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 Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:47 am
*is trying to pack all this info in my brain...*
Yeah I did forget about the fire arm thing...
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:23 am
Name: Gabrielle Minamoto (Gabs, Gabby)
Age: 16
Alignment: N/A
Special Abilities: Very talented with a firearm. Can control and manipulate the movement of metal. Mind speak, (no she isn't a telepath, it means she can talk with others in their minds, and recieve messages in her mind. This does not involve in mind probing at all).
Appearance: Gabrielle is dark skinned with kinky black hair that she keeps at shoulder length. She has slanted golden brown eyes. ((I love the "Miss Model" thing you said, that was funny))
Personality: Gabrielle is quite bland when it comes to personality. She does have her moements when she'll sign or mind speak something witty, otherwise she generally keeps to herself. She finds it hard to make friends because she is shy, but once friends are made she holds on to them for dear life. She is a very loyal companion, she gives reality checks frequently.
Sexual Orientation: Boys, only boys. But since she is quite shy, she generally doesn't initiate contact with a boy unless she has a urgent question.
History: She was born and raised to a very wealthy family. Ryu Minamoto (Japanese), her father and Justice Jacksaon (African American), her mother, were very loving, but not totally indulgent though they could have been. They were determined to to have a spoiled child. Anyway, her father is a lawyer and her mother was a small time jazz singer. Gabby was about 5 when her mother died. They were going to visit one of her mother's childhood friends who she stayed in contact with. This particular friend, who does not accept charity, even from filthy rich friend, lives in what can be categorized as a ghetto black neighborhood. Gabby and her mother were caught in the middle of a drive by shooting. Her mother was hit sheilding Gabby. She didn't die immediately, she was hospitalized and fell into a coma. Ryu and Gabby watched as she died slowly. She stopped talkign after her mother's death and the shrinks her father made her go to told her father that it was a phsychological thing, her reaction to her mother's death and that she'd get over it eventually. She didn't get over it as soon as desired, however. Her father had sign language taught to her.
Around this time, Gabby discovered her love for metal working. When her father saw that, he took it as a good thing, a way for her to get her mind off of her sorrow. He allowed her to pursue the hobby. It started out as just small workings, play jewelry and progressed to bigger things, lamps, small sculptures. She was about 9 when she became curious about guns and insisted that she learn about them. ((here it is)) Her father, who isn't quite paying as much attention to his daughter as usual, burying himself in his work, obliged, also reasoning that it was somethign to get her back to normal. Not too long after that, when her father was yelling at her for accidently causign a fire in the work shop, yelled right back at him. Not with her mouth or vocal cords however, he had heard her voice in his head. When he told her to do it again, she couldnt bue she practiced, remembering what she had done, how she had felt until she could do it on cue. She doesn't like using mind speak a lot, she still uses sign language when she grows tired of mind speaking, she also doesn't mind speak with those she does not trust.
And not too long after she had mastered mind speak she found out her ability to maniupulate metal when seh stopped a car from hitting her friend who was in the street buy overturning it. She has not mastered this ability at all but can do little things, like lift small metal objects in the air and whatnot. She was able to move the car because she had been emotional.
((I don't understand your last statement.))
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:02 am
ScarlettVixen Name: Gabrielle Minamoto (Gabs, Gabby)
Age: 16
Alignment: N/A
Special Abilities: Very talented with a firearm. Can control and manipulate the movement of metal. Mind speak, (no[,] she isn't a telepath, it means she can talk with others in their minds [No comma] and recieve messages in her mind. This does not involve in mind probing at all).
Appearance: Gabrielle is dark skinned with kinky black hair that she keeps at shoulder length. She has slanted golden brown eyes. ((I love the "Miss Model" thing you said, that was funny))
Yay! Description = good. Just for other roleplayer's sake, I'd ask you to still say what height she is now... One way to figure that: if her mother was 6' and her father was... *takes a guess on believable Japanese male height* maybe 5'4" (you could probably look up online something more accurate so that you don't have to use my guess for his height) then the average of those (~5'8") would be the ballpark for her final height; other factors (like if you want her to still be growing) could affect things, of course ^^.
Personality: Gabrielle is quite bland when it comes to personality. She does have her moements when she'll sign or mind speak something witty, [but] otherwise she generally keeps to herself. She finds it hard to make friends because she is shy, but once friends are made she holds on to them for dear life. She is a very loyal companion, [and] she gives reality checks frequently.
