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A good starter book is also "Gateway to Judaism" by Mordechai Becher. It covers a great deal of Jewish practices and beliefs at a level that doesn't require very much, if any, prior knowledge. I also like the way that the author creates a fictional family to play out some of the points in the story. It is not boring in any way, shape, or form, and I had a hard time putting it down when my exams came around. It was recommended to me by two people, one was a man who had converted to Judaism 5-7 years ago and another was a rebbetzin (rabbi's wife) who happens to be my professor's neighbor. I think it would be helpful for those converting via methods other than an orthodox conversion as well. smile

I would also suggest Rabbi Donin's books, but they should be prefaced by "Becoming a Jew" and/or "Gateway to Judaism". His writing style and level makes it a bit hard to just pick up without some previous knowledge. I picked up all of the above books at the library. Try looking there before buying; most libraries that are part of a bigger chain of libraries should be able to get these books, particularly Lamm and Donin's books because they are quite old now...

I liked Choosing a Jewish Life and I also own Living a Jewish Life. Anita is alright, but if you are converting to anything but reform I wouldn't recommend it. However, that little anecdote about Louis Brandeis (Choosing a Jewish Life) made me cry.

Does anyone else have huge problems with feeling an excessive amount of guilt related to converting and your family and friends?

I know that it's no one's intention to make anyone feel excluded, but halachah is fairly clear: a Jew doesn't ask another Jew if they're a convert, so that they don't feel singled out and set apart from the Jewish people, as if they're "less than." Asking if anyone feels guilty for converting could make a convert feel that they had to speak up and identify themselves as such, which may make someone feel a bit awkward.

That said, the converts I know have universally spoken about guilt feelings, especially when it comes to family events such as weddings, baptisms or other rites of initiation, and funerals. Many of these types of events are held in churches or other buildings/areas specifically dedicated to, and identified with, religions other than Judaism -- which a Jew is forbidden to enter. Also, many of these life cycle events tend to get scheduled for Saturdays, when Jews are forbidden to celebrate anything other than Sabbath (or a Yom Tov/holy day that falls on Sabbath) and also forbidden to mourn; forbidden to drive or ride (cars, bikes, horses). Most of the events also have some sort of meal associated with them, and Jews are forbidden to eat what isn't kosher.

All these factors mean that it's very awkward for a convert to Judaism to take an active part in the life cycle events of his or her birth family. They feel bad for not attending; the family feel offended that "religion is more important than family," forgetting that they're the ones who had the control over what day the event was scheduled and whether there was kosher food available for the Jew to eat. If it's not handled extremely well by all sides, this can look like mutual rejection, and can really hurt.

The delicate balance of family relationships is one of the strongest reasons that converts are discouraged: it's considered better to disallow a conversion than to allow someone to convert and then have to choose between ruining their family relationships, or disobeying the halachot (Jewish laws) that they strove so hard to accept as sacred obligations upon themselves. Being a Jew is difficult, but being a convert is amazingly hard, not just on the convert, but upon their birth families. It's also hard on a convert's spouse's Jewish family, because they will often try very hard to understand, but just don't have the personal experience that comes with making such a momentous change in their lives.

Heh. I've had a while to talk to a LOT of people. This is what happens when you spend your time learning from people and books on the things that interest you, instead of paying attention in class. You become a walking encyclopedia who doesn't have a college degree and therefore can't get a really great job.

One: Tattoo
They won't make you get rid of a tattoo. They might ask you questions about why you got it, but they won't make you get rid of it. The Torah says "you shall not make a mark in your flesh as a memorial to the dead." The rabbinic sages extended that to "no markings on the flesh, period, whether for a memorial or for anything else." But the thing is, tattoo removal also makes a mark, so they won't ask you to compound your error by doing it! However, if it says something like "Jesus saves" or "Death to the Jewish infidels," you might want to quietly get that removed on your own.

Two: "I feel bad about screwing you over."
Exactly how are you screwing anybody over, by choosing to live by the dictates of your conscience? I don't want to make it sound like all is peachy-keen and utterly simple, but honestly, there is no one you're screwing over by wishing to convert. At the very most, you miss out on some ceremonies. You know what? If there's someone that cares deeply that you should attend, THEY will make it possible for you by not scheduling it on Shabbat or Yom Tov, and THEY will ask, "Do you need me to make sure there's a kosher meal for you?"

Admittedly, funerals aren't as easy for the family to schedule, and of course no mourning family will be thinking of easing the way for the family "oddballs" who have "weird" restrictions that they can't trouble themselves to remember -- they're mourning, they're upset, and they can't be expected to think straight at all. However, you can ease the way here, too. If someone dies, say, "I'll stay here at Grandma's house and make some food, so that the rest of you can come home from the funeral to a decent meal that nobody else really has the inclination to cook." Some may see it as odd that you "won't" (can't) participate in the funeral ceremony, but when they come home to the smell of comfort food, they will be comforted by it, and grateful for it.