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 Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 10:13 am
'Well why even mention it then?' Marut said, her own back starting to get up. What it did matter if she was hanging around with a load of males that weren't her brothers? She wasn't doing anything but having fun, and where was the harm in that? She sighed.
'Vartan, I don't want to fight but I get stuck in the middle. So does Mum.' she said.
Neve hated this; but sibling rivarly was a fact of life, and she would continue to love all her children equally. She couldn't, wouldn't take sides, and she looked at her son.
'You'll always be welcome here, your home.'
She walked away. Maybe it was the Kalona blood in them all, that little fire that wouldn't let her family be a happy one no matter how she tried.
'I don't know. I told Maharet she shouldn't be so scared of everything, and I think she was going to see if she could meet some more friends. I imagine she's somewhere around.' Marut answered his question, now in an uncharacteristically low mood.
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 3:26 pm
"So you can be on my back for a half hour about the fight I lost, but I can't tease you about maybe having a boyfriend? You shouldn't dish it out if you can't take it."
The stallion cast a sharp glare at his sister, dread and hurt and fury mingling in his gut. How the hell had it come to this?
"I know what I've done to our father. I can't change it. But implying that I started that fight and hurt him on purpose?" He sighed and shook his head. "That was a damn low blow, Marut."
Vartan turned away. The cool autumn wind was picking up. It was a good time of year for travel, even for those of them who weren't blessed with wings.
"I saw the way you looked at me when I suggested pranking Mom. Like I'd suggest something monstrous." He barked out a wry, bitter laugh. "You're right. I am a monster. But I've tried hard not to act like one. If I were going to harm anyone you know, I would have done it a long time ago. And if you can't see that... then you're not the mare I thought you were. And I don't know what the hell I'm doing here."
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Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 7:45 am
'And why not? Sisters are meant to do that. Besides, it's my way of giving you a hard time over not seeing you for ages.' Marut said lightly, still feeling stung.
'Boyfriend? Maybe because our mother keeps going on about that as well, and I don't even know how I'm supposed to react to that. All the guys I've met so far have just been friends, I'm not even thinking that way about anyone.' she shrugged.
'I don't act like other mares, I don't look at a stallion and think 'oh, he's so handsome, I must have children with him', I just wonder if they are racers, or if they'll spar with me.' she let out a breath, it was the first time she'd articulated her frustration on the matter.
She shook her head;
'Why was it? It's the truth after all. Spirits Vartan, you know well how our mother grew up, what happened to her, and even the sibling rivarly that she had when she was younger. I don't want a repeat, and I don't want to take sides either.'
She looked long at him after his latter words.
'Because I don't know you. You've not let me in. You want to go and be with some mare that beat you up, rather than hang out with your sister. That hurts. And you know what, I have Kalona blood in me as well, the same amount that you do. I don't have to act like a jerk though because of it. And I don't let it rule me.' she shook, feeling everything that had been bottled up, pushed back behind smiles and playfulness.
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Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 8:10 am
No, actually. It wasn't the truth. If Vartan had known that Zevach was someone his father hated, he would have sought out another teacher at the outset. But Marius had never told his son about the feuds of his own youth. When he'd found out the mess he'd stepped into, he'd nearly wanted to scream from frustration.
Vartan wasn't the Soquili who made Maharet scared of her own shadow. He hadn't chased Jaci away, made his grandmother crazy, or turned their parents against their siblings. And Ishmael? Vartan wouldn't loathe his brother nearly so much if he didn't go out of his way to be plotting and provocative all the damn time.
Fine. Whatever. If Marut had decided to attribute all of their dysfunction to Vartan so she could rest easier at night, then so be it.
"I don't let you in? Hah! You don't really want to know me. You've never come after me. You've never opened up to me. You'd only like me to let you in if I could show you the brother you want, instead of the one you ended up with. Mom's the same. Never mind that she and Dad had problems with their own siblings. It's natural when they do it, an unavoidable conflict, but when it happens with me I'm a home-wrecking villain."
He snorted and stamped his forehoof on the ground, stirring up dust. Vartan wasn't sure how he was the jerk, when Marut was the one who'd brought up the family fights, and who'd picked at his wounded pride for sport. He hadn't done a single offensive thing since he'd gotten there.
"Galaxia is honest. She speaks in sharp words and harsh blows, so with her, I know exactly where I stand. There's no passive-aggressive bullshit, no expectations to weigh me down, no constant guilt trips because our family isn't perfect and you want a whipping colt to blame for it. And there's sure as hell no double standard when it comes to teasing or anything else. With her I'm... free."
It wasn't love, but it was what he needed right now, and maybe that was better.
Vartan looked out into the treeline, where Neve had disappeared. At least Marut had found the guts to say what she really thought instead of blurting out a platitude and then running away.
"Very well. If it's all so horrible, then the efficient thing is to remove the problem. There's no standing in the middle when there aren't two sides. I'll cut ties with this family so you can try for your fantasy ideal." Vartan tossed his mane and turned towards an outbound path. His eyes had grown hard and cold, scarring over the hurt he felt.
He loved his family in spite of everything. Yet he could do without the secrets and denials, the lies and the hypocrisy. He wanted truth, as bright and painful as any Kawani spear-tip. And he'd pursue it no matter how deeply it wounded him.
"But remember this: I'm exactly what I seem to be. With Ishmael, you'll never be so lucky."
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 8:31 am
Marut shook, with anger and with hurt. How could he say all those things, she loved him! He was her brother, and she'd always thought of him well up till now, as she did with all her brothers. She felt a tightness in her throat, and realised that for the first time ever she was actually crying, the fur on her face damp with salty streaks.
'Why, why are you saying this? I have never, EVER blamed you for our family's history, but you can't say that you haven't made bad choices. Everyone does..' she mumbled.
'Go then. Just go. I love you Vartan..' she said sadly.
'I just can't understand you right now.'
Marut turned, walking away with a heavy heart. How had that happened? Or was the blowup just inevitable, a product of everything unsaid? She couldn't tell..but she knew somebody who had the intelligence to help her..
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:50 pm
Always thought well of him. Right. When the hell had that been, exactly? When she looking at him like he was a Skinwalker? When she expected him to transform himself for her convenience? When she was passive-aggressively harping on every goddamn thing he did?
Vartan didn't think so.
If Marut had any idea what he was protecting her from, what he was protecting them all from by making himself scarce, then maybe-
But she really didn't have a clue.
His issue with Ishmael wasn't based on stubbornness or foalish pride. Ishmael was the oil for Vartan's fire, and the next time Ishmael messed with him, Vartan would need to maim or murder his brother as surely as he needed to breathe air or eat grass. Rationality had nothing to do with it. There was only action and reaction, cause and effect, the rumble of his heartbeat to the time of the Kawani war drums.
Every night he dreamt of bloody hoof-prints. And every day without battle his control stretched taut as a bowstring.
Ready to snap.
"Everyone makes mistakes, hunh." He muttered, face darkening. "Except for you, isn't that right, Marut? You're so frigging perfect, it gives you license to dig at everyone else's faults, and cry foul when the rest of us don't measure up to your ideal little standards. Must be nice to play the victim all the goddamn time."
She was-
She was lucky. Not to be like him.
Feh. It didn't matter. He'd wanted the truth, and now he had it. Galaxia barely tolerated him and yet she still had faith that he could fight the taint of his body. His family would never give him the benefit of that doubt.
And they'd be better off this way.
The stallion sighed, and shook his head.
"Goodbye. Goodbye to all of you. I'll see you in another life."
Vartan tossed his hair out of his face, and galloped off down the opposite path.
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