Sexual Orientation: Boys, only boys. But since she is quite shy, she generally doesn't initiate contact with a boy unless she has a urgent question.
History: She was born and raised to a very wealthy family. Ryu Minamoto (Japanese), her father[,] and Justice Jacks[I imagine you don't want that spelled with an a in the middle]on (African American), her mother, were very loving [no comma] but not totally [you could say 'overly' instead of totally if you want] indulgent [(]though they could have been[)]. They were determined [not] to have a spoiled child. Anyway, her father is a lawyer and her mother was a small time jazz singer. Gabby was about 5 when her mother died. They were going to visit one of her mother's childhood friends who she [had] stayed in contact with [ober the years]. This particular friend [you can cut out the charity bits here--the warning I gave you meant 'Don't say she was in the ghetto because she always does charity work there'--the way you changed it works fine, so unless you think the information is necessary to understand the friend or something, you can drop it if you like...] live[d] in what c[ould] be categorized as a ghetto black neighborhood. Gabby and her mother were caught in the middle of a drive[I think there might be a hyphen there, I have no way of checking at the moment]
by shooting. Her mother was hit sheilding Gabby. She didn't die immediately, she was hospitalized and fell into a coma. Ryu and Gabby watched as she died slowly. She stopped talkign after her mother's death and the shrinks her father made her go to told her father that it was a phsychological thing, her reaction to her mother's death and that she'd get over it eventually. She didn't get over it as soon as desired, however. Her father had sign language taught to her.
Around this time, Gabby discovered her love for metal working. When her father saw that, he took it as a good thing, a way for her to get her mind off of her sorrow. He allowed her to pursue the hobby. It started out as just small workings, play jewelry and progressed to bigger things, lamps, small sculptures. She was about 9 when she became curious about guns and insisted that she learn about them. ((here it is)) Her father, who isn't quite paying as much attention to his daughter as usual, burying himself in his work, obliged, also reasoning that it was somethign to get her back to normal. Not too long after that, when her father was yelling at her for accidently causign a fire in the work shop, yelled right back at him. Not with her mouth or vocal cords however, he had heard her voice in his head. When he told her to do it again, she couldnt bue she practiced, remembering what she had done, how she had felt until she could do it on cue. She doesn't like using mind speak a lot, she still uses sign language when she grows tired of mind speaking, she also doesn't mind speak with those she does not trust.
And not too long after she had mastered mind speak she found out her ability to maniupulate metal when seh stopped a car from hitting her friend who was in the street buy overturning it. She has not mastered this ability at all but can do little things, like lift small metal objects in the air and whatnot. She was able to move the car because she had been emotional.((I don't understand your last statement.))[/quote] Gah, have to run, but I got the first part covered there. I'll be back later to do the second.
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:14 am
Name: Gabrielle Minamoto (Gabs, Gabby)
Age: 16
Alignment: N/A
Special Abilities: Very talented with a firearm. Can control and manipulate the movement of metal. Mind speak, (no, she isn't a telepath, it means she can talk with others in their minds and recieve messages in her mind. This does not involve in mind probing at all).
Appearance: Gabrielle is dark skinned with kinky black hair that she keeps at shoulder length. She has slanted golden brown eyes. ((I love the "Miss Model" thing you said, that was funny)) Her height is 5'8" and still growing.
Personality: Gabrielle is quite bland when it comes to personality. She does have her moements when she'll sign or mind speak something witty, otherwise she generally keeps to herself. She finds it hard to make friends because she is shy, but once friends are made she holds on to them for dear life. She is a very loyal companion, she gives reality checks frequently.
Sexual Orientation: Boys, only boys. But since she is quite shy, she generally doesn't initiate contact with a boy unless she has a urgent question.
