careful in case Hatomi was trying to fool him, but his heart said otherwise. "Why the sudden change of heart?" he asked, confused. "You've wanted to make my life a living hell, so why did you save me? That would be one less homo to taint the world. Isn't that what you believe?" He got up, though it was very hard due to the loss of blood. "Those others you hurt, those who had killed themselves, they wanted to escape the pain, but not me. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to be at least a little more satsified with having to deal with one less homosexial, that's why I tried to kill myself."
Hesitantly, and very weakly, Rosuto walked up to him. The need to comfort Hatomi somehow gave him the strength to keep standing, but it wasn't enough to overcome the weakness he was feeling. He wasn't sure what else he should say to his senpai. Should he say that despite all the pain, whether physical or mental, he still loved him? Should he say that he always forgave and will forever forgive Hatomi?
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:24 pm
Hatomi looked at his own hands, "I don't know what I wanted...or what I want now....It's hard to explain, but I don't want anyone to die I never did and I realize now I didn't hate you or them at all....I only though I did. so how could I want someone dead....who am I to judge anyone....even if they took their lives for pain I feel like I did it in their place. I shouldn't have done it....."he placed a hand over his mouth feelings extremely sick with himself. "I'm a coward....a monster....a hypocrit.....I twisted love into hate, anger, revenge, and pain.....I'm an a** hole.....But when I saw you laying ther pale and bleeding I felt scared i didn't know why at first. Why I cared you were dying, I couldn't help but feel that way like I was losing the one things I cared about in this world. It didn't make any sense. My heart hurt so much to see you like that and without thinking I tried to help...even now I still don't understand... My mind seems clearer and my eyes seem unshadowed by the truth now, but it scares me that I had turned this into something hateful and twisted. I hate myself for it......ugh I feel sick."
The tears hand't stopped the pain of realization of what he had done to Rosuto running through his mind, heart, and soul had seared him to the core. The deaths he had caused making him sick to his stomach with self loathing and hatered towards himself. He hadn't noticed Rosuto was approaching him as he closed his eyes trying to will away the picture that seemed to be burned into the back of his eyes to veiw every time he closed them. " Damn me.....damn me to hell......" He placed both of his hands over his face, "I' such a damned fool."
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:42 pm
Without thinking, Rosuto wrapped his arms around Hatomi. He had expected to be pushed away, but now it didn't matter. The number one thing on his mind was to bring Hatomi out of his guilt. "Don't say such things about yourself," Rosuto said. "It's not your fault. You were born homophobic and you probably didn't know how to tell feelings apart, so I understand why you would do such things." Despite feeling his energy being drained away just by standing, Rosuto barely move. The only movement would be the trembling of his legs as they tried to keep him upright. "Please don't hate yourself for what isn't your fault. I've never hated you, even when you broke my heart and tormented me until you finally pushed me to the brink of death. I never blamed you, because I knew you didn't like people like me. No matter what you did, I forgave you. No matter what you said to me, I forgave you. After every pain you gave me, every hateful word that came out of your mouth, and even every time you swirlied me I always forgave you."
Fresh tears were falling from his eyes. His broken heart was once again bleeding with sadness and the need to comfort the very person he loved and was tormented by. "So why would you hate yourself even when I never did? Sure, I was always afraid of you, but I never hated you," Rosuto continued. 'It broke my heart when you hurt me, but it now breaks even more to know you called yourself a monster." He then looked up at Hatomi, straight into those sparkling eyes. "If you were a monster, then why do I still love you?"
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 9:10 pm
Hatomi had no choice, but to look into Rosuto's eyes now. Those small arms wrapped around him in comfort. He couldn't help but listen to him as he spoke as though it was an important life line, when the other finally finished he lifted his hand and whipped the others tears away with more tenderness then he's ever shown to anyone. "I don't know why you keep loving me Rosuto...I've hurt you so much and taken your life away from you....made your parents despise you...and made you seem like a vial being when in true I had turned love into something horrid and ugly." Without even thinking about it he pulled Rosuto into a hug, his arms trembling as he felt Rosuto's trembling just by trying to keep himself up just to comfort him. He sighed slighty, "Even now I'm giving you pain....I feel so stupid....How could I mistake these feelings I had for such vial emotions.....I- I love you Rosuto....I'm so sorry," He sobbed slightly as he burried his face into the others shoulders.
Hatomi had almost lost the one he had cared about the most without realizing that he cared about him this much. He would never forgive himself for this ever and it hurt him now to see that sight everytime in his head and he would forever remember that he had been the one to cause that. "My life would never be better without you in it....even when before you came back to school something didn't seem right with you not there. I felt so confused with that feeling that it made me frustrated and angrier with you.....or so I thought.....I feel sick that I have done such things.....I don't think I was born Homophobic......maybe I was just running from the truth from whom I was....I don't know......god I feel so confused right now, and so lost."
