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 Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:48 pm
Kane listened warily to Tex's answer, also watching through narrowed eyes to analyze his body language. Apparently, Texas wasn't aware of Kane's superior feline night vision, and it seemed to be reasonably dark in the room. Judging by the way Texas was looking at him...but not quite focusing, in that way most Pae did when they could only somewhat see something in dim lighting.
From what Kane could tell...Texas meant what he said, even if the feral demon couldn't figure out what act could have prompted such a response. What had been such a pointed, important moment for Texas had been more of a casual statement for Kane, one he'd made without a thought of how it might have been taken for more. So, the thought never occurred to him, even now, and he merely puzzled over what in the world he could have done for Texas to think so highly of him.
"Alright, alright, I get it," he muttered, having heard enough from Texas to make his point without losing track of the conversation with fluff one might tell a child. Honestly, Kane's thoughts were rather scattered still, and he figured he'd lose track of what he wanted to get said if he got distracted. "It's just...something new, okay?"
Taking a deep breath, he sighed. "I'm...confused." Understatement of the century. Frowning, he shot a glare at the other demon that wouldn't likely be noticed anyway. "I know...what happened at the luau. I know YOU know what happened at the luau. That is...not the question here, okay?" He turned back, the blanket still pulled tightly around his form, as if providing some sort of shielding effect.
"I didn't forget anything," he muttered. "Even if I'd wanted to, I didn't. I got drunk, had a hangover from hell, yes, but I didn't forget anything that happened!" He seemed to pick up energy for a moment, then fell quiet again. "I'm not denying it happened...though I'd like to, I can't. What I can't remember...is why it happened. Alcohol aside, why...personally...did I...did that...?" He trailed off, shuddering silently for a moment, beneath the blanket.
"Alcohol only goes so far," he muttered after a moment. "Great as it would be to blame everything on that, I can't. I know that now." He seemed to curl tighter into himself, bracing himself to voice the thoughts that had been running through his head for weeks now. "What I did...I did for some reason. I can't remember those reasons...but it was something I did. I can't even blame..." He trailed off for a moment. He hadn't said the fae's name out loud yet. Even if this had been some other Pae's room previously, the scent was weak and faded...and though he hadn't seen him yet, Kane knew the fae was in the house somewhere. His scent was almost a part of the house. Damn his enhanced senses. He wasn't even allowed to try and forget his problems while he was stuck here because of them!
What, he was afraid of acknowledging his name? A little late for something stupid like that. "I can't even blame Magnus...even if that'd be easier too." He sighed, trying to relax some of the building tension in his muscles. Conversation made him uncomfortable. Personal conversation made him antsy.
"What I did, I did out of choice. I just can't figure out why!" What bothered him on a similar note...not only could Kane not remember why he did what he did...he couldn't remember exactly hating what was going on either. Maybe it was partially the alcohol, but...he wasn't so sure after so much thought on the matter.
"What I did...was my choice on some level. I wasn't forced into...anything. I just can't figure out what reason I would have to want to do...that...with anybody! I've never...! Never even thought about that... The idea never crossed my mind; I don't even like spending time anywhere near most Pae. Forget actually enjoying being around someone much...well, maybe....once...but..." He shook his head slightly, wandering completely off-track again with memories of past incidents.
"I thought...that sort of thing had to have something to do with like...some kind of attraction or something first? I dunno...like...that fluffy sort of crap?" Kane was practically wrapped up in the blanket like a cocoon at this point, unable to look at Texas, even in the dark, as he revealed one of the primary questions he was failing at dealing with on his own.
"What I did with Magnus...does that mean I'm gay?"
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Posted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 11:19 pm
The words kept pouring out of Kane's mouth like a waterfall that was half-frozen with the way he kept pausing. Nevertheless, Texas was surprisingly patient, listening carefully to every word that the feral demon was saying even in his rambling state. Texas actually thought this was the best state to catch anyone in. Rambling people tended to sometimes accidentally say important pieces to the puzzle, like Kane seemed to be doing now.
