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 Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 11:11 am
Lepke Mese~ The Butterfly's Tale Part 3 Dr. Tenma simply started at the young girl for a moment. The Case seemed like it was becoming increasingly difficult with each verbal exchange. He wouldn't give up though. He took an oath, swearing to make sure every patient he had can speak whatever they like, and he wouldn't judge them. He would simply inquire about it.
"Corruption? What do you know of corruption? You are but a mere child-" Crap. Mistake number two. NEVER. EVER. EVER Out right question the child on their motives. In doing so, you could close them off completely, and the child would begin to hate you. It was over... It was all over.. Dr. Tenma had no chance in hell to help Alome now. But, much to his surprise, the butterfly child simply nodded, pulling her knees up to her chest, sitting in a position that resembled the fetal position.
"I know alot.. I know things you can't even imagine.." Her words came out strained. As if she didn't want to talk about it...
"What do you know? Why wouldn't I be able to imagine it?"
"...." Alome didn't speak any further. She curled up further into her ball, hiding her face in her knees.
This was going no where fast.. "Please, Alome, tell me.. Help me to understand."
"That's just the problem." Her head rose up slowly from her knees, her eyes seemed just so empty.. Almost dead. "People always ask when it's too late. 'Can I help you do the dishes?' 'No, I'm already done.' 'Can I help you with your groceries?' 'No, I've already put them away'. They are always too late.. Everyone is too late! I was too late.." Her voice broke off into cracks, curling up tighter into a ball. She wasn't crying. She couldn't cry. Not at this point.
The doctor stood up and put an arm around her. From this angle, he could see two ragged bumps on the child's back... Her wings...
"I.. I think that's enough for today, Alome." He spoke this, but didn't let her go. The butterfly didn't seem to mind though, seemingly content that someone had tried to listen to her. She truly did appreciate this. "we can continue this some other time, when you are ready to tell me more. Don't forget, I'm here to listen. It's my job.. And I want to make t hings better if I can.
To this, Alome simply nodded.
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Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 11:12 am
Lepke Mese~ The Butterfly's Tale Part 4
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Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 11:14 am
Painful Letters ~ Alome
Over and over...... I wrote you letters
Over and over
Over and over
Over and over
EVEN THOUGH WE MADE A PROMISE......
Even though we made a promise, you always ignore them like that
But only ostensibly do you have no other choice than to do that
Did it hurt? I'm sorry, but doing this
Will do you more good, because
These wounds were unavoidable
Right?
The boring kamishibai that couldn't gather any listeners
Continued to read its tale in the middle of trash that started weathering
The unidirectional kamishibai that couldn't perform anywhere but inside the window
Was forced to end its tale without ever having turned to the outside world
I love you, so I want to look at you forever, forever
I'm sure you understand - you do, right?
Our time together, unrestrained by the outside world
It can be like this forever
You're happy
I treasured you, so I wanted to look at you forever
I'm sure you understood - you did, right?
You are mine only now, "mine only"
When I think that it can be like this forever
I'm happy too
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Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 11:15 am
Kowarete iku Sekai ~ Alome *written to "Kowarete Iku Sekai" By Girugamesh
Because it's white, it said it wants to be white
Because its white, something can be blended in
Alome, though still distant to everyone and everything around her, was beginning to ease out of her little white world. There was a problem arising in her safe place... Because it is white, other colors tended to seep in from the outside... No longer was it white, but instead there were the colors of a world she once remembered. A world where there was lots of joy and happiness. One that didn't seem so far away. At times, it made her smile, knowing that such a world did exsist. A world of pure white, and could be called white, but wasn't really white, but instead, just seemed white. An illusion, to what really lurked behind it.
The water in a little bowl became clear
Little by little the colors faded away
But then.. The world of white, and color.. Was suddenly mixed in with a new element, the one that near drove Alome insane. She couldn't help but think, even if the colors were there, once the world was touched by this foreign entity, there was no hope for it. Just like how the rain washed away contaminates of the air, the entity washed away the color. There was no white, no color. Just a clear, empty world. darkness.. No source of light, no source of shadow, just a world that was there.
Eventually humans corrupt
Humans can be discolored by other humans
The star they both live on together is discolored
They strangle themselves
Humans.. Elves... Zombies, Demons, Witches! Everything is tainted. Alome couldn't get this thought out of her head. Nothing stayed pure for long. Once influenced, you can't escape it. You'll slowly become corrupted yourself. In the end, we all suffocate under such hate, such anger, such sadness, such pain. One may start off pure and innocent, but because of the way the world is, there is no way to stay that way. And that was what frightened Alome the most.