History: She was born and raised to a very wealthy family. Ryu Minamoto (Japanese), her father, and Justice Jackson (African American), her mother, were very loving but not overly indulgent (though they could have been). They were determined not to have a spoiled child. Anyway, her father is a lawyer and her mother was a small time jazz singer. Gabby was about 5 when her mother died. They were going to visit one of her mother's childhood friends who she had stayed in contact with over the years. This particular friend, who does not accept charity, even from filthy rich friend. Gabby and her mother were caught in the middle of a drive-
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Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:46 pm
Name: Gabrielle Minamoto (Gabs, Gabby)
Age: 16
Alignment: N/A
Special Abilities: Very talented with a firearm. Can control and manipulate the movement of metal. Mind speak, (no, she isn't a telepath, it means she can talk with others in their minds and recieve messages in her mind. This does not involve in mind probing at all).
Appearance: Gabrielle is dark skinned with kinky black hair that she keeps at shoulder length. She has slanted golden brown eyes. ((I love the "Miss Model" thing you said, that was funny)) Her height is 5'8" and still growing.
Personality: Gabrielle is quite bland when it comes to personality. She does have her [moments] when she'll sign or mind speak something witty, [but] otherwise she generally keeps to herself. She finds it hard to make friends because she is shy, but once friends are made she holds on to them for dear life. She is a very loyal companion, [and] she gives reality checks frequently.
Sexual Orientation: Boys, only boys. But since she is quite shy, she generally doesn't initiate contact with a boy unless she has a urgent question.
History: She was born and raised [in] a very wealthy family. Ryu Minamoto (Japanese), her father, and Justice Jackson (African American), her mother, were very loving but not overly indulgent (though they could have been). They were determined not to have a spoiled child. Anyway, her father is a lawyer and her mother was a small time jazz singer. Gabby was about 5 when her mother died. They were going to visit one of her mother's childhood friends who she had stayed in contact with over the years. This particular friend [(who would never] accept charity, even from filthy rich friend[)] ____ (the end of your sentence got lost, so put it back or make what's left an actual sentence) . Gabby and her mother were caught in the middle of a drive-by shooting. Her mother was hit [while shielding] Gabby. She didn't die immediately[;] she was hospitalized and fell into a coma. Ryu and Gabby watched as she died slowly. She stopped [talking] after her mother's death[. T]he shrinks her father made her go to told her father that it was [her psychological reaction] to her mother's death and that she'd get over it eventually. She didn't get over it as soon as [her father] desired, however[, so he] had sign language taught to her [in the meantime.]
Add why he had it taught to her if you can--because she was too young to be able to write what she wanted, and learning sign language was faster?
Around this time, Gabby discovered her love for metal working.
Specify age instead please--if she was five during the shooting and the whole getting around to teaching sign language thing began less than a year after that, then she's going to be a six year old messing around with wire cutters... Not good. Try maybe... age ten? You could say she was generally crafty or whatnot before that
[Her father] took [her interest in crafts/metal working/whatever] as a good thing, [as it would help] her get her mind off of her sorrow. He allowed her to pursue the hobby. [She started with] play jewelry and progressed to bigger things [like] lamps [no comma] [and] small sculptures.
She was about 9 when she became curious about guns and insisted that she learn about them. ((here it is)) Her father, who isn't quite paying as much attention to his daughter as usual, burying himself in his work, obliged, also reasoning that it was somethign to get her back to normal.
Frrupmh. Honestly, do you know any nine-year-olds that would have an 'interest' in real-life, go-shoot-something-to-kill guns? Especially nine-year-olds who've had their moms killed by them? And parents who would let this happen? And the means to do it in the first place? No comprendo. A five-year-old boy waving a popgun around because he's seen a cowboy movie is different from his going to the shooting range and stick on those nifty little ear-muffs for a quick round or two. You want to give her that skill, of course, so you put in that she's practiced (lots) before--but it doesn't make sense with the character at all. If nothing else, I highly doubt most firearm shooting ranges are going to allow a nine-year-old to participate (especially by herself); there might even be laws concerning the issue. And does she just happen to have a shooting range next door to attempt to practice in in the first place? I doubt there any 'round where I live, much less in a particularly 'wealthy' type of neighborhood. Aside from the fact that her father would have to financially support her--thinking that arts and crafts are good for her soul is one thing, but actively supporting a nine-year-old's training in the killing of people? That's not going to garner any high marks of parenthood in my book. Do you see why this doesn't make sense...? I'll let you play with this more if you think you can really make it work, but honestly I'm still suggesting my first recommendation of letting her learn in-roleplay if need be.
Not too long after that, when her father was yelling at her for accidently [causing] a fire in the work shop, yelled right back at him.
