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 Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 2:24 pm
Hm. I have mixed feelings on this subject. I do find anything before 16 to be a bit young to be talking about something so far into the future. At that age, you should be thinking about parties, driving, highschool, friends, how to aviod your mother after you failed that pop test, and all that nice drama that comes with being new to the highschool world.
I'll just say that my Husband gave me a promise ring when we were 16 and with that he said "If our relationship and love grows the way we wish it to; I promise to someday marry you." It's sort of like 'going steady' I suppose. We did talk about marriage, but it was always "If we get married..." never "When.." I guess we were very realistic, but at the same time acknowleged we wanted it to happen.
We got engaged at 18 and married at 19. We are now 20. (But have only been married Two months and a few days.- Got married in August, my Birthday is in September.)
I'll also say that my parents got engaged right after I was born. My mother was 18 and my father was 19. They are still married to this day and will celebrate their 20th anniversary next year. And I must say- they still act like newlyweds and I love them for that. heart
I do believe that most of these pre-teens and such are doing this out of comfort. Or maybe to make themsevles feel they fit into an older crowd. But, I do understand that their are extremely rare cases of two young people getting together and actually staying together. I wont say it's impossible.
I also think that these people should start looking at their lifes in a realistic light. And I mean this as in; If you find you have to change all of your pre-conceived goals and ideas for the future because of that person - then you shouldn't commit yourself so early to that person. I feel that they are setting themselves to be hurt by something that could have been avoided.
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Posted: Fri Oct 21, 2005 9:13 pm
Yi Min I'll just say that my Husband gave me a promise ring when we were 16 and with that he said "If our relationship and love grows the way we wish it to; I promise to someday marry you." It's sort of like 'going steady' I suppose. We did talk about marriage, but it was always "If we get married..." never "When.." I guess we were very realistic, but at the same time acknowleged we wanted it to happen. My boyfriend doesn't believe in promise rings. gonk Only engagement rings, though I can see why he has that point of view. A friend of ours is getting a promise ring from her boyfriend, and although I am happy for her, I will believe it when I see them walk down the aisle together. *loves sappy things like promise rings* *envies Yi Min* xp
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Posted: Sat Oct 22, 2005 4:05 am
Nikolita Yi Min I'll just say that my Husband gave me a promise ring when we were 16 and with that he said "If our relationship and love grows the way we wish it to; I promise to someday marry you." It's sort of like 'going steady' I suppose. We did talk about marriage, but it was always "If we get married..." never "When.." I guess we were very realistic, but at the same time acknowleged we wanted it to happen. My boyfriend doesn't believe in promise rings. gonk Only engagement rings, though I can see why he has that point of view. A friend of ours is getting a promise ring from her boyfriend, and although I am happy for her, I will believe it when I see them walk down the aisle together. *loves sappy things like promise rings* *envies Yi Min* xp
I see promise rings as the same thing as 'giving a girl your ring'. When my parents were still in highschool, my dad gave my mom his class ring. It sort of symbolizes to everyone else how serious you are about making it work. At least, that is how I interpret it. There are other ways of doing that though. Promise Rings and Class Rings aren't the only thing.
I am not too sappy or at least I try not to be. But, I love certain traditions that are extremely sappy. lol
xd
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 1:02 pm
I always thought that people that got engaged at 14 were just stupid, and would eventually relize it when their boyfriend or girlfriend dumpted them in a few months. I used to be bothered by this, but now I just kinda ignore it. People eventually find out how stupid it is.
I might be weird, but I think that getting engaged at 18 is stupid. My bf in highschool proposed to me on my 18th birthday. I told him I'd think about it. Needless to say, I had different life plans, and a high school boyfriend of 4 years was a a small sacrifice. Besides, I was far too young to make a decision like that.
I'm even questioning my little sister's engagement. her boyfriend just proposed to her last week and they're both 20. I'm 22, and I don't think I'm old enought to get married for a couple years. My bf was making comment about being 23 or 24 when that may happen. I could live with 24 maybe even 23, but below that just seems too young.