How do you describe the time
When the trees coldly looked up at the building that towers above?
There was once a time, where the world was pure.. There was no starless skies, no concrete jungles, no toxic lakes, or bulging holes filled with nothing but garbage. Now, there's nothing but those things, and the world was truly becoming corrupted. Not just the beings that lived there, but the world itself. Look at it... One can't even go outside with out the risk of being burned by the sun, our source of energy. The world is trying to punish us.
The earth is touched by a bloodied hand
Without kindness, flowers withered and died
And by that hand, which has no heart
The future without sins is murdered
Eventually humans corrupt
Humans can be discolored by other humans
This star they both live on together is discolored
A breaking world
Alome curled up on her bed, her mind racing to think over such thoughts. Wars... How many places on earth have been burned so badly that nothing existed there anymore, just for the sake of wining a battle? And the child, who saw their mother, father.. Siblings, murdered buy those very same people who were supposed to protect them.. They become corrupted by ill emotions as well.. What is there to do? What can be done? There is nothing, nothing at all. The world is dying, and it's all our fault. We don't even truly try to reverse it. We think about what does US best, and not about the world around us. We are tearing our world apart..
Eventually humans corrupt
Humans can be discolored by other humans
This star they both live on together is discolored
A breaking world
A sudden realization hit the once butterfly child. She, too, had become corrupted. She had become corrupted as soon as she laid her eyes on the cruelty that Mella had shown. The corruption seeped in as a more unusual thought. The thought process of knowing that you were corrupt, and by the act of attempting suicide, trying to escape corruption through a corrupt manner. There was no escape.. And this thought caused Alome's white world to completely crumble before her eyes.
In this civilization what sort of life do you picture is the one we wanted?
In this selfish egotistical struggle
What was shed was not blood, but the tears of the planet
The Earth, born so billions of years ago
The proportion of time we've been in existence is just a few seconds
We have not aided in the recovery of the planet
We have not lived our lives in order to help the earth
However, we alone have known an unblemished love
What, exactly, was the ideal world that she wanted? This thought was the new one that began to cross her mind. No matter what, there was always going to be strife, there was always going to be the corruption. The exact meaning of existing.. What was it? To be aware of what you are doing? That didn't always mean that we did the right things. We knew we were here, but did we care what we did to things that crossed our paths? Did we think bout the things that we truly loved? Was it money? Was it pleasures of the flesh? What about family? What about seeing children grow up happy?
What is love? What is Life? What is consciousness? What is illusion? What is real? What is light? What is darkness?
But most of all.. What was pure.. And what is corrupted?
The End is near by, but you who have known love will be all right
Alome tried to dive deep into her once happy memories. What was it that made them happy? What was this feeling?
Ah.. She understood it now.. It was ignorance. That.. That is perhaps where the pureness of the world is. It's hidden behind a veil of Ignorance. And once you knew what corruption was, you can't escape it..
But.. Perhaps, even if you were corrupted.. Just the thought that you once knew innocence.. That kept you from spiraling further downward. You can recognize it now, and try your best to avoid it.
To know innocence, whilst being corrupted.. That kept you safe from becoming stained darker..
Pondering this, Alome turned over in her bed, drifting off to sleep.
