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 Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 12:47 am
Zia frowned more and set the cotton candy on the table, then laid a hand on the table, trying to get a read of what had just gone on without much luck. It pointed to Rhian. "You. Tell me what happened and don't give me the long of it, either. Where's Faolan?"
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 12:56 am
Rhian nodded, breaking oaway from hugging her owner to turn to Ziazan. Perhaps her sibling could help, this was beyond her; she wasn't skilled enough at her purpose yet. "Big man came, told Ellandra sibling not my sibling but Ellandra-husband's child, Ellandra-husband is upset and Ellandra is upset both feel very very bad and stressed!" The Proto was a little overwhelmed, made even worse when Ellandra rose to her feet and ran across the room, collapsing to her knees in front of a small trashcan she kept papers in; she barely had time to empty it before she was sick; sick in a manner not caused by morning sickness (that would come soon, but not yet) but rather how very, very stressed she was.
Rhian followed hr anxiously, hovering over her shoulder and resing her hands on her owner's shoulders. "Calm, calm, you're ill because of stress, don't let it get worse or baby will suffer too, calm please, calm down, please, please."
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 1:04 am
Zia watched Ellandra run across the room and wrinkled its nose when she vomited. If it understood Rhian right, Keagan had just brought up the one thing that Faolan was actually ashamed of.
It looked at Elle, but decided Rhian would have to deal with her so Zia could deal with Faolan. At the bedroom door, before opening it to go in, the kid called out to Ellandra. "Listen to the bug, Elle. I don't think Fao can take much more of losing unborn kids in his life." It walked into the bedroom, shutting the door behind it. "Faolan?"
No answer from the form curled up on the bed.
Zia walked closer and crawled up to kneel on the bed beside its owner. "Fao?" Still no answer, though it could tell the man was quietly crying. "Da?"
At that, Faolan reached back and pulled Zia down into a hug. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to be analyzed by Ellandra's bug. He just wanted to have time to be sad for something he rarely thought much about. He figured Ellandra would come in when she'd calmed down enough and by that time, he'd feel better, too.
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 1:14 am
Ellandra was sick twice more before her stomach finally settled and she stumbled over to the couch, where she immediately laid down and curled up while her stomach twisted itself in knots. All the while, Rhian stayed with her, finally giving up on a perch and awkwardly landing on her, covering her like a silken cloak and humming softly, trying to get her to calm down.
Ellandra, for her part, felt worse than she had in a long time; she'd gone to Keagan to learn about her mother and instead had wound up hurting herselg and Faolan, and - and..... she couldn't even think clearly as her stomach clenched again, fortunately not enough to actually make her sick. She was beyond words, however, and clung to the soft, wordless humming of her Essentic to try and drag herself back from this state.
She was so thankful she had that little one.... she needed her so.
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 1:23 am
Zia watched Faolan, the two laying side by side and facing. "Do you want to talk about it?" it whispered. Faolan just shook his head, wiping at his face a bit. "It's not good for Elle to worry about you like this."
"She's got Rhian to help her. I can't . . . I just can't be her rock all the time. I can't. Sometimes I need to be the one to breakdown and lose it. It's not fair to be made to feel guilty because I don't want to let her in on everything. I never wanted her to know about this."
"You live in a very small home. How do you expect to keep secrets forever? Zia whispered, leaning in to hug the man.
Faolan sighed, returning the hug. "I don't. I just . . . wanted to tell her on my own terms. She's gonna lose the baby, isn't she?"
Zia moved to look up at Faolan. "I don't think so. You shouldn't worry about that right now. Just rest a bit. Get yourself together. She needs you even with Rhian around. You don't have to be her rock all the time, but don't shut her out, either. It's not how a marriage works."
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 1:33 am
Out in the front room, Ellandra remained curled up with her impromptu Essentic-cloak, feeling Rhian hug her and continually sweep her antennae up and down in a soothing motion, humming all the while. Gradually, and thanks mostly to the work of ther Proto, the brunette managed to calm down enough so that her stomach stopped twisting in knots, leaving her feeling drained to the core and empty of every emotion. Rhian seemed to sense that she wasn't better yet, though, and so didn't move.
