Also, there's a LOTR failfic generator which can be found... Here: http://elffetish.com/instasue.html There's also a slashfic one, but the Sue one is so much funnier.
Quote:
Chapter One
Sophia sighed heavily as she threw her velvet cloak to the floor. Feisty anger flashed in her Sky blue eyes. 'Curse you father!' she muttered to herself under her breath. 'An arranged marriage! How could you do this to me... your only daughter! Have you no care for my own happiness?' She flopped over onto her soft Wool-sheeted bed and glanced around at the empty room. Tears began to flood her eyes and roll softly down her porcelain cheeks. 'I cannot marry another,' she said in a voice no louder than a whisper. 'I cannot, for my true love is Legolas.'
Standing, Sophia walked solemnly to the window that overlooked the city of Rivendell. The sun was just setting for the night, casting a golden glow over the countryside. But the beauty of the scene touched not Sophia's heart, for it was saddened by the news that had been given to her only hours before. She was to be married to Gimli, who was a close personal friend of her father's. She had been given no say in this matter- it was arranged behind her back. And there was no turning away from it now. Tomorrow, she would leave for Lorien to meet her future husband. And the day following, they would be wed.
Sophia clutched at the windowsill until her knuckles turned white, and she wept bitter tears. How could this be happening? All her life, she had been happy and carefree, and now this trouble... What had she done to deserve such a fate? Slowly, and with the blur of tears still in her vivid Sky blue eyes, she paced about her bedroom. All she could think of now was Legolas, and how the news would break his heart.
They had met two summers ago in Rohan, when Sophia had gone for a ride in the country with her mother and sisters. But when Sophia had strayed off the path to follow an adorable baby Bat, she had become separated from her family and hopelessly lost. Then out of nowhere a band of orcs had appeared to attack her. By some stroke of luck, she happened to have her father's Dagger hidden secretly within the folds of her skirt. But though she managed to kill 1337 of the foul creatures, she was soon outnumbered.
Then just as she though her life would be ended, a beautiful dream-like vision appeared before her. The deadly warrior who had come to her rescue, a handsome Elf, quickly killed off the remaining 9001 orcs with his Lance before rushing to Sophia's side.
It was love at first sight. The moment she looked into his sparkling Teal eyes, Sophia knew there would never be any other for her. 'My name is Legolas,' he said in a voice soft as the summer wind. Tenderly, he put a hand on her Butt to make sure she was alright. 'Are you hurt, my lady?' he asked.
'No,' she replied. In truth there was a bad cut on her Breast, but she didn't want to worry Legolas. 'And my name is Sophia.'
'Sophia,' Legolas repeated. He said the name as if savouring the sound of it on his tongue. 'That is a beautiful name, fit for so beautiful a lady.'
Sophia blushed coyly. She could feel his eyes wandering over her body, from head to foot, as he took in the sight of her laying on the grass. In truth, she was beautiful. Unusually so, some said. Her father came from the line of Men of Mordor, while her mother was born into a lordly house of Elves in Bree. The blending of the two races came together perfectly in Sophia, giving her an exotic look that few males found they could resist. Large almond-shaped bright Sky blue eyes were framed perfectly by shimmering waves of thick Maroon hair that fell to her waist. A Jade-encrusted mithril pendant hung ever from her slender white neck, accentuating the delicate frame of her collarbone.
Suddenly, Sophia and Legolas were interrupted by a wild cry that signified more orcs still lurked nearby. 'Come,' said Legolas as he hurried Sophia to her feet. 'It is not safe to linger here. You must come with me, and hurry!' Taking Sophia's hand, he hastened away from the sound. Sophia did her best to keep up with him, but the pain in her Breast was too great.
'My lady!' gasped Legolas when he saw her lagging behind. 'You are injured!' Immediately he sat her down to examine the wound. Blood had already started to soak through her gown in an ugly red stain. 'I must tend to this wound now as best I can,' he said. 'We will find a healer later, but for now this cannot wait.' Without a second thought, he pulled off his Pants and began tearing it into bandages for Sophia's Breast.
With this makeshift bandage in place, Sophia and Legolas were able to hurry on their way. The cries of orcs were ever-present behind them, but they ran swiftly. Soon, Sophia found herself in front of a small cabin, which she guessed must belong to Legolas. He held the door open as he stepped inside, beckoning for her to follow him. 'Come in,' he said. 'We will be much safer in here.'
Sophia took a deep breath as she stepped toward the cabin door. Here she was, a young virgin noblewoman, about to be alone in a cabin with someone she had just met. It was true he was the most handsome Elf she had ever seen, and he had just saved her life, but were his true intentions that noble? And what would her family, especially her father, say once they found out where she had been? Sophia had half a mind to run back home right then, but as she heard the clamour of orcs drawing nearer once more, she realised she had no choice. She steeled her will and followed Legolas into the cabin, shutting the door firmly behind her.
