Welcome to Gaia! ::

Jeraha noticed the change in color on the female, though only from the ears. He tilted his head to one side, wondering if he had embarrassed her or if she had been out in the sun too long. Something had to have happened for her ears to glow in such a manner. Not wanting to ruin the moment with a sarcastic comment, he left the matter alone, looking instead at her eyes so the tint of her flesh wouldn’t tempt him.

“You don’t?” He replied, relief spreading through him, “I’m glad… I think… to know that. And, I don’t mean to say such horrible things to others. I mean… I DO mean it… but not because I’m trying to be mean. Alright, a little bit because I’m trying to be mean…” boy, he was starting to forget where he had been going with this one, “I just… don’t know how else to do things anymore. Sometimes I feel like pushing others away is the only way to keep from being hurt. Like, the pain of being alone isn’t as bad as the pain of something betraying me. When I was growing up…” he sighed. Now he was rambling. She didn’t need to know about his past.

Much as he felt like telling her it.

“Anyway, I just wanted to figure out where we stood with one another. I apologize if this whole thing is making you uncomfortable.” He looked away from her, feeling a little sad now. Thinking about his past tended to do that to him, despite how happy he was to know that she liked him. Such a conflicted soul was Jeraha.

Looking up, he gazed into her eyes for a moment, frowning. “Huh, so you do have two eyes,” he said faintly, “I always wondered.” He was making jokes, though only because he was so damn uncomfortable. Here he was about to tell someone about his past- something he had never done in his entire existence. And the weird thing? He didn’t feel like it was a bad idea. That whole ‘you’ll regret this’ mind-set that had been eating at him was now no where to be found.

Now he was just awkward because he didn’t want to make her hate him.

“It’s not that important,” he said lowly, “though I suppose it’s only fair. You did tell me about your past…. Alright. Well… my father was not a good lion. He killed the other cubs I was born with and would have killed me if my mother hadn’t stopped him. After that he didn’t do anything for her. Or me. But he wouldn’t leave us alone. Like he wanted to stick around just to make us suffer. Eventually… it was too much for my mother. She drowned herself and… abandoned me. I ran away before my father could kill me for what had happened, and since then… I’ve been alone.”

He peered over his shoulder, though he couldn’t see the scars that decorated his back thanks to his mane. The scars given to him by his less-than-kind father. Shaking his head, he tried to smile, keeping his eyes from the female. “Anyway, I told you it’s not that important. It’s all in the past, right?”

“I’m learning that,” Jeraha said lowly, “I know not everyone shouldn’t be trusted. But… how do you know who to open up to?” He asked, looking back at the female after a prolonged gaze towards the trees. “You seem to have very little trouble trusting people. It’s clear we’re very different. How do you do it? What makes it so easy for you? When I help people, I don’t like them to know that it was me who did it. I was going to pull you to the bank and leave before you woke up. I would have, too, if I hadn’t realized it was you and not some stranger.”

He got to his feet, moving around her. His body passed close the hers, the large animal almost brushing shoulders with her. Walking a little ways from her, he moved back towards the water’s edge, sitting down and observing the lake.

Even though he was looking at the very thing that had taken his mother, he had no resentment towards it. It wasn’t like the water had made her drown herself. It was his father. He was the one who had killed his mother. The one he wanted to track down, if he was even still alive, and get his revenge against.

A life’s goal that had also helped shape his cold exterior.

“I feel like I’m killing what might have been a good moment,” he said after a moment, “maybe we should change the subject.”

“You’re such a small creature!” laughed Jeraha in return, veering away from his past with a fire-y quickness that could not be denied, “you must hide from just about everything then. No offense, of course. I just mean… well… you know what I mean.” He sighed. Trying too hard to sway away from the unpleasant topic of his father, that was what he was doing. But it couldn’t be helped.

He hated thinking about that deplorable lion.

“I see,” he said lowly, “well… I’m sorry all the same. I think I move too quickly with these kinds of things. I’m not used to it. I don’t know… how to… let someone know that I like them without it feeling really strange. And talking about my past, well, that just never ends well on my end.” He looked back at her, motioning with a nod of his head for her to come and join him by the water’s edge.

“If you fear most males, did you never have plans to find a mate?” he asked abruptly, the stopper on uncomfortable topics not an inhibition he had been born with.

Now she was beside him again. Why had he moved in the first place? This was much better. Feeling someone beside him.

Jeraha emitted a lot sigh, parting his mouth slightly, “Well… I suppose it’s something most of us want, isn’t it? The prospect of a real family and someone to love. A chance… to be a real father,-“ he chuckled, shaking his head, “or mother, in your case.” Yes, even tough-as-nails Jeraha thought about having a family. Cubs of his own to love and teach. To mold into proper, good lions much better than himself and his horrible father.

But it was just a dream.

“So you should head out once in a while,” Jeraha said lowly, watching the water. He couldn’t read minds. He didn’t know what she thought about him, so he continued to try his luck, “I could go with you, if you feel like it might help. I mean, you wouldn’t have to worry about too many creatures bothering you with me around- most animals see me coming and head for the hills.”

“Just don’t fish for me while we’re out and I think we’ll be fine,” Jeraha responded with an extremely quick wink. So quick, in fact, that it was debatable it had even happened at all, “whenever you want to head out, it’ll be alright for me. It’s not like have such an active social life that I need to schedule time for things.” He didn’t really know what he would show her. Why had he offered? He was a loner with no real territory worth bragging about. Great.

Now he would have to try and find some place to show her that was mildly interesting.

“I wouldn’t mind your company,” he added thoughtfully after a moment, “I wouldn’t have asked if I would be bothered by you, now would I?”

Jeraha nodded. “Just don’t go climbing anymore trees for a while and I think you’ll be fine,” he told her. After a brief pause, he grinned, shaking his mane, “of course, even if you do get into trouble, there’s a good chance I’ll show up at the right moment to save your a**. Seems to be quite a natural thing for me.” He watched her, keeping his ears down against his head. As much as he wanted to stay and chat with her about absolutely nothing –no, really, he longed to simply waste time with her- he knew it was best to get going. Let her recover in peace without having to deal with his crap.

Maybe he could find that special little spot to show her.

“Well… I’ll let you rest for a while then. Why don’t I come back in a couple of days and check up on then?” He then did something he never thought even possible for him to pull off- he showed a tiny bit of affection. As he stood, he bumped his shoulder against hers, offering a faint smile. “Don’t get yourself killed, alright?” That was it. All he had managed to do was momentarily touch bodies with her. But it was enough to make his heart flutter and his stomach churn.

He felt wonderfully ill.

Stepping away, he headed back the way he had come when first seeking her out. Stalled, he peered over his shoulder. Maybe he wouldn’t wander too far. He didn’t have to –leave- leave, just get far enough away so that he wasn’t bothering her. At least then he could keep an eye on her.