There were a few specific points that Texas gathered as he paused at the end of Kane's remarks, thinking of the best way to possibly respond. Kane was aware that there was some other reason besides alcohol and Magnus' charm--or lack thereof--which made Kane do what he did. He obviously had never even approached anything remotely like this before. There was one other person he had considered before, perhaps, in some light, that he mentioned in some passing before moving on. This seemed to highly embarrass Kane, and Kane was now wondering if he was gay.
...Where to start, where to start...
"I'm sure there are definite reasons to what you did, and perhaps part of figuring out what exactly happened is figuring out your motivations. I'm sure alcohol helped lower inhibitions... but I think you're not acknowledging something else." This was good. Texas leaned forward, placing his hands in his lap as he continued on. "You've never been in any situation like this before from the sounds of it; lowered inhibitions might've also allowed you to get in touch with feelings that you never really felt safe enough to access before."
He pursed his lips, before adding, "The option was presented, and you made the choice to take the option. Perhaps thoughts were more than a little blurry at the time... but perhaps we can make some sense out of them." Kane had opened up to Texas, and now Texas was going to take the time to help get Kane out of his depressing funk.
Maybe then, he would start to feel at least a little better about what had happened, perhaps a step closer to coming to terms with the situation. "I'm going to address the central question first... no, Kane, you're not gay." That much he could tell. Kane didn't seem like he was attracted to men. While Texas couldn't tell what exactly was going on with the feral demon, Texas did know that Kane didn't seem to be displaying any obvious attraction towards any physical form.
Honestly, initially, Kane came off as rather uninterested in general to Texas. With a mild chuckle, the demon then continued, a mild smirk of amusement on his face, "If you want to know who the gay one is... that's me, Kane." His expression transformed back into one that showed nothing but concern for Kane. "I find myself attracted to certain physical forms initially, and later on other aspects such as personalities... that doesn't quite seem to be the case with you."
Not that he knew what Kane's 'case' was. Perhaps that's what they were there to figure out tonight.
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 12:17 am
Recovering from his personal outpouring of mental ramblings, Kane stayed silent and listened to Texas' observations. He seemed pretty accurate on some things, while some were rather new to the demon as well. Some he'd have to think about further. Feelings he'd never felt safe enough to access before? Like...what? Things that would cause him to do...that? He wasn't sure he wanted to access feelings like that. He wasn't all that comfortable with 'feelings' in general anyway.
"Sense? Yeah, sense would be nice," he mused, letting Texas finish before he said anything out loud. "But, I'm not? I figured, if I did that, that must mean....wait a minute...you're what?" Kane froze, tense, processing what the other demon just said. And also rethinking everything he'd just said...and how it might sound from that point of view.
s**t.
He'd basically acted like that was the end of the world...if...
Rolling over to face the other demon, Kane cast off the quilt and sat up, wide eyed. Normally, he wouldn't have cared about offending someone, so this was a new feeling. But Texas was...his friend, apparently? Either way, he suddenly felt he had to explain himself as soon as possible and clarify any sort of misconception.
"Nothing wrong with that! I didn't mean...when I was rambling earlier...that it wasn't about that, necessarily! I mean, it's fine if you are! That's not what I meant..." He paused his rambling, trying to figure out exactly what he did mean. Who knew if Texas could even see him in the shadows...but he actually seemed a bit upset. "It wasn't that...it's that...I thought, if nothing else, I understood myself. All this proves that apparently I don't know s**t."
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 12:36 am
It seemed like the conversation was going to continue at the same rate until Kane suddenly paused and switched into a panic. While Kane hadn't actually offended him--Texas thought his nervous ramblings were rather understandable considering his circumstances--the attempt to make things right as if Kane had offended Texas was highly appreciated. In a way, that showed, once again, that the friendship was indeed reciprocated, and it was always nice to have another friend.