Sophia sighed heavily as she threw her velvet cloak to the floor. Feisty anger flashed in her Sky blue eyes. 'Curse you father!' she muttered to herself under her breath. 'An arranged marriage! How could you do this to me... your only daughter! Have you no care for my own happiness?' She flopped over onto her soft Wool-sheeted bed and glanced around at the empty room. Tears began to flood her eyes and roll softly down her porcelain cheeks. 'I cannot marry another,' she said in a voice no louder than a whisper. 'I cannot, for my true love is Legolas.'
Standing, Sophia walked solemnly to the window that overlooked the city of Rivendell. The sun was just setting for the night, casting a golden glow over the countryside. But the beauty of the scene touched not Sophia's heart, for it was saddened by the news that had been given to her only hours before. She was to be married to Gimli, who was a close personal friend of her father's. She had been given no say in this matter- it was arranged behind her back. And there was no turning away from it now. Tomorrow, she would leave for Lorien to meet her future husband. And the day following, they would be wed.
Sophia clutched at the windowsill until her knuckles turned white, and she wept bitter tears. How could this be happening? All her life, she had been happy and carefree, and now this trouble... What had she done to deserve such a fate? Slowly, and with the blur of tears still in her vivid Sky blue eyes, she paced about her bedroom. All she could think of now was Legolas, and how the news would break his heart.
They had met two summers ago in Rohan, when Sophia had gone for a ride in the country with her mother and sisters. But when Sophia had strayed off the path to follow an adorable baby Bat, she had become separated from her family and hopelessly lost. Then out of nowhere a band of orcs had appeared to attack her. By some stroke of luck, she happened to have her father's Dagger hidden secretly within the folds of her skirt. But though she managed to kill 1337 of the foul creatures, she was soon outnumbered.
Then just as she though her life would be ended, a beautiful dream-like vision appeared before her. The deadly warrior who had come to her rescue, a handsome Elf, quickly killed off the remaining 9001 orcs with his Lance before rushing to Sophia's side.
It was love at first sight. The moment she looked into his sparkling Teal eyes, Sophia knew there would never be any other for her. 'My name is Legolas,' he said in a voice soft as the summer wind. Tenderly, he put a hand on her Butt to make sure she was alright. 'Are you hurt, my lady?' he asked.
'No,' she replied. In truth there was a bad cut on her Breast, but she didn't want to worry Legolas. 'And my name is Sophia.'
'Sophia,' Legolas repeated. He said the name as if savouring the sound of it on his tongue. 'That is a beautiful name, fit for so beautiful a lady.'
Sophia blushed coyly. She could feel his eyes wandering over her body, from head to foot, as he took in the sight of her laying on the grass. In truth, she was beautiful. Unusually so, some said. Her father came from the line of Men of Mordor, while her mother was born into a lordly house of Elves in Bree. The blending of the two races came together perfectly in Sophia, giving her an exotic look that few males found they could resist. Large almond-shaped bright Sky blue eyes were framed perfectly by shimmering waves of thick Maroon hair that fell to her waist. A Jade-encrusted mithril pendant hung ever from her slender white neck, accentuating the delicate frame of her collarbone.
Suddenly, Sophia and Legolas were interrupted by a wild cry that signified more orcs still lurked nearby. 'Come,' said Legolas as he hurried Sophia to her feet. 'It is not safe to linger here. You must come with me, and hurry!' Taking Sophia's hand, he hastened away from the sound. Sophia did her best to keep up with him, but the pain in her Breast was too great.
'My lady!' gasped Legolas when he saw her lagging behind. 'You are injured!' Immediately he sat her down to examine the wound. Blood had already started to soak through her gown in an ugly red stain. 'I must tend to this wound now as best I can,' he said. 'We will find a healer later, but for now this cannot wait.' Without a second thought, he pulled off his Pants and began tearing it into bandages for Sophia's Breast.
With this makeshift bandage in place, Sophia and Legolas were able to hurry on their way. The cries of orcs were ever-present behind them, but they ran swiftly. Soon, Sophia found herself in front of a small cabin, which she guessed must belong to Legolas. He held the door open as he stepped inside, beckoning for her to follow him. 'Come in,' he said. 'We will be much safer in here.'
Sophia took a deep breath as she stepped toward the cabin door. Here she was, a young virgin noblewoman, about to be alone in a cabin with someone she had just met. It was true he was the most handsome Elf she had ever seen, and he had just saved her life, but were his true intentions that noble? And what would her family, especially her father, say once they found out where she had been? Sophia had half a mind to run back home right then, but as she heard the clamour of orcs drawing nearer once more, she realised she had no choice. She steeled her will and followed Legolas into the cabin, shutting the door firmly behind her.
Okay, it clearly fails at geography, and the pants bit was too funny. But seriously... Maroon hair? XD
