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Oy vey. *shakes head sadly*

And I didn't think her comment was that hurtful, so apologies for that particular screw-up. (But it's true!) (Shut up, id.)

I believe he was having a conversation, and I also believe that it stands for idiot, correct me if i'm wrong.

What the heck?

As if my regular personality isn't bad enough, now I learn there's another layer underneath?? gonk

If you really expect it to be about your book, then post more of your story, preferably not bunched into one post. 4laugh (Most of my own story topic is conversation between Kirby and me. Anyway, it's something you've got to expect....)
heart We'll get back to it.

Sounds like Harry Potter, light-novel style. sweatdrop

Okay...
So I've read the updates or whatever from the website
and I have a few... reservations:

Aside from obvious grammatical and mechanical errors
which seem to be the product of fast-paced typing
(which, you need to work on. No one wants to read something if it doesn't seem the writer even took their time),
it seems to me you lost your voice. A lot.

At first, I loved this piece.
The interaction between Moone and Lament was... golden.
Here.. not so much.
Once she gets to the school, for me, it seems like you aren't taking your time to choose your words.
The interaction between Moone and Mirage is often rushed and unrealistic at times for me.
I feel like there's a lot you want to accomplish in a short amount of time,
but you aren't writing enough for it.

Hmmm.. How can I explain this?
Have you ever seen Brokeback Mountain?
(Beautiful movie!)
The "all-important" controversial love scene between the two men is
one of the most abrupt, random scenes I've seen in a movie--
If not the most random.
There's no set up or anything that prepares you for it.
Your story... is a little like that with Moone and Mirage.
They're meeting each other in person for the first time.. then rooming together and holding hands...
..kissing and then "bathroom scenes".
Ran-dom.

In conclusion,
I'll steal words from one of my all-time favorite shows:
"You're off the Hot Tamale Train." --Mary Murphy

. Ours was through a door to the far left. It led to a hall which led possibly along the castle’s wall to another door.
Through the door, we were in a circular room. It was painted dark, I wasn’t sure what color, and had two staircases on either side of the room leading up to two separate towers. A girl in front said in a gentle voice, “Girls on the right, boys on the left. It’s almost dawn, so you have just an hour before light, then the curtains close. Alright? Clothes are in your wardrobes, one set laid out for you. Alright now, you’re dismissed. Oh, and the bathrooms are just there,” she said pointing to two doors on another side of the room. Mirage and I looked at each other. Her pale face glowed in the dim light, and I found my knees going weak again. I wished I could look away, but she held my gaze. She finally glanced around and took my hand, leading me up the stairs. Her touch was so gentle that I nearly couldn’t feel it, but strong enough to pull me along. She grinned and laughed as I stumbled on a stair. Her eyes sparkled as we entered the girl’s dorm tower. The room was dark with a ceiling sparkling with artificial stars.
It took a moment for me to realize that Mirage was still holding my hand, but I made no move to take mine away. On the end of every bed was a silver plate with a name engraved. In total, there were ten beds. Mirage and I walked around to find our beds. They were next to each other on either side of a window. We also found that at the foot of every bed, on the floor, was a trunk, also with a silver nameplate on each. On top of each was a set of clothes. There were two shirts, a black halter top, and a white blouse. The pants were black with silver buttoned pockets and a silver chain connected to a small black wallet which held and ID card for each person. The belt was silver as well. The shoes were simply black, with a thin silver line above the sole.
Mirage let go of my hand rather suddenly. I walked over to the trunk in front of my bed and, setting the clothes aside, opened it. Inside were multiple sets of the same clothes, winter clothes (similar, only long sleeved shirts), and in the middle of those stacks, multiple school supplies, such as quills, ink, parchment and various text books.
It was not that I realized Lament wasn’t with me. Although it didn’t altogether bother me, Mirage had seen me look around.
“He’s not allowed up her, probably,” she said, touching my shoulder. I nodded. Artemis padded softly around, finding a nice spot to lie down. I noticed a cloak on a chair next to my bed, and a book on the nightstand. I walked over and looked inside. A note lay there from my parents.
Dearest Moone,
We thought this book might interest you, and are hoping it will suffice for an apology, we love you so much.

