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 Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:50 am
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Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:15 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:01 am
Five minutes here and already I have not only hurt myself but someone I care for. Sure, everything is fine between Sabin and I now but we had this sort of relationship going and though it was going to far and fast at the beginning and I never exactly liked him liked him I wanted to make myself believe that I did and yet now that he, Rayne and I have 'done it' I cant help but feel that maybe I was wrong. maybe I was stupid in letting this chance go, after the sex we had I started to feel myself attracted to him in THAT way. No, its not because of the sex, its because after we had it i just realised what type of guys he was and what we had gone through and everything and realised that he truely was a sweet and caring and kind hearted guy.
What am I meant to do? How am I meant to just sit here and let that angel go? I know, i screwed it up and I should really talk about this with him but how can I? He and I are now nothing more then cassual lovers and thats all we will ever be. Its a reason I never wanted to turn my back on the good book because love hurts and I am just now seeing how right that phrase is and I just have to now live with it. He, Rayne and I will never be anything more then cassual lovers and I just dont know if i could even be that at the moment, I am stupid for even allowing myself get caught up in this.
Maybe I should just tell them that its off especially if im going to be the only one without a boyfriend or mate at the end of this they go off and get their own and i will just be left there with noone. People might just tell me im confused or whatever and maybe they are right, maybe I should just go back to strongly disliking him, it was so much easier disliking this guy then what I am putting up with now.
How many more tears do i have to shead over this subject? Over him? I am just silently wishing that none of this happend, I am glad it did in a way but still I just dont want to keep crying over this sbject. Hes gone, i screwed up, I now have to live with it....to bad now my heart tells me different.
I have to go, if i keep writting this page wont even be legible anymore.
Kimaris.
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Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 3:55 pm
Where should I start? After the last entry my feelings were just getting stronger for the angel and yet while I went off to think I ended up perched upon some mountain summit and and the others came to look for me. We spoke and then I took off back to the orphange where a coon from my past had escaped from the asylum he was placed in and had ended up raping me and clawing me badly.
((will continue this entry later))
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