Plus, it got him to say something else in any case, which Texas decided he would address in a bit. For now, it was best to calm the demon... "Kane, don't worry about it," responded Texas, with a smile to show that Kane hadn't a reason to panic. "I wasn't offended; it's alright, considering your situation, I think your reactions are perfectly understandable. I appreciate the concern, though." Texas wasn't shrugging off Kane's reactions. Those were probably new for the feral demon too, considering how uncomfortable he seemed with the idea of friendship in general.
Kane was also wrong about not knowing s**t. "And this remark about not knowing s**t, that's not true. You certainly know enough to come to certain conclusions and to attempt to resolve the problems that you haven't figured out yet. You did say some interesting things earlier." In an attempt to calm Kane down and get back onto the matter at hand, Texas decided it was best to bring up one of Kane's other comments that had interested him earlier. "Why don't you tell me more about this other person you said you may have considered at some point? Perhaps with some insight into why this other person was interesting to you, you can figure out what made you act the way you did in this situation too."
While it may have just been the alcohol, with Kane's admission that it wasn't just the alcohol, chances were that they could link this to something that had happened before, or some feeling that Kane had buried deep down somewhere. It was Texas' job to help his friend dig it up out of the recesses of his conscious.
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 1:35 am
Texas wasn't offended? His smile and amusement was clear as day, even in the dark, to the confused Kane. But Kane...probably would have taken it personally if roles were reversed. Maybe? Hard to say. He didn't like to think himself some sort of close-minded idiot, but he couldn't exactly picture himself in Texas' role either.
Then again, he was exhausted. It was doing much to temper the feral demon, if also muddling his thoughts from time to time.
He sank back, resting on the edge of the bed, looking awkward. "I...guess that makes sense," he muttered in response to Texas' proposal. Maybe it'd make some sense of all this craziness. When he was questioning his own reasoning, Kane knew he couldn't handle this on his own any more. So, here he was.
Drawing his feet up to the edge of the bed, he perched there like some sort of odd bird, arms around his knees as he drew the memory out of the recesses of his mind. "First of all...it wasn't a guy, it was a chick. And secondly, I didn't exactly think of doing 'that' with her at the time. Just saying now in retrospect, if anyone else in the past...maybe her."
"She was an angelic who acted more like a wolf than a Pae'il half the time," he reminisced. "We got in a fight over territory actually." He paused before going further. The territory issue aside, they'd ended up fighting, basically, for the hell of it. Maybe she'd said something to piss him off, who remembered these things? What he did remember...was she'd kicked his a** in their little 'sparring match'.
That...didn't need to be shared.
"Err...so yeah, she was a pretty good fighter actually. Even if she could be irritating otherwise," he continued, brushing aside his pause as one of drawing up memories only, not a sad attempt to salvage some bit of lost pride. He frowned, remembering something else that seemed...oddly familiar. "Something else happened. Something I think...that happened again at the luau. Sorta'." He scratched his head briefly. "She said something about being scary at one point, being irritating again. I told her it'd take a hell of a lot more than her to scare me." He paused again. "...then she kissed me."
Embarrassing, yes...but he was trying to work through all this weirdness with Texas' help, and unlike his humiliating sparring defeat, this might actually have been important. "Shut me up for a while, admittedly," he muttered. "Guess that's why...at the luau..." He trailed off, aware that Texas didn't seem too comfortable talking about what happened there in detail. Okay, if he didn't, Kane wasn't. Still...might be important. It seemed relevant at least. Maybe?
"I'm pretty sure we were both wasted off our asses at that point," he admitted. "Magnus was spouting crazy stuff, I was getting pissed and had pretty much forgotten the alcohol at that point for favor of kicking his a**...or trying to." The drunken attempts were rather embarrassing in themselves. "I decided he needed to shut up and, remembering what worked on me those many months ago, err...took matters into my own hands. Sorta'." He awkwardly scratched his head again, not wanting to go into detail. "One thing sorta'...lead to another after that, Guardians only knows why..."
