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Here's a joke I heard from a friend of mine....(Kinda weird)

There once was three friends, poo, manners, and shut-up.
One day they were playing around near a cliff and poo fell off,
manners and shut-up quickly ran down to the town under the cliff to get help,

Shut-up found a police officer and said "You have to help! My friend fell off the
cliff!"

The police officer glanced at shut-up and said "Ok, I will help, what is your name?"

Shut-up replied "Shut-up!"

The police officer sighed and said "Haha, very funny, now what is your name?"

"Shut-up!" Replied shut-up.

The police officer frowned and said "That is enough! Where are your manners?!"

Shut-up replied "Around the corner picking up poo!"

(I told you it was weird......)

........ Well I have to admit that made me laugh but it is kinda...... sweatdrop
Doesn't matter smile

I was looking for jokes on the internet and I found this one.... It is pretty funny, but kinda mean.....

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

Yay blonde jokes!



A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes."

Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they''ll be delayed two hours.

Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours.

The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, "Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we''ll be up here all day."

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Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."

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A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

Blonde Praying for Help from God


There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"

Ok, this is the last one for now I promise!

Air Plane Came Down


There were 11 people holding onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

There was a brunette, a redhead, and a blond working on a bridge. The brunette opens his lunch and he gets a burrito. He says,"Man, if I get a burrito again tomorrow I'm going to jump off this bridge." The redhead opens his lunch and he gets pasta. Ha says,"Man, if I get pasta again tomorrow I'm going to jump off this bridge." The blond opens his lunch and gets mac & cheese. He says,"Man, if I get mac & cheese again tomorrow I'm going to jump off this bridge."

So the next day the brunette gets a burrito and jumps off the bridge and dies. The redhead gets pasta and jumps off the bridge and dies. The blond gets mac & cheese and jumps off the bridge and dies.

The next day at the funeral, the three wives are crying. The brunette's wife says,"If I had known he didn't want a burrito, I would have packed him something different!" The redhead's wife says,"If I had known he didn't want pasta, I would have packed him something different!" The blond's wife says,"I don't know what he's doing, he packed his own lunch!"

HAHAHAHAHA, FUNNY!

A couple years ago I received this joke in an email... and it's the funniest joke I've ever heard....


Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for
baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a
guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she
thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go
for this carrying on." So, she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she
would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small
diner and the aroma of the baked beans was more than she could stand.

Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill
effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and
before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All
the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably
sure she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I
have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her
and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the
blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to
touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure
was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room
she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was
not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front
of a pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her
vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which
reminded her of cabbage cooking. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation
in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.

When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air
a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands
upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when
her husband returned.

Apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured
him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was
surprised!!!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy
Birthday!!

I got the same one sent to me, lol.