I've finally been able to pay my bills without asking mum for help. I live in my own place with my bf and one of our friends. I'm a senior in college and thinking about grad school. I want to be at least out of college before I get married.
Maybe you all think that you can handle getting married at 18 or 19, but I don't think I could have done it with all the love in the world to help. When you first get out on your own, it's so hard. Not the work and school part, but making sure you have enough money to pay bills, rent and food so you can eat dinner. It'd be so stressful trying to work at a marriage and be able to balance everything. I have little to no free time when classes are in. I work, go to class and voulenteer so I can keep my scholorships. I whish I had free time most of the time. I don't think I could give a husband the attention and time he would deserve, I can bearly give my bf as much time as I'd like, and we live together. I just don't think I could have done it.
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Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 4:53 pm
Kaeru Mercury I've never really believed in true love either; as far as I'm concerned, it's an illusion brought on by own's mind that comes from extreme attraction and like. If I had read this six years ago, I would have completly agreed with you. But... then it happened, lol. That being said, I am still entirely skeptical when others tell me that they have "true love." That's mostly because so many people drop the word around like it's nothing. As for marrying young, I think people have this idea that if you like someone, you have to get married. That if your knees buckle and you get butterflies in your stomach, marriages has to be the next step. I think there's also a sense that having that little piece of paper will somehow make the relationship stable, that the partner won't abandon you if you are married. Personally, I do sometimes feel that I'm getting married a bit too early. It's not that I think that I will change my mind or anything. I guess it's because I don't see a rush. But at the same time, I know that it will happen, so why not? We're financially independant and have been for over three years. We're confident that we won't break up or anything. We can afford a wedding and I really want my uncle to lead the ceremony and, well, he's getting a bit old and I'm worried that if we wait too long, he may not... well... you know. So really, why not now? Besides, I'm dying to take his last name. It's just so pretty smile
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Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 8:02 pm
My friends, aged 16 both, recently got engaged after dating for about 5 months (As far as I know, the longest relationship they both had.) He proposed to her over the phone while on Winter vacation with his family and they went to pick out a ring when he got back (though he hasn't bought it yet.)
Personally, I think it's stupid, even if they clain they'll have a long engagement (until they're 18 or 19.) I hate saying this, since I'm in a relationship myself, but high school relationships often don't last. It's simply a different enviornment than the real world, and I don't see them being able to handle each other outside of high school.
I, personally, have been dating my boyfriend for a year and almost 3 months. I'm only just now considering getting him a promise ring. So... Getting engaged seems absurd.
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Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2006 11:01 pm
I didn't get my boyfriend a promise ring until we were 18, and dated for about 2 years at the time. Still didn't work out between us. sweatdrop
Monotone: Yeah I'll agree with you about your friends. After dating for such a short time, at their age (and he proposed over the PHONE! gonk ), it seems pretty stupid to me. But maybe I'm just bitter. ninja
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Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2006 8:20 pm
Im 17.. and i was almost engaged.. he had a ring and everything... but problems arose within the past few weeks and we broke up a week ago.. i had a promise ring since like may or something.. but i gave it back of course..
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:19 am
I think getting engaged at 14/15 is wrong no matter how mature they or others think they are...Life has hardly started at that age, i don't believe they even know what love is at that age, full stop.
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 2:22 am
Monotone My friends, aged 16 both, recently got engaged after dating for about 5 months (As far as I know, the longest relationship they both had.) He proposed to her over the phone while on Winter vacation with his family and they went to pick out a ring when he got back (though he hasn't bought it yet.)
Personally, I think it's stupid, even if they clain they'll have a long engagement (until they're 18 or 19.) I hate saying this, since I'm in a relationship myself, but high school relationships often don't last. It's simply a different enviornment than the real world, and I don't see them being able to handle each other outside of high school.