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 4:30 pm
'A chick.' Well, Kane had at least confirmed that Texas' thoughts were moving in the right direction; Kane's previous attractions hadn't been male as well. Even if Kane hadn't considered it at the time, the fact that he even thought of bringing it up was significant enough to make it important. The demon leaned forward to watch Kane as he perched himself on the bed and continued with his story.
...Interesting. If there was one pattern in the two events, it seemed that they had both spawned from, "Competition, Kane. This female wolven angelic, you said she commonly battled with your for territory. She kissed you because she wanted to find some way to shut you up and win against you. You wanted to shut Magnus up and defeat him... you had previously been drinking, and from what I have understood in-between Magnus' ramblings," it seemed that Kane wasn't the only mixed up one in this situation, "it spiraled into the both of you continuously grating on each other in attempts to one-up each other. He kept drinking rapidly, you drank right from the tap. You tried tackling him, he kept sticking his fingers in your nose."
Texas paused once again, glancing downwards at nothing in particular as he mulled over his thoughts. It seemed like a bit of an odd attraction, but perhaps it was oddly suited to Kane and his feral nature. He glanced back up at Kane and tilted his head at him, as if trying to figure something out. "It might sound odd... but Magnus and this female angelic don't sound like they have much in common overall. Magnus is usually," there was the odd hint that he wasn't acting normal right now, "highly hedonistic, and I don't think wolves are that concerned about pleasure. What does seem to be in common is the competitiveness of the whole situation."
Talking to Kane was certainly a lot easier than talking to Magnus sometimes. Texas hoped for the day where Magnus would go on a rambling that he could make some sense out of...
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:27 pm
"If I slept with someone every time I got in a fight or argument...well, this would be far from the first time I'd had to deal with this!" Kane snapped irritably, but more out of defensive instinct than anger. It was a momentary flare of his old self, then he fell quiet and thoughtful again.
"I don't think it's nearly that simple," he grumbled, looking down. "But...you might...be on to something there." The competition was a part of it, maybe...just not the only thing. Still, the fire of a good challenge...maybe there was something to that. It was definitely something to think on more later.
Kane was far from stupid. It was just, in trying to figure things out himself, his mind started going in circles and he never seemed to get anywhere. Something about saying things out loud seemed to make the important details more obvious. It helped that Texas was supplying an outside point of view to provide extra insight. Maybe this 'talking' thing wasn't all bad.
Just...embarrassing and awkward.
Kane reached up, rubbing his temples and shaking his head. "...I wasn't aware he shared quite so many...details." He was referring to Magnus' version of events, of course. Was that really necessary?
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:49 pm
"Getting what exactly happened is the only thing that makes sense that I've been able to get out of him, actually," muttered Texas, before shaking his head, deciding not to embarrass Magnus by detailing any more of his current condition. "But honestly, he didn't go into much detail beyond that." He shrugged, before settling back in the chair and deciding it was time to change the subject back to other matters.
So he was on to something, at least, with the idea of competition being an attraction. Still, he couldn't see much else in common between this angel, from what he knew, and Magnus. The faerie would hardly waste his time on a territory battle... And though Magnus was definitely forward, he wasn't sure what that would have to do with it,.. if anything, that just added to the whole competitiveness idea, considering Kane's nature.
"Something to work off of is better than we had originally," offered the demon, with a smile of encouragement. "We just need to figure out where to go from here. Think of Magnus... not sure how much you know about him, honestly, but is there anything about him that wouldn't normally repel you?" Admittedly, Texas couldn't see anything the two had in common in particular. Kane was feral, Magnus was hedonist... that in itself would make them worlds apart, wouldn't it?