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 9:37 pm
"Do you know the saying that love is blind?" Rosuto asked. He had tensed a little when Hatomi hugged him, but he soon relaxed when the older didn't do anything to him. "There is no specific blind. Maybe it's because I became your best friend and I knew so much about you that I became blind to the hate you felt for me. My life may have been taken away, but I know I deserved it." It was hard to believe that Hatomi was there, very guilty, when Rosuto had never expected him to be. What had really surprised him was that Hatomi said that he loved him. Had the worst part of his life passed already? If so, then he should be happy to live through it.
Suddenly, his legs gave way and fell limp, causing him to slip out of Hatomi's arms and collapse. He had been standing for too long and it seems that he could no longer keep himself up no matter how hard he tried. It was no use. He had already used up nearly all of his remaining energy.
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 9:46 pm
Hatomi caught him before he hit the floor all the way, "Rosuto?!" He sighed as he tried to will his own tears away right now. He scooped Rosuto up and picked him up bridle style. Slowly he made his way to Rosuto's room and rested him on the bed. He himself sat on the floor and oddly enough didn't feel like leaving his side anytime soon. He watched the other and stroked some hair out of his face, "I could I have hated you so......why hadn't I noticed any of this......you weren't blind Rosuto you kept on loving me because you accepted who and what I was....and yet I...was to blind by fake rage that I didn't see the truth behind my heart. My mind twisting the most purest of things into something vial. I'm so sorry and nothing I can do or say is ever going to erase the fact that I had done these things to you."
He rested his head against the matress and felt suddenly drouzy from the days events and he fell to sleep. His hair framing his face as he slept. He would probably stay there like that until the other awoke again and got better. One things was for sure though, his life was changing and that would be in his and Rosuto's case the best thing to ever happen. He may be confused a little, but he would understand quicker over time.
((well g2g for the night bye))
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Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:06 pm
(Good night, then)
Rosuto couldn't help but feel embarrassed as he was carried to his room by Hatomi, and in a bridal position no less! As he was put on the bed, a sudden wave of sleepiness washed over him. How had he suddenly been this tired? Maybe it's because of the blood loss and the events of today. Those could be the explanations to his tiredness. Though he closed his eyes, he still could listen to what Hatomi had to say. Yes, everything made perfect sense. This love, unbent despite the pain, had been possible because of acceptance. It was probably a kind of acceptance that was rare among people, and Hatomi was most likely a lucky person to know someone who had that acceptance. Of course, that was what Rosuto had thought.
For some reason, even after the tormenting and the attempted suicide, this day has been the best day in a very long time. Rosuto now had his best friend back, who seemed sure that he loved him. Such miracles like this probably only happen a few times in a hundred or even a thousand years.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:06 pm
Hatomi lived the whole senario over in his mind, but this time Rosuto hadn't llived. He jolted to awareness and his face was covered in new fresh tears. He looked around to try and remmber what had happened then it all flooded back to his mind and he looked at Rosuto. He placed his hands on his face and sighed. "Damn it...hatomi get ahold of yourself.....he's ok now he's not dead." He ran tense fingers through his own hair as he whiped his face off with the other. He knew he would never forgive himself now, and he really had no idea what to do now. He felt lost and confused to no end. His blue eyes glanced out the window to reveal it was dark now. Well there was no way he was going home now. He may be tough, but leathal gangs prowled the streets at night now a days. Though so were the cops and they would probably mistake him for one of them, or he might get shot by those gangs.
He sighed and looked back at Rosuto. Hesitently he reached out, his fingers only inches away befroe they pulled back slightly in hesitation once again. Forcing them forward he stroked his finger tips along Rosuto's cheek. He was shocked with how soft and smooth the skin was even when he had spent so long beating him. Without thinking about it his hand curved around the side of his face as his thumbed stroked lightly back and forth across his cheek. He felt a sudden pang of protectiveness and saddness run through him. He pulled his hand back and clenched it into a fist and pressed it to his forehead. "I'm such an idiot....not to mention I'm so damned cruel," He started to cry again. He hadn't cried this much in so long that it felt foreign to him. Almost as if it didn't belong, and yet he couldn't help it.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:32 pm
Rosuto, who had fallen asleep for quite a while, had woken up at night and he noticed a hand curved around one side of his face. It was a bit dark, but he could still see Hatomi at the bedside. For a moment, he was confused, but then the recent events returned to him. Now he remembered that Hatomi had changed, or possibly reverted back to the kind friend he knew before. Rosuto was surprised to find that Hatomi was once again crying. After all this time, had he still been lamenting about what had happened? It should be behind them now, right? The good thing was he wasn't dead, so shouldn't Hatomi be relieved? Well, he was probably still upset about the other deaths he had indirectly caused. It was reasonable that he would think of himself as a monster, but he never meant for those things to happen anyway.