Read that sentence aloud and then ask yourself what the hell happened to your subject *eyeroll*. And the 'not long after that' again doesn't specify age; because this is a Nova power, you need to make it within about the last year. Grammatically, try: Not too long after that, Gabby discovered the first part of her powers when her father began yelling at her for causing a fire in her workshop. She yelled back--not with her mouth or vocal cords, however; he heard her voice in his head.
I would recommend adding at least a line or two somewhere in this history about what life with her father after her mother's death was really like.
When he told her to do it again, she [couldn't,] [but] she practiced, using her memory of what it had felt like, until she could do it on cue. She doesn't like using mind speak a lot[;] she still uses sign language when she grows tired of mind speaking[.] he also doesn't mind speak with those she does not trust.
And not too long after she had mastered mind speak[,] she found out her ability to [manipulate] metal when [she] stopped a car from hitting her friend [you can drop this weird who clause to make your sentence less grammatically confuzzling] [by] overturning it. She has not mastered this ability at all but can do little things [no comma] like [lifting] small metal objects in the air and whatnot; [though seeing her friend in danger gave her enough emotional incentive to move a whole car, she currently lacks the power to do it again.]
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 9:53 am
((*twitch*))
She was born and raised to a very wealthy family. Ryu Minamoto (Japanese), her father, and Justice Jackson (African American), her mother, were very loving but not overly indulgent (though they could have been). They were determined not to have a spoiled child. Anyway, her father is a lawyer and her mother was a small time jazz singer. Gabby was about 5 when her mother died. They were going to visit one of her mother's childhood friends who she had stayed in contact with over the years. This particular friend did not accept charity, (even from filthy rich friend). Her mother was hit by a drunk driver whom had lost control of his vehicle. Justice only had enough time to shove her daughter to saftey before she was hit. She didn't die immediately, she was hospitalized and fell into a coma. Ryu and Gabby watched as she died slowly. She stopped talkign after her mother's death. The shrinks her father made her go to told her father that it was a psychological reaction to her mother's death and that she'd get over it eventually. She didn't get over it as soon as her father desired, however, so father had sign language taught to her since writing everything out was still difficult for her. At 10 years of age, Gabby discovered her love for metal working. When her father saw that, he took it as a good thing, a way for her to get her mind off of her sorrow. He allowed her to pursue the hobby. It started out as just small workings, play jewelry and progressed to bigger things, lamps, small sculptures. She was about 11 when she became curious about guns and insisted that she learn about them. Her father, who isn't quite paying as much attention to his daughter as usual, burying himself in his work, obliged, also reasoning that it was somethign to get her back to normal. Gabby was not the only one who had reacted badly to Justice's death. Ryu was still in mourning and his parenting skills started to diminish, Gabby and her father had drifted farther apart emotionally and started behaving more like room mates to one another instead of fathera and daughter. At 12 years, Gabby discovered the first part of her powers when her father began yelling at her for causing a fire in her workshop. She yelled back--not with her mouth or vocal cords, however; he heard her voice in his head. When he told her to do it again, she couldn't, but she practiced, remembering what she had done, how she had felt until she could do it on cue. She doesn't like using mind speak a lot; she still uses sign language when she grows tired of mind speaking. She also doesn't mind speak with those she does not trust.
And not too long after she had mastered mind speak, she found out her ability to manipulate metal when she stopped a car from hitting her friend who was in the street buy overturning it. She has not mastered this ability at all but can do little things, like lift small metal objects in the air and whatnot; though seeing her friend in danger gave her enough emotional incentive to move a whole car, she currently lacks the power to do it again.
((i made a few adjustments. I'm sorry I'm a bit stubborn because the whole firearm thing kinda needs to stay...))
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 2:28 pm
*claps for Scarlett*
Ok hun, I'm going to accept your character into Galvan ^_^ You ran the gauntlet and had alot of courage publically getting feedback and responding well to criticism.
I am going to make one change to your character. "Very talented with a firearm" is coming out of your special abilities. You have experience and such with it. That's fine. However It is not part of your powers (since that involces mega decterity and reflexes) so it doesn't go under abilities. IT will just be a facet of your character. However I will say that this is NOT a combat roleplay. So I don't see it being utilized very often. That being said i will reserve judgement on it until i see how you integrate it.