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:05 pm
If Kane hadn't been so out of it, he might have taken a moment to ponder why he was more concerned, not with the fact that Texas knew he slept with Magnus, but that he knew Magnus stuck his finger up the demon's nose.
Then again, the night seemed filled with weirdness in general, so it made about as much sense as anything else.
Still, even preoccupied with his own issues, Kane had picked up on a few odd comments from Texas. What exactly was wrong with the fae?
And now he was being told to 'think of Magnus?' He'd rather not. Especially since the question being asked immediately forced his mind to personal issues he'd rather not voice. Anything to repel me? How about the fact that he's a fae? Guardians, now he did sound like a close-minded jackass. Maybe he was. Still, given his history, he'd not had much luck in dealing with faes, so...he was having trouble imagining willing association with a fae...let alone ever being attracted to one.
Still, that was a more personal issue that he wasn't about to voice aloud. Ever. He'd deal with that one on his own, in his own time. For now, he was getting more and more antsy, exhaustion and discomfort weighing heavily on the tiger demon.
"I think...I'm done talking for a while. I need a break," he muttered, glancing aside. He wasn't ready to go back to sleep yet, even if he was tired; he was far too awake right now. He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep already, in fact. Not too long, but long enough perhaps...he could try to eat again.
Shooting a reflective glance at Texas in the dark, he asked, "You ever eat anything?"
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:18 pm
Looked like Kane was done with talking now. Perhaps Texas had hit a nerve, or maybe he was just exhausted in general, considering his state. The demon decided not to spend too long questioning it lest he look like he wasn't paying any attention. "Alright, that's fair. Whenever you want to start this conversation again, feel free to ask."
It was hard to tell if Texas ignored Kane's question on purpose or if he just zoned in on one particular word. "Oh, you're hungry? I can go heat up some more soup. Be back shortly." Without even letting the feral demonic protest, the too selfless one was back on his feet and was heading towards the kitchen to get Kane some food, completely ignoring the fact that he hadn't eaten anything yet that day.
...He hadn't slept in quite a while, either, but he still seemed to be going strong for the moment. Texas returned shortly with another bowl of soup with another spoon and handed it off to Kane, obviously returning with nothing for himself. "There. Perhaps some food in your system will help you relax a little." Even if it didn't, at least it would prevent Kane from continuing to be so malnourished.
The demon sat back down and kept an eye on Kane, surprisingly awake and alert all things considered... but nothing that Kane would be particularly aware of. If anything, Texas just seemed like he could stand being awake for a while at a time.
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:30 pm
A slight temper flare, perhaps a sign of his old self re-emerging, caused the demon to growl softly as the other took off without letting him get a word in edgewise. He wasn't a damn invalid! And that wasn't even the question he'd asked...even if, yes, he'd had a second meaning in mind. He could get his own damn food though...
So, it was with a glare that he took the bowl, not about to refuse it...but still...the principle of the thing. Then, he noted Tex returning to his seat, empty-handed, and seeming ready to settle in as before. Oh no, this would not do. Not again. Bad enough the first time.
Stubbornly, Kane set the bowl on a nearby table, crossing his arms and glaring at Texas, even if he couldn't see it. "I asked if YOU had eaten yet. I'm assuming 'no,' since you didn't answer. Now that bowl is going to sit there until you go get yourself something to eat, got me?" He either didn't realize how his comment might be taken as concern, or he didn't care. Honestly, his real reason was less altruistic than that...at least, the reason he told himself and the reason he'd give if pushed.
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:43 pm
Texas was about to close his eyes and mull over what just happened when suddenly, Kane's angered voice rang in his ears. The demon opened his eyes in mild alarm, but soon enough, he simply looked and sounded a bit confused. "Kane, I'm not eating because I'm not hungry. You eat your food, I'm fine." Even if he wasn't, Texas felt fine, and therefore he wasn't exactly lying about his state.