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Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 11:16 am
Hanabi ~ Domi The image of summer drifting on the waves
The lie that was left behind moves with the tides
Sleep is shallow and dreams are cruel
The crying angel and the eternal cradle
If only you were here then everything would be fine
A dawn painted purple
Swaying in the train and without a destination
Feeling lost in the passage of time
That day, when your unfinished thought disappeared into the night sky
The tears running down your cheek were in the past, I never realized
The innocent heart that learns of the mortality of things
Weakness will become kindness in the end
The little girl's eyes crying out with injustice
For every sadness I had I felt love
Colors perform and play a vibrant future, fireworks exploding in the sky
Don't ever forget that evanescent image, that far off and infinite light
Before he knew it the boy found comfort in the girl's shadow
before he could realize
He fell in love without even knowing of the unbearable sadness
hidden in her eyes
That day and the secrets you told me that disappeared into the night sky
I did not even notice the tears rolling down your cheeks
Colors disperse and paint the future, like fireworks exploding in the sky
Don't ever forget that evanescent image, that far off and infinite light
Paint the night sky.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:51 pm
Thaliawen Howl hadn't even bothered to write this letter; and from the wording, it looked like the boy hadn't been in the mood to do so. The very letter had an air of guilt attached to it, and it wasn't just the wording. It had a magical feel to it, though it seemed to have been dictated by someone who was showing very little emotion. Like someone who was trying to be emotional, and couldn't quite manage it.Dear Alome, I was so very sorry to hear about what happened. I cannot help but to think this is partially my fault. Maybe if I had been a better friend to you, you never would have attempted what you did. I should have listened, instead of talking. I thought you were recovering marvelously when we had the picnic, I should have been more careful with how I said things. I didn't know--I didn't think this would happen. It's not something one expects, I suppose... I always seem to remember you as the toddler I used to play with. I forget we've grown quite a bit since then, that we've matured. We're no longer the care free children we were only a while ago. The letter from that point took on a much messier hand, as if the original writer had given up, and left the other to finish it. The writing was scarcely readable, the writer had been obviously been upset. Perhaps his hand had been shaking. There were only two readable words in the two long paragraphs that followed.I'm sorry.
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Posted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:18 pm
Cooro the Mute Wuff Anger simply seethed in Noel as he wrote out a letter in response to the one that Howl had sent Alome. He hadn't even shown the girl, for he felt that if he did.. She'd go spiraling down another dark tunnel, and he wasn't sure that he could save her this time. He quickly wrote out this letter and shoved it into Howl's mail box, before storming back home. 
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Posted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:38 pm
Kyuumin Oyasumi ~ Alome The sun is falling at 3 o'clock
The crickets at the window won't stop chirping
There is nothing in this white room
Since when have I been lying?
My left doesn't feel anything
But it still continues to try to make tomorrow colorful
Sand falls from my palm quietly
Why am I living?
Even that I do not know
Slowly, the days will pass and blur
I cannot go back to the days, they are so far away
I forget the dream
Why do you stare up at the sky?
Even the played melody is
A wound of unfulfilled dream now
Slowly, the days will pass and blur
I cannot go back to the days, they are so far away
I forget the dream
Why do you stare up at the sky?
Even the played melody is
A wound of unfulfilled dream now
Hey, a bird which has no wings
Why are you at the window?
Why are you still trying to fly?
Tell me, please
A little bit more
A little bit more I want to keep on dreaming
So, only at this moment I want to rely on your voice
The light comes between the clouds
You, on the other side
Are you smiling?
Does this voice reach you?
A little bit more
A little bit more I want to keep on dreaming
So, only at this moment I want to rely on your voice
And to say good night smiling
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Posted: Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:41 pm
Kokoro no Yukue ~ Alome The way things are here, the corrosion too, I'm not concerned with it
My very existence, and everyone with it, I'm not concerned with that either
The things that vanish, the things that depart in death, I'm not afraid of them
It's the way I am in not worrying that's even more frightening...
In the freezing darkness, it's so painful I can't be moved
Why? Why? Is it just me?
From a far away distant place, various rays of light shine through
I've noticed my reaching hands starting to tremble...
When will I once again find the source of the light
It's too far away, right now I can't even raise my eyes to see it
Anyone's fine, notice me, respond to this voice in my heart
With just that, my soul can be rescued from the darkness...
A life of happiness? Love and peace? I can't confide in that
I can't even confide in ordinary happiness
I can't see beyond the radiance, damned to a world of shadows...
The dwellers of the world of light feed my jealousy...
When will I once again find the source of the light
Guide me, share just a little of your happiness, I beg you
Anyone's fine, love me, love me I beg you, even if it's just once
If you do that, my soul can be sent back to heaven...
When will I once again find the source of the light
Guide me, share just a little of your happiness, I beg you
Anyone's fine, love me, love me I beg you, even if it's just once
If you do that, my soul can be sent back to heaven...
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Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:27 pm
Paradichlorobenzene - Self Inflected Pesticide ~ Alome I am like a cowardly little dog constantly barking. In order to protect my little pride, I only looked at my own justice. I just assumed everyone around me was evil-, and even to this day, I still continue to bark.
I understand my condition, and I'm irritated by it, but even then I still depend on it. That only makes it spread and would eventually grab hold of my consciousness.