Otherwise, Good job. Feel free to make your introduction post at galvan, and when I get a chance I'll post it under accepted profiles.
Welcome to Galvan Nova Academy ^_^
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 4:38 pm
*nearly faints with relief*
Now all I have to do is figure out what's going on!
Thank you Merlin *huggles(?)*
Thank you krome, sorry for being a pill... redface
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Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 1:41 pm
Complete and Edited Profile ((I think)) Name: Gabrielle Minamoto (Gabs, Gabby)
Age: 16
Alignment: N/A
Special Abilities: Very talented with a firearm. Can control and manipulate the movement of metal. Mind speak, (no, she isn't a telepath, it means she can talk with others in their minds and recieve messages in her mind. This does not involve in mind probing at all).
Appearance: Gabrielle is dark skinned with kinky black hair that she keeps at shoulder length. She has slanted golden brown eyes. Her height is 5'6" and still growing.
Personality: Gabrielle is quite bland when it comes to personality. She does have her moements when she'll sign or mind speak something witty, otherwise she generally keeps to herself. She finds it hard to make friends because she is shy, but once friends are made she holds on to them for dear life. She is a very loyal companion, she gives reality checks frequently.
Sexual Orientation: Boys, only boys. But since she is quite shy, she generally doesn't initiate contact with a boy unless she has a urgent question.
History: She was born and raised to a very wealthy family. Ryu Minamoto (Japanese), her father, and Justice Jackson (African American), her mother, were very loving but not overly indulgent (though they could have been). They were determined not to have a spoiled child. Anyway, her father is a lawyer and her mother was a small time jazz singer. Gabby was about 5 when her mother died. They were going to visit one of her mother's childhood friends who she had stayed in contact with over the years. This particular friend did not accept charity, (even from filthy rich friend). Her mother was hit by a drunk driver whom had lost control of his vehicle. Justice only had enough time to shove her daughter to saftey before she was hit. She didn't die immediately, she was hospitalized and fell into a coma. Ryu and Gabby watched as she died slowly. She stopped talkign after her mother's death. The shrinks her father made her go to told her father that it was a psychological reaction to her mother's death and that she'd get over it eventually. She didn't get over it as soon as her father desired, however, so father had sign language taught to her since writing everything out was still difficult for her. At 10 years of age, Gabby discovered her love for metal working. When her father saw that, he took it as a good thing, a way for her to get her mind off of her sorrow. He allowed her to pursue the hobby. It started out as just small workings, play jewelry and progressed to bigger things, lamps, small sculptures. She was about 11 when she became curious about guns and insisted that she learn about them. Her father, who isn't quite paying as much attention to his daughter as usual, burying himself in his work, obliged, also reasoning that it was somethign to get her back to normal. Gabby was not the only one who had reacted badly to Justice's death. Ryu was still in mourning and his parenting skills started to diminish, Gabby and her father had drifted farther apart emotionally and started behaving more like room mates to one another instead of fathera and daughter. At 12 years, Gabby discovered the first part of her powers when her father began yelling at her for causing a fire in her workshop. She yelled back--not with her mouth or vocal cords, however; he heard her voice in his head. When he told her to do it again, she couldn't, but she practiced, remembering what she had done, how she had felt until she could do it on cue. She doesn't like using mind speak a lot; she still uses sign language when she grows tired of mind speaking. She also doesn't mind speak with those she does not trust.
And not too long after she had mastered mind speak, she found out her ability to manipulate metal when she stopped a car from hitting her friend who was in the street buy overturning it. She has not mastered this ability at all but can do little things, like lift small metal objects in the air and whatnot; though seeing her friend in danger gave her enough emotional incentive to move a whole car, she currently lacks the power to do it again.
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Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 8:45 pm
biggrin Yay!
Don't take it to heart Scarlett :] If it makes you feel any better... I'm on the front page... sweatdrop It's all done with good intentions. 3nodding But on a sidenote... welcome~ *throws confetti* 4laugh
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Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 11:09 am
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 12:04 am
eek Here... goes nothing...
Name: Hajima Hotaru (I know it's kinda newbish to use your username as a character, but the character behind the name is almost perfect for this type of RP)
Age: 17
Alignment: Suffra
Special Abilities: Hotaru's power is best described as an alternate personality. When his power activates, his physical appearance and his mind change completely. His sense of time, and how quickly it passes slows emensely. Seconds seem like minutes. In his altered state, he becomes ruthless, entirely different from his initial personality.