"Relax, breathe, baby will be okay I think, stress is not good but this will pass..." the little proto murmured, not really understanding the complexities of the situation, but having enough of an ability to sense emotions to know that the big man had hurt Ellandra and Ellandra-husband very badly.
For her part, Ellandra simply listened to the proto and tried to do what she suggested. She wouldn't bother Faolan; he'd shut her away, he didn't want her intruding - tears rose up in her eyes again at the thought. She wanted him to feel better, to help him as he helped her so much, but he didn't want her to. . .
He didn't want her help.
Only Rhian's soft humming and comforting words kept her from breaking down into brokenhearted tears at that thought.
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 2:06 am
Essentic and owner laid there quietly. Zia knew that while its presence was calming to Faolan, the one he needed most was his wife. The alter kept glancing to the door, wondering if Elle would figure it out that sometimes she needed to be the strong one, and not just during the times when Faolan's heart gave him problems.
"I know she needs me, Zia," Faolan whispered, misreading the reasons behind Zia looknig at the door. "I just can't. Not right now." He curled up more around Zia, sniffling softly. True he didn't often think about . . . them, but when he did, it hurt badly. Before, he'd been alone with the pain and memories, now he had Zia and Ellandra . . . and, okay, her bug, too. Zia was some comfort, but it didn't help that it's alter form was very like the child he might've had if Keagan hadn't intervened. He needed Elle and, yet, didn't want to burden her with this. How could it be fair to her to have her dwell on something that was done with and couldn't be helped while she was facing her own motherhood? And despite that, he wanted to be in her arms and have her tell him everything was okay.
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 8:30 am
Ellandra's stomach was still unsettled when she sat up, Rhian obligingly flew up to the rafters and perched there, her antennae twitching between her owner's direction and the bedroom door. When Ellandra didn't move further, the little butterfly flew back down and started trying to tug her to her feet. "Ellandra-husband wants Ellandra to help but doesn't feel like he should; Ellandra wants to help so go help him and both feel better?" The Proto's voice was sincere - really, when was it ever not? - and Ellandra trusted her little one.
So she rose to her feet, and though her walk was rather stumbling and hesitating, she made it to the door. . . and paused. For just a moment, she stared at it like it was some foreign object, a barrier between her husband's pain and her. Then she bit her lip, closed her eyes, called out a quiet, "Faolan," not so much to ask the fortune teller anything as to simply state that she was coming in, and opened the door. When she saw Faolan and Ziazan, she hurried to the bed, desperate to ease some of the pain Faolan was in.
"Don't shut me out," she said in a whisper, sitting on the bed and stroking Faolan's hair. She'd have hugged him, but Ziazan was occupying that position right now, and she wasn't quite as skilled at hugging around the short alter. "I'm sorry, Faolan, I'm so sorry he did that to you..." she murmured, having no other words for the moment, and not even sure that he wanted her in here.
But she had to try.
Rhian fluttered in after her, relatively unnoticed, but merely perched quietly on a rafter and said nothing.
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 2:27 pm
Ziazan edged out of the way, managing to get Ellandra in its place, then went to sit on a chair in the corner. It had done as much as it needed to, but its purpose wasn't to comfort its owner, Fao had a wife for that and it was time to let her take over.
Faolan wrapped the woman in his arms the moment she was pushed into Zia's hastily vacated spot. "I wasn't shutting you out," he whispered in reply. "I just . . . got used to dealing with it on my own. I'm sorry he did it, too, but it was the right thing to do at the time."
He sighed and pulled her closer, not really knowing what to say. He wasn't sure she really wanted to know about it all. Well, there was one thing to tell her at least. "You know he ain't gonna do that to your baby, yeah? He ain't got a reason to 'cause we're married and I ain't a kid anymore."