I just want other people to accept my existence, to realize my existence. I envy those who have the means to do this. I don't hate them. I just want them to understand me.
What am I fighting for? I just take a person I don't know, call him evil, then fight against him.
I won't accept this. Everyone who succeeded besides me is evil. I always look for a weakness. I try to take them down, before they can end me.
What can I do? Am I really just as evil as them? What can I do? What Can I do? WHAT CAN I DO?
Shall I turn evil just as they are? Shall I do what they do? Shall I let myself become Evil as well? Then how would the world come out?
Would it even matter? Do You matter? Do I matter? Does anything matter?
What is the meaning of matter? What is the meaning of existing? Why are we here? What are we doing? Where are we going? Why?
Is it worth existing anymore? Shall I waste away? The pesticide in my hand, do you think it'll work on me? What happens then? What happens when the light goes out? What happens when night times come?
There is no meaning. Everything is just a facade.
And I. I'm part of it.
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Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:03 pm
Ware, Arubeki Basho ~ Alome The rain, the earth...
A place I should be...meanings,
Tell me "I'm not alone".
Somethings lost in a downpour of rain.
It's definitely a very important thing.
While it becomes a pitch black tale with mud flung to the sky,
I pretend to search always.
Because I have no feelings of discovery
I haven't discovered confidence.
I'm being impatient...
Why is my heart shaking?
I'm not scared, because I'm lost
I'm not sad because I'm lost!
Now I only want to be filthy.
For me now it's a necessary thing,
It all ends with a lost reason.
Everyone crushes themselves and doesn't seek any help.
You are not alone.
Everything is useless sympathy.
I must cast it all, cast it all aside.
Dysky sympathy is meaningless.
You shouldn't want to look back there, nothing is left.
You are not alone.
I should be myself; I want meaning.
I should be myself; I lost the meaning.
The rain, the earth, a place I should be.
Tell me, when...
What inspiration in my heart did I lose to someone?
Now there should be meaning here.
Tell me, when, where, what did I...
...Lose in those contaminated eyes?
I am not alone.
You are not alone.
I should be myself; I want meaning.
I should be myself; I lost the meaning.
Rain, I should be here.
Fall on my body and show me the meaning of the life that I should have.
The reason that I should be here myself...
...The meaning that I should have...
As I shed tears in the rain...
The rain sheds mud on me
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Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:38 pm
Kamen ~ Alome A delighted mask...to avert loneliness
An angry mask...to protect my weak heart
A sympathetic mask...to show compassion to others
A smiling mask...why am I crying?
For the first time in a long while, Alome had left her little garden in her back yard. She was in the mall, feeling out of place, but moving along with everyone else.. Her fathers, they had trusted her with her own life, just knowing that something was going to happen to her soon. What was happening, they were not sure of, but it was something huge.
While she was there, she passed by a masquerade shop, filled with hundreds and hundreds of masks.. It something right out of a fairy tale. Masks with smiles, masks with angry expressions, mask that seemed ready to cry.. Masks that seemed oh so excited. The entire sight seemed almost surreal.
Before she knew what was happening, Alome found herself pulled into the shop, her fingertips grazing over the tops of various masks, her eyes still seeming as dead as those days not so long ago.
Killing my voice, shutting my ears, closing my eyes
Merging with myself, locking my heart as long as I can
After a moment of pondering, she seemed to retreat into the recesses of her mind, thinking about how life had been. She was once a happy little child, one who didn't see the wrong in the world. The world seemed such a kinder place, where all there was was love, sweetness, and kindness all around.
She had never been so wrong in her life. When she realized this, she couldn't bare with the pain of the knowledge she now had. It wasn't worth it, nothing was worth it. That's why she...
Since that time, Alome hardly ever spoke, barely listened to more than a whisper that was spoken to her. She found refuge within her own mind, and refused to escape..
There's no fear, no grief, no hatred
But even at that time, you beat down the door I built in my heart...
No matter what she did, however, someone always longed to drag her out of her safe haven. First, it was the little Chimera, Cookie. She was such a sweet child, banging on the doors to the white world that surrounded her.
That white world.. She was safe there, no worries, no pain, no anything. But it wasn't a place where she could spend eternity. Alome wasn't born to be alone. And Cookie made her realize this.