Appearance: Hajima stands around 5'8'', weighing an estimated 130lbs. He has a slim build, and a slightly feminine appearence. Dressing almost exclusively in black, he wears black pants, a black shirt, and a heavy black coat that extends to around his mid-thigh. His hair is blonde with a slight purple tint, suggesting maybe an artificial hair color, and falls down in his face to just below his nose, the sides falling farther, to about his chin. (like my avatar's, but longer sweatdrop ) Due to his fragile build, the way his hair frames his face only helps to emphasise his feminine appearance.
In his altered state, Hajima's hair turns from the purple-tinted blonde to a deep, intimidating purple. Also, an aura can almost be seen eminating from his being. His eyes get a fierce glow, and a trademark smirk dawns on his mouth.
Personality: Hotaru is typically an extremely reserved person, and doesn't seek the company of any other. In most cases he will actually walk the long way to a place if it means not meeting anybody along the way. Contrary to this shy personality, he sometimes has urges to jump into the middle of a crowd and make a fool of himself. This often got him into trouble at his home school.
Sexual Orientation: Straight.
History: Though japanese in orientation, Hajima was born in a small, New York town where he lived until his 'eruption'. In his high school he was unpopular and had almost no friends, aside from a guy, named James, and a girl, named Megan. He spent almost every spare minute outside of class with them. He trusted them. As far as acedemics, he was an average 'C' student. He aced his tests, but wasn't too big on this thing called "homework". His grades would have been much higher if it hadn't been for "homework".
His extra-curicular activities included Art Club, and Track, as well as various musicals and plays. Trading Card Games were also popular where he came from, and he was quite an established 'cardey'. Track was probably his favorite activity due to his effortless talent that many envied. In fact, his 'eruption' took place during a race.
It was just an ordinary meet when it happened. He was on the starting line of a race one lap around the track, measured at 1/4 of a mile. Starting toward the end of the group, he knew he'd have to work hard to place first, but had confidence in his skill. He had to win this race. The school he was racing against was in a rivalry with his, and the team was counting on him to show them no matter where he started, he could still feed them his dust. It was a matter of pride.
Within seconds of starting the race he had already moved up to fourth place, passing most within the first few strides. Now he was in third and rounding a corner slightly hidden by a pole vault landing pad. On of the assholes from the other school tripped him when the crowd couldn't see him. At that point he snapped. Every emotion he had ever held back, ever supressed into his subconscious came to life.
It tainted him to the very marrow of his bone. He stood back up, and glared at the dimwits from the other school through his hair, now a shade of purple, though he was too angry to notice such a petty detail. A smirk showed on his lips. A smirk that would mean pain for many. He watched the runners bound past him in slow-motion before deciding to act. Once he was in last place he took off at mid speed down the track, estimatedly around 60mph. Upon catching up to an individual, he would cross into their lane, stop them, embedding his gruesome smile into their eyes before slamming his knee into their gut. He got to four of them, both his team mates, and the rival school's before the winner almost crossed the finish line. Hotaru sped to him and just before his foot touched the ground on the other side of the line, Hotaru grabbed hold of the boy's shirt collar and yanked him back with extreme force, causing him to gag. A fist was absorbed into the boy's track shirt accompanied by a squelched sceam and struggled sobs, and the boy was held limp in Hotaru's hands.
The hue of his hair lightened and Hajima Hotaru came to. He looked around at the shocked crowd, and to the police officers running, now in real time, toward him. Finally he looked at the boy in his arms, unconcious. His best friend. The one who had supported him when no one else would even talk to him. James now lay breathing unsteadily, a drool of blood escaping his awkwardly open lips. Hajima then knew he needed help. He needed some way to escape. Of course, he couldn't go back to school. He was expelled. Even if he could go back, he wouldn't. Not after what had happened. That was when he got his letter.
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 2:49 pm
For the most part the character seems ok. However I have a few questions.
First off, does your perception automatically change? I mean if your personality is meaner and such and you become "ruthless" can this new personality react to things at normal speed? Because if he can't it's kinda pointless... and also makes thiis character more likely to end up in a mental institution rather than a school, even with super powers.