Perhaps, he was simply unaware of it. "I'm just going to think for a little bit. Don't worry about it." Texas had indeed interpretted Kane's words as some sort of concern, and therefore took to offering reasons why Kane shouldn't be worried about him at all. Whether it had worked or not, Texas closed his eyes to the darkened world once again and went back to musing on what he had found out in the last thirty minutes or so.
Kane wasn't gay, he was new to all of this, he seemed to be attracted to the people he was in competition with to some sort of extent, and mentioning Magnus seemed to make him want to drop the subject. It all provided places to start, and perhaps, far more of a lead than Magnus' disjointed thinking processes. Texas wished they could have nights as constructive as this one had been so far...
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:56 pm
Not exactly happy about being waved off so casually, Kane huffed and continued to ignore the bowl of soup. "I said, go get something to eat. I'm not about to be the center of attention while eating." Okay, that was the root of it. Basically, earlier when he'd been eating and Texas had been watching him...it creeped him out.
Still, for some reason, Kane got the feeling something wasn't quite right here. Not sure how, but he didn't get the idea Texas had eaten earlier like he said he would. Not that Kane cared...of course. Nope. Not at all.
"Look, I can hear your stomach from here," he fibbed, arms still crossed over his chest. He aimed a narrowed, slitted glare at the other demon, thinking maybe he'd feel it if he couldn't see it. "Go get something to eat, dammit."
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Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 12:04 am
That was an unnecessary remark. Didn't Texas just say he wasn't going to be watching him? The demon opened an eye once again and replied, "I'm not watching you, I'm just sitting here. I'll go sit near the books if that makes you feel better." Then, the demon closed his eyes again, absorbing himself back in the world of his musing about Kane, admittedly, but at least he wasn't staring at the demon like he was supposedly worrying that Texas was doing.
But, surprisingly, that didn't end the concern. While Texas appreciated it, he was far more concerned about Kane getting some food in his system and stop focusing on him. Texas was fine. He didn't feel that he really needed anything to keep chugging along in his same way. "What are you talking about?" Texas asked, opening an eye. "I would be hearing my stomach before it got loud enough for you to hear it. I'm fine, Kane. Please, just eat. I'll go sit over there."
...This was pointedly odd. For all the good he did at figuring others out, he seemed to either be ignoring himself entirely... or maybe he really was just not hungry at the moment. Kane was his first priority at the moment, after all.
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Codebreaking Conversationalist
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Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 8:23 pm
"Doubt it," Kane muttered irritably. "My hearing is much better than yours." Granted, he had been lying earlier...but still, he did have some remnant of pride. That, and suddenly being treated like a child again was putting the demon in a bad mood.
Still, if the other wanted to be an idiot, there wasn't much that could be done to fix stupidity. It wasn't worth the energy to try either, Kane knew. Let him starve if he wanted to. Kane was going to eat his soup before it got cold. He picked up the bowl with a grumble, leaning back against the headboard to relax while he ate. Even with food to satiate him, his temper was still flaring beneath his tired exterior. He wasn't one to let an issue drop either, especially if he didn't want it dropped.
"You know, you sure switch modes abruptly. One minute, observant and insightful...the next oblivious and obnoxious. Remarkable." The comment was muttered between spoonfuls of soup, the demon's eyes fixed on the bowl of food. Whether Texas heard him or not, he really didn't care. His thoughts were voiced and he was tired and irritable. He'd recovered some of his usual demeanor, even if it was an unfavorable portion, it was familiar and reassuring.
Eventually, he sat the bowl back on the table, now empty and cold. He may have looked ready to say something else...then simply grumbled, "I'm going back to sleep. And since I'm not about to provide anymore entertainment tonight, I'd say you should do the same." Kane straightened out the blanket, pulling it around himself as he laid down and pretended to close his eyes and ignore Texas. In reality, his eyes were still open as slits, his senses trained on the other demon's presence to make sure he wasn't going to sit there all night and watch him. Creepy. Hopefully he'd leave soon.
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