"S-senpai?" Rosuto said, hoping to get Hatomi's attention. "Shouldn't you be at home by now? I would have been fine here. Nobody comes up to this house because they think it's haunted, so I'm safe." It was already too late for his senpai to return home, since it was dangerous at night. Well, while he's here, they might as well start a conversation and think about the good old days before everything turned out terribly. "Ne, Hatomi-senpai, do you remember how we thought this house was haunted, too? It doesn't look so bad now that I've cleaned it up."
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 3:13 pm
Hatomi sighed softly when he heard Rosuto wake. "I would go home, but I can't.....I think I passed out once I set you down in your bed. He leaned against the wall near the bed. He decidedly kept his eyes away from Rosuto as he remembered back to when they had been afraid of the building and it's supposed ghosts. He nodded slightly as he folded his arms over his chest. "I remember....that was also the time I shoved you through the gate and said 'look out a ghost will get you' then you pouted and whined that that was fare so you lightly sluged me." He sighed and his eyes became sad again. "I miss those days....everything seemed as easy as breathing between.....us.....I'm so sorry Rosuto. Those times have been darkened by what I had done. After you had confessed I don't know exactly what I felt, but I was set on pain and revenge that wasn't truely there. When you dissappeared I felt something I didn't understand and I felt angrier. Then shortly after that.....I came back to school and started to change into this monster I am today. I pushed alot of previous friends away, and the ones that dissappeared....I geuss did whaat you did or at least tried to do." He huged his knees to his chest as his blue eyes stayed glued to the floor.
He ran a hand through his hair and let it rest upon the top of his head. His mind still unable to cope with what had just come to his attention. "Why can't I stop it...those things in my head. You laying there, bleeding, pale, and looking so much like death and yet some how peaceful....but it scared me. I....I could have lost you....forever."
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:33 pm
Rosuto laughed weakly at the memory of Hatomi pushing him through the gate. He also missed those old days when they had been friend instead of enemies. Well, now, in Rosuto's eyes, those days are beginning to return and life is just getting brighter. It's something like the aftermath of a terrible storm that had gotten to its worst before calming down.
"Well, maybe we should forget about the bad days. It's over now, right?" Rosuto asked, hoping to cheer Hatomi up at least a bit. "I've already said that I forgave you, isn't that enough? I've never blamed you for anything, so please stop beating yourself up over this. There's nothing you can do now." It was true. Even if Hatomi wanted to change the past and save all those lives, it would be impossible to do so. If there ever was a chance, it would be a miracle, but for now, they might as well move on. For those who had died, their troubles are well over. As the saying said, there was no use crying over spilled milk.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 6:28 pm
Hatomi sighed, "I wish it was that simple Rosuto. My mind won't let me everytime I close my eyes it's there. I hate it and I will always hate myself for the remind that has not only been burned into my eyes but my brain as well." He sighed, "I know I can never change anything no matter how much I wish I could....I- I just can't help it." He finally looked up at him as he he said these things, "but I am glad I could save you Rosuto....I- I don't know what I would have done if you were gone, Your the closest person to me....You were my best friend even when I had turned on you. So I'm going to change what has happened.... insted of being the bully I'll be the protector, because I won't run from my heart anymore." He leaned his head back against the wall, "And until your wounds heal I won't leave you alone for a while. I hope though....that you won't tire of me any time soon." Then he seemed to remember something and he slapped a hand across his own face, "Ugh how am I going to explain to the others......I'm so screwed now.....oh well if they don't like it then they can fight me....see if they'll walk away from a fight with me."
Hatomi looked over at Rosuto and smiled a gentle rare smile, "I hope things between us are going to get better and I stop feeling like I'm so lost and confused. I want to try all over again and pretend as though nothing ever happened, but I know I've hurt you so much. I beat you every day you came to school, I made your family hate you and the students at school, and I almost made you take your own life......Looking back on those days realized that those feelings I had weren't anger they were pain....pain that I was causing you pain and in a twisted way I turned it into rage when deep down I wanted to stop and my mind wasn't listening to my heart. I turned love and passion into a twisted sense of rage and vial hatered."
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 7:08 pm
"I understand. It's not easy moving on, especially when someone as sensible as you discovered why so many of those people you've hurt have disappeared," Rosuto said. "I see it really hurt you, but it's all in the past now." He then smiled at Hatomi's resolution. "Don't expect too much to change or else disappointment will slap you in the face. Just letting you know. About your gang, maybe you can explain what you saw today that made you change your mind about people like me." He didn't have much hope that the gang would take the explanation, but Hatomi did say that they don't like fighting with him, so maybe everything will be alright. Hatomi-senpai usually knows what to do.
"I'm sure things between us will go back to the way they were before, or possibly even better than that," Rosuto said. "It won't be so hard to fix things, since I've never hated you." As Hatomi had been lamenting over the things he had done that caused Rosuto's misery, he wanted to let his senpai know that he didn't need to pay much mind to it. "I never minded those beatings since I knew you didn't like people like me, and my family never really cared about me in the first place. I'm glad you saved my life or else I wouldn't have been alive to make amends with you. Everything's going to be alright now, I just know it."
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