"No one is really strong, being loved by someone so you can love in return
We can't do anything alone
That's not "weakness", that's "the meaning of life""
Everyone wanted to help her. But.. One cannot accept help if they aren't willing to help themselves. To be loved, to have strength, to receive love in return... All of this was needed by yourself, love yourself, find strength in yourself, learn to love others. It was a delicate balance, one that, if toppled, could destroy a person.
Was this balance a weakness? No, not at all. It could only make her stronger.. If she had accepted it.
At this point, however, she neither wanted it, or accepted it.
Beneath the mask...which is my real face?
Beneath the mask...what kind of visage is my own?
Her hand now grazed over a white mask, one that only covered the upper half of her face, shielding her eyes with a thin veil that only she could see through.
The eyes.. They were the portal to one's soul... If they were hidden, no one would see how she truly felt. It would be best, right? No one could be hurt by her true feelings, and if they don't show, they couldn't be corrupted.
In the dry sand, I changed my appearance within my heart
In the darkness of the night, accustomed to being alone, the rain fell around me
I can't breathe, but I can't remove it, it refuses to be changed
But even at that time, you gently removed the mask for me...
There was once a mask she wore. And, for just a while, it seemed to work. But there was always this prying hand that slipped under the edges, just to remove it.
She hated that hand. Why did it plague her?! What reason did it have to bother her?! Was it because she actually didn't want anyone's help? Was it because she wished to be alone?! What was wrong with that? What was wrong with suffocating underneath of the mask of isolation?
No one wanted to let her have that. No one at all! They all pulled off her mask!
"With apathetic words and laughter
Hurting others and being hurt, mistakes aren't faults
"Grief", "Joy", those are "the meaning of life".
It wasn't right that she always tried to be alone. It was something she wasn't made to do... So instead..
Her hand picked up the white mask that she had been fondling, and placed it to her eyes, tying it neatly into a bow on the back of her head. She would live in a world of ever changing masks. No one would be allowed to see her eyes anymore. That way, people couldn't judge her. They wouldn't see the emotions she held. Now it would be just how she wanted it.
Visible solitude. She was satisfied, as were they.
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Posted: Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:33 pm
An enchanted invitation had somehow found its way into Alome's garden.
Dear Alome and Irae,
My birthday party will be held on the twelfth of September, and I hope you can attend. My last letter to you, Alome, was intercepted so I made sure this letter would come straight to you.
I miss you. I've been worried about you ever since I heard what happened, but--to be honest, I've been showing my cowardly side. I'm really only writing you this because I'm afraid to ask you in person. I hope you come, so we can be friends again. I miss being able to see you, talk to you--
I know I haven't acted very much like a friend lately. I should have realized something was bothering you before it happened. Let me make it up to you, alright? Come to my party.
Howl
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Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:13 pm
Bad Apple ~ Alome Ever on and on I continue circling
With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony
Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing
And suddenly I see that I can't break free--I'm
Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony
To tell me who I am, who I was
Uncertainty enveloping my mind
Till I can't break free, and
Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real
But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel
So I'm tired of all the pain, of the misery inside
And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night
You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go
But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
Because I have no feelings of discovery
I haven't discovered confidence.
I'm being impatient...
Why is my heart shaking?
I'm not scared, because I'm lost
I'm not sad because I'm lost!
Now I only want to be filthy.
For me now it's a necessary thing,
It all ends with a lost reason.
Everyone crushes themselves and doesn't seek any help.
Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night?
Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light?
Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go?
I've forgotten how to tell. Did I ever even know?
Can I take another step? I've done everything I can
All the people that I see I will never understand
If I find a way to change, if I step into the light
Then I'll never be the same, and it all will fade to white
Ever on and on I continue circling
With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony
Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing
And suddenly I see that I can't break free--I'm
Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity
With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony
To tell me who I am, who I was
Uncertainty enveloping my mind
Till I can't break free, and
Maybe it's a dream; maybe nothing else is real
But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel
So I'm tired of all the pain, of the misery inside
And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night
You can tell me what to say; you can tell me where to go
But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know
If I make another move there'll be no more turning back
Because everything will change, and it all will fade to black
If I make another move, if I take another step
Then it all would fall apart. There'd be nothing of me left
If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night
Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white?
Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am?
I've forgotten how to see; I've forgotten if I can
If I opened up my eyes there'd be no more going back
'Cause I'd throw it all away, and it all would fade to black
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