Hekate & Feyda

I smiled as I looked at the title, Mystic Moonlight. I closed the book and looked around at the people in the room. I quickly noticed now what I hadn’t before: all the girls in the room had shock white, raven, dark brown, or white blonde hair. Everyone’s skin was extremely pale. The girl came up the stairs and close the heavy velvet curtains, almost exactly like the ones at home that hung over the windows.
“You all should rest up, classes begin tonight. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me; when I’m awake,” she said in a fake foreboding voice and a smile on her face. With that she trotted back down the stairs. I glanced at Mirage and she glanced at me. I immediately wished I hadn’t, because she locked my gaze again. After what felt like forever, she turned away and began getting her bed clothes on. She slipped out of her shirt and I wanted to look away, but there was something seductive about the way she moved. She turned around, noticing my gaze.
(*?) “You can touch me if you want.” Her eyes flashed and a grin spread across her face. “I’m kidding,” she said, although she didn’t completely sound as though she was kidding. “Sorry, my mom is a goddess named Elesmera, and she’s not just a night goddess, but a seductive one. I get it from her, I found out. I don’t mean to tempt you.” I shook my head, but I was lost in her eyes.
“What about the gaze thing you do? Is that from her too?” I asked. At this she really looked at me strange.
“What? What do you mean?” I immediately shook my head and started getting ready. Soon I slipped into bed and rested my head against the soft pillows. My eyes closed and I fell into a calm sleep.


“I’m sorry,” Mirage said, holding my hand. We walked along the lake of the school.
“It’s okay,” I said automatically. Somehow I knew what she was apologizing for. At that moment she stopped and I turned to her. Her eyes sparkled in the bright moonlight, and I could see her moving closer and closer… finally she kissed me.

I blinked awake as a hand shook me awake gently. Mirage’s face was rather close to mine, but I didn’t mind. She had a sweet look on her face.
“Well come on then. Classes start in an hour.” I sat up and rubbed my eyes. She walked back over to her trunk. She was already dressed in her uniform and was gathering her books while looking at a list. I got out of bed and stumbled over to my trunk. I dressed in a uniform, but looked over at Mirage. She was wearing a skirt instead of pants. She saw me looking and said, “There are skirts too. You can pick either. I nodded, but slipped my pants on. I was never much for skirts anyway. Then I reached into my bag and pulled out my moon necklace, putting it on. When that was done, I saw a list on my trunk. I picked it up and looked at it.

Class List

-History
- So Called Mythology- Mary Cardinal
- Quill and Ink
- Parchment

-Mythical Creatures
-Magical Creatures- Laurie King

-Break

-Powers
- Ink and Quill
-Ring
-Gods and Goddess Powers- Krystal Nexus.

-Astronomy
- Ink and Quill
- Star map
-Moon map
- Stellar Stars- Emily Mikein.

-Night Plants and Herbs
- Ink and Quill
-Plants and Herbs by Moonlight- Stell Neir.
- Ring