(also if he can't it gives you leave to do whatever you want, for example "Hajima hits someone, then claims it wasn't his fault. Needless to say. That isn't acceptable. )
Second, I need you to describe your powers a bit more. You say just slowed down perception, but according to your eruption story, you were able to slow down and speed up during a foot race, so this would seem to me like you have super speed as well. since heightened perception still wouldn't allow you to move at 60 miles per hour.
Please don't misunderstand, I have no problem with you having hypermovement as well as dilated perception, (Another character in the story, Merissa has it, though her is far more powerful than what you've described) but it needs to be described that way. Also, going on the assumption that your body does have hypermovement, do all his body processes speed up? For example, healing. Now, I won't accept you completely regenerating limbs in 5 minutes or something, but healing faster is certainly feasible.
I'm just curious. For the most part the rest of your application is certainly acceptable ^_^
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 7:52 pm
I agree that this is a fairly good character--seems generally human and such--but I'm still going to go pick through it to try and improve you and such...
Now... He has a Japanese name (capitalize the word, by the way) and is Japanese in orientation--but somehow has blond hair? That's possible if it was part of his eruption or just dyed, but explain what it is... (I took the 'suggesting artificial color' clause to refer to the purple tint only--correct me if it was supposed to refer to the blondeness too.)
Krome already talked about the power stuff.
Your description... is okay. Krome will probably find it acceptable, as Galvan has a kind of comic-book quality to it. If you back up, though, you've got a tall, thin, dresses-in-black, has-cool-hair, silent-type-with-ruthless-side-and-a-smirk bishi. If you treat him like a human (as opposed to treating him like the uber-being above) in-roleplay, he can sneak by that 'too cliche to live' line... But watch yourself, okay? (The smirking in particular can get annoying if you write it along the lines of 'look how evilly cool he is like this'; there are actually a few other characters in Galvan with that little failing right now ><...)
Personality--well, I suppose that's acceptable for a personality outline, but remember to give him more 'layers and facets' when you play him (aka, flesh out the personality there into a fully-rounded human). *Points to some of the details in your history and such for evidence that you probably have the capacity to do that*. For example, the trading card game fixation suggests that he's at least a little 'nerdy' somewhere in there.
History--I wouldn't mind some info on his family, actually. You've got the school side of things covered fairly well, but the family details aren't there. Small phrasing question--he's only planning to work hard during the race, as opposed to giving it his all? Even if he doesn't need everything to beat everyone else, there's still the fact that he's probably trying to personal record to consider...
There were a couple grammar things in there, but I'll leave you to consider the above and make whatever changes 'fore I go editing for 'em...
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Posted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 1:41 pm
((I hope this is sufficient. He's not exactly overpowered, since even if he goes into a rage as when he first used his powers one could get in close and knock him out, or hit him from afar. When in a state of blind fury he can't see clearly enough to attack accurately, or defend. He's hitting randomly and though he may often hit correctly, it is only because he's hitting so much so often. If there are any questions please ask me and I'll explain them, or change the character as you see fit. I can change the powers easily, but I simply thought it would add in a bit of flavor to have a character with such powers as well as mental disorders. Shred it apart, I never claimed to be the best or even near best with grammer or profiles. ^.^;;;; I'm sure I'm going to be adding on to the history thing once this is reviewed and adjusting things around ^_^ Enjoy the slaughter))
Name: Calintz Locke
Age: 18
Alignment: Unknown/Dependent upon internal circumstances to be explained later in detail
Special Abilities: Calintz has only a handful of abilities, but the power of them can be immense. He has the power to manipulate space and gravity. Gravity only effects himself and an area of about 5 feet surrounding him. He can't effect any individual person or space outside of that area yet. Space is the same, he can form holes that will lead him where he wishes, or form space to make him invisible. A few things beyond this but hardly anything else as it places a great strain on Calintzs' mind.
Calintz also has the ability, at a very great and possibly fatal cost, to control time. He can travel through it, and manipulate it, but anything dealing with time will put a horrendous pull on his mind, which more likely than not would kill him. Calintz can't effect people unless they enter that 5 foot space around him, though they might be able to use abilities, though it would be hard to tell since the manipulation of space and gravity has many benefits. Hence the reason Calintz doesn't fight or try to pick fights.