I, personally, have been dating my boyfriend for a year and almost 3 months. I'm only just now considering getting him a promise ring. So... Getting engaged seems absurd. OMG are you serious about you're mates. That's just woah not cool in my opinion. And your point about high school being a different environment...you're so right. Once you leave and go to Uni/College there is so much more out there, and it's totally different!
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2006 1:17 pm
Monotone My friends, aged 16 both, recently got engaged after dating for about 5 months (As far as I know, the longest relationship they both had.) He proposed to her over the phone while on Winter vacation with his family and they went to pick out a ring when he got back (though he hasn't bought it yet.)
Wow but crazy things like that do happen my friend' room-mate (and former class mate of mine) just got engaged this past week. She and her boy-friend have been going out for 3 months. She's 18 and he's 18 or 19. I find it slightly insane, then again, from the stories I've heard my great-grandmother and my great-grandfather had only been dating 2 or 3 months when they started seriously talking about marriage, and they stayed together until his death. But perhaps the circumstances were differnet for them as I really don't know the full story on the two of them. Just random comments that have been made in my presence.
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Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 9:21 pm
If they're really serious about each other, then I don't see the problem in it. However, 14 or 15 seems to be pushing it a bit. I was in a damaging relationship at 14, and I didn't have the maturity to see it until it was almost too late. There might be some that make it through, but most 14 year olds are as immature as I was sweatdrop
Now I'm 17 and have a boyfriend of the same age. We've been in the relationship for 4 months now, have discussed engagement and stuff, but we've agreed that we don't need it to prove anything. We're going to wait until we're a lot older 3nodding
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 12:06 am
I'm almost 19, and my boyfriend and I have been talking about engagement and getting engaged, and marriage stuff.
Even if we got engaged next weekend, we wouldn't be getting married anytime soon. I'm a freshman in college, and I need 5 years to get a teaching liscense. We wouldn't get married until after that.
I kinda want a long engagement to get my family used to the idea that I'm marrying a non-Jew (I'm Jewish, and my family's a bit uptight about that), as well as to save up money for a wedding and stuff... honestly, trying to find a rabbi that'll perform an intermarriage makes a 3 year engagement or more almost NECESSARY. But... I'm planning on getting married at 23 or so. I have a friend whose parents married right out of college.
But, apparently I'm waiting until the very early end of what everyone here considers reasonable.
As for length of time knowing each other/dating/things changing... I've known him since I was 10, dating him off and on since I was 14, and in all that time, we've only grown closer. We've both changed, but all our changes have been... together. I guess we've been lucky in that sense? But, I can't see that changing. We don't have that much time for each other, going to colleges an hour apart, but we talk whenever we get a chance.
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 9:43 am
RoseRose But, apparently I'm waiting until the very early end of what everyone here considers reasonable. Not so! My mother got married for the first time in her mid-40s. I applaud her decision. It's not the right thing for me because I've found someone I can really love now, so I will be parried at half that age. But that's how long it too my mother to get to a point where she was ready for marriage. Wait until you are ready. It doesn't matter if that's 20 or 40 or even 105. Just as long as that's when you are ready for marriage, s'all good.
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 12:28 pm
Kukushka RoseRose But, apparently I'm waiting until the very early end of what everyone here considers reasonable. Not so! My mother got married for the first time in her mid-40s. I applaud her decision. It's not the right thing for me because I've found someone I can really love now, so I will be parried at half that age. But that's how long it too my mother to get to a point where she was ready for marriage. Wait until you are ready. It doesn't matter if that's 20 or 40 or even 105. Just as long as that's when you are ready for marriage, s'all good. My point was that how some people are talking about how even 20 is too young... and, heck, I wouldn't be FINANCIALLY ready at 20... but, I've found my someone at this point, and I think I'm emotionally ready (I don't think anyone truly KNOWS until they're there.) So, yeah... whenever you're ready... just, the teen marriages have to remember the financial part.
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