Mirage was looking at me when I finished. “We have the same classes. Sorry, I checked while you were sleeping. I found a messenger bag next to my trunk and packed the necessary books and things and checked that my ring was on my finger. Mirage and I, followed by Artemis who had just turned into a snow leopard, went down to the common room. I found Lament standing there. I ran up to him, throwing my arms around him.
“Hello, my dear. How are you?” he asked in his smooth voice. I nuzzled my head against him. “You’re mother is waiting in the great hall. Best not keep her waiting.”
“And my father?” I asked as we started off.
“He’s there too.” Mirage and Theo trotted beside us. Mirage’s eyes kept wandering to me and Lament’s arm around my shoulder. We entered the candle lit great hall, and I found Hekate and Feyda standing there. I ran up to my dad and he spun me around in his arms.
“How did you sleep?” my mom asked.
“Fine.” The dream came back to me as my dad let go of me, and I looked at Mirage. Her eyes flashed, but her gaze didn’t hold mine. It almost made me
cry, thought I don’t know exactly why. Theo stood beside her, standing kind of sideways.
Food was laid out on the tables, and I noticed there was quite a bit of meat. “Come on,” Mirage said, nodding toward an empty spot. We sat down and ate. that took only a few minutes or so, so we decided to take a walk along the lake about. Lament and Theo went off somewhere and we headed to the lake. The moon was a waning gibbous, large above us.
“It’s odd that we should meet here, isn’t it?” Mirage asked.
“Not really, I don’t think. I mean, there’s probably tons of Shadow Dwellers around here,” I responded. She was quiet a while. Then she kept looking at my hand which swung at my side. She seemed to get closer, but I didn’t pay attention. At least… not until her fingers entwined in mine. I didn’t look at her, or otherwise react. In fact, I closed my fingers around hers. After a few moments she stopped me. I turned to her. She leaned in toward me and pressed her lips firmly to mine, carefully slipping an arm around my waist.
I’m not sure how long we stayed like this, but soon I was staring into her eyes. I was not drawn to them like usual, but I felt lost in them like an ocean of pure blue. She had a sweet smile on her face. She kissed me gently just once more and then we ran off back to the castle to find our next class, her almost dragging me by the hand.
We met Lament and Theo down the hall where our class was (thanks to a map), and we walked into class. Mirage was not holding my hand when we walked in, but as we sat next to each other her hand found mine. I took the book So Called Mythology out of my bag. Mirage did the same, and a woman stepped in front of the class.
“Hello, class, welcome to God and Goddess History One. Today is an introduction to where we came from. Trust me, I don’t want to make this boring for you,” she added as some of the students moaned. “It’s actually a very interesting story for those who were brought up in mortal homes, which a lot of you have been.
“It all started when the first intelligent humans appeared on the earth. Goodness, I forgot to tell you my name. You may call me Laira. But to continue now. They needed guidance from the most intelligent, who actually found their powers in nature. The first god, as you might know, was Pan, and the first goddess was one we don’t really know the name of, because she has many names. Please open your books to page thirteen. There you will find a picture of them together. Notice the people in front of them, kneeling. Already they believed them to be of higher power. Pan, as you see, didn’t have his Faun form yet. He would acquire it later when they truly recognized him as a God. He does, however, carry is flute with him. I’ve met Pan myself, and he’s very kind.
“Now look at the goddess. See how she seems to have a seductive nature to her. Goddesses naturally have that, certain ones more than others.”
Mirage shifted beside me. I knew what she was thinking. Her hand remained in mine, soft and warm. I felt Artemis at my feet, who had been with Lament while I was at the lake with Mirage.
After about an hour of this lesson, I was still curious, but the class was over for the day.
“We have Mythical Creatures next,” Mirage said as we walked out of the room. She had let go of my hand. “But I’ve got to go to the bathroom. Come with me, Moone?” I nodded and we found the bathroom. She walked into one of the stalls and I leaned against a sink to wait for her. She came back out and washed her hands in the sink next to me. When she dried her hands, she looked at me. She slipped and arm around my waist and kissed me.
(*) She pressed her body close to mine, running a hand down my thigh, and I let out a staggered breath.
“Are you okay?” she asked, close to my neck so I could feel her warm breath against it.
“Better,” I said. She smiled and kissed my lips. Her smile blew me away, and her kiss made me pull her even closer to me. (*)
She looked at the door and said, “We’ve got to go to class.” Her hand closed around mine. We walked out of the bathroom and found Theo and Lament there. I saw them glance at our hands for a moment, but looked away.
“Come on then, girls. We have to get to the grounds where you next class is.” As we set off, Artemis bounded ahead. A hill sloped to lead to a rather large house near a forest. As we walked down the hill, Mirage’s hand left mine.
“Ouf!” I heard her utter and heard a thump. I looked around and laughed. She had a little husky puppy on her chest, licking at her face. IT took a moment, but suddenly I noticed it was changing, growing larger and lighter in color. When it was done, a wolf was standing there, wagging its tail, a silly grin on its face and shining brilliant silver in the moonlight. At that moment, a man with dark hair and extremely clear blue eyes ran up to us.
“Well, that answers a few questions.” We all turned to look at him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!