Not exactly passive, but he hasn't run into a situation where he has no choice but to fight.The first two abilities deal with physics and something that he had studied and dealt with as a kid, always aspiring to be invisible(Space usage) or be able to fly without wings(Gravity usage). The time ability came about from him wanting to take it all back, his family living and the bad people dead, but in his rage he didn't use his powers correctly and after the fact his head was messed up and all that came back were his mother and father. He had also been reading many books about physics before the incident occured. Finding them in the library or simply thrown away.
Appearance: Calintz was never a person who liked to stand out and being born into poverty probably wouldn't have helped into that department. He normally will wear a dress shirt that is left unbuttoned, with an undershirt underneath. If it gets cold enough he will put on a jacket and a beanie. The color of his shirt is dependent upon his internal circumstances. Calintz normally dons a pair of jeans, being one who grew up poor and so bought older clothes rather then new. He owns about three pairs of shoes for the sole purpose of wearing each out slower.
Calintz wields a piercing set of violet eyes, and a head of pure white hair. He was born with it strangely enough, and was greatly picked on as a child. His hair is long and reaches just below his shoulder blades. He was picked on as a child and dyed it many times before just giving up and not caring any longer. Calintz stands at about 5 feet 11 inches and weighs probably around 150 pounds.
Despite this seemingly lack of weight, he holds an impressive set of muscles. Nothing that would win a muscle-builders contest, but well defined and usable against an opponent if he ever found such a need, though he never has. His skin is slightly olive tinted, giving him the appearance of having at least a semi-nice tan year round. Calintz rarely carries a bookbag that has books in it. Normally slung over one shoulder it carries a few knick knacks, but nothing school related past maybe a few pens and pencils. Calintz is something of a pretty boy, though because of his demeanor it seems a bit different then simply that.
Personality: Calintz is in all normal sense, unpredictable. He doesn't seem to have much of a purpose for the things he does, at least when viewed from the surface. Before the 'eruptions' he was a mostly normal child. He played, and did many things, but after he erupted, he became reclusive, self-confiding, schizophrenic, and bipolar. He didn't change immediately, but the changes did occur, and they did change him drastically. He changes personalities often, and though he knows about who they are and what they do, he can't control them. There are only a few but they can be damaging at times.
One is something of a Suffra, another is like a Paradigm. Then there are others and each has its' own style of functionality. Only one or two doctors understand truly why the schizophrenia popped up, but swore themselves to secrecy, as Calintz made them. He didn't want anyone to know, nor did he want them to see it. Hence the reclusive and anti-social tendencies.
Despite all of these reclusive tendencies, he does wish somebody could understand, or could help him. He doesn't want to deal with what he has been and hopes to find someone, or something that will make him alright. Not quite an 'emo' per say, just a kid with problems that tries to deal with said problems, in the wrong way.
Sexual Orientation: Varies dependent upon internal circumstances, normally is Heterosexual.
History: Calintz was born into poverty. Raised in poverty, and has only seen the rich from a distance. He lived a life of scrambling for food and many times starving, despite living in the great world of America. He hated every moment of it but was still kind and considerate to others. He let himself go hungry in order to help his siblings and parents. It's a wonder that he didn't die from starvation.
Calintz gained his powers when his family was killed. Horribly enough it wasn't from some gang war, but instead, the 'higher-ups' murdered them. They felt his family was a burden on society. It was in this moment that Calintz lost it. His violet eyes shone with unnatural brightness, and the air around him started to warp it seemed. His uncontrolled powers expanded and threw the men to the ground no matter how far from him they stood. He almost crushed them to death before stopping and in that same instant reversing time, and adjusting everything so that instead, they simply ran. Calintz didn't understand as he was only about 14.
In that same day his mind 'separated' to form the schizophrenia that the doctors saw. His time ability as his mind was cracking brought back the last two they had killed, mother and father. They saw him floundering around and took him to see a doctor. Of course they couldn't afford a normal one and so he was at a free clinic. Through many cycles he was allowed into a real good study hospital and they discovered his troubles.
He was disjointed and couldn't understand it at first. He then heard about the other 'Novas' from the television, the doctors, and the letter a doctor sent him. So Calintz decided he should check out this so called Academy for himself, it would be interesting to find out what could be done about his abnormal powers, and condition.
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