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 2:34 pm
"Faolan. . ." Ellandra startd to say, and then paused, instead choosing to stroke his cheek with one hand, feeling the dampness from his shed tears under her fingers. Finally, she sighed softly and blinked at him. "I know he's not, and I'm not worried about that," she said quietly, her voice steady if a bit raw from being sick.
"What I'm worried about. . . is - is you. . . . please. . . Faolan, you help me so much. . . . let me be there for you too?" She asked gently. ""Right thing" or not... those were still your children.... I know it hurts, but you don't have to deal wth it alone now... So please.... don't try to?"
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 2:43 pm
"Yeah," was all Faolan managed to say, voice sounding thick and husky. He curled around Ellandra, burying his face in her hair and just breathing her in. It hurt, there was no doubt on that, but having her in his arms and knowing she wanted to share the burden with him made him feel a lot better. He sighed, relaxing a little. "There were three of them. It's not like I never wanted them, I was just so young . . . and stupid. I should've done more. I don't know. I could've told him then I wanted them or that I'd marry their mothers. Something." He srhugged. "Sometimes things just happen and decisions have to be made. I think what hurts the most is, looking back, I'd have still let Da get rid of them."
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 3:03 pm
Ellandra managed to get her arms to a position where she was hugging Faolan, too. "Shhhhh. . . I'm so sorry that this happened. . . that so many people were hurt, that Keagan threw this at us, that - that you lost three children..." She trailed off for a moment. "I can't claim to - to have felt a - a hurt like yours, Faolan, but. . . if it helps any. . . any at all. . . by - by loving and caring for the baby we're having. . . you could. . . think of it as - as honoring the memory of the other little ones. . . Remember them, know they mattered. . . and know that they never had to suffer any pain or heartbreak in this world. . ." She stopped talking after a few minutes, and simply stroked Faolan's hair softly, just staying with him, not knowing what else there was to say, and feeling that for the moment at least, there was nothing more she could say.
Some pains just couldn't be healed with words, after all.
And some, well, some couldn't ever heal at all, only become numb over time.
Above, in the rafters, the butterfly essentic angled herself on her perch, fluttering her wings gently and sending a soft breeze down upon the couple in the bed. Her antennae twitched now and then, but she remained silent. sometimes the best way to help was simply to be silent and wait.
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 9:34 pm
"No reason to be sorry, Elle. Ain't your fault. And I know Da was, in his ******** up way, just trying to look out for you." Faolan was quiet a long moment, then sighed. "No offense wife, but . . . I don't really wanna associate our kids with the others. They're gone and what all went before ain't got a bearin' on how we'll be raisin' any children we have. I really don't want them to ever know about that."
He moved around and sat up, rubbing a bit at his face, then looked down at Ellandra. "Ain't a day goes by that I don't remember them, Elle, but I never met them. I never even knew what they were. They never got born. It hurts as much as losin' any child, but . . . I made the decision, or at least helped in making the decision to end their lives before they began. I know they mattered. If they didn't, it wouldn't have been so hard." He shrugged slightly. "I'll be alight, Elle. I get sad on it some, and then . . . after awhile, it don't hurt as much and I can go on."
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 9:52 pm
Ellandra sighed, tears rising in her eyes as she thought about what she might say. "I'm sorry, Faolan, I can't fully understand, no matter how much I try. . . but - but I'm here, whenever this bothers you; just let me know, all right? I'm here for you, too, n-not just you for me." She smiled weakly and brushed at his hair, careful to avoid his ears and horns. "I remember meeting you now..... when we were children.... I wanted your hair," she said, snuggling close to him and just trying to be there with him. Then she scowled.
"And.... trying to look out for me or not, I don't think I can work with Keagan any time soon. I don't know that I - I can even look at him right now, for - for bringing up something that hurts you so much!"
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Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 9:58 pm
Faolan nodded. "Understandable. I'll have a talk with him about this stuff. He needs to let me tell you things like this when I'm ready to." He looked down at her. "You remember me as a boy? I still don't remember any of that. I wish I could."
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